my open diary to the world. @an-oxymoronic-life - Tumblr Blog

You know what? There are some instances where feeling empty isn’t so bad after all.

It feels like everyone except for me is allowed to make mistakes.

Without consequences.

There are times when I want to

cut off all contact with everyone, including my family, and just start my life over from a fresh start. I want to delete all my social media and maybe start it over when I’m in better mental space and create a following organically. No one would notice my absence anyway and that’s fine with me.

What’s stopping me?

I’m stuck. In my life, in my mindset, and in my ways. Things right now for me are uncomfortable yet comfortable at the same time. I’m not fully self-sufficient yet so this idea remains a fantasy.

#just thinking and feeling #11.23.20

Things are finally starting to look up again... c:

#yay #11.15.19 #shoutout to my sis #happy birthday girl

I cannot talk with my mom about anything.

She forever minimizes my bad experiences, so I know I won’t ever and can never tell her anything about my worst ones. She is such a shitty mother most of the time. I can’t wait to be a real mother, unlike her who should only be considered a birther and that’s it. In a way I should thank her for being an example of a person I never want to become.

#:(

I don’t hate my parents.

I actually really love them, like so much. I don’t hate my dad. I don’t hate my mom. There are just qualities about them and things they do that I despise and get intensely angry over. I am wrong for letting those issues skew my perception of my feelings for them. I love my mom and dad with all my heart and forever, no matter what I feel or say or write or tell others in the heat of the moment. I truly love my family and will always mean that.

#all love here #no room or tolerance for hate #<3 #7.24.2019

I’m only twenty.

I shouldn’t feel this sad, look this old, and this useless.

#maybe I should just end it all like my mother told me to

I have such shitty parents.

that’s it. that’s the post.

I found out the reason I take so much shit from random people I don’t like is because I don’t even like my own parents and I’ve been taking shit from them my entire life.

#they literally have some of the worst qualities and I hate myself for inheriting them

Somehow I always find myself thrusted into situations I know I’m not ready for.

I'm such a fucking basket case rn

#12.2.18

Seeing my Daddy talk about things he is really passionate about is so heartwarming and I really cherish these moments a lot.

#there is always a bright twinkle in his eye when thinks of something new #its amazing #I truly love my family #my life #8.23.18

I want to fall in love with myself.

#8.7.18