Where I Am

the next steps on this journey through life

[anglstm-blog]

Summer, sun, and sand castles, all three are great, but only one you can bring into your home for 10% off through July 31.

[anglstm-blog]

Almost There

I havent written as much as I thought I would. I am so happy to say Monday is my last treatment! I can barely believe it myself! Side effects have been hard, especially with the heat the last few weeks, but this chapter is almost closed. I can get through anything.

[anglstm-blog]

Long time....

I have not been as good at keeping up with this as I would have liked. I am in the second batch of chemo meds, 6 weeks through I think... I'm trying to remain positive, but it's a hard road. With these new meds, I've had one nasty bout of illness that I'm still medicated for/going through, including an eye infection that had me in my glasses for a week. I missed out on my cousin's kids graduation and subsequent celebrations. I've vomited more, which still doesn't say much, but I'm still relatively fortunate I'm not as sick as I could be. The biggest killer to me is the exhaustion, because that wears me down physically and mentally. I will attempt to be more diligent in the future as there's still a long row to hoe on this trip.

[anglstm-blog]

Mid head shave (it was mohawkish) and bald as a fish.

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End of the Second Two Weeks

The good news: my symptoms have still been mild, other than Thursday when I spiked a fever out of no where and the persistent sore throat. The bad news: after a haircut that was apparently a catalyst my hair started coming out in hand fulls and my scalp was incredibly tender so on Sunday I shaved it off. Apparently it happens fairly frequently just that way. Otherwise, it's just been the exhaustion, and an occasional resurgence of the sciatica I had while I was pregnant. It could be so much worse. Besides, I've learned a lot from this experience about gratitude for the life I have, being positive in the face of challenges, and I've even reconnected with people including cousins I haven't seen in ages and made new friends or at least acquaintances throughout this process. I'm sure it's distressing for my Scentsy leaders that I don't try to sell my heart out, but that's always an if it comes up great (I do bring my branded backpack with me) but if not, I'm not going to hard sell people with way more on their plates than they need. I still love it though. Unrelated, I need to call back the woman over the olive branch mayfest to see if there's a spot available, or if the other Scentsy lady got it. I didn't do it earlier because I was just out of surgery when I normally send the money in, and then I wasn't sure how I would be with Chemo. Of course the hysterectomy and eventual exchange surgery may preclude me from fall shows too. If it happens it was meant to be, if not, there's always next year.

[anglstm-blog]

Waiting

The worst part so far of this process is all the waiting. I feel like I spend my whole life waiting, and West is my home away from home. 30 minutes for the lab, 45 for the doc, then waiting for a treatment chair to open up, we'll and the meds to come from the pharmacy. Since I've last written I've thought my head hair was thinning, but can't find concrete proof, but there's definitely a change in body hair, which surprised me honestly. I mean I knew it would happen, I just didn't think that would be the first discernible change. I still feel pretty good. I seem to get tired easily, but other than that it's not bad. I've got my Jolly ranchers and POWERade, and my sweet husband. That's good enough for me. The CT on my ovaries etc from the other day was clean other than some fibroids, so that's one less worry. The doc says other than that I'm doing awesome. I'll keep posted on symptoms etc. After this treatment. I'm still hoping it was the antibiotic that made me throw up that day not the chemo.

[anglstm-blog]

The First

So yesterday was my first sickness, I had a bout of vomit, in the kitchen sink, in front of my 4 year old. If you've never had the privilege of having something so gross happen in front of a small child, it is quite the event. "Remember when I threw up in the car with grandma." "Why are you throwing up in the sink, you should throw up in the trash can, or you can run to the bathroom." "Such and such kid threw up at school, she went to the bathroom." And repeat. I mean I know in motherhood you can't do anything right, but I don't need my motives questioned. Much like morning sickness, it was just the one episode then life as normal. Other than that, I have just been more tired than normal. I nap a lot. Next treatment is March 27th. I'm concerned with the symptoms being more severe with it being the second treatment. My family has been wonderful as always. Physically, I am getting back to normal or normal-ish, although I did have some pain issues when I tried to lower down a pillow out of the stack. It has nothing to do with the variety of stuff I tried to do that day including a trip to my aunts, to target, some house stuff, helping move a mattress.... Also keeping an eye on my temperature as it was 99.1 earlier and im.not supposed to get above 100.5, or I should at least call.

[anglstm-blog]

So far, so good

This seems like as good a place as any to keep track of any symptoms. Nausea is any has been mild, mostly I've found at least this go around I'll have a period of multiple burps which I'm assuming could be the start of some stomach unrest. Once we were home and settled for the nights I took a compazine and that helped. The neulasta went off the way it was supposed to, despite my paranoia. So far the suggested Claritin a day has helped. Once I finally got up and got moving for the day the fatigue/tiredness wasn't any more than any other day. That's a plus.

[anglstm-blog]

One down...

So my first treatment, slated for 2 hours had me there for 5. It made for a long day. My only symptoms, or side effects have been red pee, and crazy sleep, and one or two bouts of night sweats. All expected with possibly the exception of the sweating. My blood pressure was a little high and the upstairs scale weighs about 5 lbs heavier than the 2nd floor scale.... Once all the kinks were worked out everything was ok .... but even if I don't need labs I'll start there for port access because it took three nurses to access my damn port right. That was less than fun with it being still relatively fresh. All in all I am glad Patrick was still off too, just because it was a long day and even with our phones it was nice to have someone to talk to, besides the volunteers who are always lovely. In a regular 90 minute day I think for at least this drug I'll be ok to drive myself.

[anglstm-blog]

It occurs to me I haven't written in quite a while. Surgery went ok. I had the wonderful Jackson pratt drains for 3 very long weeks . That was super fun. My aunt was supposed to keep Ginny for 2 weeks, however at the start of the second week Ginny got sick so my aunt sent her back to me. Then my MIL (who was living with us) got sick, which included her falling in the floor and me having to call for a lift assist. Ultimately, that weekend she was placed in the hospital and then a nursing home. The third week post surgery my mother returned from NY, and my sister and nephew came for a week to "help". Much like they "helped" after my c-section. I also found out they want me to start Chemo. The first set is "dose dense" chemo that I will have every two weeks for 4 sessions. The second set is 12 weeks, one treatment a week of another 2 drugs. Minimum is guaranteed hairloss. After a false start Thursday (I had to get an echocardiogram first) my first appointment was moved to today, and I'm of course, late. Not that any appointment I've had at west started on time. In the meantime after a few days spiking crazy fevers etc my body finally broke down and succumbed to the sinus hell it had been fighting since Ginny, my aunt, and MIL were sick. I've had sinus issues and a swallowing razor blades sore throat for days, which started with 2-3 days of laryngitis. I had a regular med refill appointment with Dr. McClatchy, and he added amoxicillan to my meds to help, but it hasn't yet. I'm a little worried this will mess with the chemo, but I'm hoping not. Wish me luck.

[anglstm-blog]

Two days

The countdown ticks on. I have two days until surgery. Until my life changes forever. Although, I guess my life changed forever the second they told me I had cancer. Now the fear and the paranoia sweep in, what if it's worse than we thought, what if they can't get it all... do I have a death plan? In the meantime life's real responsibilities don't stop coming. We are completely behind again. It's very frustrating and overwhelming. But life, normal daily life goes on, and so must I. Two more days of every day life, of just scraping by before I can close my eyes on those responsibilities for a minute. The next two days will be a circus of getting ready and planning, getting Ginny ready to go to my aunt's too. The thought of not being able to take care of my child, and having her have to go somewhere else hurts my heart. It makes sense, and I'm grateful for loving family I can trust with my child's life, but it's still painful. Unfortunately no one is willing to take my MIL.... and her little dog too.

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