15/3/2021 - 5.55pm
Okay so first off, quick recap just incase my future self has no idea what the fuck I'm on about;
- Known(ish) S since 2015 when his sister decided we had so much in common and we should be together.
- This week, a tarot reader has said a King of Pentacles is waiting for me to be ready. A psychic asked me if I'm in a relationship and when I said no she went "hmm..." and seemed like she wasn't saying something. Another psychic said that before coming in, she'd seen me with a guy who plays games like Dungeons and Dragons with his friends and that we'd be together when I was ready.
- Earlier this year, I put out a tweet about wanting to play DnD and S replied saying I should.
- Last night I had a dream that me and S were together (possibly cheating on his girlfriend with me, yikes) and I was pregnant.
—————
Alright, so onto the present stuff.
Maybe it's just because this whole thing has gotten into my head... but I think I do like S. Hell, I think I've liked S for a while because I remember being sad when he got a girlfriend. I played it off as aw boo, now he's not just hanging around waiting for me anymore but that was stupid and fake. I didn't want him to be in a relationship with someone else and I still don't. I want him to be in a relationship with.
What the fuck ahahahaha. Jesus.
The funny thing is, his girlfriend seems perfectly nice from social media (because that's such a solid judge of character), but my brain is doing that dumb jealous thing where I see her and I pick at her. First thing I thought when I saw her picture? Her eyebrows are hideous. And look, to be fair, they really are. They're blocky and look ridiculous on her face. But I just dislike her and that's the only reason I can give???
Ironically, part of me is glad he's in this relationship, even if I want it to be over, because I've never wanted to be responsible for his firsts. He's been honest online about how he was a virgin/had never kissed anyone, and that always scared me because I have so many of my own issues that selfishly, I didn't want to have to take his firsts. I wanted him to have some experience so I wouldn't have to... I don't even know, help him through it? That sounds dumb when I say it, but yeah. At least now, he's kissed this girl and probably had sex with her, so maybe one day we'll end up together and we can do those things together without the pressure.
Or maybe he's not the one I'm meant to be with. Maybe I took too long and he'll never be interested in me. Maybe I missed my shot.
I don't know. But even if it's just on this secret blog? I like him. I like S.
27/5/2023 - 1.22am
This is so funny because yes, I do like S. And guess what? He likes me back. We're spending time together. We're speaking every single day. He's introducing me to his friends. Tonight he held my hands & we spoke about our idea of a perfect relationship & he even said the words "if we were together" & oh my god. I'm happy. I got in my car & I was giddy. And I'm so excited because I get to see him again in a couple of days & he invited me to a quiz night next week (we did a comic/fandom quiz night tonight & won!! 3 rounds top score & over all top score eheheh) & I'm gonna go & just!!! I like him & there's a chance, a real possibility that we'll date & I really want that.
Who am I!!!!!! I am giddy over a boooyyyyyyy ahaha