The stars lean down to kiss you @amnablogsalot-blog - Tumblr Blog

If the world was ending you'd come over right?

thefuuuucomics

brownbbygirl-deactivated2017033

i look like I be chillin but i be sad lowkey

I wish there was a support group for the emotionally fucked up

All you wanted was to be wanted wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

If I could go back and warn myself about this path of self destruction 4 years ago, I would

Hell, if I could go back and stress the need for a proper work ethic to myself 8 years ago, I would

And if I could go back 10 years ago and reverse all those emotions and impulsive actions over the course of that time, I would do it in a heartbeat. But that is by no means what this post is about.

Somewhere along the way of trying to be cool and fitting in, living an independent carefree life I lost myself. I lost myself and became the person I would read about in stories and books, feeling bad for them. I don’t know what happened to me or how but I just became a shell of a person. I forgot my values and what I life for. People characterize it as “oh you’re young and in college, everyone has this phase” but honestly you don’t see the world’s greatest going through this. Who am I? I cry myself to sleep because I feel so lost, so alone. I love my parents and I don’t want to disappoint them but if they knew about what’s been going on in my life, it would break their heart. I lost my way and I can’t get back. I need help. I need guidance. But from who? I push away anyone who tries, don’t tell the full story to most, and lost the ones I thought I trusted. Everyone says it’s a part of growing up but if the future is this bleak I don’t wanna see it. I’m scared. I need faith. I need to change my ways and just stop. I wish life had a refresh button, or college for that matter.

And where am I even going? What do I want out of life? What will truly make me happy? I’m almost done with school and I have to figure this out. What the hell is wrong with me? Is there even a such a thing as true happiness?

Honestly I miss my hometown. i miss living with my parents, I miss my friends, I miss the simplicity, the innocence, and the bliss.

But there’s no going back.

I don’t really tell my friends about guys I talk to or even go on dates with anymore because most of the time they mean absolutely nothing to me

I’m just lonely and need some distractions until I meet my future husband

actualdogvines

raychillster

stop romanticizing unhealthy relationships.

stop thinking you can change someone. you can’t. they need to change for themselves.

stop romanticizing the idea of you two being together some day. if it isn’t happening now, let it go.

no more pouring your heart out for someone who gives you little to no reciprocation.

find someone who values your long letters and passionate attempts. this person will reciprocate, with twice as much fire.

none of this is me

It’s so much easier putting on a mask and becoming someone else than facing your own demons and wounds. It’s easier to pretend like you don’t care even though all you want to do is fix things and go back to how it used to be. It’s easier to indulge in things you would never do to distract yourself from the pain.

But at the end, once your actions have caught up with you and you realize what you’re doing...you’re still empty. It’s still slowly tearing you up inside and you’re screaming for help but no one can hear you because on the surface everything is fine. Those who used to care don’t care anymore. Why don’t they care anymore? Is there a such thing as effort anymore? Why does happiness seem so impossible?

In the end it’s all just distractions. For the pain, for the loneliness, for the fear. It’s easier to spend a meaningless night with someone rather than to spend it alone with your thoughts. It’s easier to drink the problems away than to think about them. It’s easier to live in denial than to face the truth. And it’s easier to dwell on the past than to think about the difficulty of the future.

How long can I honestly keep this up for? I can’t live like this forever

Because it isn’t healthy

And it’s killing me

#4am thoughts #hello tumblr #i missed you