Fille @teacupsandwool - Tumblr Blog

I've been around

I just logged in here for the first time in many years. What a time capsule of my early relationship with AOW! I've been on Tumblr under a different username since I stopped posting here.

Our current life, in a nutshell:

-We got married!

-We moved to a new state and bought a house!

-Spanking has gone in and out of our relationship at various times :/

-We had twins!

cherishedproperty

Punishment

In all our time together, I only got the belt twice. The belt was for broken rules, reserved for the worst offenses. If I got mouthy or let protocol slip, he’d give me quiet reflection time. Kneeling with hands behind my back and nose to the wall, thinking about my actions until the timer went off. Then I’d write a letter detailing what I’d thought about and why my obedience mattered.

But the belt was a different kind of correction. In position, no warm-up, full strength. The tears began almost instantly, progressing to screams and full-body sobs by the time he finished. And then he scooped me into his arms and held me so tightly I almost couldn’t breathe. I nuzzled against his chest as my heart rate began to slow. I closed my eyes and listened to his soft voice.

“Daddy’s here. All is forgiven. I’ve got you. You’re safe now.”

From the outside, punishment may be the hardest thing for people to understand about D/s relationships. Why would a strong, independent woman willingly submit to a man beating her for breaking what seems like arbitrary rules? I see three important functions for punishment.

Remembering it’s not a game. This dynamic is built on responsibility and accountability. Dominants and submissives each have responsibilities to one another and to the dynamic. But nowhere is that more apparent than when a rule is broken. It’s easy to make a submissive wear a plug on a date or deny permission for an orgasm. But punishment is hard. It’s unpleasant. But without it, the dynamic is just dress-up. Being punished reminds me that the power exchange is real, and that I can trust my Dominant to hold me accountable.

Reconnecting with my role. It’s rare for me to break rules. But when I do, it usually means that the connection hasn’t felt as present for me. I forget an instruction, or even worse, I question it. Then when I realize I’ve disobeyed, I feel even worse. It is hard for me to feel submissive with the cloud of disobedience over me. I’ve stepped outside my role. I struggle to connect with my Dominant because I know I did something to undermine the dynamic.

By submitting to the punishment, I remember that I am choosing this. I remember that I don’t have to follow rules or submit to this person, but I choose this life because it fulfills me. I choose it because it’s how I feel loved and at peace. Punishment can be awful. But it reminds me why I kneel. It helps me to reconnect with my purpose.

Knowing I am worth the effort. It is so much easier for a Dominant not to punish their submissive. It’s easy to excuse the behavior. Maybe the submissive has been under a lot of stress or had a bad day. Maybe the Dominant hasn’t been as engaged as they’d like to be. But no matter the excuse, I need to know that I am worth the effort to correct. Perhaps that correction is a discussion, not a punishment; it’s not my place to decide what’s warranted. But I need my Dominant to acknowledge my misstep and take action accordingly.

I feel awful when I break a rule. And if my Dominant doesn’t correct me, I feel unseen and unimportant. I need to know that my Dominant cares enough to hold me accountable. It’s easier to let it slide. But a good Dominant will choose the more difficult path because it’s better for me and for us in the long run. I put a lot of effort into my obedience, but I fall short sometimes. When I do, I need to know that my Dominant will step up. I need to know that love and ownership aren’t just for when I’m perfect. I need to know I am worth the effort to correct.

Punishment is deeply cleansing for me. I don’t enjoy it. I don’t want it. But I need it. I need to trust my Dominant to hold me accountable, and I need to accept responsibility for my actions. After, I can return to my place at their feet with renewed commitment to the role I cherish so much.

I’ve been away from AOW (and the kitties) for about a week and a half—since he left my family reunion to go back to work. I’m on my way home to him now! Today, though, I get to drink coffee on a patio with this gorgeous view, see Canyonlands and Arches, and drink beer at the Moab Brewery with my dad—as Rita would say, “baching it”.

#also this French manicure has held up for THREE WEEKS. Amazing.

there-is-still-some-liquor-left

hamlet’s dad: son you need to avenge me

hamlet: oh ABSOLUTELY

hamlet for the next four and a half acts:

If AOW decides to marry into my family, he will always have to put up with my parents taking FOREVER AND A DAY to load up cars for a trip.

I recently 1) got bangs 2) got highlights and 3) discovered mousse.

My hair is so 90s but I love it.

havewenowine

Memes, family reunion edition

Mom: so this frog in a bad outfit wants to commit suicide

Dad: Did you finish my wine??

Sister: Yes...but we brought 50 bottles.

Dad: Don’t exaggerate...we only brought 48.

Family reunion, beach edition

Playing bocce, drinking beer, making ball jokes.

Family reunion, alcohol edition

My mom is bringing 50 bottles of wine to the beach for less than a week. I’m not even joking.

Family Reunion, poker edition

I know I’m adult now that my parents and aunts and uncles feel comfortable including me in their poker game. My mom still had to spot me though—I didn’t have any cash.

I only lost 35 cents!

Family Reunion, uncle edition

“Did you know I invented the selfie? I was taking selfies in the eighties, maybe even the SEVENTIES!”

An explanation of how my dad is a good road trip companion

Uncle: I was broke as hell. I had a credit card to my name that they sent me without a credit check, and I used it to buy gas. Your dad and [other uncle] had some money, so they bought food. We were passing through Las Vegas, and your dad tossed each of us a quarter and said, “Have some fun, boys!” I put it in the slot machine and won five dollars! So I took one of those quarters and won fifty dollars! We had a steak dinner and got shitfaced.

Family Reunion, Day 1

My uncle has a favorite junk shop! Unsurprising, really.

froborr

If you were going to direct a production of Hamlet, what's an unusual interpretation or decision you would put into your production?

The play-within-a-play is replaced by a complete performance of Love’s Labours Lost, the play within that is replaced by a complete performance of Midsummer Night’s Dream, the play within that is replaced by a complete performance of Hamlet, the doors are locked and the cycle of plays-within-plays continues until everyone in the audience and all the performers are dead.

marriedmillennials-deactivated2

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