Another One of Those Bad blogs

More of the usual. Food. Drink and whatever my wondering mind decides.

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And then there were Six. Craft Beer Co Covent Garden

9th May 2014 168 High Holborn, WC1V 7AA

It all began with a Gueuze Tilquin. The promise of forty-five taps had made the opening day of Craft Beer Co Covent Garden difficult to ignore. Disembarking at Holborn taking the short walk to the new offspring of the chain I had expected it to be busy. What met me was something else. Twas spectacularly busy, packed to the rafters. From the outside an array of male heads chattered almost bulging out of the windows.

I entered not 100% sure of what I intended to drink. With forty-five taps and many bottles there was an awful lot on offer. I was in the mood for something wild, eager to delve into an unfamiliar beer style. Gueuze was on the brain, it may have been implanted there after a perusal of Twitter (the beer writer Chris Hall had posted Gueuze Tilquin repeatedly).

I enquired after gueuze and much to my amazement the barman reeled off about ten. Ranging from plain to exotic flavours, I am sure I heard him say lychee. Bewildered by choice and having no desire to incur the wrath of the droves of dehydrated punters I went for the first option: Gueuze Tilquin 4.8% ABV. It was so very vibrant, palate cleansing, refreshing and sour almost salty and hazy yellow. Followed by The Kernel India Pale Ale Citra 6.9%. There are an awful lot of IPA’s lurking around but I think The Kernel offerings epitomize the glories of the style. IPA Citra was aromatic with strong citrus with a herby bitterness and typical tropical notes. The Kernel IPA had set the tone. My last drink was destined to be another IPA. Siren Craft Brew White Tips 4.5% was a curious creature, a hybrid; a Belgian style wit beer base with IPA hop expression. It was a successful marriage of zest, spice and smooth texture.

Of what I experienced I enjoyed the Craft Beer Co. I would have enjoyed it more if they served third pints though. Could forty-five taps possible be too much choice? Maybe. But on the plus side there will always be something on tap to suit every taste.

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Mash Tonne! Celebrating Ilkley Brewery’s 1000th brew

7th May 2014, The Hack & Hop, Whitefriars St,

 You know you are in a classy establishment when Melissa Cole (excellent beer expert, writer, judge and sometime collaborative brewer) walks in. Our meeting must have been written in the stars. I had had a rather rambling (maybe tipsy) chat with her at Craft Beer Rising 2014 and had recently purchased Let Me Tell You About Beer. I do not mean to gush but it is rather good book that takes the often perceived dull edge off beer. It may have just pushed this beer enthusiast towards further beery exploration (watch this space).

The Hack & Hop were celebrating the award winning Yorkshire based brewery Ilkley Brewery’s 1000th Gyle (over 5 million pints brewed). To mark this achievement Ilkley had created a special one off brew, Mash Tonne, a Darjeeling infused blackberry brown ale. I was intrigued by the curious combination of tea and fruit and was keen to grope at a decent sized sample for free.

The clock struck six. It was party time. The Mash Tonne pump clip was in place, it was ready to pour. I approached the bar. A half pint was graciously poured. Quest fulfilled and a half pint of Mash Tonne in hand I returned to my table. Dark with a reddish tinge it had a tannic edge- probably a direct consequence of the black Darjeeling tea infusion. The influence of blackberry was not powerful, there was a light fruitiness that did not settle on the tongue. Its texture was light, velvety smooth in contrast to the intensity of its flavour. I drained my glass eager to try other beers. 

Where had all of these people appeared from all of a sudden? They must have heard the dark persuasive call of the Mash Tonne. My plans were temporarily thwarted by a massive influx of men. Much to my disappointment none of them resembled Calvin Klein underwear models. Gazing to my left I saw Melissa was being swarmed by the menfolk. They leaned in intently, contentedly eager to share words. Her laugh was infectious full of mirth and spirit. She put on her coat, there were warm goodbyes and lingering words. Melissa had left the building.

Swarm dissipated I slid into the new gap at the bar. Before the evening was through I gave two other beers a go. Wild Beer Co Madness IPA 7% and Ilkley Siberia-Rhubarb Saison 5.9%. Wild Beer Co Madness IPA might be my new favourite of this style (apologies Beavertown Gamma Ray) I was given a taster and the smell was a heady perfume. Pineapple, mango, rosemary and pine were the overriding scents. There were tropical notes in the flavour too and it had a bitingly appealing bitter aftertaste. Ilkley Siberia-Rhubarb Saison had vinegary whiff. It had something of sherbert about it with its sweet and sour flavour. It was very refreshing. I found though not rhubarby at all it had a dessert like quality to it. I could sense a bit of vanilla and cinnamon.

The party was drawing to a close. For a pub in a scarily slick place (near Fleet St) The Hack & Hop had been very relatable with its easy atmosphere. Most importantly they had good beer from Ilkey, Beavertown, Wild Beer Co, Belleville and more. Where ever there is good beer, I shall go.

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Swift but sweet; The Camden Town Brewery Tour

30th April 2014, 55 Wilkins St Mews

The Mayor of Camden and I must have some psychic link. A tour of Camden Town Brewery had been in mind for a long while. But it was proving to be quite difficult to book. With great optimism I would gaze at the brewery tour booking page. Heartbreakingly the tour dates seemed to run away from me; getting further and further into the future. Part of me had given up. It looked like I would not get to go on a tour until August at the earliest.

Then one day sitting at my desk hard at work (as always) I noticed the daily staff email had arrived. What amazing things were going down in grand ol’ Camden? A very recognisable black, red and white logo winked at me. The Camden Town Brewery logo seemed to be invading my daily post. It was not my eyes playing tricks. Curiously I clicked. The deal was simple; the Mayor of Camden (a man of discerning taste I’m sure) was holding a fundraiser at Camden Town Brewery for the Amy Winehouse Foundation. Included would be a tour, tastings and food from Texas Joe’s. My wish had been granted.

Micro breweries and railway arches make an ideal pair. Camden Town Brewery is nestled  under Kentish Town West station. My brewing knowledge was rudimentary at best. I was aware of what beer was made of (water, malt, yeast, and hops) but had little idea about the accompanying processes.

It was time to enter into the unknown. Amy was our guide for the evening. She spoke of malts being hydrated with water, the resulting liquid (wort) being drained and boiled. The addition of the hops and the feeding of yeast. Then after one final stage, maturation, glorious beer is the triumphant end to the journey. I could feel my beer brain growing.

We were taken around metallic vessels it was more like a journey through a spaceship in an SF film, all around me reflective metal pulsed, beeped, clanged and made loud shrieking noises. There was a pleasing comforting smell of Horlicks in the air. Tubing coiled on the floor, like snakes waiting to trip you over all the while the mammoth sized vats chimed. The mystery and wonders of beer felt very much alive its secrets hidden and well protected. 

It was all over so quickly it felt more like a sprint than a tour. We went through to the brewery bar to sample some of Camden Town Brewery’s popular wares. There was Camden Hells Unfiltered Lager ABV 4.6% and Gentleman’s Wit ABV 4.3%. Camden Town Brewery leans toward lager style beers. Lager will never been my favourite beer style. It often seems to lack depth, the fizz and chill masking any flavour. Unfiltered Hells is not your typical lager. Typical in fizz, chill and downability it has fine ideas above its station. Smooth and cloudy it had a light white pepper spice and lemon zest stroke to it. I was much more excited by the Gentleman’s Wit. With roasted lemons and bergamot wantonly wafting its citrus in my face. I was quite all over it. 

While my colleagues were drinking gaily at the brewery bar I saw my opportunity to probe the brains of our guide a little. Why the beer business and Camden Town Brewery I asked? Amy said she had chosen Camden Town Brewery because they are innovative and unafraid to take risks, extremely forward thinking but dedicated to tradition and the core value of creating a desirable end product. Also because the business is not gargantuan it meant that there are clear lines of communication between all aspects of the business creating a real happy sense of community.

The first but definitely not the last, the tour of Camden Town Brewery was knowledge enhancing and fun. With more than just eye catching branding beyond its cold fizzy keg Camden Town Brewery might just go to infinity and beyond.

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Indie Ales ‘For Queen And Country’ St Georges Day Beer Tasting

23rd April 2014 The Phoenix, North Clapham

St Georges Day? What is it? Who is George? As you can tell from this admission I am a very under cultured Englishwoman. The lure of the event had nothing to do with celebrating the triumphs of George. I was going for the English beer and the opportunity to mingle with my fellow beery minded.

I had only been to one other beer tasting before. The forever lovely Scottish brewers BrewDog held a beer and charcuterie matching with Cobble Lane cured at the Camden Town branch of their beer bar last year. It was enjoyable but I think the Tokyo* imperial stout with an 18.2% ABV and deep, dark, dangerous chocolate sweetness finished me off. Much of the evening I cannot clearly recall.  

I had never ventured to North Clapham before and in my usually shambolic fashion I got lost. There is no limit to the amount of times I can get lost. I finally had to admit my lack of direction had gotten the best of me and used the maps function on my phone. 

Up the stairs to a room dressed up for the occasion in patriotic red and white. I must have looked a state; flustered from having been lost and afro slightly frazzled from the drizzle of rain. I quickly sat down a little moodily. I heard a friendly voice from behind me. ‘Hello and welcome, did you come alone?’ It was the smiley, knowledgeable host and founder of Indie Ales, Charlie Pountney. Rather than just say yes like a normal person I said ‘yes, always alone but never lonely’. He laughed at this a little which put me at ease. The room started to fill up with more bodies and animated chatter. It was time to begin.

Before the beer guzzling could commence Charlie armed us with a few beer tasting skills. We were encouraged to swirl the beer in the glass to release the hop aromas and give it a sniff. Unleashing the aromas would enhance the tasting experience. Also to hand was the beer flavour wheel (Mark Dredge’s adapted version from Craft Beer World); to help us describe the tastes and smells we encountered more fully.

 The Beers

1st Sambrook’s Brewery- Wandle Ale 3.8% ABV  

We were eased in with a blind tasting. Charlie asked us to guess the brand and style, I suspected it was a Young’s ale. The veil was lifted and it was revealed it was Sambrook’s Wandle; a bitter. I have never been a massive fan of bitters. The flavour tends to be easy to get along with but there is always a lurking swampyness to them. Also a very strange paradox of a thinness in texture on the tongue but a heaviness in the belly. I had no qualms with the Wandle but no desire for it either.

2nd Partizan Brewing-Saison Grisette 3.9% ABV

The saison (season) style beer is something I was not familiar with. Charlie told us a bit about the styles barn brewed beginnings. It had quite a sour pungent smell like silage. Sounds rotten but it tasted a dream. It was refreshing with a light fizz. It had flavour a little like white grapes and green apple. It reminded me of champagne without the bitterness and overt fizz. Around me people were comparing it to wine.

3rd Meantime-Yakima Red 4.1% ABV

I have tried Yakima Red on a few occasions. Sampling it again was like brushing shoulders with an old friend.  I am very partial to its slightly sweet, smoky and bitter flavours. It had a bit of fruit cake fruitiness to it. Apparently this complexity is attributed to its contents of 5 American hop varieties and blend of British and German malts.

4th The Kernel-Pale Ale 5.3% ABV

The Kernel is king. When good beer is required I have never known The Kernel to disappoint. This pale ale was no exception. I hate to be melodramatic but the sharp aroma of this one really harassed my face. It was really robust and attention seeking it must have been the presence of Citra, Cascade and Centennial hops. The main flavours were grapefruit and intrusive herby coriander. It pleasantly seared my taste buds.

By this time I was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol, my eyeballs had started to feel a little fuzzy. On the bright side conversation had really unfolded and the sociability of beer had worked its magic.

5th Fullers-London Porter 5.4% ABV

Fullers needed no introduction at the table, most of us had experienced a Fullers beer most notably, London Pride. Charlie informed us that The London Porter was considered one of the finest around the world with cask loads of awards as proof. I found it intensely chocolaty with a burnt and treacly edge. It had such a smooth texture.

6th Samuel Smiths-Oatmeal Stout 5% ABV

Dark as the blackest night and rich as fine expresso. Oatmeal stout was a new experience. Would the oatmeal add an extra dimension? Well, it had a strong sweet, pruney smell with a creamy roundness in texture. There was also a bit liquorice about it.

By the end of the tasting I was a bit drunk but a lot more educated in the ways of beer. There were other elements to the evening that I have had to exclude not to bore prospective readers to death (food, hops, malt). Indie Ales provided an interesting and accessible way to oblige my beer passion. I look forward to their future tasting events.  

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The Teddy Perspective; Teddy’s day out at Pizza Pilgrims

14th April 2014, 10 Dean St, Soho

 Teddy was sick and tired of the awful food that was fed to him by small children. None of it tasted any good. Between the plasticine, crayons, tissues,Pritt Stick, dirt and mystery liquids Teddy had started to despair. Was good food an elusive thing that he would never have the privilege of trying because he was a soft toy? 

 Then one day an adventure was proposed. Violet (his owner) and her mother were going to London Zoo. London Zoo did not sound too exciting but he had heard whispers of prospective dinner as Violet, Clement and mother (Stacey) were going to meet lovely Aunty Audrey afterwards. Aunty Audrey was known for her love of dining out and great taste.

 He saw his chance and took it. As backs were turned he crawled into the bottom of the buggy and set off into the unknown, ready to emerge once food was on the agenda. The ride was bumpy. From his hiding place he could hear the noises of excited children at the zoo, the rushing steps of pedestrians on the streets. Slowly the noises petered out and he heard unfamiliar noises.  

 ‘A table for four please’. Teddy heard these words and knew that the time had come. Food was close. He was going to venture into the world all the teddy bears of the world could wish to go; the world of human food.

 Teddy had some idea of what humans ate. He spent a lot of time spying by the kitchen door as Violet’s mother cooked. He had easily come to the conclusion that Violet’s mother, Stacey, was a spectacular cook. When Stacey was in the kitchen everyone wore their biggest smiles. Food was served, plates were licked clean and leftovers were fought over. 

 Teddy was eager to know what was on the menu for his first human food sampling. Led to the table by a very lovely, polite waitress; Violet, Stacey, Audrey and Clement (only a wee thing of 11 months old) sat down. Teddy slipped out from his hiding place under the buggy to get a look at the menu. Already he quite liked the place, the green and white checkered table cloths were charming.

 A closer inspection revealed that the menu was called Pizza Pilgrims. He looked through the menu excited to see what this pizza thing was.

 Teddy was rather hungry. He could feel the vibrations from his belly shaking his fur. Two pizzas were needed to fill the seams. He liked the look of the Nduja (spreadable, spicy pork) pizza and the Ox-heart and pork belly Pepperoni pizza (apparently this one was special). Luckily Stacey and Aunty Audrey liked these pizzas too. A very short wait later the pizzas arrived. Goodness they were good looking, the crust was nicely browned and fluffy looking. Teddy could not wait to tuck in.

 He started with the Nduja. The base was medium thickness with a nice chew with a crisp crust. The meaty nuggets of nduja were quite spicy but the cheese, Fiore di Latte, with its mild and creamy taste calmed things down nicely. And now for the special one. His furred paw inched towards the Ox-heart and pork belly pepperoni, it was a nice thick slice, quite richly coloured. Teddy thought he had fallen in love with the pepperoni, his words could do it no justice.

  Teddy was so full. He felt he could not eat anymore. But then a Nutella pizza ring appeared and he felt it was impossible to resist. Teddy knew very little about chocolate but one thing he was sure of was that it made people happy. He had often seen Violet get excited at its mention. The ring was cut and Teddy could see the sweet molten innards ooze appetisingly. Melty chocolate and savoury pizza dough was a surprisingly good match.

  Now Teddy had really reached his limit. The humans had finished eating and their plates had been removed. It was time to go. With such a rotund belly, Teddy wondered how he would shift his new bulk to return to his hiding place. The buggy looked so far away.

 ’What is this Teddy doing out?’ asked Aunty Audrey. She grabbed the toy and stuffed it into her bag. Teddy felt himself being lifted and rudely thrust into a cream cloth tote bag. He was casually slung on her shoulder and carried out. Teddy was so glad he did not have to walk. He had enjoyed his human food adventure and knew with a bit of stealth and planning there would be many more he could sneak on. First things first though a diet was in order for this pizza filled teddy bear.

 The End 

 P.S. No teddy bears were harmed in the creation of the story. The teddy is actually called Teddy and belongs to Violet (my soon to be four year old niece).  

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It’s War! Again. Taco Wars 2 at Hawker House

29th May 2014, Hawker House, London Fields 

The smell of grilling meat bruised the air. I was getting close. Last year I had been way too slow. This year I was determined. The tickets were released and I was ready. Got my ticket.

Old el Paso kits provided me with my first taco. For a long while I was convinced there was only one kind; the yellow orange stiff crispy  tortilla shell holding chilli beef with the additions helpfully provided in the kit. I loved those tacos. At the time they seemed so unusual, and wonderfully exotic. It only dawned on me that a taco could be something else entirely after a visit to the Mexican food chain Wahaca. What the heck? These tacos were palm sized, the tortilla was soft, round and there was no chilli minced beef anywhere. No chilli mince or kidney beans. What was going on? Different in a good way I easily adapted and came to be quite fond of this new taco. 

Taco Wars, created by Tweat Up, was touted as the ultimate battle of the taco, with eight street food vendors going tortilla to tortilla for the title of the best taco in London. Last year Luardos had won, could they hold on to the title? None of this mattered. I was going to be eating all eight tacos. I was ecstatic.

Upon entering the venue my eyes started to stream, it was so smoky. I would be stinking to the high heavens of grilled meat and irresistible to carnivores by the time it was finished. Hawker House was all tarted up in Mexican finery, a Mariachi band swaggered around charging the atmosphere with drama and tunes.

The Tacos (in order of eating)

Santo Remedio - Chargrilled Octopus marinated in Pasilla de Oaxaca chillies with black beans, yerba santa and serrano aioli served in an avocado leaf.  

This taco was so vibrant in its taste and appearance. A majority of the ingredients I had never heard of which made it all the more exciting. The tang of lime, mild heat from chilli, creamy texture of the black beans with the grilled octopus was appealing. The avocado leaf had a medicinal flavour a little like coriander. From the outset this was the winner for me.

Rita’s - Pigs Head, Belly and Trotter, burnt spring onion crema and blood orange pico. 

In my mind I had envisioned this being topped with an inexplicably tiny trotter. It was not. I nick named this The Piggy One. I was proudly told that the tortilla was enriched with chicken fat. The taco was packed with fatty meat, the grease undesirably oozed out as I tucked in. Unfortunately the flavour of the blood orange salsa was distorted by the fatty richness of the meat and tortilla. I did not enjoy it at all a slick of grease was left in my mouth.

Breddos –The Holy Cow-Chipotle and Bone Marrow Roasted Short Rib, barbecue Guinness brisket, cheese croqueta and smoked cherry marmalade in a homemade beef dripping tortilla.  

Its name put a grin on my face and it was skewered with a pipette containing naga jolokia chilli vinegar which was quite cute. Breddo’s are already well known for having perfected the art of fine taco so my expectations were high. The cheesy chilli croqueta was crispy, molten and gooey centred. The meat was perfectly textured but the flavour was slightly overshadowed by the croqueta, I could not taste any Guinness influence.

Kimchinary - Beer Braised Pork Belly, pickled mustard seeds, Korean pear salsa, oyster kimchi, gochujang and pig crunch on a smoked pork fat and sesame tortilla. 

The Korean influence made this unique. The flavours over all were smoky and sweet. The pork was tender, the pear salsa sweet and the kimchi spicy and distinctive leaving a pleasant cabbagey after taste.  

BBQ Lab - Hickory Smoked Peanut Butter Jelly Pork Belly, popcorn pudding, pineapple salsa, Dr. Pepper gel and Pickleback sour cream in a 100% pork loin tortilla. 

If watching these guys handy work was a film it would be appropriately named ‘A Tale of Beards and Blow torches’. It was a real spectacle. The tortilla was pork loin! It was a very strange eating experience. I could not taste the peanut butter jelly flavour in the meat. The cheesy popcorn pudding was lovely. It looked a bit shambolic but tasted fine.

B.O.B.'s Lobster - Sashimi Grade Ahi Tuna, wasabi guacamole, chipotle crema, Asian slaw and sesame seeds in a crispy wonton shell. 

It was really light, refreshing and clean. The wasabi guacamole and chipotle crema added a bit of character. I loved that the shell was a crispy wonton it reminded me of the tacos of old.

Luardos - Grilled Skirt Steak, salsa roja, Supersweet onions, coriander and lime in a homemade corn tortilla. 

Luardo’s was last year’s winner. Its components were very simple. The meat was high quality and well seasoned. The salsa was hot and vinegary and the avocado was satisfyingly creamy. Sometimes simple is best.

Benito's Hat - Succulent Pork Belly, crispy chicharrón, shaved fennel, lime, roasted apple and habanero salsa in a homemade corn tortilla.

By my standards this felt like the hottest of the eight tacos, my mouth was tingling. The pork belly was well salted and moist. The apple salsa added a wholesome fruity element and the pork crackling crumbs provided a moreish crunch. 

The War is Over

The official winner was Breddo’s The Holy Cow. My favourite was Santo Remedio’s chargrilled octopus taco. The battle was done and dusted and I was homeward bound. By chance I met my big sister on the train, mid conversation she sniffed my blazer ‘Audrey, you smell delicious’. The meaty smoke had been absorbed by my outerwear. I could not be too annoyed as there are many worse things one could smell of.

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Don’t even think about it. The misuses of food in film

Food writers, the government, nutritionists, everyone seems to be quick to tell us what and how to eat. Where they all definitely agree is that food is meant to be eaten. In the mouth, cut and chewed by teeth and down the throat. Quite obvious to some but not to others. In the realm of film this has at times been forgotten. With no obligation to mimic real life, films have made some stomach churning uses of simple fridge regulars like butter, eggs, carrots and the odd kiwi. Below are some of my favourites from some popular and more obscure films.

  Murderous Vegetables; the deadly way to 5 (or is it now 7?) a day

No one is exempt from death. There are many ways to be killed off. In horrors, thrillers and action films the demise of an individual is more likely to be more visceral and creative. There is a whole arsenal of weapons to utilise; knives, machetes, machine guns, pits of poisoned spikes, chainsaws a bath of acid. Why anyone would choose to use something plant based is beyond me.

  Sleepwalkers (1992) tells the bizarre tale of a frisky incestuous pair of shape shifters; human mother and son by day and cat like ferocious aliens by night who go virgin hunting and cat killing in a small town. Police attention is the only logical thing that can follow. The mother is so enraged and offended by a nosey investigating police officer in her kitchen that she stabs him in the back with a leftover cob of corn. He dies with a very cheesy 90’s yelp and grimace while she coldly reminds him ‘no vegetables, no dessert’. 

  Shoot Em Up (2007) is an action comedy with a ridiculous plot. However the cast is rather good. Clive Owen plays, Mr Smith; a carrot chomping, hard, handsome English chap with a fondness of guns, bloodshed, rescuing babies and beautiful damsels in distress. Innocently snacking on a carrot and a cup of coffee he senses something is awry when a pregnant woman appears to be on the run from a baddie looking type (shifty, black clad, thin faced). Thinking quickly, unarmed with only a vegetable for company he shoves his carrot in the attackers mouth and pushes it through the back of the man’s head with the polite line ‘eat your vegetables’.

  Butter me up; butter the favourite intimate lubricant

Butter makes everything better, even a roll around. The butter scene in Last Tango in Paris (1972) is quite infamous so I do not need to elaborate. All I will say is that it is butter verses the back door and a softened blob is all you need. Marlon Brando really paws at that butter with a vulgar vigour.

  In the very well adapted screen transfer of Lionel Shriver’s We Need To Talk About Kevin (2011) the murderous enfant horrible, Kevin finds another use for his mother’s good quality butter.  Though we only catch a glimpse, the mother walks in on her son in the bathroom, panting aggressively, hand upon himself. We hear the squelchy repetition of self pleasure, the butter wrapper curled open seductively at the side of the sink exposing its yellow goodness.

  If walls could eat they would favour Asparagus

Tense suburban dramas are at it too. In Sam Mendes, midlife crisis subversion of the American Dream, American Beauty (1999), Kevin Spacey’s character has a heated discussion with the family, he is not keen to argue he just wants some asparagus. ‘Pass me the asparagus. Could someone pass me the asparagus? Could someone please pass me the fucking asparagus?’ The answer is no. In the end he has to get up and rescue it between the verbal crossfire. With the threat of more protest from his wife, he does the only thing he can to create silence; he throws the plate of buttered asparagus at the wall. Such extreme cruelty to asparagus could have been easily prevented. On a positive note at least the wall and the painting adorning it got to savour a few flecks of that seasonal green.

  Oh no. Kiwi!

Kiwi’s are full of vitamin C, they are also great devices for torture. I discovered Singapore Sling (1992) while attending a friend’s film club; The Good, The Bad and The Unseen at The Genesis Cinema.

Singapore Sling is an extremely indecent Greek film noir. A drunken detective nameless until he is christened Singapore Sling comes across a murderous, incestuous mother daughter team with a love of disturbing sex role play. He is captured and becomes a character in their warped games. Ah the kiwi scene, one of the pair eases an unpeeled kiwi into her nether regions to pleasure herself. I would love to delight you with graphic detail but I missed this particular scene (thank goodness, it could have been vomit and nightmare inducing) having conveniently gone to get a cup of tea, my friend gave me a recap on my return.

  Someone needs to stop this food perversion. In the meantime no food stuffs on screen are safe to assume they will meet a simple end in a stomach. If you chance upon any other good examples of food misuse feel free to post them.

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Unfaithful to tea; frolics at The London Coffee Festival 2014 3-6th April

Dear tea, 

              I owe you an apology. I have been dabbling with your arch nemesis, coffee. I thought I was strong in my dedication to you. You have always been hydrating, complex, beautiful and full of variety. I even met some of your Taiwanese cousins recently; white oolong, chilled fresh light green tea with a foamy top, honey jasmine, golden oats, barley and the massively popular bubble tea with chewy tapioca pearls at the bottom. But even with all that I have been deceitfully eyeing up another darker, stronger liquid. All I can say is that it is not my fault I blame Time Out and Twitter. I am sorry and I hope we can still be friends.  

Love  

Audrey 

I really procrastinated about going to the London Coffee Festival at The Old Truman Brewery in Brick Lane. All week I had been shyly glimpsing at the web page the smug tea drinker in me was all rather anti. Tired with my indecision I just booked the damn thing; the last session on Sunday 6th April 4-7pm.  

My last outing to the Old Truman Brewery had been for Craft Beer Rising 2014. It had been a nice easy boozy day. I walked straight into the venue had a slow jaunt about sampling, chatting passionately and left smiling.  

As I approached the venue on Sunday, 6th April, I could feel a charge in the air, there was a lengthy queue. I was entering a new world of coffee fervor. I knew from then I could not leave the event unchanged. My eyes were about to prised open to the world of artisan coffee. 

Blimey, it was hot in there. Everywhere, plumes of steam rising from machines being worked hard by barista's. Bewildered by the choice and unnerved by the throng of bodies and the pang in my stomach I went in the search of food.  

There were some excellent food options available, Herman ze German, The Breakfast Club, Dorshi- street food collective, Rola Wala and more. I settled on a coriander chicken tikka naan from the naan bar Rola Wala. The naan bread was fresh soft and chewy. The chicken was tender, succulent, lightly charred and well flavoured with coriander seed. Cuddled against the chicken were chickpeas, grated carrots, coriander leaves and pickled red onion. It lit a flame in my belly, I was ready for coffee exploration. 

I was a novice with no idea where to begin. I gravitated towards names I had seen or heard in passing; Ozone Coffee, Mission and Volcano. I shuffled to Ozone Coffee with apprehension. This would my first sampling of proper coffee. I informed the barista that I was more inclined toward tea. He recommended the Fazenda Lagoa from Minas Gerais, Brazil. He assured me that due to it being lightly roasted it had similar characteristics to tea. What unfolded there after can only be described as sciencemagic. 

The whirring from the grinder, filter placed in coffee pot, the soft rotation of the wrist as he lightly poured water over the ground beans. Abracadabra! It was ready. I sipped at the dark liquid, it was aromatic, a little citrusy, vibrant and very drinkable. Taste buds enlivened it was time to move on. 

Volcano Coffee Works was next on the hit list. Their passion is expresso, I am way too mild for those strong inky depths. A Flat White made with the Fullsteam expresso blend was was pushed my way. It was such a perfect, handsome looking frothed cup. 

It had a buttery taste with a slight and very moreish nuttiness. Though tempered with milk I started to feel the throb of caffeine behind my eyeballs. I knew then that if I intended to sleep at all in the evening coffee samples would have to be kept thimble sized. 

The three hour session was coming to a close. I did one last round. On the way I had chilled Vietnamese Coffee from The Saigon Coffee Company. It came as a great relief, chilled with ice and lightened with condensed milk it was sweet and refreshing.  

7pm had arrived. It was time to leave. I was quite impressed with how varied The London Coffee festival was. Though undeniably a feast of coffee there were, chocolate samosas, exotic m'encha pastries, cinnamon and rose flavoured hot chocolate, ice cream. The list could really go on. Had I been converted to the coffee cause? I think there may be space in my bed.

[anotheroneofthosebadblogs]

Dimly lit meals for one despair

Grainy image, check. Dim lighting, check. An unbelievably awful looking concoction that is hard to figure out quiet what it is, check. Dimlylitmealsforone tumblr has got it all. To begin with I would look upon these grim photographs with glee. I had fast become accustomed to the most beautiful, lush, delicious looking I want to grab it out of my computer screen and eat it ( Charlie and the chocolate factory stylee) photography common on food blogs. Maybe I was jealous that my humble HTC Wildfire S could not possibly make pictures of food look any good.

Coming across dimly lit meals was refreshing, there was, burnt food, shades of grey on a plate only suitable for ancient socks, strange mixtures and things beyond description. But then something changed, a real sense of shock and horror took hold of my person. It struck me that the maker of the dim meal was actually going to eat it. Do not get me wrong I have no room for food snobbery. You have got to eat.Often my meals are for one but I do not recall producing anything that looked like that. Some of my big sister's first cooking efforts in the late 90's looked unpalatable and tasted abominable. Unfortunately my twin brother and I were the victims of those sorry meals. But now she is an excellent cook and we fall ourselves to eat there.

There is a light at the end of the incompetent cooks tunnel. These dim meals could evolve into lovely creations some day. But in the meantime the badly fed should keep charring food in the kitchen or if the situation is really dire there is often an okay plate going spare here. You are welcome. 

[anotheroneofthosebadblogs]

From the archives.Voyeurism makes you hungry: Hungry eyes at the London Film Festival 9-20 October 2013

I spent the majority of a fortnight in dark rooms surrounded by excited strangers staring intently at a massive screen. Sounds filthy? Slightly pornographic? Get your minds out of the gutter. It was all very innocent I swear. I was at the London Film Festival. All of that escapism action for the eyes works up a real appetite. I decided to make all the film watching extra pleasurable with some sometime good eating.  

Brasserie Zedel 14th October 2013

Witnessing Scarlett Johansson drain men of their innards through a sea of blackened muck can set a hunger in motion like no other.  I had crawled out of the Odeon West End after watching Under The Skin hungry for flesh. I had spotted the Brasserie Zedel sign down the very inconspicuous looking Sherwood Street earlier. I recalled the greedy man himself, Jay Rayner, singing its praises for affordability and authentic French food.

I descended the grand looking staircase to enter a very opulent red, pink and cream decorated room. There were table cloths!  I had fast become accustomed to rough wooden tables that could give you splinters or the metallic kind that made ear splitting noises when shifted.  Seeing those table cloths and velvet banquettes made me excited about simply sitting down.

I was led to my table by the most charming, uniformed French waitress I had ever encountered.There was a purse friendly Prix Fixe three course menu available for £11.75 but it was not a day for Steak Hache et Frites. I asked for a recommendation that would thaw my frosted system. I was told confit or roasted duck were the remedy but remembered I had a duck centric dinner coming up so the ducks were safe for now. I selected the Choucroute Alsacienne; sauerkraut with cured and smoked belly pork, frankfurter, garlic sausage and potatoes. 

In my mind I had forseen a stewy meaty, cabbage thing but what arrived was a miniature meat mountain atop a pile of sauerkraut. I was marvelling at an orange skinned thing that looked like a carrot and then realised it was a frankfurter.  The selection of meats was glorious. The slices of pork belly, though thin were flavoursome, the frankfurter had none of the blandness common in your  regular frankfurter and the garlic sausage really clung to the breath. The sauerkraut had a hint of fermented sourness but was aromatic with allspice and cloves and cut through the salt and fat of the meat. 

If you can leave a French restaurant without ordering dessert, I salute you. I however was not leaving without some patisserie in my mouth. I chose the Millefeuille a la Vanille. It only looked so pretty for a short while. Having no way to eat it politely I viciously stabbed it with my fork, the crisp layers of pastry shattered and the creamy filling oozed seductively out. The thin layer of raspberry sauce was tart, the savoury pastry crisp and the cool thick cream sweet and addictive.  

 Bill settled and appetite sated I returned to the streets of London to stalk my next victim (another film): The Double at Hackney Picturehouse. 

Shoryu Ramen 17th October 2013

What kind of food pairs well with Joseph Gordon-Levitt's hilarious porn addiction comedy, Don Jon? Ramen apparently. It was not my plan to eat here. My wayward feet, sensing potentially good food, led the way. I used to get my noodle needs satisfied by Bento Café in Camden Town. However a strange thing happened. Their ramen broth that was once perfect just stopped doing it for me. I soon became dissatisfied and resentful. The only solution was to let the once often frequented Bento Café go and seek greener ramen pastures. 

I was glad to find myself at the door of Shoryru Ramen on Lower Regent Street. Everywhere I was reading about the lure of Shoryu Ramen’s tonkotsu (pork bone broth) and original ramen noodles. Could the love of ramen be restored?

Of course the menu featured a lot of noodle. With so many interesting options I chose the most sensible; Shoryu Ganso Tonkotsu (the signature ramen); tonkotsu and miso broth, thin noodles, bbq pork, nitamago egg, kikurage mushrooms, beansprouts, spring onion, sesame, ginger, nori & mayu (caramelised black garlic oil). Sounds like a lot to fit in one bowl.  The noodles were elastic and did not lose their spring while resting in the hot broth. The nitamago egg (soft boiled egg seasoned with soy sauce) was soy soaked seduction. The only minor irritation was that the slices of pork that topped it were quite bland.

Having heard praises sung so loudly about Shoryu, I was glad that it lived up to the hype.

Blue Plate at Outsider Tart 18th October 

Outsider Tart in Chiswick is already well known for its generously portioned American bakes. If you are in the mood for a peanut butter brownie, a wedge of devil’s food cake with a sour cream topping or a red velvet whoopie pie Outsider Tart has these dreamy confections and more in abundance.  Blue Plate is their ‘soul food joint’ next door.

I decided to have the Tamale Pie (baked casserole with cornbread base, spicy beef chilli with chipotle chillies and cheese). The claim of serving American style comfort food made me expect a large portion. What arrived was a bit of a pittance, where was good ol’ American hospitality? That was not my only axe to grind, the Tamale Pie was covered in a layer of cheese so thick that there were unmelted pockets of cheese. The chilli was well spiced and finely ground, however there was nowhere near enough of it. In comparison to the meat there was an abundance of cornbread base. The cornbread was pleasant but it did not sway my feelings about the food. On the side there was a broccoli salad (red onion, bacon, cheddar in a creamy sorghum dressing). I enjoyed the side salad more than the main. I was surprised that the broccoli was practically raw but the crunch with the creamy dressing with a little spice from the red onion was welcome.

Another thing, the hot chocolate was this dark unctuous sickly milk free thing. I felt like I was drinking melted chocolate.

My overall feeling about Blue Plate was that it could have been better. I would like to think that the Tamale Pie was having a bad day. They get a little bit of love for playing Arcade Fire’s first album, Funeral.  

I had seen my last film, Terry Gilliam's The Zero Theorem. The time had come to crawl out of the weird, wonderful escapist world of film back into grey, grainy reality.

[anotheroneofthosebadblogs]

Confessions of A Bad Blogger

I am in no denial. I openly admit it. I am a rather bad blogger. My crimes are very common. I often have good intentions when I go out to eat. My notebook is at the ready. I stuff my face. Write some notes. Take one or two undesirable photographs. Go home sated. And then nothing. I initially started the blog Another one Of Those on Blogger. But quickly realised that you have to have some knowledge of magic and the time space continuum to make your blog findable on that platform. So I  have converted and come over to the dark side. Prospective readers can look forward to much food and drink based waffle (old and new), shady photography and the absolute exclusion of the word foodie.