I hope you're reading this. I went through a really similar situation. When I was 8 my dad died and it crippled my self esteem. Every couple of years after that someone close to me died. Someone who pushed me, praised me, supported me. I never got over each death and I started feeling inadequate, like a failure, a waste of space.
Two months ago my grandma died. We had lots of time to prepare so I thought I was ready. I thought I took it well. Two days ago I was spring cleaning and a birthday card fell from my top shelf in my closet. It was from Grandma. She was going on about how she misses me and how everyone was doing. My cousins and aunts and uncles. I thought it was so stupid back then.
What she said next broke me. I only told her about my amateur experience in voice acting and it was years and years ago. She wrote in her sickly, beautiful handwriting was proud of me and that I was so skilled. She stumbled onto a cringey, unprofessional voice clip of a fan dub for an anime I refuse to name
She said it was amazing and begged me to continue. I didn't take it seriously when I read it the first time. This time I went for hours and hours. But in the end I felt better, it was the only lasting, permanent effect it Wm had on my confidence.
I don't know if this helps. I honestly rambled a little to vent. But you're not alone in these feelings.
Hang in there. Love your art.
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