A Southern Date of Mind

Ex NYer navigating the Southland

[anewyorkdateofmind]

Why am I still here?

I was super nice and gave my job over a month's notice since I'm moving back down south. And though at first appreciative, my boss is still being such an asshole. Micromanaging the fuck out of every little thing I do and now, I'm about 2 instances away from giving them all the finger and leaving. At this point I am voluntarily taking this abuse... And I don't really need to. I don't know if her reference will really be worth it. And I'm over her making me feel like I'm shit at everything I do. I could be enjoying my last month in New York and not slaving away at my desk miserable as fuck. I already feel like the company doesn't give a shit about me. The CEO is awkward as fuck around me and won't even say good luck or anything about my move when he's been in the office. Even though we had a pretty good relationship. I feel like they don't give 2 shits that I'm staying here during a busy time to help out, even though I don't have to. So I have two options: 1. Suck it up and take it. Get her reference which I would hope would be a decent one. 2. Say "sorry but I can't do this any more," and quit and enjoy my last few weeks in New York and piss them off indefinitely.

[anewyorkdateofmind]

Why does this always seem to happen?

Brooklyn Boy dialed me at 5am on Wednesday morning. I wasn't awake (obvi) so woke up to the missed call later that morning. I texted him something cute and cheeky and he texted later in the day. The convo ended with me asking him if he was working that night... And nothing. Still haven't heard a thing from him. Like, wtf bro? I do not understand this. We were texting all hot and heavy this weekend and we're both in agreement that we want to see each other soon. So I just did what I usually do, and deleted his number and our text message chain which made me sad. My friend told me that she thinks I should tell him I'm moving in 2 months because that would make him come running. But I just don't want to be the person reaching out first and feeling like I'm begging for it. Because I don't need to see him. I would like to see him before I close this New York chapter of my life. But I'm also not going to push for something with someone when they aren't giving me anything.

[anewyorkdateofmind]

So many updates

I've made the decision that I'm going to move back to the southland. It's been a great 5 years in NYC but I'm ready for a savings account and a nice apartment. And to be closer to my mama and my friends at home. I went to the southland for my best friend's wedding. And who starts texting me? Brooklyn Boy of course. He said he was disappointed that he hadn't heard from my drunk alter ego lately. We texted back and forth and he was trying to get saucy and I didn't bite. He didn't respond to my last text so I figured that was the end of it. But then I started thinking. If I'm moving in a couple months, why not have a little fun with him? I've wanted to hook up with him since I met him. I'm comfortable around him and we have amazing chemistry. So when he texted again the next day to see what I was doing after work, I told him I had rethought our previous conversation and I decided I wanted to have a little fun. That led to a really hot sexting convo that was AMAZING. But now I'm back in NYC and I'm like dude, I'm here! Let's do ittttttttt. But he hasn't reached out yet and I'm being stubborn and refuse to text him first again... So we shall see.

[anewyorkdateofmind]

Just got back a little bit ago from seeing the medium. And I've got to say I'm really disappointed. I definitely let myself get my hopes up too much. She hit on a couple things that could be legit, but I also don't know that she didn't just google me to get certain information. I felt like she wasn't really definitive enough in the things she was saying and was trying to get me to fill in all the gaps. I didn't get any validating message from my dad. She wasn't able to point out something that no one would have known. I don't really know how this works other than watching shows on tv so maybe I went it expecting too much. But I'm just disappointed.

[anewyorkdateofmind]

I was watching Real Housewives of New York the other day and they had a medium on the show. After the episode last season where Carole and Dorinda see the tea leaf reader, I started thinking seriously about going to see a medium and connecting with my dad. I am also a big fan of Monica the Medium and would watch weekly and ball my little eyes out. I took the appearance of yet another medium on the show to be a gently nudge to look into it again. Now, I did some serious research last fall but couldn't really find anyone that I felt comfortable with. But one Google search pulled up this girl, and I had a good feeling about it. I dug a little more and today I booked my appointment for tomorrow. Side note: something to note about me is that I'm impulsive. I get an idea into my head and I have to run with it right away. I'm so nervous but excited and sick to my stomach and am worried I'm gonna be too scared at the last minute and not go. Please note: if you are a non believer and have strong opinions against mediums, I don't want to hear it. Positivity only please and thank you.

[anewyorkdateofmind]

Dad's birthday was last week. And while the day itself passed uneventfully, I felt the dark cloud of grief passing over me slowly this weekend. I've stayed inside mostly - eating crappy food and feeling genuinely sorry for myself and sad. I know that I need to be taking my health more seriously. But I tend to comfort myself with food and have trouble not doing that. Especially when I'm sad.

[lizardgf]

[anewyorkdateofmind]

Ugh...

My drunk alter ego called Brooklyn Boy 3x last night. So I apologized via text this morning and he's being so fucking sweet about it, I can't. And I may have flirted a bit but I'm stopping because he doesn't want something serious. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

[anewyorkdateofmind]

Calling you out Bumble

To people out there using Bumble: Today I came across 2 male profiles on @bumbleapp that had a girl I am friends with in one of the pictures. Upon further inspection (and texting my friend to know why she’s holding out on me) I come to found out that both of these men are gay. 2 in one day that showed up on my app… Highly suspicious if you ask me…

[anewyorkdateofmind]

More feels. Go figure

I know this is the epitome of beating a dead horse but I'm irrationally angry about this Brooklyn boy situation. I decided to just get back on the damn horse today and have been back on these dating apps but it's pissing me the hell off. I'm like ugh, can I just talk to Brooklyn Boy instead bc this is stupid. The answer is no, obviously.

[anewyorkdateofmind]

Lots of Feels

Is it weird to feel attached to someone after only 2 dates? I wonder if l shouldn’t be feeling this way and should be able to shake it off and not dwell. But maybe that’s just not me. I do get excited about the potential of being with someone and all the things that could be. And I do get sad for the loss of that excitement and brief joy that it brought me. So I guess it’s back to dating apps for this girl. Ugh.

[anewyorkdateofmind]

When you drunkenly post on Tumblr and then post basically the same thing the next day because you forgot.... Oh well. Leaving it up.

[anewyorkdateofmind]

Dating Update Update

We ended up having dinner at my apartment last night and it was wonderful. Mad chemistry and amazing conversation. And then the dreaded relationship conversation came up. His breakup has been pretty bad and he isn't looking to get into anything serious. Which is understandable. He wants to hang out someone cool and enjoy a casual relationship. Which is also understandable. But I can't do that. I told him I'm interested in something more serious and don't want to put myself in a situation where I can get hurt which is probably what would happen with something casual. We left it very amicably. I told him if he wants something more serious down the line, to give me a call. And then he left and I cried myself to sleep. I don't get why the universe continually likes to hit me with bad timing.

[anewyorkdateofmind]

Well that escalated quickly.

So Brooklyn boy got back to me and the plans got changed. Because of taxes and shit, I offered to cook dinner at my place. He came over and we had the best time until we took it to the bedroom. I reiterated that I didn’t want to have sex. And we ended up talking. Apparently he had had a bad week, with his ex leaving his things on a stoop. We concluded that he’s not looking for anything serious, and I told him that I’m not looking to be a casual girl anymore. I want to be with someone exclusively. He understood and we ended up parting ways. Me holding back tears. And here I am in my bed balling crying because I’m so pissed at the universe for giving me someone so compatible at the wrong time.

[anewyorkdateofmind]

Dating Update

Met Brooklyn Boy on a night out in, you guessed it, Brooklyn, with some friends 2 weekends ago. He was perfectly charming although a little drunk. We exchanged numbers and a cheeky kiss outside of the bar before he left. Dude actually followed up... That has never happened after giving a guy my number in a bar. We went out the next night and had a perfectly lovely date. Amazing conversation, ridiculous chemistry. All was going well until he dropped a bomb on me that his gf has broken up with him 3 weeks ago...via text. #rude But we had really hit it off so I decided to go with it but take it slow. I went home for a few days and my first available day on being back is today. So we made a plan for him to take me to his favorite restaurant in his neighborhood tonight. I texted him last night asking what time he was thinking and I have not heard anything... Now, he did work a double shift at work which could have left him up until 1am or possibly later. But it's 1:40pm and I'm freaking out that I am being stood up right now. Maybe he is still sleeping but every time another hour ticks by, I'm slowly feeling sick to my stomach that this ain't happening... Ugh. Dating is the worst sometimes. And I totally washed my hair today...

[anewyorkdateofmind]

I'm gonna be honest here

The last date I went on was Labor Day weekend. And that was with Bobby from the Block. It was one of the best dates I've been on in my recent memory. But after one text message, he dropped off the face of the earth despite living on my block. I thought I may have walked by him a month ago but couldn't be sure. But tonight, I definitely walked by him while he walked home in his dental scrubs with some blonde girl. And I felt like my heart got stomped on. I know it's been a long time since our date but it still stings to know he didn't choose me. I've been through a lot this week with health stuff and work and mental things. But this just fucking sucked.

[magalis]

I spent like most of yesterday evening thinking it was Friday, and then I woke up this morning and realized that in actuality today is Friday and I still have today and tomorrow to get through this work week. No thank you. 

[anewyorkdateofmind]

I could have sworn yesterday was Friday too... Ugh this week is never ending