Better When I’m With You @another-triparoundthesun - Tumblr Blog

You didn’t reply, but i got the message.

i am so fucking miserable and alone. i feel so isolated and trapped and tired all of the time. i have no motivation and the only person in my life who i need here is too busy elsewhere. i am doing so poorly mentally and i’m scared i won’t crawl out of this one. there is nothing to look forward to. no end in sight. i am terrified of the future. the uncertainty of not knowing where i’ll be and the fear of literally not improving at all. i cannot fine the motivation to change and at this point i don’t know if i ever will. i hate myself and i hate this place. i wish my life had gone a different direction. i wish i hadn’t ever met him. i would be in a completely different place. who knows where i would be but i know i would be happier or further or at least somewhere else. i can’t fucking breathe any more i am just so empty. not one person has checked on me, truly. there is no genuine concern even though i know i must look as empty as i feel. but i am invisible and the people i care about do not care about me.

stckwll

Excerpt from ”Thank You” by Trista Mateer, in Honeybee

sometimes i get so sad about not having a significant other, but then i remember that every person that is interested in me has been pushed away and/or ghosted by me and it’s like??? okay joanna u dumbass bitch.

grupaok

Jack Pierson, as if he belonged. No one, 1991

bnmxfld

Billie Eilish / watch

hexeffigy

eliminated

angria

“I am abandoned and ache greatly.”

— Federico García Lorca, tr. by Sarah Arvio, from Selections; “Midnight Is Gone,” (via violentwavesofemotion)

i miss him and i’m also so lonely and i just want to kill myself. i miss them both but i’m saddest that i didn’t get enough time with martin. i’m sad that nick will be kissing other girls and falling in love. i wasn’t enough and i tried so hard and i just want to be enough. i want to be what he wants more than anything and i’m not and i never was and i don’t get why he did this to me.

if my mom wasn’t here, i’d be done. i don’t want to live on this earth anymore and it’s because this loneliness is consuming me at night when i’m alone. when i’m in the car and listening to certain songs. when i’m sitting next to my best friend who doesn’t see me anymore. i’m just so so so lonely and i just don’t want this anymore. i feel so empty. i thought i had so much love to give and now i’m nothing.

i used to be full of life and in love and dramatic. and now i’m like a fucking shell. i’m funny and dry and that’s it. i hate myself.