hey, is she okay?

26 y/o femme nb & surely a dyke ass hoe. occasionally hilarious, but usually relatable. Mentally ill baddie. Welcome.

[an-average-queer]

Hi there! Welcome to my blog.

I am a nonbinary femme dyke who has recently returned to Tumblr after a many-year hiatus.

*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*

Here are some basic things about me:

★ Name: Lee (for now)

✧ Pronouns: She/They

★ Age: 26 Y/O

✧ Identity: Sapphic Queer. Nonbinary Femme.

★ Zodiac Sign: ☀︎ Leo, ☽ Aquarius, ⬆ Capricorn

Here are some tags I use:

✧ #Lee speaks for my original content and comments

★ #my art for people who want to see my creations

✧ #lol memes for when I am occasionally hilarious

★ #film reviews for random letterboxd reviews

DNI: Minors, queerphobes, fatphobes, racists, or any and all other bad vibe people.

[an-average-queer]

I still have to fight the urge to text you sometimes. I long for the love I thought we had, and I might always, but the reminder of our end always helps me in those moments of grief.

You fled from our home as if my love was shameful and started to build a new family from the ashes of two destroyed lives. Yet, every few weeks, you'd still reach out to me. At the time, I believed it to be a sign that I still mattered to you, but as it stands, I am forced into the belief that it was nothing more than to gloat over a rebound with your coworker. I hope I'm wrong, but I wasn't wrong about you cheating on me; and I can say that now without a pitiful attempt to manipulate me into the villain of your horrible deeds.

And after all that pain, I still wanted to hear from you. Oh, how pathetic the human mind can be. I was vulnerable, despite it all, and you closed the door in my tear-streamed face.

I loved you. Sometimes, i think i still do. So I will respect you. The door will remain closed; I will not reach for the handle again. But I am regretful to inform you that the door will remain unlocked. The last thing I told you on May 11th was not to reach out again unless you found the courage to stay. I unfortunately stand by that, which means that if there were ever a day that you came back to knock on that door... yeah.

Is it pathetic? Maybe, but I don't think so. What I do think is that I put my trust into a traumatized and burnt out individual. I like to think, or maybe pretend, that you didn't mean to hurt me. But I was hurt, regardless. One day, if you can ever manage to show the same accountability for your actions that I granted you for mine, maybe I could forgive you - but you have to ask before that can happen.

The door is unlocked, and I know you know where to find me.

[an-average-queer]

And while I’m thinking about it, how tf did I get cheated on and was still the bad guy in the end? Why did they all blame me for you hurting me?

[an-average-queer]

I never wanted to forget us, but I wish you would leave my thoughts.

[an-average-queer]

I have cried far too many tears for people who didn’t choose me

[an-average-queer]

I never wanted to forget us, but I wish you would leave my thoughts.

[conchacrumb]

And for the lady, perhaps reassurance without having to ask for it?

[dogpuppy]

[radical-revolution]

[champagnearab]

Imagine finding the love of your life

[an-average-queer]

maybe in a different life lmao

[meepcity9]

Been getting into nothing lately

[an-average-queer]

ain't nothing like a mercury retrograde to solidify your belief in the universe and astrology

[ariaiscursed]

[thereignclub-trc]

I just want to remind you that sometimes your life really doesn't begin until you are 26+... Romanticizing and obsessing over our youth is harmful. Growing up is beautiful. Discovering who you are and how you interact with the world is a gift. Maturing and learning what you truly want out of life and living in that purpose brings fulfillment and peace. Your life is not over in your early 20's because you haven't figured it out yet, it's just beginning.

[an-average-queer]

No revenge because you will continue to run away from everything difficult until there is no one left. No revenge because not only will karma destroy you, but you are still too cowardly to face your fears. No revenge because all you needed was therapy. No revenge because I still love you as a human, despite what you did to me. No revenge because I knew you and YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN WHO YOU BECAME.

No revenge because your self-sabotage will be worse than anything I would ever do.

[an-average-queer]

[an-average-queer]

You regret hurting me. I regret ever meeting you. We are not the same.

[an-average-queer]

I don't just want for him to regret hurting me.

What I actually want is for him to have his beating heart torn from an unsuspecting chest with the dull blade of a dagger rusted by every tear I ever shed for him. And while he is on bruised knees, begging for the creul mistress of karma to loosen her cold grasp, I just hope the ground falls through and he has to journey through the depths of hell searching for an exit of any kind.

And then, when he finally finds that long awaited escape from the intensity of grief and loss, I want to be standing in that glowing doorway. I want to stand in that frame of limbo, and I want to gaze upon his tortured eyes as I casually ponder my decision. Because there are only two options in that doorway; I can meet his reaching hand and painstakingly pull him to safety, or I can turn a blind eye to the suffering.

I don't know what my decision would be in that moment, but my most honest hope is that I slam the fucking door in his face. He deserves only exactly what he did to me.