How to Go On @anotherdaytopromise - Tumblr Blog

“Beloved, I miss you so dreadfully. Not in a desperate or melancholy way, because I know we shall soon be with each other again, but I feel at such a loss and just can’t get it into my head that you’re not around any more. This morning, half awake, I put a hand out to feel for you, then remembered you weren’t there, so I got up very quickly to escape the emptiness. And worked all day.”

— Excerpt from a letter from Tove Jansson to Tuulikki Pietilä, published in Letters From Tove, trans. by Sarah Death; Sort of Books, 2019

Me on a daily basis

“the idea that this is all you’re going to get is so false . you will meet kinder people, you will find a place where you belong. there will always be new things to be loved by & if you aren’t being loved right now all it means is that better love is in your future”

— Unknown

quotefeeling

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever.”

— Alfred Tennyson (via nightlyquotes)

quotefeeling

“I’m up here and see you. If you’re looking for me, you’ll find me, see me and understand it.”

— Dustin Rose

quotefeeling

“I think the only way we can grow and get on in this world is to accept the fact we’re not perfect and live accordingly.”

— Ray Bradbury, The Illustrated Man

quotefeeling

“Be nice to yourself. It’s hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time.”

— Christine Arylo

#10

Am I sitting in a coma?

Is that strange to say? Or can you relate?

I lay here, I sit here, I ponder and I wonder.

Why does it feel like Life is passing me by?

Why do I float and I no longer need to feel?

Like I am living my life, but I am just watching?

Wandering. Lost.

Something feels off?

Something feels wrong?

I need to get up but I can not wake.

If someone can hear me, Don’t cut off my power.

Don’t.

Don’t disconnect me.

I want to live.

Don’t give up on me.

I’m trying.

Its hard. But I’m trying.

I want to see the world.

Please don’t give up on me.

I want to have children.

Don’t give up on me.

I want to fall in love again.

Don’t give up on me.

I want to laugh.

I want to live.

I want life.

Please don’t cut the light.

I want to be the light.

I want life.

Please.

Please tell me you can hear me.

#9

I sit in a warm tub, but I feel nothing.

Nothing, except for hate, and hopelessness.

My heart is poisoned. He poisons me.

He infects me with nothing but abhorrent, disheartening, soul crushing pain.

I am only writing to you because I am afraid that as my reality states, I can not speak to anyone else.

My emotions overpower me, and I cannnot speak.

I can not bring myself to get others to understand.

Everything is getting harder.

Everything is becoming more overwhelming.

They are taking over me.

I am tired.

I am exhausted.

I don’t want to be here anymore.

But.

I don’t have a choice.

How can I pray for strength when I don’t think there is strength enough inside of me?

How can I pray for things to get better when I don’t know what better means?

How can I find hope when I no longer believe?

I ache. I yearn. I am going mad.

I need help.

the-book-diaries

“You have to love somebody that much to also hate them that much, too.”

— Sherman Alexie, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian

#8

I have forgotten the feeling of love.

of being utterly and absolutely in love.

Are butterflies real?

They feel like old folktales now.

Like a Myth.

Like True Indigo.

Where is the feeing of watching beauty.

Of admiring a person and feeling completely overwhelmed by the warmth they now bring you.

Of laughing with them and feeling this connection through a silly little moment.

I miss that company.

That feeling.

That unearthly connection.

That ethereal bond like you have been together all your life.

maybe its because I want it too much?

But is it that bad?

to crave someone so bad you feel

incomplete?

I had a soul that would share music with me because they thought of me.

A soul that lit up when they saw me.

A soul I felt so close to, every moment and every touch was intimate.

Now I simply stare at the moon and the stars and remind myself: energy can never truly be destroyed, but it can be transferred.

quotefeeling

“If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool.”

— Carl Gustav Jung

#7

Nothing feels good anymore.

Nothing brings me joy like it once used to.

I’ve lost myself in this rage and impatience.

I’ve been with someone who is so quick to suck the joy and hope out of me.

His attitude is never positive, he carries no hope in his veins and above all, every single conversation seemed to drive this surging, abhorrent, loathsome energy into my heart.

Foolishly enough, my urges bring me back, but my heart.

I miss the things that bring me joy.

I would eat a bag of chips and feel content and fulfilled.

I would have my favorite food and be happy.

After watching my favorite movie it is as if I always found myself dreaming.

Now I am empty.

I sleep all day and I am empty.

I eat yet I have no appetite.

I crave warmth from his body, but he has sucked every piece of life away from me.

I am trapped.

I am drowning.

I am trying to save him, that is until I find myself, trapped, exhausted, heartbroken.