Way Down We Go

'Cause they will run you down, down 'til the dark Yes, and they will run you down, down 'til you fall And they will run you down, down to your core Yeah, 'til you can't crawl no more

[andyxrollins]

We Meet Again||Charlie & Andy

[andyxrollins]

overtureofchaos‌:

In her time since she’d been back home, Charlie felt like she was adjusting well to life back in Florida. She lived on Pappy’s property so she could make she he was eating right, got up early every morning and surfed and even started working for the sheriff’s department. Life wasn’t ideal but it was better than her recent past.

Her father, Pappy as he was affectionately called, was a Navy man so naturally, Charlie joined the Navy and her older sister had gone into the Marines. Keaton was still missing, a fact that woke Charlie up nightly. Having been captured herself during a joint mission near the Pakistan border she feared what was happening to her sister or if she would ever see her again. To make matters worse the man she loved had been captured as well and was presumed dead. The fact of the matter was, no one should have survived that mission given the results.

Every day Charlie told herself it was going to be a good day. Running on the beach and surfing as the sun came up were all the things she needed for her mental health. Occasionally getting too strong arm dick drug dealers felt pretty good too. For the most part, her life was solitary outside of the company of Pappy.

She heard the apple hit the floor before she heard him speak her name. People knew her on the island, but shivers ran up the length of her spine because that voice was undeniable. She lifted her eyes to his and they locked. “Andy?” He was dead. The state department was sure of it and she’d never heard another thing about it. Why hadn’t anyone told her? Why hadn’t he? Her voice dropped as she felt the strength leave her legs. “You’re alive?” His words hadn’t even registered after that. “You’re alive.” Standing there trembling a single tear rolled down her cheek.

@andyxrollins​

Andy had grown up in a typical family, older brother, baby sisters, and on the surface besides a stepmother everything appeared normal. Behind closed doors though nothing was as it seemed. Ben Rollins was a hard man to live, harder to be the son of. This was especially true of a young boy who knew at an early age knew that he was different from his masculine brother. Alex had joined the military, and Andy was sure that everyone was surprised when he joined the Navy. If only the Navy knew some of the truths of his early life. In fact there was only one person who knew what he had experienced at a young age, and up until this moment he thought that person was gone forever.

When Charlie and Andy had served together they easily fell into a friendship that one night took on a life of it's own and they became lovers. Charlie was also the only person, well besides those lovers, that knew Andy was bi-sexual. Still in the age of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," he was nervous to tell her, but as with all things Charlie took it in stride. It was one of the things he loved about her. Now after a morning on the beach he stood in a supermarket with a woman he thought he'd never see again.

Kicking himself for not trying to find out for sure if she was dead he knew he was standing there with his mouth hanging open. His breath caught in his chest and he worried he was having a heart attack, course he knew it was a panic attack or anxiety but that didn't take the pain away. Andy felt like he couldn't breathe and one hand gripped the cart in front of him.

"Charlie . . ." He said her name again, recognizing how it felt on his tongue but yet feeling how foreign it was too. "You're alive," he said after she did, unable to stop the small laugh. "Guess we're both stuck on that." He said softly, shaking his head. If this was a dream he didn't want to wake up. Seeing the single tear he reached over, not thinking about the time apart and wiped it with his thumb. "Don't cry," he said, feeling the tears in his own eyes. “You’ll make me cry and no-one wants to see that.”

Clearing his throat he shifted to the side as someone came down the aisle. "I never believed in fate but how the hell did we both end up here?" He was rambling and he closed his mouth. Staring at the beautiful woman he long thought dead. Throwing caution and care to the wind, he stepped around the cart and pulled her into an embrace, holding her tight in case she once again went up in smoke and disappeared. Her smell filled is nose and his eyes closed, it was like coming home and he hoped she felt the same.

[anelysianlune]

Lee Pace photographed by  Randall Slavin (2019)

[leepace71]

[andyxrollins]

Oh, father tell me, do we get what we deserve? Oh, we get what we deserve And way down we go Oh, way down we go Say, way down we go Way down we go Whoa, you let your feet run wild Time has come as we all go down Yeah but for the fall—oh, my— Do you dare to look them right in the eyes? 'Cause they will run you down, down 'til the dark Yes, and they will run you down, down 'til you fall And they will run you down, down to your core Yeah, 'til you can't crawl no more And way down we go Way down we go Say, way down we go 'Cause they will run you down, down 'til you're caught Way down we go Whoa, baby, yeah Whoa, baby Baby Way down we go Yeah And way down we go Way down we go Say, way down we go Way down we go

[andyxrollins]

We Meet Again||Charlie & Andy

@overtureofchaos

Stepping off the boat onto the small pier Andy looked around and smiled as the sun beat down on his head. Florida was beautiful this time of year, and the Keys were free of tourists, for now anyway, they’d be back soon enough. Still the small piece of land he had on the water and the beach front were enough to give him a place to hide away. Making sure the boat was securely docked he headed out to his car, knowing it was still early enough to avoid the crowds at the store. He needed some food for the week, and was hoping to get some fresh fruit before it was all bought. Wandering aimlessly through the store he wasn’t paying attention to where his cart was going and felt it jolt back in his hands as he hit someone.

“I am so sorry,” he mumbled to the raven haired woman who slowly turned around. When his eyes met those green orbs he dropped the apple in his hand, sure his jaw had fallen open. “Charlie,” he said almost breathlessly, unsure if he was seeing things. He was sure she was dead, the explosion that separated the team had taken everyone except him, or so he thought. He was held prisoner for an unknown amount of time before rescued and rehab and leaving the Navy.

Knowing he was staring he tried to swallow the lump in this throat. “I thought you were dead,” was all he could muster. Kicking himself now for never seeking out if that were true. “And in Florida? Shit,” he mumbled, coming around the cart and wanting to pull her into an embrace but unsure if he should.

[andyxrollins]

Blog Update

//I have been struggling with Andy for some time, and could not put my finger on why. After some back and forth brainstorming with my wife I found Andy needed some revamping. From this point on somethings have changed.

1) Andy did not become a therapist, instead joining the Navy at 18 and eventually becoming a Navy Seal.

2) He was a POW at one point during his time as a Seal but does not talk about it with anyone. It is the reason he no longer serves.

3) The water is his home, and more often than not he will live on a house boat or directly on the water.

4) He is still from Long Beach, still the second child of Ben Rollins, with older brother @alexrollins-lbpd and younger sisters, @addisonxrollins and @overtureofchaos who plays Astrid.

5) He has immense guilt because he never told anyone Ben assaulted him when he was nine years old, and feels had he spoken up maybe his sisters would not be hurt.

6) He lives a nomadic life for the most part, keeping a boat in Long Beach and one in the Florida Keys.

7) He does have schooling is psychology but does not practice it .

8) He is still bi-sexual

9) He still picks up strays @alexrollins-lbpd (you know what we mean ;))

[andyxrollins]

Noble Deeds || Zaniah & Andy

[zaniahcollins]

Throughout all the years of knowing one another Em and Zee shared every detail of their lives with each other. If Zee thought long and hard there likely wasn’t a single thing she had shared with Em and vice versa. If there happened to be anything it is simply because the thought had not occurred yet. When Em was forced in to court ordered therapy, Zaniah knew everything before this Dr. Rollins and if it was something new that arose during a session, Em spoke of it as soon as she returned to their apartment. Zaniah was well aware of whom Doctor Rollins was and that he wanted Em off the streets. It’s not like the girls liked it there. Life just wasn’t meant to be some happy course of easiness for them. If anything that was proof why they were brought together in the first place.

Em told Zee that Andy wanted to meet her. The doctor felt that he would have a fuller understanding of which Em was if he met the people closest to her but she was afraid if Andy started meeting all her real friends he might actually deem her insane. A foolish notion, nevertheless, there was real hesitation to allow that meeting to ever take place. Now, of all places and under all circumstances he was standing before her looking for Em. The chances of him not knowing the truth were slim and sure enough he immediately asked where Em was. She could see the concern in his eyes, which was endearing but when Zee realized she flubbed and said us, her nosed crinkled. “Fuck,” she whispered to herself.

“Wait,” taken aback. “Em told you about this place?” The confusion on her face was real. Em hated Hurricane. She hated her past and her family and all the things that reminded her of where she came from. It took years for her to share those details with Zee. Knowing those things was enough to bond them even more than before because so much of their youths were spent the same – full of hurt and neglect. The fact that Em had opened up to Andy and communicated about this place spoke volumes about the kind of man he was. Trustworthy was not something Em usually used to describe a man, let alone one she was being forced to spend time with.

“Fine,” she said kicking her hip out a little. “You figured that much out. How do I know we can trust you? How do I know the FBI didn’t come with you or that they’re not waiting outside? I will not give her up. She didn’t do anything wrong.” Again Zaniah hesitated. She knew Em killed the guy, she knew he was a federal judge and sure that sounds wrong on the surface but he was an asshole. Wallace hurt Em in the past; hurt her again in sheer anger over something she knew nothing about. Would anyone listen to a prostitute when it pertained to the death of a federal judge? The chances were null – not even slim. She could see sadness in his eyes but that wasn’t going to be enough here. This was Em’s life they were talking about. “Give me one good reason why I should bring you home with me?”

[andyxrollins]

Andy knew that the woman in front of him had no reason to trust him. Yes he might be who he said he was, but that didn’t mean he was on her side or Em’s side. After what he put together of what happened to Em he was sure a large part of that mistrust was well founded. Though the FBI seemed to think it had to do with money and blackmail there was no doubt in Andy’s mind it was because the judge had become violent and Em was protecting herself. Andy continually kicked himself for not doing more to get Em off the streets. He had failed his sisters and it was one reason why he worked for the justice system, he had to do something, change the course of his karma somehow. Yet here he stood in a grocery store because he had once again failed. The more he thought about it the more he realized there were less and less reasons for these women to trust him and despite the intent of his heart he wasn’t good at saving anyone. In truth he thought, what kind of help am I really?

Andy was also thinking about the fact that though he had asked to meet Zee many times Em never let it happen. Perhaps if they had met she might trust him more, even though now he wasn’t sure he trusted himself. He never understood why she didn’t want it to happen, and always had an excuse as to why it didn’t happen. She was nice about it, but he could she was firmly convinced that it would not happen, because she wouldn’t let it happen. Drawn from his thoughts when Zee started speaking of Em not being there but then using us he tried to slow down the thoughts and words that wanted to escape. Reminding himself that attacking this woman would get him nowhere. Whether he trusted himself or not he was here, he had to at least try. Andy couldn’t help but bite back the smile when she cursed and crinkled her nose, at least she didn’t go on the defensive.

Arching a brow at her question he nodded, “She did, why does that surprise you?” Realizing it was because that was a big part of Em’s life that she didn’t share he gave a small nod. “It’s like she told me in the first session and truthfully it was very recent she felt comfortable enough to even say it, but yes she told me.”  Once again he had to bite back a smile when she jutted out her hip. Andy could see why Em loved this woman so much. Letting out a sigh he moved a little closer so she could hear him even though his voice dropped. “I don’t have the FBI here because I don’t think they have her best interest at heart. I know she didn’t do anything wrong. Luckily they let me see the file from the case, and what I saw was self-defense.” Looking around to make sure no-one was watching or listening, “I think Wallace became angry and in that anger he lashed out at her and maybe more than physically, which honestly, then he deserved what he got.” Surprised he had said that he spoke again quickly to cover it up, “Look, I know that you don’t want to believe me, but I am here to help, if I can. I want to at least try.”

He nodded and leaned back into the shelves a little. “I know you have a lot of reasons not to trust me, and considering who Wallace was I can see why and I don’t really have a reason.” Sighing he ran a hand through his hair and looked down. “The only thing I can say is that . . .” Pausing he looks up at her. “My sisters have a lot in common with Em. They were assaulted by someone they trusted and ran away. I couldn’t save them, couldn’t do anything for them. I need to do something and maybe it’s helping Em.” Standing up he turns to leave, “I’ll go if you want, but I will help if you let me.”

[aleajjactaest]

[zaniahcollins]

@andyxrollins

[chocolate1elise]

[all-about-something]

Боги милосердные………….

[andyxrollins]

Noble Deeds || Zaniah & Andy

[zaniahcollins]

Zaniah needed to get out of that dusty old house. Em’s mother didn’t seem as bad as her own but on the other hand she knew all the things the woman had allowed to happen while Em was growing up and that was something unforgivable. Zee had to wonder how many of those stupid rules had to do with Chet and if that was the reason Dusty had allowed or disallowed the things she did. Either way the tension was unbearable; she was thinking the two needed to just hash things out and they couldn’t really do that with Zee underfoot. Though in poor taste Zaniah’s first thought was maybe Em would just kill Dusty given she had practice now but she bit her cheek and instead grabbed the car keys and advised she really needed to fulfill her debt.

Having spent her entire life in Long Beach, Hurricane was a trip. It was so tiny and everything felt so far away. There were hills or mountains in the distance but nothing like they’d seen on their way out. It was beautiful and though she hated the reason they’d left this was one of the coolest things she’d ever done. Getting to see other places was exciting and Zaniah was so thankful she’d gotten to do it with Em. The grocery store in town was more like a small market. There was hardly room to move around and if another person came in to the same aisle you had to practically knock everything off the shelf behind you to let then squeeze by.

One thing Zaniah could say about herself was she was taller than the average woman. At 5’9” she certainly was taller than Em. Being so tall she always noticed people who were taller so when a man that towered over her was walking right toward her not paying attention her mind was telling her to say something but she couldn’t get the words out before he ran right in to her cart. She couldn’t help but smile as the man’s cheeks flushed a little with his embarrassment. He was cute, “Its okay. You should probably watch where you’re going though?” Zaniah giggled. That smile was quickly erased from her face when he spoke her name. Her expression dropped and even though she couldn’t really take a step backward she tried any way. The idea that the police had got to them so quickly and yet this guy didn’t look like a fed. It took a moment of fear before realizing not only was he also backing up but that he said his name was Andy Rollins.

Recognizing the name, Zaniah remembered joking with Em about her therapist because their surnames were so similar. He asked her to not call the police and her had went to her mouth to stifle a laugh. “Andy? You’re the therapist, right?” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “What the hell are you doing here and how did you find us? I mean I don’t even think Em has missed an appointment and you’re out looking for her? Did you follow us?” Zee as still a little scared. What if the FBI used Andy to get to Em? “She isn’t here so you can go back to Long Beach or wherever you came from,” trying her hardest to not sound so defensive.

[andyxrollins]

Andy didn’t know what to expect when he stepped inside the very small market that served as the grocery store for Hurricane. Em wasn’t lying when she said that Hurricane had a lot of nothing, the market was hard to move around in and being as tall as he was didn’t help. He was so focused on where he was walking and not hitting his head that he wasn’t looking straight ahead and unfortunately walked right into a cart and the woman pushing it. Of course this was the change in his luck that he needed for the very person he walked into was connected to Em. He cleared his throat as his cheeks turned bright red. “I really should have looked.” That was the only nicety he was able to get out for the moment he told her who he was she shut down. Andy couldn’t blame her though, he was a stranger to her and someone from Em’s past that could very well be against her. Relieved that she knew his name and didn’t run was a good first step. “Yes, that’s who I am,” he said just as softly.

Trying to process the string of questions shooting out he took a breath a frown forming at her accusations. “No I didn’t follow you and this isn’t about missing an appointment.” Tilting his head to the side he lifted an eyebrow. “You realize you asked if I followed us but are now saying she isn’t here?” Attacking her was not the way to go about this; taking a shallow breath he raised his hands. “Look, I’m here because she is in trouble and I’m hoping I can help.” Lowering his voice he stepped a little closer but kept the cart between them so she didn’t feel attacked. “The FBI is looking for her and I firmly believe they don’t have her best interest at heart. I don’t know if I can help but I have to try.” Looking around them to make sure they hadn’t drawn attention he spoke again, “I know she is with you and I know of this place because she told me. I’m really here to help, I promise. Please let me help.”

There was a note of desperation in his voice, something the woman in front of him wouldn’t understand. Andy was almost pleading to be let in; he had to do something to make up for what he didn’t do in his past. Not one but both of his sisters had been hurt, and brutally so and he wasn’t able to do anything about it until it was too late. Fate had delivered Em to him and now was making it so he had a chance. All he needed was the door opening so he could take it. Stepping back a little he knew he could ask around and find out where Em grew up but in that time Zaniah might convince Em to run and by the time he got there it would be too late, Andy couldn’t be too late, not again.

He had made sure to make his father, though he only referred to him as Ben now, pay for what he had done but it didn’t change the fact that he did nothing. This time he once again couldn’t stop what had happened and the man was dead but for once he had a chance to help the victim. It seemed the FBI was only interested in bringing her in and throwing the book at her, but Andy was sure it was self-defense and if he could do something to help prove that, he needed to be able to take that opportunity. Standing before him was the crack in the open door, all she had to do was let him in.

[andyxrollins]

[andyxrollins]

Noble Deeds || Zaniah & Andy

Andy had many clients along the way that struck a nerve with him and brought out more of his emotions than they should. His own life and that of what his sisters had experienced was not hard to find in many of the clients that came through his door from the court system. In fact he often waited for the day when he counseled someone who had tried to kill an abuser, but knew it was better that this didn’t happen because he wasn’t sure he would know what to say. When Emery Fleming came across his desk as a client he unfortunately saw too many parallels to his sisters. Most of her life before coming to California was a mystery and one the courts really didn’t care about. Doing his own research he had discovered a child lost in the system that was forced to leave her home and come to a place she didn’t know and ended up working the streets.  He never told Em that he had done this research preferring to see if she would share with him one day. Thankfully she did come to trust him and open up and soon her knew of her reasons for leaving and some of her past. It was heartbreaking to say the least but one thing he found endearing about her was her ability to try and see the silver lining. She would for example speak of the horrors of working the streets but then tell a story of how thankful she was to have Zee in her life.  The more she shared the more he came to learn of this young woman and honestly he hoped to meet her one day.

All of that came crashing down when the FBI came calling in regards to the death of Judge Wallace. When Andy had learned of his death he worried that Em was involved and had tried to reach her to no avail which only worried him more. The FBI showing up only confirmed his fears but they also increased them. It seemed that the FBI was only concerned with bringing her in and seemed to not care that perhaps she had acted in self-defense. This angered him and set him on a path to warn her. Andy knew that the real reasons he was acting this way was not because of some attraction to Em or hint of noble hood, no it ran deeper than that. Andy had failed in protecting Addison and Astrid but now had a chance to help Em, perhaps he could find some redemption. Clearing his calendar he took a day to sit by the beach to figure out where she might go. When a young teenage couple walked past him it dawned on him that she might have gone home, after all she hated it so making it the perfect place to go, no-one would think she’d go there. Packing a bag he set out that night for Hurricane Utah once again glad he had built her trust enough to know that despite being born in Salt Lake City she grew up in Hurricane. Stopping a few times for gas and once for a night’s rest he arrived mid-afternoon, and as she had said, there was nothing there. Not sure where to begin he headed into the first large establishment he could find, the grocery store. At least he might be able to find where she once lived, and maybe had returned too, because once again who would think to look there. As he turned down an aisle in search of a clerk he almost toppled a shopping cart, apologizing to the striking woman standing there his eyes landed on the multiple tattoos and he felt his jaw drop. Could luck really be on his side, was this not Zaniah? Realizing he was staring he felt his cheeks go red and he cleared his throat, “I’m sorry, I don’t want to freak you out, though I’m sure I did.” He was babbling and knew he needed to stop, “Sorry, I’m Andy Rollins, are you perhaps Zaniah?” With the FBI looking for Em this was probably the wrong thing to say and he chided himself, letting out a shaky breath, “If you are, please know I’m here to help, if you’re not Zaniah I can back away slowly, please don’t call the cops.”

@zaniahcollins

[andyxrollins]

Update

Andy has now gone indie, please see his about and verses for more information. 

[noclevernamelbr]

[bohemiancalliope]

A collection of smiling Joe Macmillan for your dash :-)

[zaniahcollins]

Freaky Friday AU | Zee and Andy

[zaniahcollins]

All Zaniah could do was laugh at Andy’s lack of knowledge for the things she went through to maintain her physical beauty. It was still very weird seeing and talking to herself but the words were Andy’s. After the phone call to Luke she clapped his large hands in excitement of getting to test Kyle out on them. Would Kyle reference their bodies? Did they smell the same to the cat? Would Kyle be able to tell the difference between Zee and Andy now they were in the other’s body? Zaniah didn’t spend too much time at school but she remembered science class and this was one experiment she was will to test out.

They walked downstairs and in to the kitchen. The normal morning routine was to go downstairs, Andy would make coffee and Zee would make breakfast much to Andy’s chagrin because it was always something vegetarian. He’d grown accustomed to not eating meat when they were together even though he would grab a burger when he lunches with Luke. “In a way I am glad we aren’t going in. You’d probably get sick if you snuck a turkey sandwich at my desk.” Chuckling, she stopped just before the kitchen when she spotted Kyle waiting. While the people made their breakfast in the morning Zaniah would feed and love on the cat. He’d really taken to her and pretty much would no longer eat unless Zaniah was the one doing the feeding.

Zee walked in to the kitchen and started talking to Kyle like she did every morning. Of course unlike every morning she looked and sounded like Andy. She put food in the bowl and placed it down in front of the cat that promptly came up and nuzzled against her purring. Looking at Andy she smiled, “I guess I am still me even if I am you!”

[andyxrollins]

Andy had a vague idea of what women did to maintain their beauty, but now in the body of a woman it took on new meaning. Despite looking at his own body he could see her spirit inside and when she became excited about testing Kyle her spirit shined through. Andy was kind of curious too because ever since Zee moved in Kyle wanted nothing to do with him. Following her down the stairs he went to make the coffee, even in her body some things were habit. “I would suggest that you not make something vegetarian since you are in my body, but yeah I don’t think your body would like it very much.” Letting out a soft laugh, which felt strange to his ears but natural to her body he turned to add grinds to the filter.

Kyle was waiting for them, as he normally did. At least he was patient and didn’t hurry them or try to wake them up. Watching as Zee in his body talked to Kyle as she did every morning, putting down his food. Now was the test because she was the only one that Kyle would eat for. Shaking his head, “You are still you, even if in my body.” He said as Kyle recognized Zee’s spirit inside his body. Letting out another soft laugh he turned on the coffee pot and leaned against the counter.

“Any other tests we should undertake? I mean who knows how long this will last if it is the moon.” Resting his hands on the counter and crossing his ankles he watched as she prepared food for breakfast. “I guess trying turkey is out of the question, what about chicken?” Arching a brow he smiled, “I would dare say burgers but that might be pushing it.”