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@amiwinningyet
it must be so awkward to be one of dionysus's kids at camp halfblood like not only is ur father literally twelve feet away from you playing cards with chiron but he's a campus meme. he is forced to stay legally sober because ur grandpa is mad at him. he burns through 80 diet cokes a day. he regularly fake claims kids in order to bully them into getting him wine. he's just some insane little guy. and he's ur DAD
Percy Jackson is against bullying.
He is however very sad that neither Annabeth, Clarrise or Drew had met Octavian in camp Jupiter, because as much as he frowns on it he would pay any kind of money to see those three tear him a new one for acting like a little bitch he is.
Damn right we're gonna get blueberry slushy .
Percy listens to those whale noises that people use to sleep but he just listens to them like a podcast.
And any time he hears someone like Annabeth listening to them he's like "Wow Daphne is really something else. Honestly I can't believe she would do that"
And Annabeths's like "what?"
And Percy just translates the entire thing to her and instead of calming sounds to help her concentrate she now has Percy tell her all the whale drama which she is oddly immersed with.
percy : casually strangled a snake as a toddler.
yall :
percy : defeats the minotaur with his bare hands at the age of 12 with no training at all.
yall :
percy : fights and defeats the literal god of war with only a few weeks of training, again, at 12.
yall :
percy : holds the weight of the entire sky at the age of 14.
yall :
percy : carries a literal goddess on his shoulders.
yall :
percy : gets judoflipped by his best friend who is professionally trained and sparred with him for years. where he wasn't even hurt or injured and casually laughs it off.
yall : she aSsAuLtEd him. annabeth is aBuSiVe. percabeth is tOxIc.
Percy: I'm not that in love with Annabeth Grover: You doodled your wedding invitation Percy: No, that's our joint tombstone Grover: My mistake
Imagine you finally kiss the guy you’ve had a crush on forever and less than 10 minutes later he literally explodes and takes a whole ass volcano with him
Since Percy can talk to sea creatures, I'd like to think that one day he passed a pet shop with all these fish screaming at him in agony. Since then there has been a giant aquarium in cabin 3 with fish. He converses with them daily when he's at camp. He gave them all names (they were delighted to hear his suggestions).
There is one grumpy grouch that always tries to eat as much food before all the other fish. He has to keep him forcibly apart in a tiny water ball during dinner. He named him Zeus. Percy doesn't give a shit. Poseidon knows and thinks it is hilarious.
Chiron, who takes care of them when Percy's gone, cannot understand them but he doesn't like the way they look so judgemental. They are very much gossiping about him to his face.
Oh my gods this is precious. And hilarious. Yeah, fuck Zeus!
jason: father, i pray to you. i ask you for your generosity and to assist me by granting me a single lightning bolt. i will be forever grateful for your kindness and goodness.
zeus: fine. just one though.
percy: *creates waves hundreds of feet tall, summons a hurricane, splits a glacier in half, and drowns an entire army of monsters without even hesitating*
poseidon: haha. nice.
clarisse: you know Chase, i would have SO much more respect for you if you just weren’t dating jackson
clarisse: even putting aside the multitude of idiotic things he’s said and done over the years
clarisse: i just watched him have a heated argument with a horse. over donuts.
clarisse: because he claims that bear claw donuts have a completely stupid name and should instead be called bear paws, “because the donuts don’t actually depict claws”
clarisse: and then he proceeded to ask a stingray for it’s input
clarisse: because he thought a stingray would know what a bear claw looks like
annabeth:
annabeth:
annabeth: he’s a really good kisser
clarisse:
annabeth: and to be fair, he’s right
zeus: your boy is out of control. he’s down there creating storms and tsunamis and causing mass chaos. i think you need to-
poseidon: LOOK AT HIM GO! HAHA LOOK LOOK LOOK HE JUST DROWNED THAT ENTIRE ARMY OF MONSTERS
zeus: that’s not-
poseidon: OMG LOOK HES CAUSING A LITTLE EARTHQUAKE NOW! YES! GOOD! NOW USE YOUR SWORD TO- YES THATS IT SON!!
zeus:
poseidon: DROWN THEM ALL!! SHAKE THE GROUND!! FLOOD THE WHOLE AREA!! SINK IT TILL IT’S GONE!!
zeus: brother you need to-
poseidon: you’re just jealous.
zeus:
poseidon: he’s wonderful.
zeus: he’s-
zeus:
zeus: is he… doing the macarena?
poseidon: yes
poseidon: he likes to get on the nerves of his enemies. he also is physically incapable of staying serious for too long
zeus:
poseidon: i’ve never loved one of my children this much
what if in season 5, just before kronos fully takes over luke’s body, we get a flashback to percy asking luke what side he’s on and luke saying “annabeth’s, always” and then we come back to the present as percy hands luke annabeth’s knife. what then.
percy: hold on, i’m having one of those things - a headache with pictures
grover: huh?
annabeth: he’s having an idea
Pleaseee they’re so funny💀
rick riordan has his faults but he does know how to handle a main character who is like. supremely op. like yeah percy can make hurricanes with his mind but he'd rather go smoke weed with his girlfriend and his mom so he's not that big of a threat .
I've always wondered why the Romans think demigods all of a sudden started getting claimed? They couldn't know about Percy's deal with Olympus, so what do they think happened?
The gods were probably like "as a reward for fighting in the war we will now claim you all!"
The Romans were probably pretty proud of that.
Then like a year later this conversation happens:
Annabeth: and then after Percy made the gods promise to claim all their children-
Jason: THAT WAS YOU?!
Percy: yeah. Why did you think the god suddenly started claiming everybody?
