Ravel

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

the government will only win if we stop paying attention. keep posting. keep protesting. and keep your head up, and history is yours to create

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

despite all the political unrest and the genocide around me I keep taking the times that life is so much more broader and beautiful and taken so for granted

people out there are helping each other, protesting for a cause, hanging out with their loved ones, kissing and dancing with their lover and having a good time in this earth

i have hope and that's something that the government can never take away from me

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

despite all the political unrest and genocidal news that is shown every 5 minutes i still believe that life is beautiful and so much broader than human comprehension

people out there are helping each other, protesting for a cause, hanging out with their loved ones, eating and drinking delicious food kissing and dancing with their lover and having a good time in this earth

i will not let the melancholy of this world stop me from hoping. i will always choose hope. and that is something that the government will never take away from me

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

my story with fountain pens

ever since i was young, i was taught to write with a fountain pen. my first experience with it was my dad buying me a camelin pen and me falling in love with it. But more so something that really elevated that passion was my 4th grade math teacher Austin sir. Although I grew to eventually not like the subject, my love for fountain pens did not change.

The sharp, precise strokes, the nib just gliding through the ink every time i wrote something. It was an emotion. It was a moment. It then slowly turned into a Flair Inky pen, and eventually into more finer models like Parker Vector which i currently consider my favourite. Overtime I also grew to taking a liking to my late dad's pen collection, Sheaffers, Lamy, and other handcrafted German pens whose nibs are a little rusty for me to read its names.

Growing up, i also found that my opinion was not as popular among my peers, the found fountain pens unnecessary, clumsy and very messy to write with. While I don't entirely disagree with them, I think there is beauty in it, to write something with blotted sheets and ink stained palms. I still think if someone dislikes the pen, it is that they have not found the right one, just like how the wand chooses the wizard, the pen chooses its owner.

In a world filled with pens focusing on speed and lightweight technology (or as they market it to be) a fountain pen tells you to slow down. The luxury ones are designed to be heavier and do not write quick or the nib might take some damage.

The nib asks to be kept straight, to only be written in one particular angle. It refuses to budge and change. And I think that's the beauty of it all. To take pride in the way you are designed and let the ones who love it come to you.

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

Can we stop making ourselves the standard of pedophilic beauty? Because now we know, right now we know, that the world is controlled by pedophiles and it always has been. So the standard of beauty that has been passed down to us through their imaging is pedophilic.

So can we stop now? Like now? Being smaller, thinner, hairless, smoother, no lines, no wrinkles, no grey hair, is not more attractive. It’s just younger. That’s what it is. It’s not more attractive.

The ideal woman in 2026 looks like she’s trying to disappear. What happened to the body positive movement that existed for, like, a short second? Annihilated. Now it’s like, let's go back to taking up as little space as possible. No hips, no belly, no evidence that she’s ever lived or eaten or given birth or existed.

Who benefits from women looking like children? It’s not you. We’re starving ourselves into acceptability, apologizing for being hungry, for having thighs that touch, for arms that jiggle, for faces that move when we talk, bodies that look like they belong to the adult world of people who have lived.

And the whole time men walk around like gods looking like however the fuck they want. Bigger, distinguished, grey hair. Silver fox takes up the whole sofa, he’s just chilling. But a woman gains five pounds and suddenly it’s a health concern crisis.

Fuck skinny as the new standard, guys. Fuck it. Fuck flat stomach as the goal. Fuck the idea that my worth is measured in how little space I occupy. We need women strong, not frail, not weak. Build muscles, eat the food, take up space. Grow into your body instead of shrinking it, because the industries make billions of dollars convincing you that you’re too much and you need to shrink.

You’re not too much. You’ve just been measured by people who profit from your starvation. Strong women don’t scare good people. They scare people who need us small to serve their agenda. So eat the fucking thing, lift some weights, take up space. And if your thighs touch, congratulations, you have legs that work. Use them to walk away from the motherfuckers who tell you they shouldn't.

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

when you're moving out of your childhood home, you're not just saying goodbye to the house and the memories associated with it. you're saying goodbye to the grocery store cashier you see on a daily basis, to the club café bhaiya whose served us almost every day at the tables with our friends, the tailors and the securities you say hi bye to, the passing by neighbours that have consistently watched you grow up but without any interaction, and so many more moments that words can't ever express. ill really miss my home.

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

perspective

had a conversation with a friend yesterday. im moving away from my childhood home in less than a week, and all this while i had been so anxious about it. but the conversation with him changed my perspective in this life event of mine. the fact that i finally have my own space. my independence. the ability to practice my instrument or dance or sing to my heart's content and not worry about disturbing anybody. that makes me so happy. regardless of everything that i am losing, i am gaining the biggest thing anybody can- time. im inspired to create more than i consume and hone my skills and be someone who thinks critically and just puts herself out there and DOES things. everything prior to this was just a lack of confidence but now i realise how abundant my life is in all means and form. truly excited to move in. thank you universe <3

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

political cognitive dissonance

we're living in tough times lately, times of genocide, environmental degradation and absolute political turmoil. everything i write comes from a place of privilege because i am not starving, i am not worried about whether i might live the next day or not. that being said, i find it hard to distinguish between being an empath and being so into politics that it consumes me.

as an active user of social media just as much as every other person, i often get reels from the ones struggling, to donate, to interact, to help them. but the more i repost, like and comment about all things popular to get the reach the more it takes over my page, to an extent that almost every single thing i consume is about hunger, starvation and death. but at the same time, if i ever skip through one of those posts i end up feeling like a bad human being, so much to the point that making use of my privilege makes me guilty.

i may not be the most political person out there, not the activist i see the rest being. but i'd like to think that im kind. i treat my friends with open arms and welcome them to my home. i think the act of loving someone is radical and that makes me a political person. yet my cognitive dissonance occurs on a daily basis that i do not know how to stop.

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

the discomfort in change

My internal exam ended at 9am today. Ideally I'd have left home but I'm waiting on my boyfriend to get done with his lectures so we can spend time together in a bit. Currently 11am. After parting with my friends, I sat down at my library's general reading section and picked up my book; Down with the System by Serj Tankian.

Due to my constant use of social media my attention span had drastically fallen down. I found myself constantly wanting to pick my phone up, but deleting socials and the slight discomfort of my cracked screen guard helped a little in not picking up my phone as often. I proudly finished reading over a 100 pages within the span of an hour. The initial few minutes were very uncomfortable. I felt weird and confused as to why I was resisting to do something that I genuinely enjoy- reading. But pushing myself beyond those 15 mins and I entered into such a flow state that I was focused, present and inspired and completely captivated by the contents of the novel.

The book deeply moved me. Not in the fictional tearjerker sense that makes people emotional, but in the sense that made me want to create more. Made me have more empathy towards this world and the people around me and made me believe that you are a part of something much bigger than yourself. To see the bigger picture. I may not be influential of a person as the one who wrote the book, but I do know one thing, that every act of kindness can help change the world, even if it isn't on a larger scale. A smile, a gesture of love. A call to people that you adore and words of encouragement to your peers. A hug to your family members and to show that you care. That your efforts matter, that you are loved and you are seen. And if that purpose has been accomplished by me even to such a small extent I would make my existence worth it.

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

discourse on college education

I think a lot of my time spent in college feels like the same way I spend my time rotting at my own home, but with more restrictions. This semester has proven the very fact that college is pointless. You see, there's such a stark difference between when an institution hires professionals in a certain field and when they hire people who can actually teach that particular subject in the field. The gap and the frequency of their thoughts makes it harder for students to relate, grasp and understand the concept in a comprehendible manner.

Another difference is the one between teachers who are strict and teachers who are rude. I have nothing against teachers who are strict. I believe they are necessary to instill discipline in terms of compliance to certain rules and shape you as an individual. On the other hand, teachers who are rude, those who try to control the students that exceeds their authority as though they were nothing but lifeless dolls, I despise them. Telling a bunch of adults in a room that you aren't allowed to use the washrooms, to control your bladders, taking pride and happiness looking at miserable faces. Expecting decorum in a classroom is one thing but using the authority to fuel passive aggressive hatred to students serves absolutely no purpose.

In addition, the inconsistency with following up with the timetable, or their own actions baffles me. Classes aren't according to schedule. Faculties changing timetables last minute leading to further attendance issues. Half of the assignments not evaluated. Every student's GPA at stake.

Maybe if the teachers were meaningful enough the students would themselves listen. Now i have absolutely nothing against boring teachers, the ones who speak in low monotonous tones because even they are trying their best. We do not expect excellent public speakers. All we expect is basic empathy, which seems to be such a big thing to ask lately.

Genuinely so tired and frustrated with this semester. The environment around me is saddening. Ending this post hoping for a better summer semester.

[setulose]

One of life's great ironies is that almost everyone who makes the active decision to not have kids would probably be way better at raising a child than all the people who just kind of have children because it's what they think everyone is supposed to do

[setulose]

Like genuinely if you're like "I don't want kids because of the financial strain/the commitment/the irritation I would feel/the possibility of traumatizing them/whatever reason" you instantly demonstrate to me that you 1) understand the realities of parenthood and 2) believe that children should be treated with at least a base level of respect and compassion. Meanwhile everyone who's like "I want kids because I don't want to be alone" "I can't wait to dress up my babies" "I won't raise my children to be soft" may as well be talking about Neopets for all the fucks they seem to give about kids

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

i am a really spoilt woman.

not in the financial sense, no, although i do consider myself grateful enough for everything that is being provided to me.

but i am a spoilt girl. spoilt in letters and words of affirmations by those who i hold close to my heart. spoilt in flowers given to me at any instance even for a small accomplishment and spoilt in head pats by my friends and head massages for when I'm having a rough day. spoilt in love, with kisses and hugs and little messages and gifts. spoilt by my mom whose lap i get to lie on while she tells me about her day. spoilt by the free scooty rides given by my sibling and my friends and so very spoilt in all the quality time and the bits and pieces of people's personalities that I've chosen.

spoilt by all my friends. all of you are to blame for the fact that now i consider life a whimsical beautiful place and look forward to waking up. it's your fault.

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

I'm in love with a paradox

Around a month ago, after a not so very casual falling out with a man I cherished and me breaking the no contact rule and a lot of tension, we ended up confessing our feelings to each other on a warm afternoon under a metro station. Ever since then it has been a beautiful experience. I adore that man and i love the feeling of loving someone and being loved.

But sometimes it also hits me - i am in love with a paradox. We are so different as individuals. His field involves thinking in binary codes and mine involves analyzing every single perspective in a given case. I love slow, raw, natural unfiltered music and he loves experimenting with new tunes and genres which involve a lot of creativity but may not sound very musically pleasing to the naked ear. I do not seem to understand it but he finds it very interesting. He has a strict routine, he works out in the evening to take care of his incredibly handsome physique, and he's tucked in before 11pm. On the contrary, my chronology of the day is driven by my heart. I sleep anytime between 8pm and 3am and I make hot chocolate way past my dinner time and call my friends at ungodly hours and cry and read and listen to music and ponder when the sun is down. My body is far from perfect when it comes to external standards, every curve and crevice of my body dawned with marks.

But when I'm near him it's like these these differences never mattered. I like feeling the warmth of his hands when they're intertwined with mine and I like to feel his arms wrapped around my body. I like hearing his heartbeat against my ear when we're close to each other and I really, really like kissing him.

And despite all the people in my life who share similar interests and hobbies, when I feel like things in my life are crumbling down, I only think of him. I think of the day all my walls that i built emotionally shattered when I was with him and bawling my eyes out. I think of the time that he hugged me when I was crying over a baby that wasn't even in existence and just him being around. He doesn't judge me. And that is a privilege very few people get to have. And someday, i want to look at the deepest parts of his soul, open the chest to his most valuable treasures, his vulnerable self, and every little habit of his. i want to stare at him and memorize the shape of his eyes. his deep brown beautiful eyes. i want to kiss him scars and remind them that his existence is a boon for me. it is really scary but he makes it all so worth it.

I'm in love with a paradox.

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

my love letter to humanity.

I refuse to let the cruelty of this world hollow my soul and snuff out all the love i have. this world is cruel, therefore i won't be. this world is cruel, but it doesn't have to be. there is love everywhere you look. there is love in the laughter you share with your friends, love in the stranger complimenting your hair, love in the palestinian children dancing together in their refugee camps, love in the communities full of people defending and protecting their neighbors from ice agents, love in the flotillas sailing to gaza in attempts to break the siege and end this calculated and intentional starvation, love in the freedom fighters defending their people against colonizing forces throughout the world, love in the people showing up to do jail support when their comrades are arrested at protests, love in the people in my downtown that give neighborhood discounts to me and other people they know work in the area. there is love in museums and art galleries and libraries, at community actions and on picket lines and in town halls.

freddie mercury sings "why cant we give love that one more chance?" and thats one of the things im constantly turning over in my brain while walking through life. in a time where hatred has festered and overtaken so much of the world, love can be a radical and rebellious thing. love can become fuel, a weapon to be used in the fight for a better world.

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

About an year ago, I had a very strong opinion against watching movies with friends. I used to think why one would spend hours staring at a screen and consuming content instead of getting to know each other and enjoy each other's company. Which does hold true for a good part, but right now I realized there's a level of intimacy involved in consuming the same media together at the same time. Experiencing the same thing but having different perceptions towards it, and then discussing it and once the film is done and sharing your thoughts on it, the part of which does feel personal to you and your friend alone.

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

unlocked doors

my house doors remain unlocked from around 5am in the morning, to 9pm at night. not open, but unlocked. my friends have told me multiple times how it is the biggest safety hazard ever and how easy it is to get robbed in my house. but at the same time these unlocked doors have unlocked memories that wouldn't have occurred otherwise. My best friend walking into my room at 6:30 in the morning and opening my room blinds as i feel the sunlight on my face and waking up to her face to go for a morning walk. The way there is always coffee, tea or a warm cup of hot chocolate to whoever enters my house for they always have a story to tell, to get things off their chest. If not for these unlocked doors my friends wouldn't be there while I myself am at college just for me to walk into a room fool of laughter and joy. there's things they leave behind, claw clips and scrunchies and socks and chapstick while i keep them safely the next time they enter through these unlocked doors. I wouldn't mind if a thief entered my house, they wouldn't be able to steal the memories I've made

[annoyingobservationcrusade]

winters

i love winters. i love that i can have hot chocolate and soup on a daily basis and wear cute sweaters and layer up to the point that i cannot breathe. but with this season that i really adore also comes this melancholic loneliness, a nostalgia that i experience so much more during the cold than i do with other seasons. I am reminded of my father and his habit of reading and coming home late and waking me up for school when I'm inches deep inside the quilt on a winter early morning. i am reminded of my first love, all the hugs and walks and holding his hand while wishing i could freeze that moment. I am reminded of all the late nights listening to girl in red and cavetown and the nights on discord and how it felt like to truly be a child again. In that nostalgia i find a lot of comfort. My yearning for love intensifies during winters. I yearn to be held at all times and given longer hugs and kisses while we are both shivering in the cold and it embarrasses me. I love winters, the hot chocolates and the sweaters and the yearning and loneliness that comes along with it.