we're getting close now (don't turn away)
{` he can get used to this – matching minsoo’s footsteps just like always, with no idea as to where they’re even headed – but this time, their hands are linked securely together and he doesn’t feel the cold as much. the breeze is insistent and his cheeks are tinted red from his body’s attempt to warm up quickly but he doesn’t utter a word of complaint, simply taking in the places they pass, relishing the slight warmth that minsoo’s presence provides, and busying himself with a private game of guess where we’re going } oh. {` it’s only audible enough for his own ears, rushed away by a particularly strong breeze as they stop in front of a grave – unconventional in a way that it isn’t stone gray and frozen bland in the new year’s chill. his eyes follow the colours artfully drawn, recognizing the mustang immediately } – {` he doesn’t move even when minsoo disentangles their fingers and bows low before the headstone, stuck in the strange circle of oh, wait, what happening in his mind, only managing to kick himself back in motion as minsoo speaks, looks up at him, and he catches that smile } um. hello. {` he drops down beside minsoo, bowing slightly before placing curled fists atop his lap. his stare is the slightest bit wide-eyed and words fail him as if he’s thrown back years before he’s mastered the art of twisting words to gain him favour, as if he hasn’t lived for so long just because he always knew what to say and it’s absolutely ridiculous because technically nobody’s physically there to judge whatever it is he does or says at that moment } you– {` his mind replays the last thing that minsoo said and he turns his head, smile slow and small as he whispers like someone might overhear } you talked about me? here?
( /he’s not really sure what to expect in terms of a reaction from chanhee, so he doesn’t leave himself to hope anything, though he really doubts that anything could go badly considering the entire situation, and it’s not as though chanhee doesn’t know the very basic details at hand, but he’s long since fallen into the habit of never hoping. ) - ( /so he sits back on his heels and watches chanhee, watches him taking everything in and trying to process everything, and the quiet question that eventually follows almost pulls the expression on his face deeper and wider, but he contains and looks down to his lap, and he feels slight bit of embarrassment because out loud it sounds so strange and almost childish. ) When I was younger... ( /he starts but then trails off to reevaluate his words and try and find the right way to tell his story, and when he does speak again, his own voice is quieter as well and every word is carefully, slowly enunciated, to avoid even the slightest mix up. ) When... I was still living here in Musa, my grandmother told me that ma would always be there for me. But that didn’t mean she was always watching me. Ma had a lot of people to look over. My grandparents and me. Dad, Jaebeom... her own siblings. Grandma said that if I called for her when I needed her, she’d come, but that I should tell her everything anyway, so that she always knew what was going on. Especially after Jaebeom went to Inju as well. ( /he pauses to take a breath but keeps his gaze down at his lap. ) I guess it became habit... And at that point, you were the only thing I had to talk about anyway. Plus, I think it made her happier, knowing I wasn’t alone anymore.
