characters whose philosophy is “if i cannot be wanted, i will be needed and if i cannot be needed, let me be used until there’s nothing left of me.” thank you for everyone’s attention. falls off stage and dies

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@angelchurch
characters whose philosophy is “if i cannot be wanted, i will be needed and if i cannot be needed, let me be used until there’s nothing left of me.” thank you for everyone’s attention. falls off stage and dies
DILFGIFS 2.5K CELEBRATION: SPIN THE BOTTLE ON THE DILF ↳ MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY in KILLER JOE (2011) — Sonny (@dryourtearsaway)
{Words by Anaïs Nin, from The Diary Of Anais Nin, Vol. 4 (1944-1947) / Cynthia Cruz from diagnosis,The glimmering room}
i think about them 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 day . 𝐬𝐞𝐞 them every day .
they shake me off and they ask why i bother / the answer is simple : my father is father / i come from a long line of people who believe in things like flowers that grow in the cracks of the streets / here i am
𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐡 / ᵛⁱˢ
"Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing."
– Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment.
Im like if a corpse had to wake up every day
the lane i travel feels alone but i'm moving 'til my legs give out
“let me take care of you” i think my heart couldn’t take it
— vladimir nabokov, in a letter to his wife [24 march 1937] from letters to véra (trans. olga voronina & brian boyd)
𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 collection ᵒᶠ nsfw 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 .
¹ angel’s a switch . they like most positions , don’t have a ton of preference for whether they top or bottom. it’s more dependent on the moment + the partner. they tend to be a very giving partner with an emphasis on the other party’s pleasure. but they don’t like to exclusively top or exclusively bottom , same with being dominant or submissive. it can vary a little depending on the dynamic , however.
² very !!! very giving !!! genuinely it’s something they like to do , to take their time , make sure that the other person is enjoying themself , their own pleasure is often an afterthought. multiple rounds.
³ loves .. loves oral. giving head is genuinely a top favorite of theirs , and they’ll keep going until it pushes into overstimulation and has their partner tapping out. same thing goes for rimming ... receiving head is a little different , they’d rather be the one to do it , to them receiving feels a little like being put on the spot. more open to it on a more frequent base with long time partners. rimming ... is a little different tho but they’d be way too embarrassed to admit they prefer it when it comes to receiving oral .. easier for them to hide tbh. physically + metaphorically.
⁴ their sex drive fluctuates , usually from low to moderate. it’s not a huge need for them but if they’re partnered , they’re more inclined to it. one night stands are occasional but not never. and they don’t mind with benefits arrangements.
⁵ slow and deep , fast and rough , hard , gentle , they like it all. they’re very tactile , hands on , grabbing , pulling , squeezing .. they don’t like introducing impact like slapping into bed it’s one of their few no - go’s , but that’s more for committing the action themself. spanking + choking ( g + r ) is partner dependent. they like being tied up , tying their partner up. anything involving weapons is a little more tentative unless with close + well trusted partners. praise always gets them. generally open to trying almost anything at least once. pull their hair.
⁶ their volume ranges. they’re usually on the quiet side , heavy breaths , sighs , muffled moans , gasps. the more acquainted you are , the easier it is to get them louder. sometimes they’re stubborn and it’s a fun little challenge. they’re also prone to being talkative though when giving , easily praising.
⁷ comfortable with both masculine + feminine terms being used in bed ( i.e. good boy / good girl ) . some selective degradation is fine , but they don’t like to degrade their partner.
⁸ aftercare <33 is smth they’re pretty big on , they’re naturally caring , nurturing. makes sure their partner’s got everything they want n need. touch preferred , soft kisses , water. the kind to draw a bath , they’re attentive. less inclined to ask for the same for themself , or in some cases won’t try and stick around for it.
everything tho is pretty <33 flexible and shifts according 2 the partner and dynamic !! don’t be afraid to ask abt anything tbh
angel drives a 2000 honda civic in electron blue pearl with worn upholstery , one barely working mp3 aux cord that seldom sees the light of day in favor of angel’s cd collection , has star stickers patched here & there around the interior from b.b.’s idle fingers , and has never fully been able to get rid of the discolored splotch off the seats in the back from a quarter machine’s putty prize forgotten and melted in the summer heat . angel never got it upgraded , never saw a reason to , the car reliable and sentimental and only driven once or twice every few weeks . most of the time they’ll walk to most destinations or use public transportation , preferring to save the car for larger grocery hauls or the occasional special event for b.b.
𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 ᵒᶠ 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 .
[ ¹ angel pays their neighbor vivian thorne , an older woman in her 50′s to 60′s in the apartment across from theirs that lives alone , around 𝟏𝐊 per month to watch over b.b. when they can’t. even though she’s told them before she’d do it for free. ] [ ² angel makes a significant amount of 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚢 from jobs most of the time , but most of the time a good percentage of it goes towards 𝐩𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟𝐟 their parents’ debts , hattie gets a cut from negotiated work , and a very large remaining chunk of that money goes into 𝚏𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚜 for b.b. there are several accounts they’ve made in her name from savings accounts to a trust fund when she’s old enough , + contingency plans in case anything ever happens to angel. then things like rent , groceries , necessities. angel is very meticulous when it comes to finances , both from wanting b.b. to have a 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐞 life but also remembering the instability of their youth under their parents’ finances. ] [ ².¹ bc of the above , they’re very specific with what goes where but can also be fairly 𝐬𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 when it comes to money. the apartment the church siblings live in is fine , it’s small , cosy , modest. most of the stuff around the place tends to be 𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍 , or passed down , unless it’s bishop’s. angel doesn’t spend a lot when it comes to themself , preferring to put their money towards what 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 is more important ! whether that’s something for bishop , friends , etc. a lot of angel’s personal belongings are worn , older , sometimes thrifted , and they’ll literally hang onto them until they can’t be 𝗌𝖺𝗅𝗏𝖺𝗀𝖾𝖽 , clothes included , but they’re much quicker to spare the extra expense for others. ] [ ³ the first time angel handles a gun , it’s under hattie’s direction at 𝟏𝟕 , and the first time angel uses it in the field , it’s under hattie’s instruction at 𝟏𝟖. a panicked thing , before they can even comprehend they’ve done it. what was supposed to be an 𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚢 transportation detail ambushed , it’s the first proper 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 on their hands , and the first of several faces that’ll haunt them still. hattie’s is the 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 touch on their shoulder , tellin’ them not to take it to heart , it’s just the name of the 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞. everyone in this life knows the risks of playing , it ain’t nothin’ for angel to take personal. nasty people meet 𝒏𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒚 ends. it makes angel wonder where that leaves them. ] [ ⁴ b.b. wants to go into forensic science + the performing arts as an adult and angel enrolls her into a specialized high school in the center of the city so she can pursue it to her heart’s content. ] [ ⁵ angel’s manager doesn’t question their hours + tends to be very lax and non questioning toward angel since a significant increase in loss prevention since angel started working there , and even 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 the nights they’re on shift. u pull up to rob this little store at 𝟑 𝐚𝐦 but angel’s there half asleep w a gun wyd. ]