hiraeth (n)

the spree begins: i kill your friends first, with words of wrath in a choked cry / and leave with less of you than i started with. am. they/them. poet/aspiring author. poc. picrew by naylissah. theme by glenthemes. desktop version recommended.

[amphibiouses]

hello friends!

i'm thrilled to announce that my ko-fi shop has officially opened and you can now purchase from the current lineup! don't worry, more will be in store, and i plan to look into potential writing commissions in future, but for now anything is appreciated and i hope that if you do make a purchase you enjoy ❤️

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[amphibiouses]

i think the things i hate most about myself  are the parts of me that aren't even mine the bits of flesh and bone stitched haphazardly together in the shape of (a supposed) person there is no 'me' - there is a frankenstein  made of all the parts nobody else wanted the pieces of me that feel brutal, cynical, built on fists and disbelief, like my father  the pieces of me with jagged edges, cut  from where i hold the rage my mother gave me the pieces of me with emotions scabbing over who run from people who want to tend to the wounds the pieces of me that i thought were mine, until i realised that the most human i ever feel  and the most human i will ever be is when i stare in the mirror at my gaunt reflection counting every shard of another person in my mosaic and all the things i hate most about myself 

— a.k., i loathe you (me)

[amphibiouses]

the spree begins: i kill your friends first, / with words of wrath in a choked cry / and leave with less of you than i started with.

— a.k., body count, from a slow resurrection

[amphibiouses]

there has never been a crueller move by the hand of God in letting us know that at the best of times, we regress to the savagery we evolved from.

— a.k, beneath the skin

[amphibiouses]

i don't feel like writing your name, for i will either scribble until holes form in the paper or i'll cry until the ink bleeds like you did.

you left your wallet two feet away from demise, and when your chest stopped moving i held it as i shook not caring for the coins that splashed into the red. blood money and a mockery.

what business do i have writing to the dead? questions, funnily enough. in primary school, they teach you about getting the whole picture with the six questions, and i want the full image. so answer me this, God forbid:

who? simple, you. the victim, the one who got robbed of a chance at rising. (except it's not that easy; when i ask who, i am asking who i should blame?)

when? two months before i wanted to get the biggest of our promises a permanent place on my ring finger (and five minutes after we saw the newest movie in our lineup).

where? on the ground, a messed up artist painting crimson on grey cement with a contorted brush (and digging inside of my chest to scoop out my heart, taking it with you).

what? crossfire. it's always the innocent who wind up slaughtered (and i think karma had it out for me, one of the bruised girls). how? your light fading into the flash of a knife, again and again (even when you tried to balance out my hysterics).

but there is one question i cannot answer, and i need it. as much as i tell myself and others how much i hate you and the world and whatever is watching, my last scream barely makes it out properly.

WHY?

— a.k, a letter to the reason, from 'a slow resurrection'

[amphibiouses]

hello there!

welcome to my page - my name is am, i'm an aspiring author and poet and i've been wanting to share my work for a long time to appreciate poetry, prose, and words in general as an art. with my first poetry collection complete, i thought it was an appropriate time to kick off.

some facts: i use they/them pronouns. sapphic aromantic asexual. i love words of all kinds - some of my favourite stories are the song of achilles (madeline miller), on earth we're briefly gorgeous (ocean vuong), all quiet on the western front (erich maria remarque), homage to catalonia (george orwell), six of crows (leigh bardugo), these violent delights (chloe gong), and more! i enjoy animated shows far more - my favourites are arcane: league of legends, attack on titan, she-ra and the princesses of power, the owl house, and v*ltron: legendary defender (that last one is debatable - just pretend canon didn't happen).

i look forward to reading beautiful work by and meeting the wonderful people on here, and i would really appreciate if you could spread the word. a linktree will be up soon as well as my ko-fi, and you can follow me on instagram at am_fibious for updates and such. have a wonderful day everyone, thank you so much for reading! <3

if you'd like to be mutuals, just shoot me a message :)

[amphibiouses]

i wait for the beat to return, for the music of life to bleed back into your veins and out of your mouth. i wait for it to burst through the wasteland lips beneath my fingers, gasping and reclaiming its tune. i wait two hours, then six, then eighteen, watching as the grim reaper drains your skin of vibrant bronze and bottles it, like a taunt. perhaps, i think, if i focus on your lifeless emeralds, i can forget he ever visited. i run from two small mirrors like i can run from the truth: now, you and death share a pair of eyes.

— a.k, inanimate, from 'a slow resurrection'

[amphibiouses]

hello there!

welcome to my page - my name is am, i'm an aspiring author and poet and i've been wanting to share my work for a long time to appreciate poetry, prose, and words in general as an art. with my first poetry collection complete, i thought it was an appropriate time to kick off.

some facts: i use they/them pronouns. sapphic aromantic asexual. i love words of all kinds - some of my favourite stories are the song of achilles (madeline miller), on earth we're briefly gorgeous (ocean vuong), all quiet on the western front (erich maria remarque), homage to catalonia (george orwell), six of crows (leigh bardugo), these violent delights (chloe gong), and more! i enjoy animated shows far more - my favourites are arcane: league of legends, attack on titan, she-ra and the princesses of power, the owl house, and v*ltron: legendary defender (that last one is debatable - just pretend canon didn't happen).

i look forward to reading beautiful work by and meeting the wonderful people on here, and i would really appreciate if you could spread the word. a linktree will be up soon as well as my ko-fi, and you can follow me on instagram at am_fibious for updates and such. have a wonderful day everyone, thank you so much for reading! <3

if you'd like to be mutuals, just shoot me a message :)

[amphibiouses]

i give myself ultimatums to forget your face and the devastation i last saw it drenched in one: you cannot exist to me anymore your ghost seems to think otherwise two: erasing 'us' can never be a chore even when getting rid of your drawing is like smothering lullabies three: i must burn as a phoenix would, remove all traces of this war but your ashes remain part of my skin no matter how many times i rise i give myself ultimatums to forget your face but every which way i put it, i end up punishing myself instead

— a.k, self punishment