Elysse @anchoredemotions - Tumblr Blog

Janice

I miss telling you the little things.

Cano

First off, let me start by apologizing for everything that happened between us. The bad. Because there was way more good than anything. But, it’s the bad that got us. We were bound to end, I guess we just didn't think it would this way. And mainly it is my fault. You encouraged me to start writing again when I first met you, but it seems the only time I ever write is as a farewell message to another love in my life. I’m not going to lie, I was extremely fond of you. Partly because we were the same person. More than anything, you were there for me. Through everything. You were a best friend to me. I miss you everyday but life goes on and I can't continue to dwell on this. So let me get it all out. It’s not like you'll ever read this. You brought me back to life when I was going under. And kept me warm when the ice of my heart began to show. I never told you, but I fell for you. I did not love you, but I liked you so dearly. The scent of you is still in my sheets. Your name written on my boards where you left your mark. I gave your clothes back because I pick up your scent everywhere I go. I can’t quite play my music anymore because an image of you flashes singing or dancing along. You said you'd always be there. Oldest lie in the book. What we did was childish. She didn't mean half as much as you did to me. But I tried my luck anyway. Now I'm without a close friend. I miss beach days with you. Road trips. Drunk nights and text messages. Snapchats and stories. Meeting friends. Countless mornings, day and nights in bed with you. Or studying. Or just being with you. It wasn't always in a romantic way, but you became a part of my everyday life. And from one day to the next, we were done. She won't know about Hannah. or why you are the way you are because of your dad. Or your past. She won't know that you break down every so often but always come back stronger. But I hope she will know how to support you and love you the way I did. I really wish we could've fixed things in an earnest way, but theres no getting through to you. If you ever stumble upon this, I miss you. But in a couple of months you won't even recall there ever being an us. You were the last straw. You really fucked me up. I no longer feel like I’ll ever be good enough for someone again. I wasn't about to compete for someone. And you showed me that you win once again. I can't laugh or smile wholeheartedly anymore because you took bits and pieces of my rekindling happiness and threw them back into the ocean. All in all, thanks for making me feel this way. I will always be grateful for having you in my life. Beautiful human, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. Here you are now, happy. Just, without me. And thats how it has to be. Adios amor.

lovegaygirls

coachella

1

Starting over is the hardest. I never left because I didn't want to start over with someone new. But you left in a heartbeat. I gave you one way out and you were already running from me the moment you left this town. I can't really write now... when I used to write about you. For you. So, I guess this is part of the healing process. Let me get this out of my system now so I can get away from you.

You left me. We left each other and beat the life out of each other. Of course, you found someone else to love before you stopped loving me. Actually, that I'll never know. When it all started falling apart. All I know, is that you ripped up all my good pages and set them on fire to keep yourself warm. I don't love you anymore. I stopped loving you the minute you told me you thought about breaking up with me right before I pulled out the ring. I could not stop crying as a piece of worthless silver burned in the palm of my hand. I tried. So hard. We did the best we could. But I will always love you and hate you for it. I'll hate you for introducing me to your family and having me leave them when we broke up. I'll hate you for picking up on my idiosyncracies and turning them to shit. I'm having such a hard time writing because there really is no point anymore. At least not with you. You left and I felt free. I have nothing left to say to you. I don't ask anything from you. Just, to stay out of my life completely.

Why I slowly stopped loving you:

1. You complained that I worked too much when I was only trying to support you.

2. You talked down on everybody. Especially if they stayed in Brownville.

3. You came home and said "I *actually* felt like seeing you today".

4. You threw your shit at me when I was only trying to get into the car.

5. You told me to get my shit together.

6. You called me "cursi" but meant it in a way that I needed to stop being a little bitch.

7. You said my presence began to Irk you.

8. You said I wasn't autonomous enough.

9. You were cruel with my feelings and my personal being.

10. You commanded me around like a dog.

11. You never supported me when I needed you most.

12. You showed that I was not enough.

13. You took all that I had and shoved it out the window and into the Hudson.

I was going to stop at 11 because that was your birth month, our anniversary, my favorite number and my passcode but I think 13 fits perfectly since all we ever were a curse to each other.

I don’t hate you. Nor do I care anymore. Just an even soul getting on with her life as well.

There is a pretty girl whom I can’t seem to stop looking at. And, although she is not mine, I’d just like to admire her in peace. She encouraged me to get back into writing. Not exactly writing, but this. So here I am. On to the next part.

zetadgueto

Little Things

It was the way you told me to hold on while you sped off. And the way you blasted the best taste of music in your Jeep. And the way you danced the cute way even when you said it wasn’t dancing. It was especially the way you said fuck it, jumped to my side and tasted to 10,000 Dreaming Pools.