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Willing And Able

WC: 8K

Summary: You and Robby have been divorced for years but share a teenage daughter who wants nothing to do with him, tragedy strikes and he realizes all he's missed out on and does his best to remedy things but is it enough to win you back ?

Warnings: mentions of shooting (pittfest), blood, inaccurate medical info, kids being kids, deadbeat dads who lack emotional connection

AN: This is a longer one ! I hope you guys enjoy and let me know what you think ! Any feedback is encouraged whether it's a comment, an ask or reblog with some tags ! Likes are amazing too but interaction is what makes us writers happy 💙

Robby and you couldn't be more opposites if you tried, he was day and you were night. He liked beer and hot black coffee and you liked white wine and iced lattes, he lived for vinyls on a record player when feeling overwhelmed and you preferred a book in the living room with nothing but silence by your side Opposites attract

That’s what makes a good partnership last

You two are perfect together

All things you believed once upon a time but now things were different and you two were divorced. The marriage had surprisingly lasted longer than you thought it would but that was mostly because you spent the last 3 months of it gathering up the courage to finally pull the plug. But even all that waiting didn’t prevent you from getting pregnant and having a daughter with him.

Robby was 10 years older than you, something you thought was sexy at the time. Little did you know that would be the biggest demise to your relationship. You had met him during a time where you had been transferred to Pittsburgh from your home state as a nurse. He was still a resident who hadn’t seen the worst of life and one thing led to another after drinks at a hole in the wall bar and after endless late night talks you two got married after a year You didn’t even have an actual wedding or a wedding dress, he hadn’t even proposed on his knee or given you one of those cheesy speeches you longed for from all those romcom movies. You two were in bed and a book was in his hands before he simply closed it, put it away and reached in his nightstand and took out a small box and handed it over to you “Open it, it’s for you” he said softly “I’ve had it for a month”

“Oh my gosh, is this an engagement ring ?” you murmured taking it out

“I love you, I know you’re it for me and I don’t wanna waste time when I know you’re who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Marry me ?”

“Yes !” you nodded with a smile handing him the ring as he slid it on your finger “I love you so much, oh my god…I get to plan a wedding”

“Well…I was thinking maybe we could just go down to the courthouse this week ? Get it done officially and we can plan when things slow down a bit ?”

“I like that” you smiled “I like that a lot, things are a little chaotic right now but eventually they’ll calm down and we can have something nice with everyone”

But that never happened and that was then and this was now and now was you at 42 sitting down to meet him at lunch and talk about a choice your almost 18 year old daughter, Leni, had made that you knew he wouldn’t be happy with “Sorry I’m late” Robby apologized as he went over and pet Leni’s head “Can we not mess up my blow out please” she gently fixed her hair “You have the roughest touch” “Leni” you murmured Robby simply gave a small grin “It’s okay, so what’s up ?” “Well” you started as you looked at Leni “Someone has some big news she wanted to share with us” “Mom you already know you don’t need to act surprised just for him” Leni rolled her eyes “Seriously we could’ve just texted or emailed him” “About what ?” he asked “Eleanor got into Cambridge" you grinned “She got a full ride” “Cambridge…as in Cambridge,England ?” Robby asked softly “You got in ? I didn’t even know you were applying there” “I told you months ago during that one dinner at that one place” Leni responded with a sigh as she moved her pasta around the plate with her fork “I’m gonna go ahead and make the assumption you either forgot or you were still in Dr.Robby mode so you weren’t paying attention to what I was saying” Robby shook his head “I think I would’ve remembered my child telling me she applied to a university on the other side of the world” This was as far as it got before Robby and Eleanor got into an argument, it had been that way since she was 11 years old and realized her dad, or daddy as she used to call him lovingly, was no longer the playful joyful dad she once had. Covid had ruined the father she had once adored and doted on. While you and Robby had been divorced when she was born he was still a very active and present father.

You had told yourself that the divorce didn’t hurt as much because of that fact, you had convinced yourself that separating was the best thing you could’ve done but then covid hit and the isolation and suddenly you two were at square one again with him moving back in and staying in your guest room giving your daughter mixed signals “Well there’s the news” Leni shrugged “I leave in July, a month after graduation and classes start the first week of August…your turn mom” You sighed and folded your hands over your lap “Eleanor, that’s how what we talked about”

“You brought up my news so I get to bring up yours” she sipped her water Robby turned to you, his gaze catching yours “So what else should I know ?” “I’m moving to England too” you said softly “I renewed my nursing license and got a work visa approved, I’m gonna be working at St.Thomas hospital as a pediatric nurse.” He shook his head and let out a chuckle “Uh okay, um wow. I just…so I have no say ? I have no say in our 17 year old deciding to move across the country for college ?” “Oh here we go” Leni sighed “Dad, let’s be honest you don’t even care so stop pretending you do. You haven’t cared about anything to do with me since I was 11, you don’t even know me. You don’t know what I like or what I wanna major in. You know nothing about me and the only reason you talk to me is because mom keeps bugging you.” “Hey watch your tone” Robby reprimanded “I’m your father and I love you and I care deeply about you Eleanor. I was working, I was making sure you had everything you needed and more. I did my best-” “That’s such bullshit and you know it” she snapped back “How can you sit there and reprimand me and tell me that when it’s all lies. Mom was there for me, not you. You were too busy dating anyone who would open their legs and playing stepdad with some kid who doesn’t talk to you anymore because you couldn’t save his girlfriend and hates you now. Way to fucking go” You said nothing as Eleanor stood up abruptly and threw her napkin on her plate, knowing you had to be very careful how you handled the situation “And by the way this place you picked was shit” she said before leaving “I can't eat gluten but of course you don’t remember that either. Some doctor you are”

“She’s not going to England” Robby said calmly as he watched her leave “Not with that fucking atittude, you let her talk to you like that ? You let her go around with that kind of attitude ?”

This was Robby, this was the kind of person he was when issues happened. Every time rather than think about why you or Eleanor were acting up he’d immediately shift the blame and project and it was partly your fault because you had let it happen. You had protected his mental state and always excused it but that was coming to an end “Michael” you spoke softly “Eleanor is 3 months away from turning 18, she is going to England and there is nothing you can do to stop her, what you can do is try to fix your relationship with her because believe me when I tell you once she leaves here she won’t ever be coming back” He sipped his water and straightened his posture, saying nothing as he ate his pasta and wiped his mouth “She’s disrespectful, she has a horrible attitude and she thinks she’s gonna take the world by storm. She’s in for the roughest wake up call of her life and somehow this is my fault ?” “Yes” you answered honestly “It is” “I’m sorry ?” he asked confused “You have been a horrible father” you admitted finally coming clean “I understand circumstances changed and a very rough period of time happened for you but it’s no excuse to how you cut Eleanor out of your life but continued to live it in other ways. You continued to date around, you were a father figure to another child that you only knew for months yet you couldn’t make it to Eleanor’s dance recitals or school plays or her volleyball games or to escort her down the football field for homecoming court 5 months ago. She’s tired of you Michael, she’s tired of having to act like you’re her father when you’re some stranger who deposits a couple hundred bucks in her bank account every month”

It was like cold water was thrown over him hearing you tell him that, he fidgeted with the napkin on his lap and let out a small sigh “I never meant for her to…the last-” he stopped before he could continue knowing no matter what he said it wouldn’t be a good enough reason “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I just, I always thought that with time she could understand that I was trying my best.”

“I am too” you grinned sadly “You missed out on a really cool little girl who turned into an even cooler teenager. You know, I don’t regret having her. I just regret bringing her into this world with a father who didn’t appreciate her.”

The comment earned you his signature stare, the one that used to tear at your heart strings with the way his big brown eyes somehow got deeper as if they were piercing through your soul but that effect was long gone. You had loved Michael Robinavitch, you still did despite telling yourself you didn’t. He was your first love, your true love, he was your friend, your confidant who turned into your husband and now he was your ex husband who you didn’t even recognize “Have a good rest of your shift Michael” you paid the bill “Can we talk after I’m off ?” he asked, stopping you with a gentle hold on your wrist “Please ?” “No” you shook your head “We can’t. She said her piece and I haven’t had anything to say to you for nearly 18 years.” You walked away and found Eleanor sitting in the passenger seat of your car, scrolling on her phone as she put it down once you got in “I’m not apologizing to him” she said “And when I turn 18 I’m dropping his last name and adding yours” “You don’t need to apologize to him” you shook your head “Though I would’ve maybe not used such vulgar terms, you were entitled to tell him how you felt and seeing how you’re almost an adult now you can make those feelings known” “What did you ever see in him” she whispered “It’s like his body’s there but his mind is somewhere else. He has no emotion, he’s the coldest person I’ve ever met mom.” “He wasn’t always like that’ you said quietly as you began your drive “I know” Eleanor sighed “I was there too, covid happened and you didn’t want him living alone so you brought him back in with us. He would come home, shower and stay in the guest room all night until his next shift and on days off he would just sleep and then his mentor died and he would cry all night and you’d comfort him and you two would end up having sex and you’d leave his room early in the morning thinking I didn’t see you. I was 11, not a complete idiot mom.”

Keeping your calm you breathed in and out slowly, you didn’t say anything until you guys were back home sitting in the living room “Adults are complicated people Len, we don’t always make the best choices but what we can do is show change and if he shows change then I do think it’d be a good thing to maybe have a chat with him when you both aren’t upset.” “He shows change because he wants to get in your pants since he scared off his other options already” she muttered “You know what, you need to quit” you snapped “Seriously enough Eleanor, you think you know everything and you don’t. Your father was right about that.” “Oh you too ?” she answered back “One little talk with him and here you are again being a doormat just like you are every time you see him. What does he have over you ? Why do you get so dumb when you’re around him ?” “What ?” you whispered “You turn into someone I don’t even know when you’re around him” she whispered “It’s like you want him to agree with you and you suddenly forget I’m there. I hate it, I hate how you two start looking at each other. Did you forget he was never around ? Did you forget he never tried for us to be a family ?”

No, you hadn’t. The fact that you had signed your divorce papers the very same day you found out the gender of your child stayed engrained in your memory. The fact that you had built and decorated her nursery by yourself in an apartment and not the home you dreamed of living with him was also there. You had done it all on your own, from dr’s appointments he couldn’t attend to shopping for baby clothes to picking her name, that was all you. The only thing you had seen him show emotion and excitement was her birth

The moment she had come out of you she was in his arms as he cleaned her up and did skin to skin, rubbing her back with his finger in gentle circular motions as she cooed on his chest. Robby looked like he was in heaven that first year of her life. He made sure you were well rested and would come over daily to bathe Eleanor, feed her and just hold her. Her first year was the first time you had seen him take days off or go in late, it was like he never wanted to miss a moment. As she got older he was there too, toddlerhood was a blast for him.

He’d read her endless books and buy her all the educational toys he could find. His favorite thing was taking her to the hospital on his off days to show her off and get her familiar with everyone. Robby was a proud father, he loved telling his colleagues that he was a father now and that he had a child who carried his last name. Everything was perfect until covid hit and changed everything. The happiest times were gone and Eleanor unfortunately would never remember those

“I’m sorry” you apologized sincerely “I am. I guess I just remember him as the man I fell in love with” “I guess I understand that” she murmured “If I had good memories of him I’d hold onto them too but I just don’t mom. I only remember you and I always having dinners together and you being at all my events and helping me with homework and being by my side whenever I woke up from a bad dream. I thought maybe during covid when he lived with us again he’d wanna hangout but he never did. He only wanted you so I stopped asking him.”

“It’s not an excuse” you shook your head “But….things happened to your dad that just came out during that quarantine and isolation time” “Stop” Eleanor whispered “Stop making excuses for him, stop defending him. Everyone has issues and they deal with them and move on, he can’t use his past to defend the fact that he was a bad father and a bad husband. That ends here, I won’t stand in front of you and let you continue this. We’re leaving this place soon and that means we’re leaving him behind, for good.” Your own child telling you that was a wakeup call. You hugged her tightly and had a movie night with her for the rest of the day, a tradition you had imposed once a week. One that started because she had found out Robby was hanging out with Jake and taking him to Pirate’s and Pen’s games instead of her It was later that night when you were washing dishes and Eleanor was in bed that you heard a familiar knock on your door, sighing you answered it already knowing he wouldn’t stop “It’s late, you should go rest and we said everything we needed to say to each other already”

“I fucked up” Robby started “I fucked up and I was too into my own head and pain that I let you and Leni go and I couldn’t be man enough to fight for you guys. I thought that somehow if I made the effort with someone else that I could somewhat convince myself that I had tried. I let you down and I let Leni down.” “You did” you nodded “But that’s the past and there’s no going back and there’s no point in talking about this Michael. I’m glad you realize your loss but it’s not worth arguing about, it’s just not.” “I love you” he whispered “I never stopped, I gave you the divorce because I was a coward who didn’t think he deserved to fight for you. You were the best thing that happened to me, without you we wouldn’t have had Eleanor and she…..she’s amazing. She’s the most incredible kid and I just need her to know that I’m sorry and that I know I don’t deserve her forgiveness or yours but you should know I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting not being there for you and for her. I know she hates me and I know you do too but please, please don’t leave. Please don’t leave me. You two are all I have in this world.” His pleads were breaking your heart, you couldn’t stay strong despite wanting to. He wasn’t lying, you and Leni were in fact all he had, he had no other family members or friends. But even then only having you two was taken for granted “You shouldn’t have come here this late and done this” you spoke “Do you realize how cruel it is to beg for someone to stay when they’re leaving and making good choices for themselves ? You lived your life, you moved on several times and not once did you ever bother to truly check on Leni or spend time with her. When you moved back in during covid she was so happy, she was so excited. That all wore off when you never made an effort to spend time with her. You were on the same damn floor and you couldn’t even bother to sit with her and watch a fucking tv show Michael or even a late night bowl of cereal. Do you understand how soul crushing it is to watch a little girl sit at the kitchen table just hoping her father will come home and want to sit down with her for even 5 minutes ?” “And what did you want me to do ?” he sighed “I watched people die ! Every fucking minute of the day I watched people die and then-” “I don't give a fuck !” you finally snapped “I don’t ! I stopped giving a fuck when it was clear you’d put that damn hospital before anything and everyhing. I stopped giving a fuck when I had a child to take care of so please spare me your trauma. It’s always the same fucking thing with you, always and I’m sick of it. You fucked up, we’re moving and that’s just life. You made it this way, you chose this. Not me and especially not her so please see your way out” He left without saying a word but his face told you everything you needed to know, he was shattered. You felt the pit in your stomach and hated the fact that you thought you had gone too far but truth be told, it was long over due. Robby deserved that and more, for years you had walked on eggshells and allowed him control and defended him to Leni anytime she spoke badly about him and now you realized what a fuck up that been on your part You left to bed and fell asleep hoping the bad feeling would go away only to wake up feeling worse. As you headed downstairs you sighed when you found a note on the kitchen island Kara got tickets to Pittfest last minute, I’ll be back by curfew. Love you-Leni

It was around 4 pm when you got an alert on your phone about a shooting happening in the city and to lock doors and stay inside. As you read more you felt your stomach drop when you realized the shooting was at Pittfest. You sent texts and called Leni over and over only for them to not go through, you sat there waiting and hoping for a response and finally decided to go tell Robby choosing to do it in person “My hus-, my ex is a doctor here and I need to speak to him about a personal matter” you said to an officer upon arriving You heard your name being called and quickly pushed past the officer and straight to Robby “Oh my god why are all these people here ?” “Victims of a shooting” he said quickly “Why are you here ? What’s wrong ?” “Oh god…Michael, Leni was at Pittfest” you whispered “I can’t reach her, my calls and texts don’t go through and oh my god what if something happened to her ?” Robby shook his head, he looked around then back at you “Wh-what ?” “She left this morning to her friends house” you breathed out “She mentioned her getting tickets to Pittfest last minute and now-now I can’t reach her. I called and texted her at least a hundred times and nothing went through” “Stay calm, I’m sure she’s fine” he managed to say as calmly as possible “You can’t be here, you should go home and wait for her there. She’s gonna come home and she’ll need you. Leni is fine, I know she is” The next moments were like a bad dream come to life, you both heard ambulances all come in at once full of people moaning and whining in agonizing pain, their clothes and skin covered in bright red blood. You went pale when you saw a girl get pulled out on a stretcher with her arm limply dangling on the side. Her wrist wearing the matching bracelet you had gotten Leni for christmas “Leni ! Leni are you okay ?” you ran over and held her hand “Oh my god Michael she got shot !” “Oh my god” Robby rushed to your side and looked her over “Leni, Leni come on wake up honey” He looked her over and visibly shuddered when he saw the gunshot wound on her lower abdomen “Fuck ! We need surgery now stat !” “She’s family” Jack came up behind him and pushed her stretcher inside as you and Robby walked beside him “You cannot handle family matters, we got this and we’re gonna do everything we can. I’m gonna let Gloria know so you can sit this out, you’re done for the day” You didn’t even have time to register what was going on before being taken to a room with Robby where you two sat in silence. You wanted to scream and cry but you couldn’t, your mind and heart were with Leni. She was all you could think about and before you knew it you were sobbing “She’s all I have, that’s my baby” you cried through body shakes “She’s my baby, she’s so young and has such a life ahead of her, I can’t lose her. I can’t !” Robby simply stared blankly at the operating room board, still wearing blood-speckled black scrubs. His hands were folded with perfect posture and perfect composure. The same composure that had cost him his marriage. The same composure that had left birthdays missed, dance recitals forgotten, volleyball games missed, missed texts and phone calls that were never returned

You heard footsteps and both of you stood immediately. A trauma surgeon approached, mask hanging around his neck. Robby recognized him instantly

"The surgery's over." he nodded

Your knees nearly buckled as you stood "Is she…is she she alive ?"

"Yes." he answered softly “She’s alive”

The word released just enough air into your lungs to keep you standing

"Complications ?" Robby asked

"The bullet caused extensive damage to her small intestine and mesentery. We repaired what we could..." he hesitated "...but we couldn't save her spleen."

You blinked "What ?"

"We had to perform a splenectomy." he said softly

Robby's face drained completely "No..."

The surgeon continued gently, "She lost over half her blood volume before we could control the bleeding."

Your heart sank “Oh my god”

"We've already transfused multiple units." he assured

Robby’s doctor brain had already reached the conclusion before he even said it "What type ?"

"O negative initially." he looked between both of you "She's stabilized, but she's still bleeding microscopically. We need additional blood products."

Robby swallowed "She’s A positive and I'm A positive." he said quickly “I’m a match”

"If you're willing..."

Robby almost laughed "If I'm willing ?", his voice cracked so hard it startled everyone "She's my daughter, of course I’m willing. What kind of question is that man ? You have to be kidding me ? Take every damn pint I'm allowed to give."

The doors swung shut again as he nodded and walked out, Robby stood perfectly still like a mannequin until something inside him finally broke. He covered his mouth with one hand and his shoulders started shaking. At first it looked like he was cold, then the sound came. A choked sob, you had seen him cry before but not like this.

Not when Adamson died, not when you divorced, not when Leni was born. You walked over and sat down on the floor with him as he slid down the wall

"I wasn't there...", the words barely escaped him "I wasn't there..."

You wrapped your arms around him as he buried his face in both hands, "I kept telling myself there'd be time." he sobbed "I missed her dance recitals and games because there'd be another one."

He laughed bitterly through tears "I skipped birthdays because I was saving lives” his breathing became uneven "I convinced myself she'd understand when she was older and now she almost died before I ever became her father." his voice shattered completely

“Michael please don’t think about those things right now” you whispered rubbing his back “Let’s focus on the fact that she’s gonna be okay”

"I don't even know her favorite music anymore." he wiped at tears that wouldn't stop "I don't know who she texts, I don't know who broke her heart last year. I don't know what her favorite food is or how she likes her eggs”

His hands shook violently to the point where you held them in yours to try to give him some stability “Michael, breath honey. Breathe please”

"I know her allergies” a broken laugh escaped his mouth "I know her blood type, I know her CT scan." he looked up at you with red eyes completely defenseless "I know everything about how to save strangers. But I never learned how to be her dad."

You leaned forward and kissed his forehead as you hugged him, allowing him to sob in your arms and into your shirt as you rubbed his back and comforted him. For the first time in years, there wasn't anger just grief for the years he had lost

"You still have a chance." you whispered “She survived."

His lip trembled "She lost her spleen."

"I know." you nodded

"She'll need vaccines... she'll have to be careful with infections for the rest of her life." he murmured “She’s gonna have to alter her life….she’s gonna have to skip on college for some time”

"I know." you nodded “I know and trust me I know she’s gonna be devastated”

He looked toward the operating room doors "I should've protected her."

You reached for his trembling hand "The person who shot her and all those other people is responsible."

He squeezed his eyes shut "I wasted so many years."

You nodded slowly "...You did."

He flinched but just shook his head “Fuck…fuck, this can’t be happening”

"There’s always time” you said softly

"If she lets me..."

You looked toward the intensive care unit doors where nurses were beginning to move "Then you show up. No excuses. No hiding at work because it's easier."

He nodded through tears "I'll spend the rest of my life earning it."

Just then, a blood bank technician approached with paperwork "Dr. Robby ?"

Robby stood, wiping his face "I'm ready."

The technician looked at him "When was the last time you donated blood ?"

He glanced once toward the ICU doors "I've never needed to more than I do today." and without another word, he followed the technician down the hall, hoping that for the first time in years, he could give his daughter something she truly needed

It was the next morning when you had been sitting beside Leni's bed, your fingers wrapped around her hand as the sedation finally slowly wore off. Robby stood near the window, giving you space as he looked at her and sighed softly. He was beyond exhausted after donating blood, his skin was pale and he was still in his scrubs but he had refused to leave all night

A nurse stepped inside and grinned softly, "She's waking up now, seems like everything is okay as far as vitals. I’ll give you guys some time"

Your heart immediately began racing as you sat up and pet her forehead "Leni, hey honey"

Her eyebrows pinched together and a quiet groan escaped her lips before she slowly opened her eyes "Mom..."

"I'm here, sweetheart."

She blinked several times, trying to focus but everything hurt. Her throat burned from the breathing tube and her abdomen felt like it was on fire. Her eyes drifted past you until she saw Robby

"Dad…."

Robby stepped forward carefully "Hey, kiddo."

She stared for several long seconds then looked away "I don't want him here."

The room became painfully quiet and Robby stopped where he was "I understand."

He started toward the door but you gently reached back and touched his arm before he could leave "No." both of them looked at you as you took a slow breath "Leni, I know you're angry."

"I'm not angry.” she responded with a raspy voice "I just don't want him here."

"I know." you leaned over and brushed a strand of hair away from her forehead "But your father and I both need to be here for what we're about to tell you."

Her expression shifted "Tell me what ?"

You glanced toward Robby who looked like he wanted to disappear, you squeezed Leni's hand "The surgery was successful."

She nodded faintly “That’s good, I’m glad”

"You were shot in your abdomen." Robby said quietly “It was-”

"I remember the guy shooting me dad, no need to give me the run down when I was the one laying in a pool of blood acting like I was dead so he wouldn’t shoot me again"

He shook his head and let out a deep breath, taking the mental image of her description out of his head "There was a lot of internal bleeding."

Leni swallowed "Okay, um is that serious ?"

"The surgeons had to make some very difficult decisions to save your life." Robby continued “They had to remove your spleen”

She frowned "Can people live without one ?"

"Yes you can." Robby answered quietly, his voice had returned to that calm doctor tone, though you could hear the emotion beneath it "It means your immune system won't work quite the same. You'll need vaccinations to protect you from certain infections. You'll need to be careful about fevers and seek medical care promptly if you become seriously ill."

Leni stared at the ceiling and shrugged "Okay, just a few extra steps I can do that”

"The doctors also said recovery is going to take time." he added

"How long ?" she finally looked at him “I start school soon, I wanna be healthy enough to fly and get my room ready and settle in. Will I just need the summer ?”

You felt your stomach knot, you could see her mind racing trying to understand the severity of the situation and you took it upon yourself to break the news "Leni, we’ll have to postpone your plans."

"What ?" she whispered “No, no mom. No !”

"The recovery and follow-up care mean you won't be able to leave for Cambridge this fall." you said softly “You need rest, lots of it. You can start spring semester but you won’t be able to start this fall”

Tears immediately welled in her eyes "No that can’t be, it can’t. I worked for that mom, I was one of 10 students in the entire state of Pennsylvania who got a full ride to a school out of the country, I worked my ass off. I can't just not go, I can’t ! I need to go !”

“Deferring a year is common after major medical events. It doesn't mean you've lost your place." Robby added quietly She whipped her head toward him despite the pain in her neck and scoffed "You don't get to tell me it's okay."

Robby froze, "It isn't okay," he admitted

"You don't know anything about my life."

He lowered his eyes "You're right."

"You wouldn’t have even known I got into Cambridge if it hadn’t been for mom forcing me to tell you so don’t even try to act like you know” Leni spat “You missed everything, everything and now suddenly you get to be here and act like some concerned parent ? My life can’t get any worse. He should’ve just fucking killed me.” “Eleanor !” you snapped “It’s true !” she screamed back “I’m gonna have health problems for the rest of my life mom ! My life will never be the same and now everything I worked for is just gone. You know how hard I worked for that scholarship, you were there with me through it all. You should understand me but let me guess while I was fighting for my life he cried again and gave you a sob story ? Yeah here we go again" “Leni” Robby cleared his throat “You’re upset and rightfully so and I just need you to know that I love you and that you’re important to me and that I know I messed up but I also know there’s time to fix things and this may be the time we need for that” “It took me getting shot for you to realize you were a deadbeat ?” Leni looked at him “You always chose yourself and this hospital my whole life. You had years, years and nothing. At this point I really don’t care. Not like I can do anything about it when you’ve got mom under some weird spell.” You reached over to pet her cheek but she turned the other way, you could see the hot silent tears stream down her cheeks and stood up walking out to the hall with Robby as you rubbed your face “She’s right, she’s right. She’s upset but she’s right. She worked her ass off Michael, she did everything right and now she can’t do the one thing she worked for because something she couldn’t even control happened”

Robby nodded “She has every right to be upset with life and with me. I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t. I’ll give her space but I’m gonna back off. I’ll talk to some people and see when she can go home, maybe that’ll lift her spirits a bit” “I think that’s best” you agreed softly “You need to eat something, shower and get some rest. You gave a lot of blood and you refused to eat or drink anything all night, please take care of yourself Michael” “I know” he whispered “She’s upset” you said softly caressing his cheek “She’s been through trauma and she got some news and she’s lashing out. I think soon she’ll soften up but for right now she’s angry at everyone and everything. If she knew everything you did for her she would be thankful.” Robby simply shrugged and did his best to put on a strong face for you but he knew you could see right through it. He was on the verge of a breakdown but he knew he had to stay strong for yours and Leni’s sake

Three weeks after the shooting, the house still didn't feel normal. Prescription bottles sat neatly on the kitchen counter. A pillow and blanket permanently lived on the couch because Leni still couldn't comfortably climb into her bed by herself and the front door stayed locked and every window was checked twice before bed. Loud noises still making her jump every single time

This was the first day she’d be alone….well with Robby, you had to head to work to make sure everything was good during your urgent care night shift and you weren’t exactly thrilled. Leni had said nothing to Robby at all in weeks despite him coming over every day and bringing her favorite snacks and food. The best progress they had made was her allowing him to sit next to her one night while you watched a movie together

“I’ll be back by 10” you looked at her “Anything you need, dad’s here” The evening was awkward to say the least. Robby heated up canned soup because it was one of the few things Leni's stomach tolerated and she barely spoke and he barely pushed. Instead, they watched an old nature documentary in silence but next to each other. Robby could tell she was anxious given by how she looked around anytime she heard a car alarm go off

Around nine-thirty she yawned and stood up on her crutches "I'm going upstairs."

"You shouldn't take the stairs alone." Robby sighed

"I can do it, I’ll go slow” Leni muttered It was just past 8 when he had fallen asleep on the couch, snoring away as the documentary continued playing on the tv. He jumped up when he heard screaming that made his blood cold, moving before he was even fully awake and heading up the stairs at lightning speed

“Dad ! Mom ! Help me !” Leni thrashed violently beneath blankets grabbing her stomach “No ! It hurts !” Robby crouched down by her side of the bed quickly “Leni, Leni honey wake up” “It hurts !” she sobbed still in her sleep

He gently caught her wrists before she could pull at her healing incisions and did his best to get her to react without having to shake her “Leni, baby, you gotta wake up it’s me, it’s dad”, he placed a hand against her cheek and gently caressed it “Come on Len, wake up it’s okay, I’m here baby”

Leni’s eyes suddenly flew open and she sucked in a huge breath, gasping as she looked around wildly finally setting her gaze onto him “Dad ? You’re here ? I’m here ?” her chest was still heaving and her hands were shaking uncontrollably “I-” “I know” Robby got up and sat on the side of her “You had a nightmare babe” “I could hear gunshots, I could smell them” tears slipped out from her eyes as her voice cracked “I saw that girl next to me…”

He felt his throat tighten, he had read the trauma notes. Robby knew exactly what she'd witnessed before she'd been carried to the ambulance and it was terrifying. Without thinking, he scooted closer to her and gently wrapped an arm around her Leni leaned forward carefully and hugged his waist tightly as Robby slightly froze. She hadn’t willingly hugged him or had any physical contact with him like this in years. He rubbed her shoulder and leaned over to kiss her head “You’re okay, I’ll always take care of you” Robby whispered in her hair “I thought I was dying” she cried “All I could think about was mom and you and the pain and how much blood was covering my shirt” Robby let out a deep breath and shook his head “I’m so sorry you went through that Len, you must’ve been so scared” “I still hear it” she whispered so quietly he almost didn’t hear it “I hear the gun going off, I hear the crying and screaming, I hear the sound of people trying to keep their moans and groans quiet so they don’t get shot again. I hate it, I hate it so much…how do you get it to stop ? How do you ever get over watching people die ? How ?” “Oh I’m not the one to ask kiddo” he said softly

“You watch people die every day” she cuddled against his chest “You have your whole career, how do you deal with it ?” “I used to take it really really hard” Robby said softly “Especially when they were kids, I would cry my eyes out and go home and sleep it off only to get hit with more patients dying the next shift. Your mom….your mom would help but it’s something I had to learn to deal with on my own. It’s still hard but…but it’s gotten somewhat okay”

"I'm scared to go outside, I haven’t even gone out the front door in weeks. I'm scared it'll happen again." she said quietly

Robby gently brushed a strand of hair away from her face “What you’re feeling is very valid and we’re gonna get you someone to talk to, you won’t do this alone. You have me and your mom and both of us will be here for you for whatever you need” “Can you stay here with me please ?” Leni said softly “As in here…” “Of course” he nodded as he leaned down to take off his shoes and covered them up “Jeez let’s hope I don’t break your bed” Leni grinned weakly and leaned her head on his shoulder “Thanks dad” “No need to thank me kiddo” he whispered

The house was quiet when you finally came home, it was nearly midnight when you unlocked the front door as quietly as possible, expecting to find Robby asleep on the couch but instead, you found him in Leni’s bed

The bedroom door was cracked open and you stopped, Leni was asleep, curled carefully beneath the blankets cuddled into Robby’s side who had an arm protectively around her, holding her tightly

You stood in the doorway for a moment, watching him. This was the man you'd once loved enough to marry, the man you'd loved enough to have a child with and the man you eventually had to stop loving because loving him had started to hurt more than leaving him

You quietly stepped inside and Robby opened his eyes, “Hey”

"Hey." he gently sat and looked towards Leni “She had a pretty bad nightmare, she thought she was back at Pittfest” “Oh” you said softly “Poor thing” He looked down at the hold Leni still had on his shirt “She asked me to stay."

You sat on the edge of the bed "She's your daughter and despite her lashing out, she does love you"

"I know." Robby looked down "But knowing it and actually being her father are two different things.I keep thinking about everything I missed."

"You can't change it, you can get better from here on out” you nodded

He rubbed his hands over his face "I'm not asking you to forgive me."

You looked at him and shook your head "I don't know what you're asking Michael but I have a feeling it’s something we both already know the answer to so please, please don’t do this”

Robby took a long breath and said the words you were dreading the most, "I’m asking for a chance."

Your heart sank despite having rehearsed this very moment years ago when you actually wished he did ask for you back "You know-"

"Not with you." he quickly shook his head "Well..." he stopped, his honesty making this much worse than it had to be "That’s actually a lie because I still love you. I've never stopped."

“Loving someone doesn't mean you should go back to them." you whispered “You should never go back to something that didn’t suit you well or brought any good to your life. It’s not healthy, we weren’t healthy. We had love but love wasn’t enough we we both know that” "I don't know how to do this." he shook his head

"Then learn." you spoke “Learn how to do it, learn how to be a present father. She doesn’t need you to be perfect, she just needs you to be there for her and I hate that I even have to tell you this, this is what you should know” “I know” he looked at you “I do, I just…you’ve always helped me”

"You need to understand something." you whispered "Being there for her doesn't mean trying to get me back, not using her to get close to me” “I wouldn’t do that” Robby said softly “Maybe not intentionally” you responded “But emotions get messy so boundaries will be kept so there’s an understanding that we won’t act like something we’re not. This marriage is over and will stay over Michael.” His jaw tightened and he cleared his throat “I know.” “You still have a shot with Leni and making up for time lost, it’s not too late for that and as ugly as this time has been you should see it as some blessing because it’s brought you two closer again and I really think you two need each other” you whispered “She needs you and you need her” “I do” Robby agreed “And it’s gonna be nice to be able to hang out and do stuff together, I’m excited” “I am too” you grinned “Can I ask you something ?” he asked “Go for it” you nodded

"Do you think someday you'll forgive me ?"

You looked at him and weakly smiled "I already have but forgiveness isn't the same as going back and I think we both need to accept that."

For a while, neither of you spoke, then Robby looked at Leni and sighed softly, "I wish I'd understood all of this before I lost you."

You gave him a sad smile "So do I."

He looked at you, there was still love there. You both knew it and maybe that was why you couldn't go back. Because sometimes loving someone meant knowing when the story had ended.

“I’m gonna go back to mine and shower and get some sleep so I can be back in the morning and see if she maybe wants to go to breakfast” he gently got out of bed and tucked Leni in as he kissed her forehead “She needs us” "Both of us.” you looked at him one last time.

"Then let's be good parents, deal ?” he reached for your hand

You nodded and reached, letting him hold it for just a moment as you met his eyes and grinned “It’s a deal”

"Good parents," Robby agreed with a gentle smile

You let go of his hand, not because you didn't love him but because sometimes love wasn't enough to make two people right for each other and for the first time, you both understood that maybe the family you could still be was more important than the marriage you had lost.

*just a little reminder once again that if you read please please reblog with tags and leave feedback :), my ask box is always open or you can just comment here. Feedback is truly what helps the most and I love love reading what you think !!! This isn't AO3 where kudos means something, this also isn't IG or Twitter where likes matter. Please appreciate the work us writers put into this. It's not hard to leave a comment or reblog with some tags.

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