and you feel hot in the afternoon sun so you come back inside
your dad and step-mom are watching home movies. the one playing
on the screen right now is so old that it was filmed before you
were even born; youāre only half paying attention as the
handheld camcorder pans across a crowded beach.
then someone catches your eye; a young girl who looks just like you.
for aĀ second youāre confused, did the tape jump a decade or two? you
ask your dad to rewind. the tape pauses but the image still
vibrates, like the energy of the past is trapped and trying to
get out, or maybe trying to stay hidden. the girl does look a lot
like you, but not as much as it seemed at first. this tape
is from the childhood of your step-mom.you donāt know where sheās
from. youāre too young to place her accent. itād be obvious if
you heard her as an adult but you never will because theyāll
break up just before your thirteenth birthday. she puts a new
tape into the player and the screen fills with images of leisure:
people playing tennis by the ocean, by a large empty swimming
pool. the tape becomes garbled, there is static, a close
up shot of a peacock, more static. your step-mom takes the tape
out and puts it in an box. she tells your dad sheās mailing
it back home but you find out later sheās sending it to the
producers of the Relaxation Egg she ordered. theyāll use the
images to calibrate her Egg, and incorporate pieces of it in the
space of the Egg. your dad will explain their break up as being
caused by the huge financial cost of the Egg and the emotional
distance that her time spent in the Egg created, while you will
suspect that her time in the Egg created such homesickness in her
that she had to leave. you were always afraid to get inside it,
even when no-one else was home and you could have easily done so.
you imagine climbing in, the warm colored water basin which rises
to your stomach, and the pulsing lifetime of soft images
projected against the skin of the Egg, and the mixture of fear
and hope that youāll see again the girl who looks just like you.
that night at dinner you ask your dad what you should do with
the Egg now. to resell it, itād have to first be shipped backed
to the producers to reset the memory coil and imagery. he doesn't
answer and the Egg disappears. you'll discover it years later when
packing up your stuff to move. you won't believe how small the Egg
is.