Between books and unfinished thoughts

INTJ | she/her/they/them | lesbian | sharing my wisdom | life is a synonym for chaos with the intention to kill you eventually -An ink drinker-

[aninkdrinker]

Don't fight your demons.

Learn their names.

[aninkdrinker]

The silence destroys me. Tugs at the edges of the tapestry on the wall that formed over time. Stone by stone. Day by day. I don't know how long the bruise will stay until it visibly chokes me.

[aninkdrinker]

My heart bleeds through my shirt.

The wound open wide.

Yet never staining the white.

Nobody can see it,

but I can feel the

infection.

Hoping for a cure,

never sure,

searching for a soul

like mine.

[aninkdrinker]

Are we those who measure time, or is time what measures us? Our sins? Our soul?

[aninkdrinker]

You left, and you left with all my confidence.

[aninkdrinker]

Loneliness is better than truly being left all alone. So stay, even though you are never really there. Stay and let us be lonely together. I don't want to lose someone again.

[aninkdrinker]

I do not want much, except to die first.

[aninkdrinker]

An actor, I try to hide my heart. At least from you. And for the first time in my life, I feel like I am failing miserably and you don't even care.

[aninkdrinker]

I've loved you.

More than breathing,

More than books,

Or my inner world.

I loved you.

Why do I still?

[aninkdrinker]

To sanity.

To you.

To everything I ever loved,

And never deserved.

[aninkdrinker]

How odd to see the waves, but not you.

To hear the wind alone.

To be forgotten.

To miss.

[aninkdrinker]

I feel ugly.

On the inside, as well as on the outside.

But it is not hate.

I do not hate the way I behave or how I look.

I just feel as if everything I do and feel and every time I look in the mirror something does not fit.

As if I do not belong.

As if I am an intruder.

Thus, I feel ugly.

[aninkdrinker]

Everything is tainted.

Everything I touch is in ruins.

Everything I make is destined to be monstrous.

I was created for abomination,

I was raised for the shadows,

I was dreaming of light.

Not the big bad wolf,

not a puppy in disguise,

just right in the middle,

of my emotional demise.

Rotten work done poorly,

Destroying itself surely,

Forgiving,

Forgetting:

Pain.

[aninkdrinker]

I dreamt and forgot to live.

I lived a half-truth.

I lived inside.

I lived.

I live.

I don’t.

[aninkdrinker]

When do I step out

of my decaying hideout?

When is the mirror not my only picture?

When is acid not my only signature?

-

When the waves arise,

looking at an eternal sunrise,

I will be gone.

Nothing's wrong,

the world just doesn't like my song.

-

Meant to be,

never see.

Lonely all along.

[aninkdrinker]

To flirt with death,

to abandon life,

seeking the unknown

and forgetting the past,

seeking truth

and forgiving at last.

[aninkdrinker]

How odd. Time flies, but the thoughts won't leave.