Athazagoraphobia

Poetry for those in need of a voice.

[anxietypoemsblg]

Purple Haze

If I give you my heart right now, will you promise not to break it? I know it may be hard to make this vow, but my heart can’t handle another split.

I couldn’t dream of a life, without you in it. I would be living in strife, without you present every little minute.

You mean everything to me, do I mean anything to you? Can you see every little possibility I see, when you look at me too?

What holds the key to your heart, please can you give me an answer? This love is tearing me apart, it’s like some form of cancer.

You need to know how I feel, cause that’s my one and only cure. For the love I’ve been trying to conceal, any other effort would be obscure.

Do you think you might be able, to love me the way that I love you? If you’re looking for someone strong and stable, I’ll lay down a foundation strong enough for two.

Tell me you’ll hear me out, cause I’ve got a lot to say. I don’t want to cause any doubt when I tell you I think of you each day.

You mean everything to me, do I mean anything to you? Can you see every little possibility I see, when you smile at me too?

What holds the key to your heart, please can you give me an answer? This love is tearing me apart, I’m not normally the chancer.

You need to know how I feel, cause that’s my one and only cure. For the love I’ve been trying to conceal, there’s only so much I can endure.

If only you could see your beauty, effortless in every single way. Your elegance slays me like it’s fulfilling its duty, dipped in iridescence, pulling me in then leaving me astray.

You are my entire world, outshining the moon, the sun, the stars. Enraptured in your grace I’ve been swirled, into a dreamscape free of all my scars.

You mean everything to me, do I mean anything to you? Can you see every little possibility I see, when we sing, just us two?

What holds the key to your heart, please can you give me an answer? This love is tearing me apart, how can I be your romancer?

You need to know how I feel, cause that’s my one and only cure. For the love I’ve been trying to conceal, I guarantee this love has always been pure.

If you would simply give me a chance, I promise to sweep you off your feet. Life could be a never-ending dance, and our hearts would be complete.

Gliding through a purple haze, simply existing in bliss. Living life content in a daze, dreaming about the future and the memories we will soon reminisce.

[anxietypoemsblg]

Sunlight

He wished he looked at her like she was the moon

Because he looked at the moon in wonder and amazement

When in reality he looked at her like she was the sun

Always squinting in anger

He looked at her like she was the sun

In that, he never looked at her except in frustration

He basked in her warmth

He complained when she was gone, but never looked

On days she was muted, he complained

On days she was stronger, he hid from her

He never looked at her until she was leaving

And in the beauty of the sunset

He wondered how he'd never seen her before

He wished he could see that she shouldn’t have to be the moon

That her love and light could be enough

Because she was, in fact, the sun

Creating light and warmth where ever she went

Illuminating even the darkest parts of ourselves with a single smile

She gives light to everything she touches

Giving life to the world and all she surrounds

She sees him as a distant star too close to the moon

One of the many who doesn't see her for who she truly is

Because she is one of them

She's just the biggest and brightest star of them all

She is the sun.

[anxietypoemsblg]

Candle

I am a candle as the drops of water destroy my flame like the words you use I slowly fade away my flame was bright my flame was bold but your drops of water made my flame dark made my flame dull I can’t take it any longer I grow angry as the flame grows, and grows, and grows until the water evaporates as a small drop of wax slides down my side my flame subsides and I think was that me??? did I just do that??? Yes...I did I have become the water and the water has become the flame but I don’t like being water It feels wrong I am flame nothing else My light is there to guide those out of the darkness Not drown them in sorrow The water has put me out But even in the darkest of times There are still those with matches so be the one to ignite the flame

[anxietypoemsblg]

My Own Little Corner

I spend my days in corners Trying to go unnoticed day after day But the stares and the glares Have a way of knowing where I lay

Their eyes pierce into my soul Taking away my confidence piece by piece Until I have nothing left to give Until I’m too small to notice

Every day is a battlefield I always seem to end up On the other side of the cannon Staring straight into the eyes of the beast

Hallowed hallways don’t hide anything They are open and vulnerable Vulnerable to the judgment passed down From clichéd clicks giggling as you pass

As if they are the kings and queens But in the kingdom of school The popular people are royalty And we freaks are court jesters

Nothing I do will ever change that Nor the muffled voices too afraid to speak up The cool kids rule the school And I am forever stuck in the corner

[anxietypoemsblg]

Barnyards and Hallowed Halls

We are cattle We slowly make our way through these halls Moving in herds of adolescence and judgment Mindlessly walking but staring into the future

We slowly make our way through these halls Step by step we figure out our next moves Mindlessly walking but staring into the future Trying to see what’s in store for us

Step by step we figure out what the next move is At the same time, we are blind to our surroundings Trying to see what’s in store for us Our minds in the future but our body's stuck in the present

We are blind to our surroundings Imaginations wander too far off places Our minds in the future but our body's stuck in the present We aren’t living in the moment

Our imaginations wander too far off places We day-dream dreams that will stay dreams unless we do something about it We aren’t living in the moment The present is a gift and we take it for granted

We day-dream dreams that will stay dreams unless we do something about it We are frozen in time and can’t move The present is a gift and we take it for granted We won’t be young forever and the time is ticking

We are frozen in time and can’t move But we keep walking forward We won’t be young forever and the time is ticking It’s time to start living

We keep walking forward Moving in herds of adolescence and judgment It’s time to start living But we are cattle

[anxietypoemsblg]

Hitch Hiker

We're all standing still In front of a fork in the road Not knowing which path to take One road is smooth and easy But may lead to an unwanted fate The other is filled with bumps and cracks It may be hard But any life worth living Is never handed to you on a silver platter As life goes on More and more problems occur We must make a decision That will determine where we go from there Some paths are cut too short And we fall off the edge Where some are highways Trailing over those working for their futures Who ever you are Where ever you come from You have a path The way you walk down it is your choice But be mindful of whose path you cross Your way of walking Just might pave over their means of living We are all hitch hikers Going from place to place Trying to find somewhere to rest Some of us never find it They stay on the road Never settling for something amazing Some find it too soon And are trapped Unable to escape and take a new path But everyone is always running Always going somewhere Maybe that's why we call it the human race Never slowing down And enjoying the view From the road worth traveling

[anxietypoemsblg]

Different

Torn apart by our differences The way we walk talk and breathe It’s all different The way we act Everything is different Two people ripped apart by society Standards of social class People who are too blind to see We’re supposed to be different But opposites attract Years of people thinking the one Should be someone just like them If opposites truly attract We would be happy The rest of the world Thinks we’re too different We will never work But they don’t know what we know They just can’t see what’s right in front of them We may not agree on everything But nobody always agrees with someone else It just means we’re human We go on in life thinking we’ll never make it But if we stopped listening to our minds Filled with the fear of falling And we listened to our hearts instead We would be happy You can’t find bliss when you’re focused On the reasons why we’re too Different

[anxietypoemsblg]

Caterpillars and Butterflies

I’m a fool around you I never know what to say When you stare at me I try and I try and I fail

When I’m with you I always say the wrong thing You make me stumble and stutter I can’t talk I can’t think

Years of social graces and confidence Are thrown out the window When you’re near me Why do I act like this?

No matter how many times I rehearse Over and over what to say You make the words drip down the drain Trickling out of my brain like a leaky faucet

Around others, I am a social butterfly But you shove me back into my cocoon Turning me back into an awkward caterpillar Eager to break free from captivity

Around others, I’m a respectable adult But you make me act like a crazed tween On the verge of teenage years Still trying to figure out how the world works

I don’t know why I get this way around you When you’re near me my stomach starts to turn My palms get sweaty And I lose sight of who I am

[anxietypoemsblg]

Ticking Time Bomb

The wheels in my head won’t stop turning Faster and faster they turn Whenever you glare at me Like I killed your cat What did I do? Why do you hate me? Every time you’re near me These questions race through my mind All I want is to be close to you But you won’t open yourself up Not to me Or anyone else It kills me You make me feel wrong Everything about me is wrong It will always be wrong until you like me Because living in a world where you hate me Is torture I can’t control the urge to fix what you think is broken I look in a mirror and turn away I hate what I see But I keep looking Hoping to one day like what I see I look through your mirror I am a painting To others, I’m a master piece To you, I’m a finger painting Painted by a child not cute enough to say It belongs in a museum Instead of the trash I wish I could change I wish there was a tool I could give you to fix me But there isn’t My mind is a ticking time bomb And you control the detonations I can never win I will never win With you, I will never be good enough The list of insecurities you give flow into my mind Like the Niagra Falls What did I do? Why do you hate me? You are an addiction You make me feel like shit But I don’t ever want to leave I can’t control myself I wish I could but I can’t I don’t know how

[anxietypoemsblg]

Shape Shifter

I can sense your presence. I feel your cool breath run down my spine. But I can’t see you. I know you’re there lurking in the shadows Watching my every move But I can never see you.

I try to run and hide Every day I find new places to hide But you always find me. To you the raw stench of my vulnerability Is the smell of fresh bread To hungry orphans

You are everywhere I turn I can’t escape you. You are a demon that haunts my every step. A shape shifter shifting in the night I’m imprisoned by the countless shapes you take Each one adding more chains that I can’t break

You’re a disability No amount of therapy or drugs will ever save me An inoperable brain tumor You suck the confidence out of me. Doctors prescribe countless bottles Pill popping but never stopping, you

The pills only numb my senses. There’s no antidote I can inject into my bloodstream To cure what you do to me Medicine can’t help the hopeless When the hopeless have you for a disease You’re slowly killing me

Shape shifter endlessly shifting Finding more and more ways to taunt me. No matter how many shapes you possess No matter how many escapes I attempt You will always ever be one thing to me. Anxiety

[anxietypoemsblg]

Athazagoraphobia

That awkward moment when you think; You’re important to someone, And you’re not. But when does a moment, Stop being a moment? How long before that moment Turns into every single goddamn day of your life? How long does the girl sitting in the corner Have to wait for someone to notice, For someone to care. I don’t know the answers to these questions, Because the corner is too lonely and too cold. It’s hard to tell time when all you see Are the shadows gripping your wrists and ankles Imprisoning you in their world, The world without the sun That rises and falls each day I am the girl waiting in the corner For someone to pull me out of the darkness I am the girl who asks everyone if they are okay, When really I am the one who is breaking. Although the difference between promises and memories Is that we break promises And memories break us So when I recall the memories being made now I’ll see someone who no one bothered to notice I am someone who has friends, But is nobody’s favorite. I am that friend that has to walk behind the group, When the path is not big enough. I am that friend that gets cut off in the conversation. I am that friend that gets left behind, When I asked for them to wait for me. I am that friend that doesn’t get invited to hang out a lot. I am that friend who has to be the one to invite people places, To make sure I get included. If I don’t initiate a conversation or ask to hang out, I would never see my friends. I will always be that friend. I am always either used, replaced or forgotten I understand that What I don’t understand is why? I always try my hardest to make people happy And to mean something to them But it never works I’m always worth shit to everyone Everytime Isn’t it sad When you get hurt so much You can finally say I’m used to it I’m used to being rain checked I’m used to being left out I’m used to being the second option I’m used to being forgotten about I’m used to being ignored I’m used to getting the blame You will forget me But it’s okay I’m used to it So don’t feel bad if you do any of these things to me I’ve learned to keep my expectations low The worst feeling is not being unloved, It is being forgotten by someone Who you will never forget. Because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget you Just know that it still stings when I remember you When you wrote your name on my heart in permanent marker But only let me write on yours in pencil If you’re going to leave my life At least close the door behind you Because when you linger in the doorway You only remind me of what I lost I didn’t need a perfect relationship I just needed someone Who wouldn’t give up on me But you gave up a long time ago Didn’t you The worst thing about being left behind Is knowing I wasn’t even a thought In your mind In life, you’re going to be left out Talked about, lied to, and used But you have to decide Who’s worth your tears, And who is not. Because I cried oceans for you But your eyes were beating rays of sunlight Drying up every ocean I cried for you Until the world below crumbles and cracks From the heat of the fiery sun above And there were so many oceans The worst type of crying Is when your lips start to shake And tears build up quickly and fall fast You’re bent over or crouched Trying to suck it in and not make any noise But it hurts too much to hold it in So you let out a yelp and a cry Then comes the loss of breath which sucks Because not only you’re crying out loud But you think you sound dumb For not breathing too It’s just a mess A mess that has only ever happened In your absence Without you, the grass doesn’t grow The birds don’t sing The seasons don’t change And time stops But without me Your world keeps spinning