An Ordered World @anorderedworld-blog - Tumblr Blog

Did you see teacups’ latest post about staying up past her bedtime w/ a book?

I just had a hand on her about that

I’m bad at surprises

To me, the world should be a place of very direct talk. When I want to buy you something, I tell you as soon as I have it.

I managed to keep one secret for tonight!

The nature of being

*A long post redescribing existential phenomenology poorly, with little editing, ending on the note that we pretend to be everything that we are.*

She was doing well enough

She was doing well enough, I thought. I thought this as I picked up her purse for the 45th time that month.

“She was doing well enough,” I thought, as I picked up her pajamas and put away her flat iron in the mornings.

“Why does she feel so distant?” I wondered, as I made the bed and picked up the throw she cuddles in for her morning coffee that I am sure is always ready.

I had some difficulty recognizing my laxity as the cause of her slip. It’s strange - as much as I love to discipline her, I also almost fear it. What if I spank too hard? What if I crack down at the wrong time and break her fragile femininity? She works so hard, doesn’t she? And she was not feeling well the other day...

We were doing poorly as I allowed well enough to creep in.

Knowing how rigid I really am, I am always hesitant to show people my real personality. Even the one who’s closest.

I must be open to closing down.

She doesn’t go to bed before me

I put her to bed on time

Bad Days

@teacupsandwool was exhausted and in dire straits on Friday. All she wanted to do was grouch and whine. But pursuant to our rules she owed me some exercise. More so, I knew that if she’d move her body for just a half hour or so she could work out some of that tension and replace it with serotonin.

I made her go to the gym. She cried and moaned and was very upset with me. Until, 30 minutes after she returned, her attitude had shifted, her posture was less defensive, and she was able to go to bed and wake up with a more pleasant Saturday demeanor.

It was not fun forcing her to go against her will. It was the right thing, however. She recognized this later and thanked me for my trouble. Everyone has bad days; the goal of a relationship is to weather those. In D/s it’s made even more complicated in that distance and “giving space” is actually not the correct response pursuant to the relationship contract. It’s antithetical to socialized behavior for that scenario.

Spanking is hard

I know when punishment is needed and I know sometimes it needs to be given relentlessly. Still, I find it genuinely difficult to bring injurious force to bear on my dear’s bare as it were.

teacupsandwool

I overheard AOW singing this morning

teacupsandwool

The best Nerdy Dance Partner is moving away, and I’m pretty sad about it. Nothing romantic, but he was one of the best dancers in the state.

anorderedworld-blog

I'm jealous

teacupsandwool

Someone asked what an alpha submissive is: topping from the bottom or a submissive with clout? I thought it deserved its own post.

An “alpha submissive” is the latter: a submissive who is “strong” and high-powered outside of the relationship, perhaps an executive instead of a kindergarten teacher. They are the hardest kind of woman to tame, and only the strongest dominants will meet their standards and enable them to submit. There’s an implication that this is the best kind of submissive. I have never read a source that doesn’t make this implication.

My problem with that is two-fold. Firstly, it implies that women who are more demure and submissive in general are lesser. Secondly, it turns submissive women into a kind of status symbol: I tamed her, and that means I am the domliest dominant.

Listen, being girly or feminine or demure or soft outside of your relationship does not make you less than other women. To suggest otherwise is to suggest that only masculine traits are worth having. And all women should have high standards. You don’t have to be feisty to get the best man.

aflawedmind

Honestly, I’ve never read a source that makes that implication, but I can see how it can come across that way. That is, I don’t think that the implication is intended, but that with various social movements encouraging “strong” people, it comes across that way. Personally, I find that there’s an implication that the dominant who partners with an alpha submissive is a better dominant, but I don’t think that that implication is intended either but rather is a function of how we read it. The alpha submissive isn’t better, they’re just harder to be/engage with is what I’ve taken the intended message to be.

As for your second problem, I’m not sure that the average dominant with an alpha submissive views them as a status symbol, having known a few. The assholes will obviously be assholes, but I think that the more experienced dominants will have their preferences and wouldn’t consider an alpha submissive to be the end goal to partner with.

Those are just my two cents though, and I can see why you’d think otherwise.

teacupsandwool

I’ve seen people talk about having or being alpha submissives in a way that comes off as “I’m so proud to have/be an alpha submissive. It’s so rewarding to tame (or be tamed in spite of) such a strong will and intellect!”

But those qualities aren’t exclusive to “alpha submissives”, and it’s not necessarily true that it’s extra rewarding to be difficult or dominate someone difficult.

Really, I just think the term is fairly meaningless.

aflawedmind

Interesting. I guess it’s about different audiences? But even in your sentence, I don’t really pick up on a sense of superiority so much as enthusiasm that they’re high-powered nature doesn’t prevent them from submitting. That’s not to say that it can’t or doesn’t come across as the way that you’ve read it, but I wouldn’t agree that that’s the intention. I disagree with your second paragraph though. Having known alpha submissives and their partners, they will admit that being an alpha submissive definitely makes it harder to submit because they’re really high-powered/not submissive/demure/etc outside of this space. At least the people that I know don’t think of themselves as superior, but it is correct - in my view - to acknowledge that people who are otherwise dominant in other areas of their lives can find it hard to submit.

teacupsandwool

What do you disagree with? That being highly self-disciplined, ambitious, and/or intelligent aren’t exclusive to “alpha submissives” or that it’s not extra rewarding?

I’m not saying it’s not more challenging for some people. But I’m not sure that always correlates to self-discipline, ambition, or intelligence, and I’m not sure that it’s more rewarding to have a difficult partner.

aflawedmind

See, now you’ve changed your description of an alpha submissive. I don’t know of anyone who has declared that being self-disciplined, ambitious, and/or intelligent are exclusive to alpha submissives, nor are they the important traits of an alpha submissive. Being strong and high-powered outside of D/s has very little to do with ambition and intelligence and only moderately to do with being self-disciplined. It has far more to do with drive (different than ambition; you can be ambitious but not have the drive to fulfill those ambitions) and the struggle between needing to be in control but desiring to let go and submit. At least, that’s how it’s been explained to me. Perhaps @lovemysub, @belovedsangi, and even maybe @princesstingles can explain it better than I am. Regardless, I’ve never seen the traits you posited in your latest reply to have been called exclusive to alpha submissives nor is it true.

As for rewarding, I do think that it’s extra rewarding when an alpha submissive submits, but not for the reasons you may think. Going back to the struggle that I mentioned earlier, I think that in general, overcoming personal struggles are extra rewarding - particularly when said challenges are particularly difficult (yeah I’m struggling with diverse word choice, sue me). To overcome a personal challenge that’s a core of your identity is extremely difficult (and for the partner, seeing them overcome that challenge) and I think that it’s perfectly normal to feel extra rewarded versus when submitting is easier to do. From what I’ve seen in the community, I think that it’s this overcoming of personal challenges that is highlighted and talked about and praised which leads to the idea that being an alpha submissive is “better,” when I don’t think that that’s the intention. Again, I’m not an alpha submissive nor have I been partnered with one so those whom I’ve tagged would be much better suited to explaining this than me.

Again, I don’t think that the individual traits that you’ve picked out here have been said to be exclusive to alphas - your original post and this latest reply seem very different in terms of descriptions. I do think, however, that when a core part of your identity is to be in control, that submitting is more difficult and that overcoming that challenge can make it seem more rewarding to the people involved in the relationship. But that’s just my 2 cents.

princesstingles

So….I’m an alpha sub. I’m that “powerful force that take strength and perseverance to tame” type sub. And that’s something I’m proud of, because it is my most honest version of myself. But being proud of it does not equate to thinking I’m somehow better than a sub who identifies differently. I think anyone who is able to truly submit to another person is just as powerful as I am, if in their own way. I really think what’s being discussed here is between the lines. Women are so conditioned to see each other as competition that we think anyone raising themselves up is doing so by pushing others down. To feel pride in your own traits does not diminish the traits of others. So the issue lies with: does the author of whatever you’re reading about alpha subs ever clearly claim them to be superior to other types of submissives? Or is that something that the reader is feeling subconsciously because they don’t identify with that particular writing? Because the opposite can so easily be true as well. I’ve read posts about more traditional subs that are able to find sub space and give themselves over to a Dominant with little to no push back that felt very much like they were claiming to be better than subs who have more difficulty kneeling. But those feelings just stemmed from my own self doubt that a dom would want someone like me who could prove to be more difficult that the subs I was reading about. It wasn’t the intention of the post, just the way I interpreted it. Just like that my response here is generated directly from my own experiences and may not be true for anyone else but me.

teacupsandwool

This is a really good explanation. I think I understand where you’re coming from. I’m not trying to undermine your experience or anyone’s experience. I just don’t like the term “alpha submissive”.

“Alpha” signifies someone at the top of the hierarchy. I reject that the qualities that make someone an “alpha” submissive put them at the top of a hierarchy. I also think there are myriad reasons why it might be hard to submit, so why is this the only distinct “class” of submissive for one of those reasons? I’m very smart and won’t submit to someone who can’t outsmart me, but there isn’t a class of Mensa Subs who can only be dominated by the very smartest dominants.

Again, it’s not the experience that I think is invalid. It’s the term.

anorderedworld-blog

I'm a big meanie who won't let my girlfriend come.

teacupsandwool

A humanist, a nihilist, and a Christian walk into a bar.

Not a joke, just my life.

anorderedworld-blog

We believe in nothing

When you know it's right

Today I was trying to remember one of the lines from Mary Mary quite contrary and I said I thought it was "blue bells and shuttlecocks." Teacups looked it up and told me it was "cockleburs" and I said "I knew it had cock in it." She didn't dump me. That's my girl.

I just stumble your physical transformation post. Wow. What triggered that desire to change and what's the first thing you changed?

https://youtu.be/9mbp0DugfCA this video explains the why better than I could.The how is exactly what you think - identify a healthy diet with the help of a nutritionist or personal trainer and stick to it. Exercise every day you eat.

faatifeels

dear future teachers

DO NOT

FORCE SHY KIDS

TO TALK.

DO NOT

TELL SHY KIDS

THEY NEED TO PARTICIPATE MORE.

DO NOT

MAKE PARTICIPATION

A GRADE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

HOW HARD IT IS

FOR SOME STUDENTS

TO JUST RAISE THEIR HANDS?

FORCING THEM INTO GROUP PROJECTS

AND MAKING THEM TALK

DOES NOT “TEACH THEM TO BE SOCIAL AND DEVELOP INTO WELL-ROUNDED INDIVIDUALS”

IT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.

AND MAKES THEM HATE SCHOOL.

SERIOUSLY.

COLLEGES TOO.

THERE IS NO REASON TO REQUIRE A PARTICIPATION GRADE.

IF I’M MAKING 90′S ON ALL MY TESTS/QUIZZES

IT MEANS I KNOW THE DAMN MATERIAL YOU TAUGHT

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOU LOWER MY GRADE 10% JUST BECAUSE I DIDN’T TALK ENOUGH.

I SWEAR IF I GET ANOTHER “B” IN A CLASS THAT I EXCELLED IN JUST BECAUSE I DIDNT FEEL LIKE RAISING MY HAND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS

I MIGHT ACTUALLY KILL U

stillpartofthisworld

PREACH

ao1232

I may not be shy but I agree with you 100% about the whole participation part !

growingupnike

Seriously. Especially when it’s 20% of my grade

falulu

when its 30% of your grade tho, gotta love it

dee-termined

As a shy person I am 100% here for this.

fluffy-fluffer-blog

in 3rd grade two girls in elementary told the teacher that i wasn’t participating. seriously, they weren’t even telling me what i do! anyways, the teacher lectured me and was like “you have to stop being stubborn and work in groups”.

scorpioasshoe-deactivated201801

YOOOOOOOO THIS

KIDS CAN HAVE ANXIETY TOO YOU FUCKS

anorderedworld-blog

Sometimes you have to do things that are uncomfortable. Has it occurred to any of you that talkative kids feel equally chagrined when asked to stay quiet?

Mollycoddling doesn’t help anyone.

frostedej

FORCING US OUTTA OUR SHELLS DOESN’T HELP EITHER!!!

anorderedworld-blog

Yes it does. It helps you develop life skills that are required for societal participation.

anorderedworld-blog

Incidentally, you’re also going to have to do your homework even though it’s boring and eat your vegetables even though they’re yucky.

frostedej

@anorderedworld I suffer from anxiety myself assbutt and where the fuck did you get vegetables outta those of us with anxiety??? Good god, get your head outta your ass, it belongs on your neck.

anorderedworld-blog

You seem so anxiety riddles you're fully willing to insult people on the internet in direct conversation. Sorta confrontational for someone paralyzed by fear. Also you said shy, and I read you as saying the normal meaning of shy. It's clear you've invented your own bizarre definition which means both "completely paralyzed by fear of others" and willing to call people "assbutt" to their face.

I'm not finding your position to be convincing.

faatifeels

dear future teachers

DO NOT

FORCE SHY KIDS

TO TALK.

DO NOT

TELL SHY KIDS

THEY NEED TO PARTICIPATE MORE.

DO NOT

MAKE PARTICIPATION

A GRADE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

HOW HARD IT IS

FOR SOME STUDENTS

TO JUST RAISE THEIR HANDS?

FORCING THEM INTO GROUP PROJECTS

AND MAKING THEM TALK

DOES NOT “TEACH THEM TO BE SOCIAL AND DEVELOP INTO WELL-ROUNDED INDIVIDUALS”

IT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.

AND MAKES THEM HATE SCHOOL.

SERIOUSLY.

COLLEGES TOO.

THERE IS NO REASON TO REQUIRE A PARTICIPATION GRADE.

IF I’M MAKING 90′S ON ALL MY TESTS/QUIZZES

IT MEANS I KNOW THE DAMN MATERIAL YOU TAUGHT

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOU LOWER MY GRADE 10% JUST BECAUSE I DIDN’T TALK ENOUGH.

I SWEAR IF I GET ANOTHER “B” IN A CLASS THAT I EXCELLED IN JUST BECAUSE I DIDNT FEEL LIKE RAISING MY HAND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS

I MIGHT ACTUALLY KILL U

stillpartofthisworld

PREACH

ao1232

I may not be shy but I agree with you 100% about the whole participation part !

growingupnike

Seriously. Especially when it’s 20% of my grade

falulu

when its 30% of your grade tho, gotta love it

dee-termined

As a shy person I am 100% here for this.

fluffy-fluffer-blog

scorpioasshoe-deactivated201801

YOOOOOOOO THIS

KIDS CAN HAVE ANXIETY TOO YOU FUCKS

anorderedworld-blog

Sometimes you have to do things that are uncomfortable. Has it occurred to any of you that talkative kids feel equally chagrined when asked to stay quiet?

Mollycoddling doesn’t help anyone.

frostedej

FORCING US OUTTA OUR SHELLS DOESN’T HELP EITHER!!!

anorderedworld-blog

Yes it does. It helps you develop life skills that are required for societal participation.

anorderedworld-blog

Incidentally, you're also going to have to do your homework even though it's boring and eat your vegetables even though they're yucky.

faatifeels

dear future teachers

DO NOT

FORCE SHY KIDS

TO TALK.

DO NOT

TELL SHY KIDS

THEY NEED TO PARTICIPATE MORE.

DO NOT

MAKE PARTICIPATION

A GRADE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

HOW HARD IT IS

FOR SOME STUDENTS

TO JUST RAISE THEIR HANDS?

FORCING THEM INTO GROUP PROJECTS

AND MAKING THEM TALK

DOES NOT “TEACH THEM TO BE SOCIAL AND DEVELOP INTO WELL-ROUNDED INDIVIDUALS”

IT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.

AND MAKES THEM HATE SCHOOL.

SERIOUSLY.

COLLEGES TOO.

THERE IS NO REASON TO REQUIRE A PARTICIPATION GRADE.

IF I’M MAKING 90′S ON ALL MY TESTS/QUIZZES

IT MEANS I KNOW THE DAMN MATERIAL YOU TAUGHT

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOU LOWER MY GRADE 10% JUST BECAUSE I DIDN’T TALK ENOUGH.

I SWEAR IF I GET ANOTHER “B” IN A CLASS THAT I EXCELLED IN JUST BECAUSE I DIDNT FEEL LIKE RAISING MY HAND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS

I MIGHT ACTUALLY KILL U

stillpartofthisworld

PREACH

ao1232

I may not be shy but I agree with you 100% about the whole participation part !

growingupnike

Seriously. Especially when it’s 20% of my grade

falulu

when its 30% of your grade tho, gotta love it

dee-termined

As a shy person I am 100% here for this.

fluffy-fluffer-blog

scorpioasshoe-deactivated201801

YOOOOOOOO THIS

KIDS CAN HAVE ANXIETY TOO YOU FUCKS

anorderedworld-blog

Sometimes you have to do things that are uncomfortable. Has it occurred to any of you that talkative kids feel equally chagrined when asked to stay quiet?

Mollycoddling doesn’t help anyone.

frostedej

FORCING US OUTTA OUR SHELLS DOESN’T HELP EITHER!!!

anorderedworld-blog

Yes it does. It helps you develop life skills that are required for societal participation.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

An Ordered World