Ate a weed brownie. I'm listening to Sabrina's new song Nobody's Son and writing in my diary.
I do not need to be undisciplined. I am in control of my mind, body, sleep schedule, my enrichment. In the day to day ways I pass my time, live my life, create my own memories, I am in control.
I think I do not want to have kids. I think that don't want to explain myself to someone. I want to be alonelyisland, alone in paradise. I would rather have love than someone's baby. I want to be in charge of my body, my future, my money, my time, my attention, my space, my freedom to not be judged for my responsibility for another person.
I am my own person. Why should I take care of this baby and this man. Why should I give all my care to raising this child. Why should I be forced to house, feed, speak to, cohabitat with these people, even into their own adult lives. Why should I be made to hold tight while I am pummelled for years on end about how terribly I looked after them, while the whole world is destabalised and I myself never got over how much I hated my mother.