Angel! @anangelslostblog - Tumblr Blog

I knew I was free when I stopped comparing myself to the white woman

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TW:

Mentions of childhood trauma (idk if I’m allowed to say the acronyms or not)

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Often, I post myself on social media. I know, it’s normal, but I always have this lingering feeling that I might get recognized. Knowing that my presence on the internet has always been messed up. Knowing that it was messed up from people who were supposed to protect me.

Either way, I know that now it can’t affect me as much as it did back then. The case was already closed and the man is dead, but still I feel sick thinking about it. I stay awake worrying that someday I will get recognized when I’m out, when I’m supposed to be having fun.

I hate knowing that images/videos of me are probably on some sick person’s hard drive, or in some website you can only access through a “.onion” link, or that said photos are probably being traded in group on places like Telegram.

Knowing the fact I will never-ever once experience a clear digital footprint will never leave me. How I will never be able to be the same after since, my first moments captured in vulnerability. I think often that if I live in a world of fear the rest in my life, I’ll go crazy. I know it not healthy. For years I’ve tried everything I could to get rid of those thoughts, but nothing.

My autonomy was stripped away from me at such a young age. I know that now all I can do is grow and build from what happened to me. No one can change the past, but you change the future. I advise if you are on those “looking for daddy” girls on here, please get the help you deserve. It may seem like love now, but it isn’t. It’s not best to act on urges like those. It will be hard to get over, trust me I know, but it’s better to stop now then later.

My DMs are always open, and I’m sorry for the long post.

-Angel.

frankocean

texting..

is the devil. yep. i said it.

anangelslostblog

Going back on Frank ocean’s tumblr and man..it’s stuck in such a period of time I wasn’t even apart of. honestly, I feel it’s refreshing to see people who you look up and still their thoughts and they feel. I think it’s more commonly where now people tend to act “nonchalant” once they gain any sort of popularity. I don’t like it, be you, don’t ever try to be someone you’re not. Being you is stronger than you think.

Anyway, on that note. What I really wanted to talk about was, yes,Text is EVIL. I hate texting, I hate it. I always hated how now people rather have “talking stages” other than being friends with someone and then learning them AND THEN date. Yes, I’ve been a victim from liking someone, and following every thing they did. Love makes you do crazy shit, and being so blinded by attraction towards someone,that I have fell into many rabbit holes that are talking stages.

And man, how I hate getting love-bombed. Stupidest shit that a person could do. The amount of times I’ve been told “I love you.” By a person who didn’t even mean it, EVEN WORSE OVER TEXT. Why do people do that? Why are we loosing ancient text?

What genuinely happened to hanging out with people in real life? Having a relationship outside of iInstagram, Snapchat, TikTok, etc?

I love living in the modern day (to an extent) but god.. it’s tiring, Social Media definitely ruined relationships for the future.