suffering

⚠️ MINORS DNI ⚠️ 20's / he 🚫 gooner/kink/NSFW blogs do not interact. this is a trauma vent blog. 🚫

[b4st4rd-420]

the random suicide attempt i walked into starts replaying in my head when i try to sleep and i can't make it stop. my body reacts to it, i get a bad feeling in my stomach and my heart starts pounding and it's hard to calm down from that. i just feel like she's falling any moment even though it was 3 weeks ago and i'm not there right now. why can't my body accept that it's over? i didn't stay there watching after the police came but i do think she was succesfully rescued. i kind of wish i did but also i started shaking like crazy after the cops got a grip of her and the situation was off my hands. i don't know for sure if she's alive since there was also an overdose. but she likely is.

i just want to fucking sleep

[b4st4rd-420]

I feel like I have developed this kind of obsessive disgust for the guy who tried to hit on me and touched me inappopriately because of my previous traumas. I don't like it at all.

We were kind of becoming friends before That happened and then I just slowly decreased all contact and started ingoring him. It feels pretty good knowing that he (hopefully) feels bad about himself. I hope he understands that it's because he touched me.

[b4st4rd-420]

I can't sleep and I started thinking about the dude who sa'd me multiple times when I was underage and got away with it.

And how there were adults who saw him touch me clearly without my consent and did nothing. He even bragged to them about raping me and they didn't say or do anything. They saw my reaction, I was humiliated and panicking. None of it was normal. I'm so fucking mad just thinking about it.

[b4st4rd-420]

I stopped a suicide attempt 24h ago.

I am obviously glad I could stop it but I'm also traumatized.

[b4st4rd-420]

I just keep thinking "she's going to fall, she's falling, she's really about to fall!!!!"

[b4st4rd-420]

I see her every time I close my eyes

[b4st4rd-420]

I stopped a suicide attempt 24h ago.

I am obviously glad I could stop it but I'm also traumatized.

[b4st4rd-420]

...

[b4st4rd-420]

Don't fucking touch me!!!!!!

[floating-goblin-deactivated2021]

the unholy trinity of piss-poor caretakers, tag yourself:

tomboy, meaning "this child is clearly queer but let's hope it goes away"

sensitive, meaning "clearly neurodivergent and often distressed but let's keep going until they grow numb"

mature, meaning "traumatized but let's ignore that"

[sepiascissors]

quiet, meaning "has been yelled at or ignored a few too many times and now considers all attempts at communicating with others to be pointless"

self-sufficient, meaning "next to zero trust in parental figures' ability in various aspects of parenting"

lazy, meaning "depressed, but expected to preform tasks or actions without positive support or knowledge of how to do things"

[szc-unknown]

❓️❓️❓️❌️❓️❓️

[b4st4rd-420]

I still feel a bit nauseous and weird. It's hard to eat.

[b4st4rd-420]

my SA trauma was triggered today by someone and i want to throw up

[shatteredman]

do you ever hate yourself?

[b4st4rd-420]

I wish it had been worse.

[pimp-fried-rice]

This blog is only for fuckups, burnouts, losers, criminals and the mentally ill btw

[szc-unknown]

[h1dd3nd1v1n1ty]