Anxious Ninja

I want to be happy and loved. I want a girlfriend too.

[anxiousninja]

Scribble Day today

Scribble day today. It was fun. So, I have been spending a lot of time on Facebook, looking at photos, liking then, updating cover photo and all.

I realize that I am guilty of doing things I judge others for. For example, last year I was judging seniors for all this flood of photos, how it's just another day, and there's no point celebrating it all.

But then today was such fun. I guess the things I judge others for are sometimes the ones I wish I were a part of. And when I am not, I like to think less of them to feed my ego.

I hope I can stop doing that and focus on work instead. Be happy for others, and if you can't do that, ignore then, stay away from FB, but just don't let it make you sad because you won't always have what others have.

And when you are happy, be happy, don't feel guilty about it.

[anxiousninja]

Full Measures

Today is a big day. It's the end of an important part of my life. And let's make it the beginning also. 

From tomorrow morning, I'll complete the list of things I write here at any cost or I'll admit defeat, stop blaming life for bad things, and come at peace with being a loser.

List for today/morrow (it's past 12am):

1. Do Not masturbate.

2. Read AFB - 50 pages.

3. Not open Twitter.deactivated

4. Not download the FB app.

5. No tech blog(Verge/TC/HN). blocked

6. No Code. Sounds counter-right but it is needed. You need to stay off programming to figure things out. It's one of the things that have ruined your life.

7. When you feel like doing one of these things, write those feelings. But just don't do any of those.

=========================================================

READ THIS THE FIRST THING IN MORNING.

[coral]

[anxiousninja]

Nothing Much.

I hate saying nothing much when someone asks me what's up. I have live liked this for so long. Change. Turn it upside down.

[anxiousninja]

Lost de match

Oh well, they played well. We kinda sucked in last overs too. 

Sometimes I think the world is competing over who can consume more. And show it off on Facebook. Why else would posting "Having dinner at this fancy restaurant with a photo where everybody's looking fancy" be a culturally fine thing to do. You are saving the memories? Save them in your phone! But I guess it's good that people can just post post in on facebook and you don't have to listen to their elaborate tales the next day. Also, I guess the only people who hate this thing are the ones who don't get to do that. But gah, I feel superior. 

Why do I even care about that? You know what an ideal life looks like in my mind? Getting up next to a beautiful wife with sunlight filtering through her hair, and then having morning sex, and then having breakfast together, going to work in a hurry and not finding things because sex took too much time, but who cares?! You are the CEO of the company and your wife runs her own restaurant. 

(A guy can't dream?)

But seriously, if I had that life, I wouldn't want to put it up on Facebook. I know people like to share. But like, seriously. I mean, people do things these days so that they can post it up on Facebook/Instagram. It kinda sucks and shows how shallow all of us really are. 

Anyway, I got this bicycle today. Gotta start getting up early and riding it daily. This has to be done. This has to be done. This has to be done. No, seriously, dude. Don't try and die alone or get up early and try a bit.

[anxiousninja]

Late Night convos.

I love talking to school friends. I feel that while everything around us have changed, my affection for them has just grown more and more with time. We meet, like, 4 times an year but god, is it fun?! (It is. It was a rhetorical question, kind of an expression) 

I was talking to Y on skype and we were talking about all the girls and how they have gone on to become really pretty after school and are all TAKEN. Gosh, sometimes I think I might not get a girlfriend, ever. Like never ever. And I'll have to die all alone, which will suck. 

Well, maybe love shenanigans ain't for everyone. 

Anyway, I don't think I like my college mates(what am I? Australian?) as much as like the my schoolies (what am I? 12? On a scale of 1 to 10. Yes.)

I want to be a writer. And a programmer. And a stand-up comic. 

I am a programmer, a funny guy, and a wannabe writer.

I also want be rich enough to never have to work again. Like David Karp, or Kevin Systrom. So, yeah, I also want to be an entrepreneur who sells his company and gets rich,

College hasn't been nice to me, you know. I think it's because I am unattractive.

But I want to believe that I am wrong. Maybe if I can dress up well, build my body, girls will begin to like me.

Maybe if I don't waste time on Facebook, Twitter, hackernews, theverge, tumblr, I can actually be a better programmer, a better writer, and feel better about myself.

That's the target. I am off Quora, but others are just one big time suck.

I also like this girl from my college. Let's call her ShSa. I don't think she'll be interested in dating me. We have met like twice in 4 years. I don't think she even remembers me well.