i stg i only take my blog off private to comment on the awsten knight shenanigans hi awsten yes you still have a chokehold on the parasocial relationship between us
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it."
needless to say i made the mistake of re-reading the sunshine court and my brain chemistry has been permanently altered thanks to these books im looking at that feral cat jean moreau and i just wanna give him a cuddle and a kiss
congrats. or not. you made it to part 2 of my explanation/summary of that. you can find part 1 here.
cw: some (not too graphic but still present) smut written by a guy who is friends with the people in this fic + discussion of religion in a very general metaphor way
this is the part i'm warning you about the smut and general nightmare feeling: chapter 4: brainwashed
in his author's note, travis wishes readers happy pride (if this is pride, i feel wrath) and starts questioning whether he should be continuing the fic (should've questioned that a long time ago) and then admitting he wrote 30 FUCKING PAGES for this chapter.
this chapter takes place over the course of a week, starting with awsten and geoff on a date where they start getting to know each other. geoff starts saying how he's working on a project in this place where he's interviewing people about their relationship to the in universe equivalent to christianity or some abrahamic religion if you add the pokémon knockoffs to them. so they get into a conversation about theology that was like reading the glup shitto post but religious bc seriously i don't know or care about these stupid fantasy names.
so then after all this they go to geoff's apartment to have fade to black sex that's only implied in the second day section.
unfortunately some of the smut is not fade to black from this point forward.
awstens horny wants more dick and geoff's just trying to get breakfast for them which prompts this scene.
is this a good time to remind you that travis is writing this about the friends he has in real life. he knows these people. personally.
thank you travis for restoring my faith in my smut writing abilities 🙏 because now i know at least i'm not writing scenes like these about my irls.
ok back to the fic they have SHOWER SEX after that and we also have to read that for some reason.
so after that they watch some old show together and awsten asks if geoff has any pets and this is the part where i find out there’s normal animals and pokémon ripoffs in this universe which is weird.
geoff summons a recreation of his dog for a bit (that’s a thing i forgot to mention that mostly bc i do not care) and the day ends with him musing on that saying he misses his dog.
the third day section is a literal paragraph about them having fade to black sex. that’s it for that.
the fourth day section finds awsten going home for an hour to pick up new clothes to stay at geoff’s more and after that him and geoff go on a date outside.
it’s this point when geoff asks awsten if he can interview him for his project about people’s relationships with religion. awsten says yes, but pretty reluctantly.
so they get on with the interview which gradually gets awsten more uncomfortable with the personal questions.
this entire part is travis’ heavy handed way of approaching religious themes that are supposed to be in the album and my god does the allegory feel as heavy handed as the sparse religious references in intellectual property. considering this is a universe where travis tends to ignore things he’s not comfortable with writing for whatever reason (cough cough otto), i think considering this is a universe where all his friends are gay and yknow. the general relationship between gay people and religious can be pretty complex it just makes me wonder the implications of leaving that out too. if the topic got too real.
anyways.
awsten cuts off the interview and geoff starts opening up about his life which just means travis airs out the shit geoff has been going through for the past couple years minus the polycule.
is this a good time to note that geoff’s dog irl is named eevee (renamed here for obvious reasons) and said dog is still actually with his ex and kid. travis why are you airing this out and at what point in writing this chapter did it dawn upon you that this was a bad idea.
this section just ends in awsten wondering what else he doesn’t know about and then they make out.
the fifth day section starts with geoff trying to cook them food after the umpteenth time of them fucking. geoff makes a light joke that his cooking is only world famous to his daughter which makes the lines after that 10x worse
everything about this is actually terrible. the fact that geoff was trying to cook naked. “giving Geoff’s penis a light tap”. MANHOOD????
so anyways they cook a grilled cheese together and they talk and geoff ends up dropping that he’s seeing a pokemon knockoff tournament with a guy named pulo, another travis oc. geoff says they’re not exclusive or anything but awsten still feels like shit bc he probably thought him and geoff were at least. ouch.
the sixth day section is awsten musing about the new geoff revelations but then ending up having fade to black sex with him anyways.
the final section (of this chapter but. god that was long) is awsten finally leaving geoff’s apartment after a week there. meaning they make out for a long time at the door before awsten has to leave.
i can’t believe someone who knows both of them wrote this entire thing about them and posted it online. it genuinely baffles me how travis didn’t cancel writing the fic here before he could post it. but if you know what happened before next chapter posted, you’d know why he went on with this.
so travis lives in austin, texas (it’s the only way he can say he’s in awsten and it’s true). and so for the austin show, him, jawn, and zakk all got onstage for war crimes wearing something awsten had and travis was reveling this especially towards the end when he was hugging awsten and taking his damn time presumably whiffing him as much as he could under his mask.
and then this happens.
travis just gets to shake awstens ass in front of this audience twice 😭😭😭 might i remind you this is a show that rivers cuomo attended without anyone knowing until the day after.
so yeah that happens and then travis gets brought up again for awsten to hold him like a doll while he plays cherry red for travis to horribly sing.
so after this, i was like travis is either going to go home and jack off to this or he’s going to write the next fic chapter and i was definitely right about one of those things but still probably right about the other.
so now we’re here to the most recent part of this which is chapter 5: 2 best friends.
awstens all bummed about geoff hanging out with pulo so he goes out with travis and jawn to take his mind off things. the entire chapter is essentially travis being a very ooc party boy drunk (bc i think travis realizes how lame and nerdy his actual personality is) while him, awsten, and jawn all hang out and do dumb shit.
ok with that out of the way lemme just say it does not feel like i’m reading three different characters it just feels like i’m reading travis, travis, and drunk travis.
so anyways they all do shit but it doesn’t keep awsten from thinking about geoff in the end.
oh but that’s not everything nope not at all bc the ending is awsten and jawn. HOOKING UP.
oh my god. considering how awsten has slept with most of the male population in this fic except travis, i feel like travis writing this is just fueling some cuck fetish of his bc WHAT THE HELL IS ANY OF THIS SERIOUSLY.
anyways that’s all i have :) this fandom and the people involved with parx are actually insane on so many different levels i didn’t know were possible. i just want to interrogate travis for everything about this fic (with a knife in my hand)
Maybe you’ve posted about this before (I know you’ve mentioned it for sure) but what’s your opinion on the fanfiction Travis wrote? I read all of it and I thought it was decent enough, it’s just sort of weird that he spent so much time on a fanfiction about his friends fucking 😭😭 idk I wish he would have finished it. Also do you know why he stopped? He mentioned people “psychoanalyzing” him, but I wasn’t around at the time so I’m not really sure what he was referring to.
oh he ended it. because uh. i made a post on my main making fun of it. two actually. i know he’s a parxdrama lurker still specifically because once i reblogged it here after a week, he made a post saying how he was stopping it because i talked all that shit but also im literally an rpf guy of course im gonna rip into fics especially when they are this insane. you can read it and guess which parts he got offended at but this is the wild west of rpf and i really don’t know what he expected. psychoanalysis by strangers is like literally half of it. - iz
interesting stuff you’ve been bringing up about spencer in relation to panic’s dynamics post-split. i mean like as far as i remember even before panic became just brendon it did already seem like that but i never noticed if spencer was just going along with it because of *waves hand* everything
do you think pete’s influence is the main culprit for planting the seed of needing brendon to be The Frontman especially since fob was going on hiatus because of messed up band dynamics or do you think brendon already had the idea before pete could even influence anything? i never actually realized how weird some of the post split songs were if they were referencing spencer leaving already…
No. I think Pete definitely was pushing Ryan/Jon and Spencer/Brendon apart pre-split because everyone felt Ryan was not taking Panic in a profitable direction. I also think Ryan and Pete were not getting along anyway and Jon was also driving a wedge between Panic and FOB from day one.
However, I think it’s clear Brendon is not able to be in a band with ANYONE, regardless of whether or not Pete is whispering in his ear.
It seemed like pre-split, Panic honestly did not really have “a frontman.” During Fever, most journalists perceived Panic to be “Ryan’s band,” but Brendon did all of the talking onstage and Spencer handled a ton of the press.
Additionally, pre-split, it is actually pretty obvious that Brendon often refused to speak to or cooperate with journalists, which is pretty important if you’re going to be the frontman.
I feel like he did that because even back then, he was incredibly resentful and bitter that journalists were more interested in Ryan, which was an omen for his villain arc in the future lol.
Then during Pretty Odd I think the band was fighting for control a lot more and were kind of on separate planets completely.
Brendon was the youngest member of Panic and Panic was originally Brent, Spencer, and Ryan’s band that they had for years before Brendon joined. I think at first Brendon felt like an outsider and a baby so he did what he was told. But once he got a taste of writing and started to become an adult and feel like it was “his band,” he turned into a power hungry maniac.
Then I believe between Pretty Odd and Vices and Virtues Spencer went from like abusing benzodiazepines and alcohol to getting chemically addicted to opioids after his dad got diagnosed with ALS. I think at this point he stopped saying anything at all and you can kind of tell by his eyes he is really unwell. I think part of it was like you said “going along with it” because Brendon wanted to do the talking, or because he wasn’t able to.
But if you look at the lyrics This Is Gospel and Emperor’s New Clothes, I actually think Brendon and Spencer were fighting creatively as well and that Spencer did have strong feelings about the band and his own ideas too. Emperor’s New Clothes is so bitter and insane, especially because Spencer had already been out of the band for three years.
Also, I think the fandom is under the impression that one day in 2013 Spencer voluntarily left the band to go to rehab. But if you read and watch all of the news coverage and “statements” in chronological order, it actually seems like Brendon asked Spencer to step back/leave during the recording of Too Weird and started pushing the band in this direction. Then people started asking questions, and they decided Spencer was going to stay and get treatment, and then as soon as tour started, Spencer relapsed or something and Brendon kicked him out.
If you watch the interview Spencer did with the co-author of Pete’s book, the one right before he got kicked out where he says he’s staying in Panic and getting treatment, it is really awkward and intense. It’s also surprising that this is even allowed on YouTube at all given how aggressive MTV is about copyright and the fact that the interviewer basically went into emo witness protection.
Because of that I think it’s probably important to either the label or the band that this is out there. I kind of got the vibe that Spencer going public about this and posting the Instagram statement and doing the interview was kind of a condition of him staying in the band as like an accountability thing.
Also, I think everyone is under the impression that Spencer was always cool with leaving and left voluntarily and he and Brendon were always completely chill.
But after seeing Brendon talk about Emperor’s New Clothes and reading his annotations on Genius, given the fact that Spencer had already been gone for THREE YEARS, I kind of wonder if Spencer wanted to come back and Brendon was like “No” and really pissy about it. There’s a lot on the Genius page that wasn’t written by Brendon about Spencer holding Brendon back, but it’s just incredibly bizarre because he had already been supposedly out of the band for three years.
Spencer is very low drama compared to literally everyone else in Panic so I don’t think he and Brendon hate each other or anything but the Emperor’s New Clothes video is bonkers lmao.
On a final note regarding Pete’s involvement all of this—
I talked about this in my Brent Wilson essay, but Spencer initially said that touring messed up his perception of normal alcohol consumption, then walked this back and said nobody on the SRAR tour was binge drinking, and then years later the Drunk History video got posted where Brendon is beyond wasted.
But there’s another video of Brendon where he is asked if he is excited to go on tour with FOB for SRAR, and he says yes, but he’s glad he doesn’t see Pete often because the first time he toured with FOB, Pete made him chug a bottle of champagne and he blacked out. Pete was a main driver behind the Drunk History thing too. So yeah, there’s that.
turnnoffyourmind
baratheonpilled
pixelskylines
andulkaphoto
jacobvanloon
kianamaiart
kaledo-art
