sorg är allt jag har @andsowesuffer - Tumblr Blog

Let the current take me under

I’m drowning and I can’t breathe

How cruel of the universe to let me get so close to freedom

And then drag me back into the depths

I don’t get a life beyond this. I don’t get college, or even my graduation, or even my prom. I don’t get a family. I barely get friends

I’m so pathetic. My mother was right about me. I can’t be on my own. I’m so weak and so useless. All I’ve had my whole life was my brain because she despises my outside and now I can’t even get her attention with that. Some other fucking girl is always going to be better than me. Always going to be what she really wanted

I’m so useless I get overwhelmed by everything I can never just be happy it’s not worth it to keep myself alive I need put down like an injured animal

It was fun while it lasted I guess

I’ve never felt so accepted and so free as I have this past week

But I know it’s over isn’t it? There’s nothing beyond this

Maybe life gave me one last hurrah

Thank you

here-comes-an-intrusive-thought

Top 3 Easiest Ways To Spook Your Parents!

Tell them they are not always correct by virtue of bringing you on this bitch of an earth

Exercise the tiniest bit of bodily autonomy

Remind them that you did not, in fact, untrans your gender overnight despite their hopes you’d do so

b4st4rd-420

I can always still make up for it

But I’ll never win

Chasing my tail in circles and never catching it

Even dead I’ll never be respected

But at least then the disrespect can’t hurt me

I wish I’d died on that mountain

With the blood in my mouth to keep me company

I’d have been buried under the wrong name but who would care? I’d be dead

Dead men don’t care

Dead men can’t care

If there’s a hell, I know I’d go to it

As I’ve done things that cannot be forgiven

But I’m already there anyways aren’t I?

Isn’t this already hell?

The pain and the suffering, the constant anxiety, the need to pull my skin off in hopes there will be something better under it. Working your whole life and breaking your back only to not even be recognized by the right name. Everything you fix gets brutally broken and makes the insecurity even worse. Everything is always fucking worse.

I knew it in my heart of hearts that I was just my mother’s plaything but this is just so terrible

hurtwave-deactivated20260131

DISASSOCIATION GOT ME LIKE

No matter how much I accomplish I will never be credited. Never me, just a name I don’t recognize, a name I wish I could kill and erase

What was the point of working all my life if I’m not even credited for any of it in the end

If no one will ever remember who I was

I made my life miserable for no reason

I want to punch myself in the mouth and knock the teeth out and taste the blood. I want to gut myself like an animal and let the evilness out. I want to be good and the only way for me to be that is to be dead

I’m trying to learn to want to live.

But death is so much easier. Death is my childhood friend. Death is the love of my life. Death is good and death is all there is for me. How do I live without it?

I wish I’d made better friends

I’d go to the ends of the earth to defend them

But they won’t even stick up for me

I’m gonna be alone again this year?

Oh well.

It’s poetic at least. That’s how all this started

My whole reality is fake and falling apart.

My friends do not love me. My family does not love me. He does not love me.

I let myself dig so far into this that I’ve become buried and am suffocating.

My belief system is close to being shattered but I need that sense of reassurance. I can’t let it be. I need to die while I still believe my memories are real and there’s something on the other side of this. When I still believe I know these people.

Or does that make it all worse

I think the best thing to do is to end this all

I can’t bring myself to do what I should do

Death is a neutral end

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