You haven't felt alive in a long while, have you?
To break your stories free from your skull, you'll wash yourself clean, weave yourself into knots, tear every uneven stitch and redo the sewing - something neat, something warm, a quilt inciting awe in another.
Because the alternative? The time slipping past your fingers, splintering upon the stones, soaked through and utterly lost to you. A regret, a void sewn into your heart's center, gnawing on your insides with a thousand sharp teeth.
Alas, don't you know that very cycle is the story itself?
~
Here, dear wanderer, dear wonderer, I invite you to lay your worries and doubts, your dreams and aspirations, the secret whisperings of fears no one dares utter aloud. Here, there's nothing to fix, nothing to remedy; we're barely searching for answers at all.
If you let me, shall we craft a tale and set the stage? We'll wander together, through stories and scientific musings, until we come across something better than an answer - meaning.
___
as for me. Noorie. They/them.
"May you only perceive me as a ghost hidden between ancient books in a dying library.
May you only know me for my stories, my ideas, my hope to bring you an ounce of joy.
Rather than tell you about the mess gathering cobwebs and the glittering mist lining their silver strands gathered about in my skull, I'll give you a promise.
We'll be alright, dear wanderer.
These dreams of ours?
We'll make them work."
I kept forgetting my nighttime antidepressant so I set an alarm where the sound was a recording of me saying "HEY. TAKE YOUR FUCKING PILL" because I thought it would be funny. It was funny about three times, and then it started making me mad and I'd dismiss it right away to make it stop. So I handed my phone to my partner, who made another recording sweetly saying "Okay Shira, it's time to take your medication" and now I don't get mad anymore and I take my pill. The "compassion over punishment" camp has gotta get something wrong one of these days
After trying out the other sites like substack and medium and such...
ohmigosh tumblr never change you are such a lovely safe haven hellscape WHERE NO ONE IS TRYING SUPER HARD TO BE PERFORMATIVE AND GET VIEWS ITS SO OOO REFRESHINGSD KFLJ
I really don't want to make a whole tumblr account again because building up new friendships feels like moving on and grieving and a losing battle.
At the same time, I really really really really want to talk about how I'm shipping enzymes and now the malcom todd songs are for enzyme yuri shipping and this is very tumblr behavior.
They'll say my generation is irresponsible,
that we'd rather spend 20 bucks on coffee pretending to be dessert.
As if 20 bucks were ever the difference between surviving and security.
As if it wasn't already spoken for by bread, electricity, water or the bus ride to a job that will forget my name before I leave.
As if they haven't lived on jam and bread long enough to hate both.
Forgive me if, just once, I spend it on something warm enough to convince me tomorrow is worth meeting.
Some luxuries aren't bought because life is easy.
They're bought because life isn't.
Sometimes the overpriced coffee isn't the reason we're broke.
Sometimes it's the reason we're still here.
it really pisses me off when adults sit there and drill it into kids’ heads that their youth is fleeting and tell them things like “enjoy your childhood while it lasts because this is the best it’s gonna get”. why are you telling children that adulthood is the worst thing they can experience? seriously what the fuck is wrong with you, why are you trying to make them feel like growing up is a fate worse than death? trying to convince them their life is over before it even begins? i’m tired of that shit. because tell my why my 12 year old cousin told me when she turns 30 she’ll be so depressed she’s just gonna cry all the time. what the fuck. kids don’t need to hear that their already stressful and overwhelming lives are never going to get better, that the abuse and lack of autonomy they face is apparently the highlight of their lives. they need to hear about adults who are happy to be alive and happy to have made it to their age. they need to know that growing up rules, it’s a gift and life does not have to suck for them, that they have a future that’s worth sticking around for. this rhetoric is so damaging mentally and i’m about to start hitting the adults who parrot it. i’m sorry you hate your life but you don’t get to dump your issues on these kids. don’t piss me off and leave these babies alone!
I WENT INTO HIGH SCHOOL THINKING THAT MY GOOD YEARS WERE JUST ABOUT OVER AND MY AUDHD SELF HADN'T EVEN EXPEREINCED THE LASTING HAPPINESS I CRAVED AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME I COULD NOT FIGURE OUT WHYY
Younger me, just so you know, you are still just as sad, sometimes sadder, but holy herbs the clouds are so pretty AND YOU HAVE CATS AND LOVEEE SCIENCE EVEN MORE NOW AND YOU ARE GOING TO WRITE THAT BOOK IF ITS THE LAST THING YOU DO
I don't understand how cis people obsessed with gender norms think trans people are the weird ones. they're going around believing that your name has to correlate to your genitals. your fashion has to correlate to your genitals. your behaviours have to correlate to your genitals. your hobbies have to correlate to your genitals. who you date has to correlate to your genitals. whether you can put sparkles on your eyelids or not has to correlate to your genitals. and then people like me go "hmm. I might not do that. maybe I'll just do what feels fun and okay instead" and they LOSE their MINDS
(writes something) god this sucks so bad. this is awful. i'm the worst writer ever. this is nothing. (rereads it a while after writing it) oh dude this is fire. i'm the god of writing. (writes something again) god this sucks so bad. th
It’s recently been found that even hive insects rest. Bees will play with colorful toys. Ants sleep for about 1 minute but they do it so frequently it amounts to a few hours per day. Even trees take breaks.
The only things that work without rest are machines; literally everything that lives requires rest.
EVERYTHING THAT LIVES REQUIRES REST. STOP JUDGING YOURSELF FOR NOT BEING A ROBOT.
robots require very frequent breaks! welding machines generally have it programmed in that they can’t run so long they melt themselves. ive overseen two different manufacturing robots now and each of them were fragile, finicky idiots that require constant maintenance and repair. they pause in between moves, in between jobs. you’re always keeping an eye on programming errors, on coolant levels, on heat. you’re always pulling bits of scrap out of joints, sweeping up debris, washing off nozzles and untangling hoses. and even then it snaps a chain and takes a whole morning’s vacation.
adhd executive dysfunction sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like
YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME
no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all
(to everyone who reblogged, donate and share @olagaza's initiative!)
thing that pisses me off most about adhd advice from neurotypicals... the 'doing something for 30 days forms a habit.' bitch nothing in my life is a habit i would be ripping bong and jacking off all day if it was a matter of choice. never underestimate my ability to be super invested in something for like 2 weeks and then forget to do it one day and never go back to it
I have spent a significant portion of my life sick in bed. This means I have read... a lot of fanfiction. I do not want to run the numbers (for my own sanity) but there is a nonzero chance that I have read a greater volume of fanfiction than most of you will in a lifetime (yes, even in a tumblr crowd, where I have some real competition 😆).
For a number of years I was really embarrassed by this because for most of my life, I've fit best with the 'socially elitist nerd' set. You know - the ones who don't care if you make a little less eye contact, as long as your performance of intelligence can make them feel intelligent too. I "passed" there. So more than a decade of constant fluff and rom-com "junk" really felt like something I should be ashamed of.
But I've realized recently what fanfiction (or any free web fiction) really is. It's the author's hopes. It's the author's fears. It's all the things you wouldn't write to publish because they feel too sad, or sinful, or sacred.
Without really thinking about it, I've been drinking from the well of human desire - from fear, and love, and lust. I've been reading your precious wishes for family, or protection, or connection. I've been learning how you dream life could be.
Thank you to every writer whose work I have read or will read someday. Thank you for sharing the most precious parts of your heart, even when you didn't realize what you were doing. To every writer out there - every middle schooler with dreams, every suburban mom wishing her life could be something more. You reached out into the oblivion with the piece of yourself you probably don't even share with those closest. And somewhere in this world, a person noticed. Your dreams and hopes and wishes became a piece of me too.
POV: Your evening plans involve zero screens and thousands of gorgeous Victorian stickers. 📜✨
The Antiquarian Sticker Book is our absolute favorite way to unwind. You can peel and decorate, create a beautiful collage, or just browse the lush pages after a long day. It’s pure, cozy relaxation in book form.
To the Wanderers, the Wonderers. @anulithots2 - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
