My fellow Americans, every year there is always one thing that remains at the very top of the list of priorities for almost every one of us- and it is not the safety and security of the beloved Twinkie. Instead, the economy and its health rank as the primary concern of Americans year in and year out- even more so in election years such as this. Last Friday the department of labor released their monthly report on how many jobs were created in the economy, and how many people are “unemployed” by their standard formula. Now of course this is the government so it is a mathematical formula created by people who never passed the second grade and calculated by people who use their fingers and toes to figure out how many hookers congress needs to hire each week. So we’ll take their results with many, many a grains of salt. The most recent reports show that a measly thirty eight thousand jobs were created in May of 2016, which by all estimates is so anemic it can be easily confused with the career of Lindsay Lohan. Job growth was so slow in May that the Ferguson police department pulled over the economy and beat it mercilessly claiming the economy was unruly and insubordinate. Job creation was so poor in May that even the God of every major religion held a press conference saying he was recently fired himself, and that he was going to have to go to his fallback career start driving for Uber. We have a million more of them, but needless to say times are tough and the economy is tougher. And not at all helped by the fact that the President’s administration has committed itself to towing the company line that the economy is just fine and that everyone is happy and was given a personal rainbow and puppy made of clouds at the start of the year. This of course is ridiculous, as everyone knows rainbows are supplied by the skittles company. Apparently Mr. Obama’s idea of fine for the American people is the worst job growth in five years and unemployment being so rampant that the Department of Labor acknowledges the only reason the official unemployment rate is going down is because the unemployed have given up finding work- because there is no work to be had. The thirty eight thousand jobs we mentioned before; they are all minimum wage jobs. So the single mothers and former engineers looking to provide for their families each have to take three of those jobs just to pay rent. Its been almost sixteen years since the economy was booming, and in those sixteen years our country and our people have withstood a lot of tough and difficult times. And it’s not something our nation is unfamiliar with, we all know of the Great Depression in the early twentieth century, the economic bubble bursting in the nineteen seventies, or the drain of the economy after the reconstruction of the civil war. The one common denominator to all of those scenarios is that every time the economy went to the brink of the abyss, it was followed by a glorious period of economic success unparalleled by the previous boom. The roaring twenties, the baby boom, the economic wealth of the ninties. The worst of times was always followed by the best of times- and it’s never been a more ripe time for the best of our time. While some if not all people may feel somewhat helpless in the fight to turn the economy around, the magic and the truly spectacular thing our country always provides is that even one persons voice has weight, that you, no matter what religion, skin tone, gender, sports team affiliation or choice of grocery store, you get to have a say that is equal to everyone else’s. Unless you like the Kardashians, in that case please report to your local mental ward for deportation to Luna. Everyone else, in a mere five months you get to exercise your choice and choose not just a leader of the executive branch of the government, but you get to elect your representative to congress, you get to elect your mayors, your governors, your state legislatures, you even get to elect your school board members. You have the power, you have the ability. All that is required of you is to exercise it. So no matter who you vote for in the coming months- hold them accountable. Speak out. Make sure your voice is heard, and if you want them to help fix the economy at a local, state or even national level then write, call, fax, or smoke signal them every day until they do. The power will always lie with you, the American. Stand up for yourself and your country, and our better days will be just beyond the horizon.
