#ventcore

[craaashouttt]

[beholdentothecurse]

[0-ya-su-mi]

I need to get offline

I need to fix my life

I need to be a better person

I need to actually try

I just don't have any energy or willpower

I hate it

[traumatizeddfox]

[everyhidingplace]

[treesusedtotalktome]

too much noise

too many demands

need to be left alone

too exhausted to do much more

[loukas-allwer]

There are things that don't hurt, yet still make you cry when you get home.

Not because they went wrong.

But because they make you realize how long you've been surviving without them.

Recently, I came across a kind of gentleness that my mind had almost forgotten even existed.

And it felt strange.

Not because of the closeness itself, but because my first reaction wasn't happiness.

It was trying to understand it.

To look for an explanation.

To wonder if I was doing something wrong.

To ask myself why something so simple could feel so impossible.

I think that, when you've spent too long feeling hurt, you begin to assume that every act of kindness comes with a hidden price.

That sooner or later, you'll discover the feeling of safety was only something you imagined.

Then someone comes along who simply meets your presence with calm.

And your mind doesn't know what to do with it.

One part of you wants to relax.

The other keeps whispering,

"Don't get used to this.."

I realized I hadn't forgotten how to receive affection.

I'd forgotten what it feels like when it isn't accompanied by fear.

That was the part that unraveled me the most.

The ease of it.

That feeling that, for just a moment, I didn't have to prove anything, justify anything, or hide the most broken parts of myself just to deserve a little warmth.

I still don't know where to keep that memory.

I don't know if it was just a small moment, or one of those quiet moments that change something inside you without making a sound.

All I know is that ever since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about one idea that breaks my heart.

Maybe it wasn't affection that I missed.

Maybe what I missed was remembering that there are still people capable of treating another human being with a kind of tenderness that expects nothing in return.

And that hurts.

Because I didn't realize how desperately I needed to believe that was still possible....

(It might be a drawing of my selfship, but the text isn't about them. I just reused the artwork because something like that actually happened to me in real life with someone I never expected.

Thank you for looking out for me that night 🫂)

[d0g-r3m41n5]