what is the half-life of your hold on me? @andthemoonwalks - Tumblr Blog

"He thinks: let them posses me. He prays for it on his knees before them, hair tangled in their hands and pulling at his scalp. Maybe Kate Bush was onto something because he’s possessed and he’s on his knees and he’s in love." - tell me we're dead

About

#poetry and other debris

self harm but it's texting people I (rightfully) don't talk to anymore because I'm understimulated and drama adds a special zing to my life

wonderstruck

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

#the Shadow reborn (waited to long to listen to it so I can't finish it until I get it back from the library)#we have always lived in the castle #sorcery and small magics (again)#eyes Guts Throat Bones

where's that post that's like I cant get over how life goes on everything is

#because literally #not to be defeatist or anything even kind of in that vein but god its like #we might be under martial law soon and im looking at renting an apartment #im donating to the aclu but like god. i have a job to go to. life doesnt stop going it just is #what the fuck

somewhere along the way we started treating each other like siblings, without stopping to consider if either of us deserved that kind of cruelty

#rahhhhhh #fine i will commit the terrible act of forgiveness #if i must

sageandscorpiongrass

Love, On Its Way Out.

(This isn't prompted by my real life so much as it is my love for that first song and also. blorbos.)

jonsaremembers

'I suppose you do love me, in your way,' I said to him one night close to dawn when we lay on the narrow bed. 'And how else should I love you - in your way?' he asked. I am still thinking about that.

- Anne Carson

something something. yellow coded in the way that I'll always be purple. in the way that I'll always be my father's oldest daughter

disasterdrow

i am going to *remembers suicide jokes are detrimental to my mental health and relationships* make it through this year if it kills me

#this year and no children by the mountain goats save me #save me this year and no children by the mountain goats

it's not about reciprocation

#except when it is.#except when the point is that i want proof that you still give a single fuck about me #except when the point is that id like you to make even a fraction of the effort that you made to get them back #except when the point is that youre making me never want to speak to you again and id like a tiny bit of evidence #as to whether you still care if i live or die #but whatever i guess #note to self: two roadtrips.#never make more than two roadtrips because once youve made the second one you can start counting the seconds until its over #i dont even want the nickels i just wish it hadnt fucking happened twice #but Whatever its fine #everyone can go and follow their fucking dreams and leave me here forever #its fine

alcrego

#yeah its exactly like this

exploding all of you in my mind. if you ever care.

#about to start writing fanfic again instead of coping with my crippling fear of being left for bigger and better things over and over and #im like sisyphus but if the boulder was people i love following their passions in life and leaving me/the area im in #and at the top of the hill i realize i have no ambitions no drive nothing that i want or care about badly enough to go anywhere but here #and then the boulder rolls down the hill again and im watching someone else i love pick the correct choice of bettering themselves #and i just have to push the boulder up the hill again and watch them leave but im always going to be pushing the boulder #because there isnt anything i care enough to choose something that isnt the boulder #just me and this big fucking rock forever and ever and ever while i wish everyone well and hope they have a good life #anyway

new poetry book title: did I stop jorking it because I'm depressed, or am I depressed because I stopped jorking it and other ruminations

oh royalty free slightly depressing indie background music were really in it now

ah

#started watching emma chamberlain youtube videos again #shes like the only youtuber ive ever watched Like That #and im realizing i watched her at a time in my life when i was Real lonely #bc she doesnt. pretend shes hanging out with people or do a ton of videos with other people or whatever #her videos are her by herself and thats it #just living her life #and i fuck with that #its just me and her against this world yk #anyway i dont mean that i love my girlfriend and all my friends and the communities that im a part of etc etc #but idk. there is something to her that is really comforting and that speaks to me

"you're mourning that preemptively. it's not over yet." okay well what the hell else am I supposed to be doing

#im trying so hard to be a good person about it but jesus christ that pattern never really ends does it #its Fine i can make it not matter but goddammit i thought it would be okay this time

does anyone. remember the last time life felt worth living

#i Know im beint dramatic but also? no im not

tearfulangel

sorry for being weird, the loneliness and the need for a deeper, more meaningful human connection is eating me alive

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what is the half-life of your hold on me?