it’s one in the morning and i’m thinking about how much our society romanticizes dating someone who suffers from mental illness or addiction and how it actually sucks and hurts everyone involved.
if someone’s depressed and suicidal, they’re going to be depressed and suicidal when they’re in a relationship, too.
if someone drinks heavily everyday, they’re not going to join AA just because they’re dating someone.
if someone is a hard user, they’re not going to make you into their new high.
if someone is anxious, they’re not going to finally see some sense and that there’s nothing to worry about.
if someone suffers from bipolar disorder, they’re not going to be stable just because there’s someone to hold their hand.
our society heavily romanticizes the idea that having someone else can “fix” you, as if mental illness or addiction is something that makes you broken.
when the media portrays people with this issues in relationships, it usually goes like this.
the boy/girl has been self-harming and talking about killing themselves, when suddenly this person comes into their lives and they have a reason to stay alive.
the boy/girl has been self-medicating for years before meeting someone that makes them feel like nothing has ever made them feel before.
the boy/girl has someone who talks them through their irrational anxieties until the late AM, and finds it cute and quirky when they have to turn the lights on and off again until the compulsion stops.
there is NOTHING romantic about being SICK.
dating someone who is suicidal isn’t going to make them want to live. it isn’t going to make them feel like they deserve to be alive or that they won’t daydream about all the different ways that they can die every moment of the day.
dating someone who is depressed doesn’t mean that they’re going to be magically happy. people who suffer from depression are capable of laughing and smiling - it doesn’t mean that the hole in their chest went away.
dating someone who abuses hard substances or alcohol is going to SUCK, because not only will they choose the high over you again and again, but you also have to live with the fact that making love to you will never be as good as the bottom of the bottle. the spinning of the pills. the needle in the arm.
dating someone who has OCD isn’t about “cute and quirky tendencies”. it’s watching your partner break down in tears because the day has been stressful enough and then they went down the stairs starting with the right foot instead of the left. it’s not dating someone who likes to be clean, it’s the heartbreaking fact that you’re not able to run your thumb across the back of their hand because their skin is so cracked and dry from the constant scrubbing that you’re terrified of making them bleed.
dating someone with schizophrenia isn’t fun little conspiracy theories and trying to solve crimes on tv before the characters do. it’s watching the person you love deteriorate in front of you, it’s watching the mistrust and wariness shine in the eyes that once showed you nothing but love.
and to all the people out there writing articles or books on how to love someone who’s mentally ill, this message is for you:
there is no “how to” guide on loving someone. there is no standard baseline on how to date someone. there’s no survival manual that comes with your partner on the first date with big red letters spelling out their illness or addiction.
instead, you’re putting fear into what people fail to understand.
having a partner is not poetic.
we turn these things into poetry when in reality, it’s another disease, and just another person.
baratheonpilled
ellievsbear
titsay
stormborns
