cas did not suffer through multiple lobotomies over the course of several thousand millennia for yall to say his free will came from meeting dean winchester
y'know what would’ve been better than cas standing up to lucifer (which he’s always done anyway) and stabbing him?
cas finding out that dean abused his son. cas finding out that dean traded him to a demon when he had amnesia. cas healing from the panic attacks he had about dean beating him. cas getting to have any kind of reaction to dean threatening and attempting to kill him multiple times. cas getting to be angry and hurt and upset with dean for longer than a scene, or an episode. cas confronting dean about the horrible way he’s treated him over the years, like telling him that nobody cares that he’s broken. cas being done with dean because of all of that.
gimme cas really standing up to dean, his abuser of 10+ years, for once.
Y'all let's acknowledge that cas is the reason this stupid show with so many plot holes and weak storylines and repetitive arcs kept going on for 15 years the dynamic between the brothers stopped being interesting back in season 9 this show wouldn't have lasted 7 seasons without misha and cas I mean we all know what happened when misha left back in season 7 lol maybe it's time they actually acknowledged how cas/misha saved the fuckin show
Y'all let's acknowledge that cas is the reason this stupid show with so many plot holes and weak storylines and repetitive arcs kept going on for 15 years the dynamic between the brothers stopped being interesting back in season 9 this show wouldn't have lasted 7 seasons without misha and cas I mean we all know what happened when misha left back in season 7 lol maybe it's time they actually acknowledged how cas/misha saved the fuckin show
This one really got away from me, and it got really long. I promise it does answer the prompt but I also made it super plotty for some reason. I hope you don’t mind!
Being taken by the Empty didn’t feel like dying.
Of course, that’s what was happening to him, but it didn’t feel like that. It felt cold, and painful, and vengeful. Lonely and miserable and laced with glittering knives of regret.
It was his damnation. Not the traditional sense of the word, but true nonetheless.
But if facing it meant he’d save his family? Save Jack from being subject to the same fate? He’d damn himself to this a thousand times over, without a single shred of hesitation.
The Empty had him entirely covered in its goo, tendrils snaking under his skin and into his body from every angle. In through the eyes, the nose, snaking down his throat. Under the fingernails, into the ears, scraping through the tattered remnants of his grace and pressing down around his true form.
It was agony.
Eventually it subsided, and some of the inky tendrils retracted, leaving him gasping for air that neither existed in this realm nor was truly necessary. He collapsed in a heap, the Empty bubbling around him. He spared a glance up, wondering if the Shadow were nearby to gloat before sending them both into slumber. What he saw… well. Unexpected didn’t quite cover it.
“Jack?”
“Hmm. Guess again, Castiel.”
“No.” Don’t you dare look like him.
“Oh, yes. Because it hurts you to look at him, doesn’t it?” The Shadow leaned down, condescension clear as day in its every move. So wrong on Jack’s face that it twisted something deep within him. It stared him down, watching him squirm, mania-painted smirk stretching wider. “Good. I want you to suffer, so that’s what you’re going to do.”
“I thought you wanted your peace and quiet,” Cas managed, as more tendrils snaked out over his wrists and ankles. Dragging him a little bit further down, completely at the Empty’s mercy. Somehow he suspected that was the point.
The Shadow straightened, looking down Jack’s nose at him.
“Of course I do,” It said, emulating Jack’s earnestness. Liar. “But I can’t!”
“What?”
“Wonderboy-” the Shadow gesticulated wildly in the direction of its facsimile body “-woke everybody up when he exploded all over me. So I don’t get to sleep, no, and if I don’t get to sleep then you definitely don’t get to sleep. None at all.”
Quicker than a blink, the Shadow had fisted Castiel’s collar in its hands, bringing their faces inches apart.
“At least,” It whispered, eyes wild with an energy Jack had never, and would never, possess. “I get to make you suffer like you’ve made me suffer. So I want you to look at this face, Castiel. Look at it, and know that it’s contorted in tears right now because Papa Bear abandoned him.”
The Shadow threw him down, the goo swallowing him right back up. Submerged in the dark, he scarcely felt its weight. He was too busy drowning in a fresh cascade of guilt.
It yanked him back up, tendrils leaving him suspended in the middle of nothing. Some of them twisted at his feathers, pulling them just enough to be excruciating but not enough to rip them free. He screamed.
“Be quiet!” The Empty released him, and Cas fell back down, every fibre of his being crying out in pain.
The Shadow cackled, everything about it from the pitch to the cadence to the intention screaming wrong, wrong, wrong.
“You’re never going to regret this, are you?”
Cas glared at it, mustering up as much defiance as he could.
“No,” he croaked. “Because saving my family? That’s worth dying a thousand deaths.”
The Shadow doubled over laughing again. Then, quick as a blink, kicked him across the face, sending him reeling backwards.
“‘Die a thousand deaths’? Please. You’re pathetic, you know that?”
Castiel pushed himself back up, following the Shadow’s pacing with his eyes. It walked with one arm tucked behind its back, the other gesticulating as it spoke.
“Death isn’t going to be enough for you, hmm. Oh, you know what you’ve never been able to take?” It spun back around, grinning down at him. “You can’t stand seeing the pain you’ve caused. And since you can’t see what’s left of your precious little family- not that they even care that you died, by the way- how would you feel about seeing the angels again?”
No. He must have looked visibly afraid, because the Shadow only smiled wider.
“Not so pleasant a thought, hmm? Seeing as you killed most of them.” It laughed again, clapping its hands in an expression of glee that would have been endearing coming from Jack, but now simply served to be disturbing. “Oh, yes. It’ll be just like throwing a scrap of meat to a pack of starving dogs.”
Cas shook his head, but the Empty pressed on. It waved its hand, and Castiel was thrown some immeasurable distance away. He pushed himself to a sitting position, and watched in horror as the ground bubbled around him, and his brothers and sisters began to crawl their way out.
He recognized them, of course, because he’d taken care to never forget a single name. He saw Hael first, then Bartholomew, then Jonah and Efram and Ambriel and Samandriel. He saw Raphael, Uriel, Anna, Jophiel. He scrambled to his feet, unable to do anything but watch and wait for their wrath to undoubtedly descend upon him.
Someone grabbed him from behind and pulled, running and dragging Castiel with them. He didn’t fight it, figuring that whoever had him was going to inflict a world of pain and there wasn’t a thing to do but accept it. They’d gone a fair distance, if there was such a thing as distance in nothing, before they stopped and Cas turned to face who had taken him.
“Balthazar?” His voice came out strangled, as scarcely more than a whisper.
“Cas,” Balthazar said, staring at him with something unreadable in his eyes. “Your wings…”
“Balthazar,” Cas repeated, finding himself unable to say anything else, mind swirling in an inescapable vortex of grief and guilt and pain. “I’m sorry, my friend. I’m so sorry.”
“What, for killing me? You weren’t yourself.”
“I was. That’s the problem.”
Balthazar just shook his head. “It’s going to take more than a stab in the back to get rid of me. You do know that, right?”
“If we weren’t already dead I’d offer you my blade to kill me. I deserve nothing more.”
“Castiel.” Cas forced himself to meet Balthazar’s eyes directly. “I know you, and so I forgive you. As I’ve told you before- nothing’s changed.”
Cas smiled bitterly. “Except me.”
“What happened to you?” Balthazar’s fingers traced the air where Castiel’s wings lay mangled and twisted in another dimension. “You look like you’ve been clawed apart by feral house cats.”
“I destroyed everything, Balthazar. So many times.” And he felt like he was being crushed under the weight of all his mistakes. Perhaps this was the torture the Empty preferred for him- giving him back a lost friend, giving him forgiveness- and then ripping it away again. Surely even someone as loyal as Balthazar wouldn’t want to associate with him after learning of the things he’d done.
“You, Cassie? I’ve only ever known you to do what’s right.”
“How can you say that when you saw me make one of my biggest mistakes? When I killed you because of it?”
Balthazar scoffed. “Mistake? Cas, you were trying to stop our control freak of an older brother from letting the other ones out to destroy the world. What about that is a mistake? Sure, Crowley was a bit of a snake, but come on. It can’t have been so long that you’ve forgotten your good intentions.”
Cas didn’t say a word, and Balthazar narrowed his eyes. “How long has it been, Cas?”
Cas sighed. “Nine years.”
“Nine years.” Balthazar’s eyebrows had shot all the way up. “Wow. Not long at all. So what could… no. Tell me you weren’t.”
Castiel frowned. “Weren’t what?”
“Weren’t still kissing the Winchesters’ asses for the whole nine years.”
“They’re my friends, Balthazar.”
“Oh, really?” Balthazar crossed his arms. “If they’re your friends, why did they treat you like one of the guns they keep in the trunk of their wretched car?”
“It’s not like that.”
“Isn’t it, Cas?” Balthazar sighed, backing down a little. Nine years of death wouldn’t stop them from bickering, it seemed, though he did put a hand on Cas’ shoulder. An uncharacteristic attempt to show solidarity through the sarcasm.
“Look,” Balthazar continued. “What you do is your business, but… just tell me there was something good in those years. That it wasn’t just you running around trying to prove yourself to them.”
There was something, in fact, something he’d never expected. Something beautiful.
“I had a son,” he admitted. He’d often wondered what Jack would be like meeting angels that weren’t hell-bent on killing him. He’d imagined Jack meeting Balthazar, or Hannah, or Rachel or Samandriel, but it would never come to fruition. The best he would get was telling them about him, assuming he would be able to escape being choked and stretched and drowned by the depths of the Empty for all eternity.
“Why, Cassie, I’m impressed,” Balthazar said wryly. Oh no. Before Cas could interject and explain, Balthazar continued. “Looks like you really did get that stick out of your ass. And you put it right up-”
“Balthazar! He’s not mine, not like that. He chose me, and his mother was a friend. That’s all.”
Balthazar seemed to enjoy how flustered he was, but his tone was serious. “You adopted a human child?”
“No, he’s a nephilim.”
“Ah,” Balthazar said. “So they changed the rules regarding them in the past nine years, then?”
“No,” Cas said again, getting frustrated. He’d forgotten how much Balthazar loved to hear himself speak. Even if he had missed it, it was still mildly insufferable.
“Well, you rebel Cas, you. But, ah- who was the sire?”
Cas winced. “Lucifer.”
“Oh, my. That is unfortunate.”
“Yeah. Jack’s nothing like him, though. He’s… he’s very much like his mother. And I like to think he’s a little bit like me, too.”
Balthazar looked at him, somehow still reading him like a book after all this time.
“You spoil the poor child, don’t you?”
“I most certainly do not,” Cas huffed.
“Oh, yes you do. You’ve always been soft, but now you’re practically a down pillow.”
Cas’ smile was sadder, again. “I told you I’ve changed.”
“Maybe so. But we haven’t.”
“Thank you.”
Balthazar smiled. “I do have one question though, Cas.”
“Of course.”
“How did you die?”
Well. He supposed it would have had to be asked eventually. Unfortunately his hesitation gave Balthazar another opportunity to talk over him.
“Please don’t tell me it was for the Winchesters.”
“I love them.”
Balthazar rolled his eyes. “Of course you do. And unfortunately I love that about you. Well, go on. Tell me a story.”
Cas shrugged. “I made a deal with the Empty. My life for Jack’s, which- it wasn’t even a question. It said that when I was finally happy, it would take me.”
Balthazar frowned. “What did you in?”
“You know, I’m not really sure. But I managed to save Dean, and that’s all that matters.”
“Oh, Cas,” Balthazar muttered, sounding deeply sad. “Well, at least you were clearly a better father than our dear old absent God. That much is clear.”
Cas’ heart sank. He couldn’t not tell him, though he didn’t necessarily want to break the news.
“Balthazar.”
“What?”
“Um. A lot has happened since I’ve last seen you, and there’s a lot you need to know, but God- God was never on our side.”
--------
They walked aimlessly through the Empty, keeping aware for signs of their siblings or the Shadow, but oddly finding none.
“Well then,” Balthazar said, flippant as ever. Cas was nearly sure he was deflecting.
“That’s all you have to say? You’re not angry?”
“Nope.” Forced cheerfulness. “Never liked him anyway. Frankly, I’m surprised you even met the man.”
Cas paused and stopped moving, feeling something tugging at his grace.
“Cas, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” Balthazar had stopped too, hovering closer.
A pocket of the nothingness in front of them seemed to pull itself inward, caving in like a black hole and then cracking open just a bit. Was this what it looked like when someone died and came to the Empty?
Hopefully not, because the distortion cleared and Jack was standing there. And it was painfully, obviously Jack, clearly indicated by everything from his posture to the grace Cas could feel reaching for his own.
Balthazar stiffened, preparing for a fight, but the minute Jack caught sight of Castiel the angel found himself with an armful of nephilim. He held on tight, feeling Jack trembling slightly.
Having connected the dots, Balthazar caught his eye over Jack’s shoulder and mouthed “down pillow.” Cas shook his head slightly, but turned his attention back to his son.
“Jack? Are you-”
“I’m getting you out, Cas,” Jack said, pulling back. “We’re both getting out of here.”
Balthazar’s stricken expression tugged at Cas’ heart.
“Just me?” Cas asked.
Jack’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“The other angels are awake, Jack. Can you…”
“I… maybe. But, Cas, I don’t… I don’t know them. Why…”
“It’s alright if you can’t,” Cas assured. “But if we can help them somehow, be that bringing them back or putting them to sleep… I need to try to make things right.”
Jack nodded. “I’ll try to help.”
Cas smiled at him, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. “Thank you. And thank you for coming to get me.”
“Of course. I missed you,” Jack said, eyes wide. Cas felt something else inside him twisting.
Balthazar cleared his throat, and Cas gently turned Jack around to face the third member of their party.
“Jack, this is Balthazar. He’s a good friend.”
Jack and Balthazar looked at each other, Jack frowning and Balthazar smirking in a horribly misguided attempt to be friendly. The silence stretched on, utterly deafening. Jack broke it first.
“I… I met an alternate universe version of you that was not very nice.”
Balthazar didn’t miss a beat.
“Well, you know what they say. Don’t judge an angel by their alternate universe counterparts, right?”
That got a bit of a smile out of Jack, though he was still wary. Cas couldn’t blame him, so he kept in contact to keep him at ease.
“We need to find the Shadow. Make an arrangement so that we can take a few angels with us and the Empty goes back to peace and quiet,” Jack said. The self-assuredness was clearly a front, but somehow Cas felt as if he’d have time to help Jack through it.
“Okay,” he said, nodding at Jack. Jack nodded back, and the three of them started walking. Into what, they didn’t know.
But Castiel had the strangest feeling that it was all going to turn out alright.
Please tell me what you think! I never made an edit so fast in my life. No berens, castiel was more thzn just all about dean, and it’s awful you made his death all about him and some “one sided confession” and glossing over how bad he emotionally abused him for over a decade. Castiel deserved better, so much better, so did sam and jack and meg who loved him but never got to say goodbye Please reblog/share, i’d highly appreciate it especially that i’m currently passing exams (and should be revising, but well i love cas that much)
So if it is that ship I'm confused..I'm not in the fandom and I'm also a few seasons behind, but that ship seems ok to me? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I'm just curious
Well, rip, it looks like I’m talking about it anyway
Why Destiel is abusive:
For starters, their friendship is already abusive. How would entering a romantic/sexual relationship change that?
Dean has:
given Cas unreasonable/unnaccomplishable demands
berated him when he failed to meet such demands
no matter how much Cas gives (he has risked his life and his status an an angel), it’s never enough
controlled Cas’s actions
threatened Cas in order to get his way (hell? that’s textbook abuse)
Neglected/isolated Cas (denying emotional needs, refusing to talk as a punishment)
failed to acknowledge reality (in regards to negative situations with Cas)
undermined Cas’s perception of reality (this is called gaslighting)
verbally abused Cas
humiliated Cas
physically abused Cas
For a TLDR, Dean has demonstrated 3/6 of legally classified kinds of abuse- verbal, emotional, and physical.
He would likely stalk Cas or sexually abuse him if they were in a relationship, which would make it 5/6.
My source, complete with clips from the show for each claim. (violence/gore tw)
There you have it. That’s really all we need. Dean is not going to stop abusing Cas if they enter a relationship- that’s not how abuse works. So why should they? Why should people even be supportive of their friendship?Dean even reminds me of my own abuser. How is that a good sign?
Remember when we thought Castiel’s sacrifice to be Lucifers vessel was going to lead to something epic for him but all it led to was torture and Lucifer getting to talk to his dad?
I never understand how people blame Cas for everything that happened in s6 (and to some extent, s7), because, I mean, were you even watching s6??
Cas is fighting a civil war in Heaven against RAPHAEL. Raphael, who is an archangel, Raphael who is trying to restart the apocalypse. He is single-handedly trying to stop this war.
And time and time again when he only asks that Dean* the Winchesters understand what he’s trying to do, why he’s so busy, Dean they constantly give him shit for it.
And it’s such bullshit, because Cas is trying to prevent exactly what they spent weeks, months, years trying to circumvent!! They lost Ellen and Jo trying to stop the apocalypse/Lucifer! They lost Sam, last time! Sam had to damn himself to an eternity of torture to stop Lucifer (and Michael) last time!
They are literally pushing against Cas’ plans to fucking stop the apocalypse from happening again, what the actual fuck.
And Cas only asks that they understand. He only asks for them to respect that he can’t help them like he usually would. And??? That’s apparently too much???
So yeah, I completely fucking understand why Cas starts lying to them about working with Crowley (which isn’t really something to fault him for, since oh yeah, how many times have Dean and Sam and Bobby done the same?? “Cas got manipulated by Crowley wow what a bastard” ffs), and lying to them about his plans.
And also, I understand why he killed Professor Whatshername and broke Sam’s wall. I don’t condone the actions, but considering that Dean the Winchesters keep demonizing him for everything he’s doing, I’m not really shocked that he didn’t know where to draw the line. Angels already have a skewed sense of morality, and having literally no support from Dean the Winchesters, and being egged on by Crowley, none of it is freaking surprising.
Dean They put this on himself themselves. If he they had just listened or had a conversation, none of this would have even happened, none of it would have gotten so bad in the first place where Godstiel and the Leviathans were even a possibility.
I’m still bitter about how stupid Dean* the Winchesters were in s6.
*I say Dean, because it was mainly Dean who was being a dick despite the fact he was the one who couldn’t accept that Cas would work with Crowley ffs Dean enough with the denial. Sam and Bobby were kinda just going along without really adding any other crap regarding Cas. Series-wise, Sam and Bobby really do just tend to go along with Dean’s choices (don’t fucking get me started), and I’m certain that a) if Dean had been supportive, they’d have gone along with that, too, b) part of it was because at this point Cas was still pretty much “Dean’s friend,” so they let him deal with it, and c) they didn’t entirely agree with Dean’s feelings on the matter.
one of the saddest relationships on supernatural has to be between castiel and his siblings. the traumatic severance of such important relationships between the two breaks my heart because through their disagreements, fights, and moments of love and loyalty, the fact of the matter is that the angels no longer consider cas one of their own and have such contempt and hostility towards him that even when cas asks for their forgiveness and begs them to stand by him, they turn their backs on him. if one angel tells cas to his face that he’s as infamous as lucifer, while another says that he should not dare call himself their “brother” because he chooses his human “brothers” time and time again and when he’s so defeated and drowning in his self-hatred, misery and guilt for the damage he feels he’s yet to rectify, he gives himself over to the same brother destined to bring about the end of the world as a tool to be used in the fight against the darkness. castiel losing his brothers and sisters, their faith in him, their respect as a soldier of god, his own place in heaven shatters my soul because if anyone deserves to have their home and family restored to them it’s cas. the angel with too much heart, a fucking hero in his own right with broken wings and a bent halo has become completely homeless and lost the family he so desperately wishes to be a part of. cas losing his heavenly family as the price of gaining his “free will” is an injustice that will never be repaired.
I think one of the reasons why I find the idea of destiel so repulsive is the fact that as an angel, Cas has been brainwashed, manipulated, programmed and reprogrammed, treated like a machine, treated like a tool, threatened with torture and death and imprisonment if he steps out of line for all of his existence for millions of years. Aside from a few friendships with some other angels his existence has been pretty hellish. He when he finally finds the courage to rebel against all of that at the last minute to save the world, Dean ends up being just another person who manipulates him and uses him like a tool. He finally has free will and he wastes it on someone who abuses the shit out of him. Nothing about that is in any way romantic to me. It’s like someone escaping from an abusive cult they’ve been in since birth and because abuse and manipulation is pretty much all they’ve ever really known, they run right into the arms of a narcissistic domestic abuser.
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