The Sugar Baby Life Is Not for Me
I would just like to preface that: whatever you do with your life is your choice. If this lifestyle works for you then by all means pursue it. But I don’t think I went into this with the right frame of mind and I felt like I was prostituting myself, even if not in a sexual way. And while that might be the life some people choose; it should never be one thrust upon them.
I was given an ultimatum: one month to find work or I was SOL. And I was desperate. And, in some ways, I guess that makes this a classic story. The lengths one will go to for money just to be able to pay off one’s bills. Again, I was desperate, and my resume was shit and I don’t have any idea how to update a resume where the person has been utterly inactive since 2015 nor have, they ever had any employment beyond babysitting and volunteer work. So, this ultimatum that was set upon me really kicked up the anxiety and I started to panic. And since my creative endeavours didn’t appear to be profitable – especially not in within a month’s time – I turned to trying to sell myself online. Specifically, selling pictures of my feet for fetishists and attempting to be a sugar baby.
So, I did some research and found out that Sugar Dating – as it’s called – is neither really dating nor a form of prostitution. It can certainly be sexual, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, the baby and the glucose guardian (a gender-neutral alternative to mama/daddy which I will be using in this text) don’t have to meet physically at all. It’s a companionship of sorts. The guardian buys that companionship, but the baby is honour-bound to maintain their trust and provide them with emotional support – even sexual/romantic support if that’s part of the baby/guardian’s specific arrangement.
As an asexual person, the sexual aspect of this relationship or agreement was strictly off the table for me. It wasn’t something I’d ever agree to do. I was willing to behave flirtatiously or romantically if the relationship naturally shifted towards it, but for me, I saw it more as a blend of a queerplatonic relationship a business arrangement. So that’s what I did for a while. Secretly. Both because I was ashamed, and I just wanted the person who gave me the ultimatum to shut up about money already.
I cam across a lot of scam accounts in my brief time looking for a guardian.  Daddies asking me to send them money as a collateral to prove my loyalty or asking me to buy Amazon or Google Play gift cards on which they would load the money. In fact, the amount of scammer, all men, preying on, what are mostly, women are quite sinister. They would get upset if I refused certain methods of payment (I only accepted money received via my PayPal, Ko-Fi, and Patreon), one even getting belligerent demanding I return the money he “sent” which I had never even accepted. I blocked a lot of people. And am so glad I made separate accounts for this aspect of my life, yet I still fear retaliation despite always using these other accounts and always operating with a VPN during these interactions.
I created a whole new PayPal account just for these interactions so that way my personal one wouldn’t be at risk of being hacked. But after getting my first three genuine, non-scammer, interactions today, I’m calling it quits. Maybe I’ll try selling pictures of my feet again in the future, but if I do it will be as a foot model not for those with a foot fetish. Like, through official channels. Because apparently my feet aren’t as ugly as the rest of me feels. Anyway, as of 2:13 am in my time zone, I’ve officially ceased all contact with those seeking my services.
I tried to be a sugar baby and seller of feet pictures, not because that was something in which I was genuinely interested but because I was desperate. And to be honest, I still am desperate, but I can’t keep making myself feel, for lack of a better word, icky by continuing to pursue this. Sugar baby might be some girl’s dream job and that’s great for her because it was her choice. But this isn’t for me. And I can’t do it anymore. I’d still ask for donations, from those who are so inclined, but I can not promise myself to them in return. I am going to try to focus on my creative endeavours. To devote as much of my free time as possible to promoting them, and hopefully start earning money off that since a “normal” job seems unlikely given my mental health and sleep disorder.
So, I guess I’ll keep the Ko-Fi and PayPal open for now, in the hopes some kind soul will help me out. But I see no reason to keep the Patreon anymore, especially since I won’t ever be associating my personal accounts with this one. And if you read through this whole thing, thank you. I really needed to get this off my chest.
-xoxo Beatrix
