i’m sharing a house with other girls who walk around in their undies all the time because it’s just that kind of a place. we’re all that comfy with each other. they’re all trans-friendly too, even though i’m the only trans girl. it’s an incredibly affirming place to be, after a long series of awkward and humiliating houseshare situations. so i figure, what do i have to be embarrassed about? i’m a girl, just like them. if they can be confident and comfortable enough to walk around half naked, surely it’s not a problem if i do it too, right?
but when i come out of my room in just my undies and a tank top one of them stops dead in the hallway. “oh, did you mean to come out without pants?”
“um… yeah, is it… is that a problem? i figured because you always…”
“oh! yeah, i guess you’re right? we do do that, huh? sorry, haha, it just feels a little bit different”
“yeah, because… we’re…” she stops herself before she says ‘women’. “i mean… like it’s not really hiding anything on us? you know?”
“i mean, like, you can’t really SEE our junk when we’re walking around like that, you know? we don’t have… like you mostly just see our undies, so it’s not really that different from wearing pants you know? with you…. it’s… it’s kind of different with you.”
i can feel my eyes getting hot. “i’m… is that okay? i’m sorry i just wanted to feel relaxed and at home”
“i know, i know, i totally get that. it’s just a bit… like it’s a bit confronting to see your… penis. and… balls. like we know you’re trans and we completely see you as a girl… i don’t want you to worry about that, but… it is a girls house, you know? you’re completely welcome here but like… it’s female only and we need to feel like it’s a girls-only house to feel comfortable walking around like that.”
i try to find something to say. is she saying i’m not a girl?
“if you get a vagina someday you’re totally welcome to take your pants off like us! but while you’re still male…”
“i‘m sorry, i mean… male parts. while you still have what you have, it’s hard not to see you as a… boy, when we can see your… parts. is that okay?”
one of the other girls shouts from the lounge room “yeah, we don’t wanna see your gross sweaty balls! wait till you’ve got cuter genitals before whipping them out” the lounge room erupted into stifled laughter.
“let’s draw a line under it there, sweetie. girls’ house, girls’ rules. thanks for understanding!<3”