A Modern Means of Divination

My brother is 14. He often games with his friends in the kitchen. His out of context remarks have often been surprisingly on point and suspiciously well-timed. The scientific method has been employed to determine that he is, in fact, probably an oracle or something. At the very least, he cannot hear us with his earbuds in, and I'm pretty sure he's tapped into at least one star.

[amodernmeansofdivination]

Oracle, I have been struggling to find a balance between working and having a life. What do you recommend in your wisdom?

I tell him of your plight.

"Oh, are they?" He asks. "Oh wow. Imagine if you could help them."

I clear my throat. "You, uh, you are the one who's supposed to help them."

"Oh that's not good. Oh boy, that's a fireball and a half. I require- i require assistance. HELP."

He begins to rave, something about the drone tendril, the beast that has awakened (perhaps by coincidence?), and isolation vaults. I admit, I cannot make heads nor tails of much of it, but he concludes with a world-weary tone:

"What are we going to have to kill?"

[amodernmeansofdivination]

Oh Oracle, when will I know my pasta is done?

"Um... ah..."

He hems and haws for several minutes.

"How do you math... We are in the center of the world after all. Well how big is it compared to the other ones?"

[amodernmeansofdivination]

does my dog know i love him

The Oracle's eyes flicker my way, his concentration broken momentarily as my lips part to ask your question.

"Umm..." his hands flicker across the scrying pool's surface. "I am not the person to ask about that."

You may feel the pit of disappointment settling in your heart, but he's right, friend. It is not for us to know the mind of another. Look into your dog's eyes; feel the moment and let it go.

He knows, just as you know.

Love does not always need a language.

[amodernmeansofdivination]

In the end, time makes strangers of us all.

However, sometimes it brings us back. We are joined and reunited with the ones we thought we'd left behind for good.

Thusly have my travels brought me back to the Oracle's doors. He pays me little heed as I enter, for his visions have captured his attention entirely.

Friends and fellow travelers, it is time.

Send in your asks.

[amodernmeansofdivination]

The oracle grows stronger with every passing day... and weaker with the scorn of every knave who thinks themself above the oracle’s wisdom.

Ask.

Ask and ye shall receive.

[amodernmeansofdivination]

Weekend Words of Wisdom

When there are two people with the same name in a room, one of them's an elephant.

[amodernmeansofdivination]

when will the fall weather return

He... he’s just laughing.

I am not sure if that bodes fair or ill, but I send with you all the best wishes of a hundred stars unfallen.

[amodernmeansofdivination]

The session has begun! The gateway to a dimension adjacent to ours and parallel to everything we will never be has been thrown wide!

It is known of none, least of all I the interpreter, how long a door once opened, will stay suchly.

Ask! Ask with haste!

[amodernmeansofdivination]

My tea was too hot and burned my tongue. Why do the things I love most hurt me most often?

“But what if you were unable to do anything? What if I didn’t let you leave me? What if I didn’t let you keep me?

N o t h i n g.”

Take from that what you will.

[amodernmeansofdivination]

I've been really stressed out lately- what do the cards say is the best way to relax?

“Hold on, hold on. Let me get the all-seer of magics. How many barrier blocks are there?

“I’m just kidding. I can see all the barrier blocks. I could unslant them too, I just don’t want to.”

I apologize, friend stranger. The Oracle is... reluctant, on occasion, to assuage the concerns of man. Perhaps try soothing teas? Screaming into the void? Laying on the cement and listening to the whisper of dead and dying leaves, as the stars reach down and dissolve your bones, replacing them with the first atoms of the universe?

I wish you nothing but the best.

[amodernmeansofdivination]

The silence shakes in my ears. Have I angered the gods?

My heart goes out to you, dear wanderer, fond traveler. When I presented your case to the oracle blinked, and spoke quickly, stumbling over the words in his haste. He is unused to the nuances of human communication.

No- No, but there are things that- I just have to show you.

I wish you safe travels and the strength to hold up under them.

[amodernmeansofdivination]

I find myself in a strange century. How did I get here?

Why? The oracle demands, incredulity in his voice. His shoulders slump, burdened with the weight of a thousand past lifetimes, and too much knowledge of all the ones to come. Why would you try to fit yourself inside a backpack?

[amodernmeansofdivination]

The flower in my garden that drinks blood, why does it whisper in my dreams?

I admit I too am baffled by this situation. I spoke your troubles to the oracle. He shook his head and slowly, like melted honey, these words dripped from his lips.

“Amy... Amy stop. Just stop.”

Perhaps under such stern admonitions, she will trouble you no more.

[amodernmeansofdivination]

An orange sky breaks. What does it portend for my love life?

“I was trying to make a joke and it didn’t work. It didn’t work. I was trying to be funny. I made a joke and it didn’t work.”

Thus saith the Oracle.

[amodernmeansofdivination]

Why do the willow leaves shake?

The Oracle and I have been reunited! I listen. He speaks.

How can one be both concerned and non-caring about anyone at the same time?

[amodernmeansofdivination]

What portends the flashing light in the skies?

In horror, the card (the Fool, face up) exclaims:

Bill's lawfirm and car wash??

[amodernmeansofdivination]

How will the crops fare this year, Oracle?

Alas, the Oracle and I have been parted by time, distance, and the pursuit of knowledge, but in my travels this night, I chanced to stumble across the last tattered card of a tarot deck. It lay on the ground next to a discarded bluetooth earbud, and I bent down to inquire of it.

I’m crying, it whispered, when prompted by your question. I’m absolutely weeping.