Sometimes the sadness is overwhelming, I can go by days without a shower and feeling disgusting…I do what I can to make others happy, I worry about others people’s health and making them feel happy, I’ve been doing that for a while, yet again I find myself feeling empty and realizing friendships are just momentary…
But now…I se myself in the mirror, I don’t recognize myself, I don’t know what’s real or what’s not, I want to believe in something but I can’t, I don’t even believe in myself.
All the progress I did, wasted on one month, another game that end up hurting me, but I wanted to feel something, I wanted to get attached and to let go of fears, so i did and again rejections threw up on my face…
Now I feel too much, I have too much anger bottled up and I can’t deal with myself, finding myself having a breakdown for something I know my mind is making me feel intensely is draining. I want this to end, I’m tired of this, I don’t want to keep dealing with feelings, I want to let go of everything…this isn’t even about losing people anymore, I’m used to it and truly don’t care, but I’m lost and t feels like as much as I want or try, life is just not going to make me happy…it’s been around more than 10 years finding myself feeling miserable over nothing and everything, at this point I have no hope left, I truly give up on me, I truly gave up…
This is a never ending cycle, another day just on survival mode, dissociating hard while I’m doing a million take a the same time, maybe I should just leave it as it is…
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