About to find out
Before someone shout out to me about how concern he is, I, consciously aware about the risk and all those back up plans that I should have. ___ I have ever said it to myself; living means a full-time learning. Therefore, I will always learn about how to be gentle to myself. It started from January 2019, I learned again from the very beginning. I learned how to know and get close to myself, an awareness of what I truly feel and think, unravel the tangled thread of my overwhelm thoughts. A huge decision to start, to be brave at that time. Months of consistency, I admire myself to have that kind of persistent. Finding out about those things were not easy. And today, I am still learning to find out too. In between of find out thingy, I declared to myself that the main purpose of working was not (and is not) to earn money, but to distract myself. I need an activity that I could rely on to distract myself. Today, on January 2022, three years from that starting point, I realized one thing. I should have a bravery to let go of some things and learn to jump out from my comfortableness, from my main distraction; working. I work a lot, it could be six or seven times in a week, only to distract myself. My weekdays and weekends was filled up with working. You know, meeting people on my working schedule sometimes helps me a lot. A repetitive conversation, a boring routine, an endless task; those things really distract myself. And starting last Sunday (9 January), I made a rush and huge decision to cut it off. No, I did not have a back up plan. That was just a spontaneous act. Not to lying to myself, I have been thinking about it since last year. Last Sunday was too emotional. My thumbs could not handle, and that was it. So sudden, without notice, without a good preparation. A little bit wrong way to end it up. ___
"When a journey ends, another journey has begun."
I said to myself, "Let's find out about new distraction, Dear myself." Slowly. It is okay. It may take my whole life time, but that is a living means, right? For now, to feel enough. "Too many things, my love, that are out of our hands." ___ It has been a long time since last time I write. Spending time with myself alone. After working from office, I decided to go to a small coffee shop, ordered a glass of japanese drip, and started to write all these lines. I am fine today.












