...And then she left

A family of five, dissolved in a day.

[andthensheleft]

There are 42 people following this story. My story.

That's a little bit comforting. Isn't it?

[quantifiedbreakup]

One of the hardest things to get used to after breaking up is to sleep alone and to process the breakup at night. Left to your own devices you re-experience and perhaps even re-write the facts of the past.

You start questioning everything that happened in the past over and over again. Radiolab...

[andthensheleft]

What do I do for my kids when the other man commits assault?

A big problem has developed. The other man and his wife had an altercation. They were both physically violent to each other. An assault report has been laid against the fellow by the wife.

Now... ex-wife is taking the kids away for a weekend camping trip with this fellow.

I can understand I might be over-reacting to him being on the scene - though, remember, I know this fellow and his character and past violence and affairs.

This is about the kids. She tells me to trust her. She has kept none of her commitments (not to go after full-time with the kids, financial settlement, marriage). Trust is a very hard ask.

What should I do?

[andthensheleft]

This was how I found out my marriage was over.

[andthensheleft]

She wanted to take the kids

A big night tonight. She said she wanted the kids to live with her in the new year, because she 'was entitled to have them'. I called her out and explained the only thing that matters is what's best for our kids: stability of school, friends, and staying in the family home.

It was heated. I felt bad being put in the position to explain to her she couldn't relocate the kids because I object on the grounds it would disrupt their schooling and tear them from their social circles.

I object.

Why am I put in the position to object to a dumb-ass idea she has that she will be happier taking the kids to live with her? There's a path of destruction leading back to before she left. She keeps trying to dismantle everything. Selfish.

She backed down. Thank god. What a fucking mess.

[andthensheleft]

Strength of character feels like a weakness

[andthensheleft]

Turned a corner...

Wedding anniversary this week. She denied it existed, terming it the "so called wedding anniversary". I became angry when she defended her new beau's character. This despite that piece of filth telling me he wished his wife had been successful in her suicide attempt. Consequently I let rip, shouting angrily down the phone. I swore. I yelled. I vented. I was incoherent. I snapped. The sensation of release was amazing. Since then, and it's only been a couple of days, I have felt calm and in control. I looked our wedding video and saw it in a whole new light - gone was the majestic expression of love and devotion. Replaced by emptiness. I remember being there, and how I felt that day, but now it's as an observer and not a participant. Her problems are hers to deal with. I was forced to choose between fighting for my wife or taking care of my kids. I made the exact correct choice to be Father and not ex-Husband. Time to start calling her out on her bullshit: like not being there for her son's birthday.

[andthensheleft]

3 months on...

I continue to look after the kids, but that relationship doesn't fill the void left when my marriage dissolved. I feel: Taken for granted Cast aside De-valued Ignored Alone

[andthensheleft]

I have a sense that life was saying "you've got it easy buddy. You worked it out. Time for another level where we increase the difficulty."

[andthensheleft]

I went through the old albums and sorted the photos out. Took me a few days, kept me active, helped me remember reality instead of the romantic fantasy

[andthensheleft]

I am ok. My mind is waging a war with me though. I just need it to settle down for a few weeks. Nothing significant is going to happen for a while so it just needs to wind the hell down.

[andthensheleft]

We stopped being married for real when she walked out. She's a different person now. Broken, somehow. I'd still be trying to help her if she was my wife

[andthensheleft]

You feel abandoned. It's a trick of the mind. You're still you. You have interests. You've just forgotten what they are in the noise. There will be good days and bad days, and they don't need to be empty days.

[mooncoffin-deactivated20160403]

Encouraging thoughts and positive wishes from our ever-optimistic host.  Part of my ongoing poster series.

[andthensheleft]

How to be alone - Andrea Dorfman and Tanya Davis

[andthensheleft]

[andthensheleft]

How to never get hurt in a relationship

YMMV