Perhaps the only difference in their dynamic was that Cameron was dating Ryan. He was the one that had made a formal change that threw a wrench in their relationship. Even if it had been Andrea that had emotionally upset everything between them. “That is great. Just remind me on the day because I still have not gone all out and gotten myself my own personal assistant. Something about bossing people around still does not sit right with me.” Not to mention delegation, the man suck at letting others take tasks that he felt like he could do himself. His sister had kept telling him that he needed to loosen on the reigns otherwise he was going to go insane with everything and quickly burn out. He was starting to see that there was logic in that observation. He was aware that there was a turn to the conversation, not sure this was he had wanted he just kept looking at her, allowing her to talk and doing his best to not interrupt her. He had open this can of worms so it would be unfair to just shut her down or to walk away. There were only so many times that he was able to walk away and not be a complete asshole. His following words were not to hurt her, but he was aware that it was going to do just that. “So you had to lose what you had in order to realize what you had?” So what they were supposed to get back together and whenever she had memory loss it would be round two? Not that they were going to have round two. God damn it, just a simple conversation with Andrea managed to make him do cartwheels in his head, even when they were just friends, “It’s ok,” he meant that, he didn’t hold anything against her. Not really. Most of the comments that he made came from his own insecurity of having to relive the most painful period of his life. His walls were up and he had to deal with that, that was his issue and not hers, “I think that you leaving did you good. I can tell that there is a difference and that is what you needed.” Wasn’t at all what he needed. Especially when his parents ended up dying in that fateful car crash and he had half a mind of actually purchasing a airplane ticket and landing on her front porch because he actually needed her. Yet he had managed to stop himself from looking like a greater fool than he had already let on. “You didn’t lose my trust. I just lost faith in us.” He still trusted her, and if he had to put his life on someone’s hands that was not a family member Andrea would be the first choice. There no point in trying to negate that point. “I do trust you. We’re always going to have our history and just because you did what was best for you – even if it did hurt me, doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong. You didn’t.” He needed her to know that, with a slight exhale he nodded in agreement, “I know I haven’t done the best job to make you believe that but it is true. We both had to grow up and it was naive to think that we could do that together. It’s even more navie to fault you for doing what you wanted.”
Andrea nodded in confirmation, keeping with the status quo of keeping their relations at this point--business professional was it? Navigating the way they interacted now was a bit of a labyrinth but if she just kept chugging along then hopefully things would start to shift in the right direction. “Well I mean, you could always delegate that your personal assistant be the one to boss other’s around and you can just--I don’t know boss from afar? I’m probably not the best to be giving advice on this though because I enjoy bossing people around.” She chuckled softly to herself. To be fair though, it had taken her some time to get the hang of working with different contractors on projects. But it was more often less about the bossing and more about the fact that Andrea always believed she could do a better job if she did it herself. However, juggling multiple projects at once didn’t always afford her that luxury so it came down to quality control in the end. Andrea was sure that Cam would be a far better leader than she was. He had just the right disposition for it. And in any case, so much of what she drew on as she led a team to remap a house were strengths that she’d gleaned from Cam over the years. Seeing as they’d grown together, pieces of Cameron were woven into every fabric of her life. It was hard to understand sometimes, how she’d manage to leave all of it behind. Andrea drew in a breath, holding it there as she listened to him try and piece all of it together. She could tell that it was tearing him a part just as much as it was her but she knew that these conversations needed to happen. She just prayed that they weren’t about closure, but about working towards something new for the two of them. Either way, she knew she couldn’t shy away from answering these questions. She owed him that much at the very least. “Sort of--but not exactly. I knew what I had Cam, I knew. But that didn’t mean that I felt like I could live up to it. We got together so young, you know? You were always the one that was taming the wildness in me and picking up the pieces. And then I was left with the guilt of dragging you into that. I didn’t want fuck things up and ruin them like I usually do, I didn’t want you to get tired of me. And then look back and regret everything. I couldn’t handle doing that to you Cam.” Andrea was worried that her words were only making things worse and hurting his feelings all over again. She wasn’t sure if what’d she’d even said was going to make sense to him. And looking back at it now, it didn’t always make sense to her either. But in Ireland, she had managed to let go of so much that used to hold her back. Which was why she knew things were different this time. When he’d said it was ‘okay’, Andrea wasn’t sure what to feel. She wasn’t sure if she wanted her leaving to be okay in Cam’s eyes because it felt like that meant it didn’t matter that she’d ruined them, that she didn’t matter anymore. But she reminded herself that this was Cam, one of the most level headed people on the planet. It was a wonder he’d fallen in love with the mess that she tended to be. But he was always there, drawing her back from the brink, except this time. Andrea hated that what she needed was so far off from what Cam had needed. Her selfishness had left them in different places, but she continued to hope that they were not too far away from one another that it was completely irreparable. Though hearing him say the words that he’d lost faith in them was a crushing blow she had not prepared herself properly for. Andrea looked away immediately, nodding curtly as she drew in only shallow breaths, suddenly wishing so desperately that this conversation would end. But, it was her punishment. As he continued, it was clear that he understood, but Andrea couldn’t let herself off the mat for hurting him as much as she did. “Hurting you and leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” Her tone was low and Andrea could no longer meet his eyes. She knew that if they were to salvage whatever friendship they were trying to build she had to get it together. “So I guess I’ll see you at your office then.” She finally met his eyes, brushing a wayward tear away as she drew her head up looking off to the side, attempting to hide it from Cam. Andrea wanted to keep talking but knew that she was in no state at this point to do so.
