Words to Worlds

Thoughts and Goings-On of a Pacific NW Writer

[anjones]

it's called grief

I feel heavy & harsh & raw & i sink & it's hard to kick my way to the surface so I try to stay occupied busy light and I smile & feel happy & feel loved & love but the thing is that heaviness is still there and I worry about the moments that I just can't lift it

[anjones]

Heart broken

My heart aches with loss It feels insurmountable Miss miss miss Gone gone gone Be. Strong.er

[anjones]

Poem by Stephen Dobyns. This poem has been in my mind for other times of grief and now I am reminded of it again. I love you mom. I hate that you are gone. I miss you so much

[anjones]

From within

Today my lovely daughter turned two and it amazes me how much she has grown in just two short years. She is able to do so many things and she expresses herself unbelievably well for her age. I fall more and more in mommy-love with her each day and thank whatever greater good is out there that I get to know her and call myself her mom. Watching her development and her pure joy at some of the simplest things reminds me that we never really stop growing; the growth merely slows down for us. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't put any effort into it nor does it mean we should become stagnant. As we go through this life I think it's important to experience change. Positive change. And that kind of change can only start from within. No one in this world changes for the better without finding that kernel of motivation inside themselves to do it. I think it's a good exercise to take a mental stock of everything in your life. The good and the bad. Find the positive. Find the negative. And find the strength and willpower to transform some of that negative. See yourself in a different light. Have an open mind and realize that you are one being in this world and though that may seem insignificant on the large scale, to someone it isn't insignificant at all. You can always change who you are for the better. You can become more accepting of others. You can become more accepting of yourself. You can build relationships that truly blossom. You can retain relationships and make them a fiber of your being. You can. You can. You can.

[anjones]

Promises and Mixed Feelings

My life is so vastly different than it used to be. But I guess that's the way it usually goes, right? I'm struggling with my different identities. Some new. Some not. Friend. Mother. Daughter. Spouse. Sister. So on. Balancing these different parts of me is tricky. I think lately I've begun to feel let down by certain relationships and it's an odd thing. I care about everyone so much and I want to be so much for everyone. I often wonder if I push too much? Not enough? What do I do to make things better? Or by doing something do I make it worse? Am I being unrealistic? Am I too invested in my own view and am I neglecting theirs? Sometimes it would be nice to walk around in someone's head and heart, to know exactly what you mean to them and what they think they mean to you. There's another identity, another role. Person. Me. I want to be the best me I can be. And that means walking that tight rope with my head up. That means finding my balance and not losing trust, faith, compassion. Accepting that no one can be everything to everyone. Accepting that people care and it can't, it shouldn't, be measured. People care and that is more than enough. I can and I am enough. Balance

[anjones]

10 Things

I saw ‘10 Things I Love About Me’ on psych2go and thought it was a great idea. We so often put ourselves down. All that negativity just feeds on itself. So why not tell the things we love about ourselves? Bring in some positivity to combat all that negative! In no particular order:

1. I love the color of my eyes. No big reason. I just do. 2. I love my tattoos. I don’t have a huge number. But they all are important to me in some small or large way. 3. I love being able to write well. This little post might not prove it, but I am proud of the way I write. I’m proud of my stories and my poetry. I enjoy creating it so much. 4. I love that when I do something I generally try my best and usually that’s pretty good. Whether it be work or play I have some skills. Unless it’s sports. I have no sport skill whatsoever. 5. I love that I can make scones and such. Yummy. 6. I love that I’m loyal. Befriend me and I’ll be there for you no matter what. It takes a lot for me to back away from a friendship and I only do it if I feel I have a good reason, which is rare. 7. I love that I enjoy quiet time. I like and usually need some time to myself, to think, to journal, to tune the world out. It usually puts me in a happier place. It’s comfortable. 8. I love that I went to college and earned a degree. I may not be working in the field of my degree but I’m proud I achieved it. 9. I love that I’ve done things outside of my comfort zone. I hate heights; I crossed the Capilano Suspension Bridge (twice, technically). I’m a bit introverted; I worked as an activity director for close to eight years. Just two examples. 10. I love that I’m compassionate. I care about people and often I care deeply. When I worked in memory care I constantly took those folks home in my heart. I hated to lose them and during my time there so many people passed. I wanted them to all be well again but I knew to accept them for people, people who needed help in different ways, people who needed to feel needed. It had me so up and down and emotionally drained I eventually needed to move on. But I think of them constantly still.

So, there’s my ten. It was pretty hard to keep going after a few. It’s so easy for me to name things I dislike about myself. I wish it were the same for things I love about myself. That, as ever, is a work in progress.

[anjones]

Take Time

Fill my lungs with air Feel the rhythm of my heart And let it all out

[anjones]

Went to craftyland today and met the amazing artist Amy Churchwell! Her art is beautiful and she's an incredible person too!

[anjones]

More to it

Sometimes I'm afraid I haven't been a good friend though I try to be Then I get worried my mind runs away with thoughts in a mixed up way There's more to all this but it's hard to express it to a glowing screen

[anjones]

I just self published my first completed novel, Phoenix Kindled. If you're into fantasy fiction, give it a try!

[sixpenceee]

The Capilano Suspension Bridge, North Vancouver, Canada

[anjones]

This isn't the Capilano Suspension Bridge, actually. I've been there. THE bridge is much more impressive. This bridge is part of the treetop adventure you can go through once you cross The Capilano Suspension Bridge.

[laughingatmynightmare]

My best moment of 2015 took place at 30,000 feet, somewhere over Nevada. As I stared out the tiny cabin window, mesmerized by the expansiveness of our planet, by the millions of anonymous lives being lived down there, people I would never meet, their triumphs and tragedies, their love and loss, each with a unique story, I felt a warmth spread throughout my body. Here I was, on my way to give the biggest speaking engagement of my life, the day before my 23rd birthday, energized, alive, terrified, madly in love, writing for a living, running a company, doing everything I used to fear might be impossible because of my disease, and yet, my warmth had nothing to do with any of those feelings.

In that moment, rocketing through the sky in a vibrating metal capsule, I realized that this was only the beginning. In front of me lay endless experiences, infinite opportunities, knowledge to gain, places to see, people to meet, stories to hear, and stories to tell.

Yes, I recognize the bullshit nature of waxing poetic like this, but when you live your whole life confined by something like SMA, and then suddenly you don’t feel so confined anymore, and the sun is coming through the cabin window, and you now finally understand that no matter what happens, you will always always have something new to experience, it’s a truly beautiful thing.

In this way, my best moment of the year was simply a realization of how many Best Moments are yet to come.

[anjones]

This is so incredibly beautiful

[anjones]

This year has gone so fast. And my life has changed so much throughout the course of it. I love my little family and I'm thankful for them every single day. I only hope that I get a lot of time with them. My friends are amazing and supportive loving people and I don't know where I would be without them. All of them. My life is not perfect but every day that I get to spend with these incredibly caring people is perfect to me. And this little girl melts my heart all the time!

[dansdailydoodles]

#inktober #garnet #stevenuniverse

[dansdailydoodles]

#inktober #ryuk #deathnote

[laughingatmynightmare]

When all is said and done, whether I die in two years or sixty-eight years, I want people to look back and say, “Yo, that dude Shane was hella sexy and funny and tried his best to make a change in the world.”

My incredible experience here on Tumblr over the last four years has taught me this: love amongst strangers is a powerful phenomenon.

I’m asking for your help. All it takes is a simple reblog.

I was born with a fucked up disease called spinal muscular atrophy that makes my muscles waste away as I get older. On my blog here, I’ve shown you how my disease complicates every aspect of life, from going poop to having sex to playing sports.

The older I’ve gotten, the more important it has become for me to help others going through similar situations.  

So I started a nonprofit organization, with very little idea what that even meant, but now, I’m finally in a position to start making real changes.

With our newest program, No More Nightmares, we provide people with my disease the adaptive technology they need to keep living awesome lives.

In order to fulfill all the grant applications we are getting, (for things like ramps, and vans, and medical equipment) we need consistent revenue.

I believe that enormous change begins with small change, and so I’m asking for your help tonight. To continue building funds for this vital program, I’ve created a little support page.

If you can, I’m asking that you toss us a buck or two. Together, I believe we can achieve incredible things, which translates to thousands of people with muscular dystrophy getting the things they need to thrive.

Here is the link to donate: http://igg.me/at/lamn/x/9161855

-

If you can’t give online, you can mail a donation to:

Laughing At My Nightmare, Inc.

PO BOX 3398

Bethlehem, PA 18017

Even if you can’t give, a share can do more good than you’ll ever realize. Will you help me change the world?

Love,

Shane

[anjones]

Love wins

Yesterday was momentous. I’m so happy that any adult can now marry any other adult regardless of sexual orientation! But it makes me sad that there’s still so much to fight for. And it makes me sad to see such an outpouring of hate over the Supreme Court ruling. People quoting the bible and spewing hate instead of love. People putting their own highly judgmental interpretation of the bible to work to spread anger and filth. Regardless of where I stand on the truths of the bible or on any religious views, I can’t accept that any creator would want such hate. Just love one another and try to do good in your life!