You Need Help: Here Is A Worksheet To Help You Talk To Partners About Sex
“Worksheet content by Ali and Dani , graphic design by Geneva.
We answer sex questions on this here website. And let me tell you, as a person who sometimes answers them, the number one piece of advice I give out is to open your mouth. And not in, like, a sexual way. What I mean by that is you have to talk to your sex partner or partners about the same issue you just talked to me about. And that can be scary, especially if you’re not clear on what exactly it is you want out of sex or a relationship. If you’re not clear about it in your head, it can be harder to verbalize things.”
Thanks to UO’s WRC, let’s get some other things straightened out.
Having sex is healthy, so is not having sex
We live in a culture so consumed with the assumption that everyone wants and is having sex, we forget that there are many people whose identities barely, rarely, or even never think of sex as necessary. For example, those who are asexual, graysexual, or demisexual
Let’s stop glamourizing sex and slut shaming
The glamourization of sex isn’t only prevalent in media, what we buy and consume, and the conversations that exist in social sphered. Your sex life (or lack thereof) is probably great, but not something everyone wants or needs to hear about.
Consent is mandatory
It can be sexy, but first and foremost, mandatory.
Try not to shame someone by reacting negatively when they express interest in certain sex acts, when they say no, or when they’ce expressed partaking in some activities.
If it doesn’t turn you on, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong, it’s just not right for you
Intimacy is complex
Intimacy and sex can be psychologically, emotionally, and physically traumatizing, but it can also be casual, fun, and liberating. It’s different things to everyone, but can also be a multifaceted experience. A fun casual experience now, can be deconstructed even a few months later to reveal certain truths of the parameters of consent.
Criticisms of sex positivity and why you should embrace sex critical feminism:
Sex positive feminism exists in a sphere of white, western feminism that focusses on the sexual liberation of the individual
Although not a bad intention inherently, this ideology has completely infiltrates almost every aspect of feminism and disallows those with sex guilt, trauma around/about sex, general discomfort because of religion, culture, or identity to navigate many spheres safely
Sex positive feminism forgets about disabled folk
Sex can be exhausting (no pun intended) to engage in physically + emotionally, and often we forget to consider the needs and desires of disabled folk in our discussions, only focussing on able bodied folks and they’re engagement in the do
Sex can be self harm
Sex positivity will often congratulate sex, even sex as self harm, as a liberating experience, because ‘woohoo! someone’s engaging in sex and that’s the best option ever’
Sex positivity ignores desirability
Whom we choose to have sex with is a political choice because of how we’re conditioned in society to see, treat, and desire certain bodies and people over others.
Let’s embrace sex critical feminism to start reminding ourselves not all sexual experiences are good or fun or healthy, but they always have the potential to be if we leave room for discussion, inclusion, and education.
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