Runaway... Groom?
Summary: Cristiano gets pre-wedding jitters to the extreme and he feels as if he has no where to turn so he leaves... His own wedding.
*****
Cristiano stared at himself in the mirror, his fingers frantically tapping his sides. He examined himself carefully and thoroughly, nitpicking every little thing about himself. It was as if everything that could be wrong was wrong to him, the suit he was wearing wasn’t his first choice, nor his second, or third but seeing as he was short on time and had procrastinated the entire wedding planning process he didn’t have much time than to go with this. And to make matters worse he nor James agreed on the flowers they should have used for their wedding, Cristiano wanting an orchid boutonniere, but James wanting carnations for their lapel pins. Neither one won the argument so now they had basic roses on their lapels. Cris huffed and let his eyes wander over himself again.
He bit his lip as he noticed how much leaner he was intending to be on their wedding day. All those days of training now taking their toll on his body. His suit had to be fit to this body just yesterday as he’d lost weight. He tilted his head and turned slowly. Letting his eyes drift downwards towards his legs. The pants legs seemed too big, they weren’t as perfect as they should be.
“Cris?” The knock at the door startled him and he jumped slightly, turning towards the door.
“Yes?”
“15 minutes before you have to head down to the aisle. The officiant is waiting for you. I’ll be there to help you with last minute touch ups.” Georgina, their wedding planner and best friend told him through the door. Her footsteps echoing away as she walked away.
Cris gulped and looked at the clock quickly, 15 minutes. 15 minutes and he’s going to be standing in front of the love of his life getting married to him. 15 minutes and he’s going to be become a husband. A HUSBAND.
He wiped a drop of sweat off his forehead, turning away from the clock and mirror. He stumbled towards the nearest bin as he felt the butterflies in his stomach turning and making him nauseous. He felt a tear slide down his cheek as he spilled the remaining contents of his stomach into the black trash bag. The sweat on his forehead was in full force, so much so that he had to grab the napkin from his pocket and wipe his face off.
His mind was chaos, every pure and happy thought he’d ever had about the wedding now turning black and cold. What if he wasn’t ready? What if James discovered something about Cristiano that he didn’t like? Would they be that couple that would divorce right away? Or worse, would they be that couple that should have gotten a divorce a long time ago but chosen to stay trapped in a failing marriage. Cristiano held himself as he slumped on the floor.
The people downstairs were surely having a good time, they must be excited and sitting in their seats just waiting for Cris to come down. They’d probably all gotten the pair wonderful gifts and are ready to share the rest of the night with them happily.
Cris cried softly as he felt nothing but shame, shame because he knew that the people downstairs would probably be angry with him for being this way right now. God, if only James could see him right now, he’d probably change his mind in a heart beat and not want to marry him. Cris was weak.
He hated himself for being like this, crying on the floor just 10 minutes before he was to be married. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he sniffled and wiped at his face again and grabbed his phone.
from: James <3
Can’t wait to see you <3 bet you look handsome xx
Attached to the message was a selfie, James smiling into the camera, Cristiano’s mother right beside him. Cris stared at the screen and quickly locked it. The butterflies in his stomach now furiously flying around. He felt more tears slide down his cheeks. He couldn’t do this. No. There was no way. He couldn’t get married. Not like this.
He stood up on wobbly legs and wiped his hands on his pants. He held his breath as he quickly ordered an uber to the venue. The uber was nearby and was on its way. Cristiano let out a sob as he slipped out of the door. The corridor was luckily empty as he tiptoed his way down stairs and out a secret door. He held in all of his tears until he’d seen the uber pull up. His phone beeped again as he’d began walking towards the car.
from: James
5 minutes baby! im so excited!!
Cristiano couldn’t hold it in anymore as he cried, he held himself as he crawled into the car. He told the uber his destination and turned his phone off for the rest of the duration of the carride. James was going to hate him for this.
*****
James quickly fixed his bowtie in the reflection one last time before walking out of the door. He was met with a very frantic looking Georgina.
“What’s wrong? Is everything alright?” He asked but before he got an answer she pushed him back into the room. “Gio?”
“James,” She started and ran her hands through her hair. She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes, “I need you to stay calm okay? I’m going to fix this.”
“Fix what?” His heart began pounding at her words, had something gone wrong?
“Cristiano’s missing.”
James felt his heart drop and shatter into a million pieces.
“He’s what?” His voice was choked off as he felt as if he could break down right now. His palms were sweating and he felt his legs feel like they were going to give out.
“It’s okay, it’s okay James. I’m going to find him.”
“It-It’s.. No, it’s.. No. Not okay. It’s not okay Georgina!” He couldn’t help it as he stuttered, his outburst was far from quiet. He felt a few tears spring up in his eyes as he knew that this day, this perfect day, the day of his wedding, was already beginning to fall into ruin.
“James-”
“Did you check the bathroom? Maybe he-he got sick or something?” James whimpered as Gio stared at him with sympathetic eyes.
“I checked everywhere in his room, the bathroom, the closet, i even checked downstairs in the kitchen and office. I don’t know where he is.” She whispered and James sobbed, beginning to fold over into himself. “But I’ll find him, i swear to you I will.”
James shook his head as he quickly grabbed his phone from his pocket, his hands shaking as he went to Cristiano’s contact. He tried calling him but it wouldn’t go through. As every attempt to reach his fiancé failed, he felt himself deeper and deeper into panic. Where did Cristiano go? Why did he leave? Why did he choose to leave today?
“M-my calls aren’t going through,” he hiccupped angrily as he threw the phone onto the ground. Not caring about it possibly shattering or not.
“I’m going to go downstairs and tell everyone it’s going to be little while longer-”
“No,” James shook his head and wiped his face off. He wasn’t going to let his family or friends go through that, sit in those pews for god knows how long, it was all or nothing. Always was between the pair so since Cristiano left clearly their wedding meant nothing to him. He told Gio as such but she began to protest.
“No James, I swear. Its going to be fine, I promise-”
“It’s over. Call it off. Wedding is off.” James felt a lump in his throat rise up, stinging painfully as he let the words roll off his tongue. He grabbed his jacket off the lounge chair and staggered downstairs. Tears blocking his vision as he practically raced to his car. He needed to go home. He needed to go somewhere safe. Where he could be okay.
*****
James pulled into his and Cristiano’s home, he’d spent a good few hours prior just driving around the city mindlessly, crying and shouting at himself in the car. His heart shattered into a million different pieces. He felt broken as he walked up the pairs shared homes steps. He didn’t bother turning the lights on as he walked through the house. He stopped by the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine from their rack and a glass from the cabinet.
A day like this deserved a night like this. Many nights like this actually. His feet pattered up the stairs to the bedroom. He kicked his shoes off as soon as he got to the top step and made his way to the room. As soon as he opened the door and seen who was sitting on the very bed that he was planning on sleeping on his heart dropped.
Cristiano.
The other man stared at him with wide doe eyes, dark bags and tear stained cheeks adorned his face. Neither of them said a word but as soon as Cris opened his mouth and began to slide off the bed James felt anger build up in him. Pure, red, hot anger and embarrassment.
He didn’t think much as he threw the glass in his right hand straight towards the older man. The glass shattered off the wall as Cristiano ducked away just in time. Cris raised his hands in surrender quickly.
“James-”
“I hate you!” James shouted as he slammed the wine bottle down onto the dresser in the room. He grabbed the next thing he could find, which was a dog statue and threw that at the other man. Cris, again, ducked away.
“Let me explain-!”
“Explain what?!” James cried out as he continued to grab things, throwing them at Cris. “How you ran away? How you couldn’t fucking pick up my calls?! How you chose to embarrass not only me but Georgina in front of our families?!”
The words were loud and clear in the room, both men now crying. One in anger and one in deep sadness.
“James,” Cristiano whimpered as he ducked away from the lamp that got thrown at him. “Please just let me talk.”
James shook his head furiously as he turned, already leaving out of the bedroom door. He could hear Cristiano chasing after him and he tried to run but Cris caught him. Pulling the younger into his chest. James sobbed and fought against Cristiano’s hold, struggling in vain as Cris shushed him. He grabbed James hands in his own as he practically wrapped himself around the younger. James whimpered and whined as he fell limp, letting himself slump back into the other man.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry James, I’m sorry.” Cristiano’s mantra was whispered into his ear over and over. James only noticed now that Cris was also crying. His head was buried into his shoulder, tears soaking his button up.
“You-you left me Cris, you embarrassed me.” James choked out, sobs still wracking his body.
“I know, I know James and I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.” Cris cried softly into his shoulder, his words muffled. They slid onto the ground, onto their knees. James opened his eyes as he stared down at his tears dripping onto the carpet beneath them.
“Why?” He asked, his voice shot from all the crying and shouting he’d done.
Cristiano took a shaky breath before answering, “I’m a coward.” His words floating in the air, James didn’t say anything so he continued. “It was, just everything, it was all too much. It was like I felt suffocated, I felt like I was wrong. Like I didn’t fit in. I was wearing this god awful tux that didn’t match yours, I was too skinny for it even, I didn’t have my vows written and-and I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready.”
James gulped as Cris was explaining everything that he thought and felt. He couldn’t help but feel angry, but he also didn’t want to push Cris away any more than he’d already done, so he listened. He listened to every word that Cristiano had to say and felt a bit of sympathy swell up in him. He didn’t know any of this.
“You never told me Cris,” James whispered and he felt a few more tears soak into his shirt as Cristiano nodded.
“I was afraid you’d leave me if I ever told you about this, that you’d decide you’d want someone else that would be ready for marriage. I hate myself for not being perfect for you.” He whispered and James let a few more tears fall at that.
“You don’t have to be perfect for me Cris, I love you for you.” James slowly turned so he was facing Cristiano. “I wouldn’t have left you if you’d told me you weren’t ready. All you had to do was grab me and shake me a bit and tell me ‘hey slow down I need a bit more time’,” He giggled wetly and Cris smiled a little. “I would have understood.”
“I was scared,” Cris mumbled and James leaned forward pressing his forehead against Cristianos.
“You’re my fiancé Cris, you can tell me anything. I love you and always will.” James took a deep breath before grabbing Cristiano’s hands in his. “And if you still want to marry me then this time we can do it right. We’ll plan, like properly plan, the whole thing. We don’t have to rush it, we don’t even have to get married soon. I’ll wait for you Cris, for however long as you want, I just want to marry you someday.”
Cristiano sobbed as he quickly reached forward, pulling James into him. James let himself curl up in Cris’ hold. “Of course I still want to marry you, I do. I love you so so much.”
“I love you too.” James pulled away enough to kiss Cristiano gently. Their hearts slowly mending as they continued to hold each other in a tight embrace. They might not have gotten married today, but they would someday. And that’s all that mattered.