"Unlove a person; intentional or not?”
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@anonymousvicky-blog
"Unlove a person; intentional or not?”
"May gumulo ng katahimikan ko. At hinayaan kong mangyari 'yon."
Victoria
https://iglovequotes.net/
Ito na. Ito na yung punto na kinakatakutan ko. Yung punto na ayaw ko mangyari.
Masaya no'ng una. Parang palaging may love song na tumutugtog sa paligid kapag kasama mo siya. Yung tipong gusto mong ihinto ang oras dahil ayaw mong mawala sa piling niya.
Pero ba’t ganun?
Bigla nang nag iba. Ito na ba yang sinasabi ng matatanda na sa relasyon di lang puro kilig at saya?
Dati, ang sweet kapag ping hihigpitan niya ako. Yung feeling mo ang ganda ganda mo kasi masyado lang pinoprotektahan.. Ba’t ngayon, di na nakakakilig? Nakakasakal na.
Dati, okay lang sa akin ang mga kakulangan niya. Tanggap ko kung sino siya. Ba’t ngayon, ‘di na? Nag e-expect na ako sa kanya.
Ngayon, sa bawat araw, linggo, buwan na nag dadaan, nawawala ang kilig, at nabubuksan ang mata sa estado ng isa’t isa.
May mali nga ba sa relasyon na 'to o masyado lang akong mapang hangad?
Para sa'yo, mali na ba ang mag hangad ako ng ikabubuti ko?
Marami akong gustong gawin, pero, ang pigilan ako ang lagi niyang gustong gawin.
Oo, walang perpektong relasyon. Pero, gagawin mo ang lahat para maging better ka sa mahal mo.
"Sabihin mo. Mag usap kayo. Yan ang solusyon. "
Pero paano ko sasabihin sa kanya na nasasakal na ako? Na nagsasawa na ako? Na napapagod na akong i-push siya sa pagiging "better person" niya? Na pagod na akong siya lang lagi ang iniintindi?
Kasi, paano naman ako? Ganito ba talaga? Kapag nag mahal ka wala nang para sa'yo? Na puro siya lang ang iniisip at iniintindi mo?
Sa pagiging insensitive niya, 'di niya nakita na nauubos na ako.
Pwedeng ako naman?
Kapag nakita mo na ang mga kakulangan niya.. ‘Wag mo sana siyang sukuan..
Victoria.
I just want to go somewhere, where I can start again..
Sana ganun kadali umalis, kung marami lang akong pera ginawa ko na, kaso, mahirap gawin kapag di ganun kadami ang pera mo. Ayoko na yung buhay na pinatakbo ko.. Kung pwede lang i-reset o i-Ctrl + Z ang buhay.. Kaso, HINDI. Parang sasabog ako. Nagmamatapang kasi ako masyado, pangarap ko kasi maging superhero.. Na di ko kailangan ng kahit na sino, KAYA KO MAGISA. Sa dami kong pinaglalaban sa buhay ko, may nasisira akong relasyon.. Eh ma-pride ako, ayoko magpakumbaba sa kanila.. BAHALA SILA. Noon, di ako ganito.. Chill lang, accept lang ng accept.. Hanggang sa natutunan kong di na magtiwala ng buo sa tao, dahil ang daming plastic sa mundo! (At aminado din isa din ako dito), naging mapagtanim na din ako ng galit, pero dati, ilang minuto lang o itulog ko lang, wala na yung galit sa akin, pero ngayon, nag iba.. Sana, pagbigyan ako ng Panginoon na makalayo.. Makahinga.. Makapagisip.. Mahanap kung ano ba talaga ako, kung ano ba talaga ang gusto ko.. Nakakapagod maging adult! Ayoko na. Bata na lang ulit ako.. Yung bata na ang problema ko lang kung paano ko bibihisan yung paper doll ko, yung bata na ang iniisip lang ay yung paborito kong palabas sa TV. Sana bata na lang ulit ako..
Ito pala yung feeling kapag nalampasan niyo na yung sinasabi nilang "Power Struggle" sa relationship, we faced a great deal of struggles -- take note, STUGGLESSS. He cheated on me. I cheated on him. We take for granted each other before. We both entered in a relationship with someone, and honestly speaking, I loved that man.. But, something happened that leads us to find each other again. And for the last time, we gave ourselves a chance to try it once more.. At, ngayon, masasabi ko na mas naging maayos kami. Minsan kailangan talaga na hanapin niyo muna ang sarili niyo para mas maibigay mo ito ng buo sa taong pipiliin mong mahalin.. Dadating yung panahon na maghihiwalay kayo, para mas lalo ninyong maintindihan na para kayo sa isa't isa. Being in a relationship, requires: 1. Trust, mahirap kapag may mga nangyari na sa relasyon niyo na nakapagsira ng tiwala niyo sa isa't isa, PERO, kailangan, para mas lalong sumarap ang relasyon. If he/she breaks it, so, it's over. 2. Give each other space. Tulad namin, he is a gamer kasi, and I'm not like the other girl friends na nagagalit kapag naglalaro ang jowa nila or whatsoever. Hinahayaan ko siyang maglaro hanggang sa gusto niya, mag enjoy kasama ang barkada hanggang sa gusto niya. Parte ka ng mundo niya, PERO, hindi niyo mundo ang isa't isa. Of course, pagsasabi/pagpapaalala kapag medyo sobra na, 'matic na yun, pero hahayaan niyo ang isa't isa na mag desisyon sa sarili niya dahil unang una di pa naman kayo kasal para hawakan niyo sa leeg ang isa't isa. 3. Respeto. Never ever yell to each other sa harap ng iba, huwag na huwag din kayo magsasabi ng negative about each other sa mga kachukaran niyo. Grow up! Kung ayaw mo na sa tao na yan, makipaghiwalay ka, hindi yung ichi-chismis mo siya sa iba tapos haharap ka sa kanya na parang okay lang? Please, don't do this. Well, I'm not an expert but this is my experience. I really love this man, and I will give everything for him. 💕
Am I ready to face her?
One Sunday morning, as I'm staring the congregation, "What if, umattend siya?" What will I do? What would I feel? Maguusap ba sila? Anong mararamdaman ko pag nangyari yun? What will I act if she's around? I guess, di ko pa talaga siya completely napapatawad, I AM NOT YET READY TO FACE HER. I admit that I am full of insecurities. But, I want to overcome this. I don't want to be intimidated by her. I know my worth, but why am I feeling this? However, I have to be ready. I NEED to be ready. If that moment comes, who cares?! I can act professionally.. Or should I say, I am not affected anymore. SHE IS NOT A THREAT, ANYMORE. Past is not Present and Future, maybe that Past has some contribution to Present, but, Past will never be Present nor Future. She's PAST.
“Alam mo, Danica.. Gusto kong makipagayos sa’yo, pero naiinis talaga pa rin ako sa’yo!”
Badly want to all your mem’ries behind me
Hindi talaga ako matahimik. Hindi ko alam kung paranoid lang ako o ano, pero hindi ko talaga maintindihan lahat.. Natatakot ako na lokohin mo ‘ko ulit, dahil the same thing na naman ang nangyayari e.. Di ko maintindihan kung bakit ganito. I need someone who can make me feel confident sa bawat bagayt.. I really don’t know kung paranoid lang ako but I really hate this kind of feeling. Tama ka nga siguro sa bagay na yun, “ANO NGA BA TALAGA ANG GUSTO KO?” All I want is to be happy, that’s it. It doesn’t matter kung bagong tao ba ang gagamitin o siya ulit, I just want to be happy.. That’s it. Well, I really need to decide, again. But, this time a more firm decision. Hahayaan ko lang siya, sila. I’ll be focus on my responsibilities, to what is much important. Wipe the tears, smile, be stronger, be more beautiful and make my King proud. Now, I’m released.
Need to increase my pain tolerance..
I don’t know what words should I use to share my feelings right now.. As I observed myself, I get easily distracted by the negative situation around me.. Those negative comments they throw towards me.. Well, I think “pride” within me that I need to blame, I need to remove this completely.. That there is no room for it. Today, I feel little frustrated, because I fail to do what I planned for this day. And later afternoon, I received a call from one of the company, and he’s kinda irritated to what I’ve done, because I made a commitment with them that I will come to their office for the appointment for my application. And he said, that I need to be professional, and I think he’s really irritated.. And I felt really bad for what I’ve done. And, also my sister, she get irritated to what I’m doing with my baby nephew.. Well, at the end of the day, I know that this is all because of me, it’s all my fault.. Got a learn a lesson from this day.. I need to be matured enough when it comes to time and to my action.. I feel really bad right now, but, I must go on.. Learn and move on.. Focus to the things that I need to get focus on, to avoid this kind of scenario. (Kinda emotional here.. But, I’ll not entertain it too much! I have my King, my God)
He found me, first ♥.
Being nice is not easy
Now, I knowww.. Haha!
First.
This is again my first blog, but this time, I’ll be anonymous for everyone. I don’t want people to know who am I or what is my name.. I’ll just want to express my inner me here. Now, my name is Deepanonyme. I am a person who don’t talk about herself too much, well, I guess no one is interested, haha! I decided to start blogging again because, I realized, that I want or I need to express myself now without knowing that it’s me.. Because I am scared that people will know my weaknesses.. Yes, I am weak.. But with my God, I am strong :) Well, I guess this is all for now.. More blog coming because there are lots of things in my head. See you, soon!