anya's diary

she/her | 22 | mdni

[anyalovesu]

masterlist

general reminders:

some content might contain smut or scenes/messages that might allude to smut, please be guided accordingly.

[𖹭] - contains nsfw; mdni

[☾] - completed

☁︎ - angst

ʚɞ - fluff

if you are a minor and the content is marked [𖹭], (juicecolored) do not interact. if you're old enough to be in this app, you should be old enough to be responsible for the content you consume. mdni. mdni. mdni.

faceclaims are faceclaims. refrain from associating the characters to the actual idols. know where to draw the line between reality and fiction.

some parts/conversations will be written in filipino. if you find grammatical errors, edi sorry, english is not my first language sooo,, cut me some slack pls T^T

if you have concerns regarding my writing (or you really just want to give me a piece of your mind) you can reach me here and i will respond as soon as i see them (be nice though, or i will cry)

enhypen

series:

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ tolerate it ( psh x oc ) [𖹭] [☾]

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ we're not saints at all ( pjs x oc ) [𖹭] [☾]

playlists: ( songs i listened to while writing the series <3 )

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ tolerate it.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ we're not saints at all.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ covey universe.

one shots:

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ jungwon ☁︎ did you like her in the morning? ☁︎ paths

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ heeseung ☁︎ after the aftermath ʚɞ never recover

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ jay ʚɞ waltz of four left feet

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ jake ʚɞ home race winner

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ sunghoon ʚɞ under a pile of papers

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ sunoo ☁︎ do you think i have forgotten

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ni-ki ☁︎ i hope she's beautiful and sweet

[anyalovesu]

𝓷ever recover

idol!Heeseung x lsf member!reader

— get over the tv show and live life like you used to. that’s what you promised yourself when your members chose you to participate in the tv show your group was selected to star in. it was never your intention to fall for heeseung in real life, but you’re here anyway.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

genre : fluff/angst w comfort (?)

pairings : heeseung x fem!reader

wc : 14.2k+ words

cw :

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ idol!au ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader has eating issues (tw!!) ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ yunjin and yeonjun being in a rs mentioned ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader is a member of le sserafim, '03 liner ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ (ft. beomgyu from txt, lsf members, and en- members ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ heavily inspired by joy and sungjae from when they were in we got married ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ slight smut (?) very suggestive ending ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ mentions of sasaengs, obsessive fans, death threats ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ lmk if i missed something hehe ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ not proofread (yet hehe)

playlist : i'll never recover જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“It’s going to be an amazing opportunity for you to actually give people some perspective!” Chaewon pleads with you in the common room while you sit there with the rest of the girls, just arriving from your dinner with your managers where you found out that Le Sserafim was offered to participate in a tv show.

Arguably, this would definitely make or break your group's long standing record of hate trains. You’ve gotten used to it at this point. This would assuredly bring some of those back in a bigger surge most probably, but the rest of them were arguing that it would be a good opportunity to show them a side of you that they have not before—especially since you were always branded as the man-repellant of the group ever since your debut with your playful show of disinterest in dating.

“And if the perspective doesn’t turn out to be what you think it is?” You sighed, fiddling with the strings of your hoodie. You wished you could banter about this the way you normally do, but by the way you were hyper aware of the camera clipped on your table, you knew it would probably not be the best idea to do right now.

“Then you did it for the plot!” Yunjin playfully jokes, making you snort quietly. “If it doesn’t turn out well, then we can just laugh at it and say that you did it for the plot!”

You’ve always done that. You were never one to have inhibitions to do whatever you pleased, which also meant you were a big pain in the ass for your managers and PR associates. This was a huge step in the box on what you usually do, but you’re not going to argue that the seemingly impulsivity of it all seemed very on-brand for your fearless and playful persona.

“It would’ve been you most probably if you stayed in the US with your parents. I’m pretty sure those American boys would’ve been head over heels for you!” Yunjin egged on even more.

“When am I going to find out who it is?” you asked your manager who was sitting on one end of the coffee table in the common room. 

“Once you’re in the show, they’re going to surprise you on who it is?”

“Is he going to be in a different company or the same?” You bombarded your manager with questions which ultimately made your group laugh with how persistent you are with milking your manager for answers. Most of you knew that he probably already knows who it is by the way he tried to avoid your gaze while actively deflecting your questions. 

“You have to wait!”  he says finally. “I just want to know if you are really sure about this. You know we can always decline the offer.”

“Crazy shit like this doesn't come everyday,”  you laughed. You knew it was unreasonable and the arguments you have to defend your claim on why you should actually do the show would probably not stand well in court but you are you. You’re always going to say yes to the most outrageous shit that offers itself to you. You were fearless after all.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You paced around to try and calm your nerves when the production staff from the tv show began to set up in your practice room where you and your members would meet your virtual “husband” for the first time through a mystery zoom call. You were oriented that they would have you message each other first and try to get as much information from each other before finally going to the meet up place tomorrow so that you could formally meet. As the call time drew closer and closer, you couldn’t help but feel your feet turn cold, finding yourself in deeper waters than you would usually dare to go to. Besides, who even has an absolutely insanity of a mind to agree with this outrageous show? You were starting to delude yourself that this was a prank and that your manager wasn’t actually going to have you marry for the next 30 days. You have a busy schedule! You are already going insane as it is, is he really going to let you do this?

“Honey, come back here,” Yunjin laughed as she pulled you to plop on the couch next to her and the girls. “You know I can’t tell if you're anxious or you're excited?”

“I don’t know either,” you chuckle at her. It was true. The thrill of being out of the dorms and living with a complete stranger for an entire month was exciting. In a game of most likely to, the girls would’ve pointed at you the same way they did when the offer was discussed with your group in that dinner. This really was something you would most likely do compared to the other girls but whoever you were going to be paired with will determine how this is going to go. You have a massive ten-wheeler truck of  hate waiting to crush you and leave you for dead without an active career in entertainment. You were worried this was not the amazing opportunity they made you think it was.

“Okay, we’re starting in 2,” the producer smiled at you girls as he held up a hand to get your attention. 

You couldn’t help but stare at your phone on the table showing your lock screen, watching the numbers turn from the displayed time before the director finally calls everyone’s attention by handing your leader white box adorned with a bright red ribbon around it, holding it securely.

“Oh!” Chaewon giggles excitedly, “I can't believe my baby Y/N is going to be the first to get married! My baby!”

You were only 3 years younger than Chaewon and a few months younger than Kazuha, but you were always referred to as Chaewon’s baby because of the doting  nature that the leader had for you and your group’s youngest member, Eunchae. 

Chaewon happily helps herself in opening the gift box, finding an envelope and a phone in the box.

“Oh, you have a mission card! And a phone!” Sakura chimes.

“Is it your invitation? Am I invited to your wedding? What is the phone for?” Eunchae bombards you with questions, excitement practically bursting through her seams. 

“I can’t believe you’re getting married before your Unnies!” Yunjin adds.

Chaewon opens the envelope to find a mission card which read in wedding-esque lettering, 

“To Y/N, your virtual marriage starts tomorrow but first you must get to know your virtual husband through a special couple app that we have made especially for you.”

“Do you think your husband will be younger or older?” Yunjin asked.

“I hope he is older or the same age,” you replied politely. “I don’t want him to be younger. It would feel wrong. My grandpa is older than my grandma, and my dad is also oppa to my mom. I also have a little brother who is only younger than me by exactly a year. That would feel really weird.”

“I think older would also be fitting for you,” Sakura replied. “ I think you need someone who will take care of you and you tend to be a little stubborn towards your peers that are your age.”

“She literally does not eat unless it’s the unnies that tell her to eat,” Kazuha complained. “She would literally just watch me eat!”

“I am taught to not eat before my elders do!” you argued, remembering that because you were raised in a traditional household before you moved in with your grandparents, who also upheld necessary traditional values,  in Uiwang-si when you told your parents you wanted to be a musician in Korea, you were very connected to what you were taught to be disrespectful and what not.

“Girl, you are just a picky eater and are always looking for an excuse to skip meals,” Yunjin chuckled. “I hope your husband makes you eat different things.”

“I’m going to eat ramyeon.” you joked.

“I hope my brother-in-law does not make you eat ramyeon,” Eunchae laughed. “You need to eat healthy, too much ramyeon cannot be good for you.”

“Brother-in-law?!” Chaewon sounded appalled upon hearing Eunchae call the mystery man as such already.

“They are virtually married, are they not?” Sakura laughed at Chaewon, poking fun at the excessive reaction from the leader. “I agree that we should call him brother-in-law from now on.”

“Tomorrow! The virtual marriage starts tomorrow!”

After the yap session, which you were very sure was going to be in fast forward once the episode airs, you finally decided to open the app to find your virtual husband already sent you a message.

“He sent me a message already!” You laughed dryly, trying not to make you seem too excited before you deadpanned, “oh I already feel like the prettiest person in the world.”

Hello. Do you play video games?

“Oh! He asked if she plays video games!” Kazuha happily jumps as soon as she sees the message.

“Oh no!” Chaewon jokingly whines. “They are going to play video games all day!”

Yes. I play Valorant.

“I have a feeling that they will bond very well!” Yunjin announces. “The vibes are vibing right now and they have a total of 2 messages to each other!”

The next few messages were responded to very quickly, both parties seemingly anticipating the response of the other. You could help but start to wonder who your virtual husband was or was this some elaborate prank to get you to break and show a new character that the media hasn’t seem to unlock yet. It was a crazy idea after all.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“Hi guys,” you chuckled towards your little camera mounted on a small tripod, even though cameramen surrounded the HYBE Cafe to capture the scene. “Good afternoon!” You made sure to bow and greet everyone from the production staff and the cafe staff before making your way to the seat that you were oriented to sit in. 

“I was told that I had to prepare a gift,” you started after propping your mini camera on the table. “So, my gift is in here…” you made sure to let them see the little brown box that you and Kazuha decorated in your dorm last night after you had packed your things to move for a month with the mystery virtual husband that you will meet today.

You were told that while the two of you will be living together, given that company would not fully allow you sleeping next to someone remotely close to tempting you to ruin your own career, you were assured that after filming you are allowed to sleep in the other room in the apartment they were going to make you stay in for the next 4 weeks.

“I’m just going to spoil it,” you yap while waiting to be signalled that your on-screen partner is there already. “It’s a gaming keyboard since he mentioned that he plays video games. I thought maybe I should get him an xbox controller but I’m not sure if he plays games that use that. So a keyboard would be more generic to give. I promise to give better gifts to my virtual husband when I get to know him better.”

As if on cue, right after you talked to your little camera about your gift, you were asked to put on a blindfold because your virtual partner has arrived and they want you to have a first look at each other at the same time.

“You may now take off your blindfold,” the producer instructed before you tugged on the lace of the blindfold behind your head. 

Your eyes had to take a good few seconds before it could adjust and recognize the person sitting across you. 

“Oh shit.”

You immediately slapped a hand over your mouth in surprise that you actually said it out loud. You only meant to keep it in your thoughts, but it’s Lee Heeseung from Enhypen.

His fans are going to hunt you down, you were so sure of it but the assuring look on his face as surprise wore off of it as he got used to looking at you made you seem more comfortable.

You’ve interacted with him a couple of times before. Maybe made a tik tok with him once or twice. The ship was very unlikely, you weren’t very sure why your managers agreed to this, whereas if they had placed Kazuha or Yunjin in your place, considering the amount of manips he has with your other members, they would’ve gone more viral.

“Hello,” he bowed to you politely, even getting up in his seat again to do a full 90 degree bow. You found yourself mirroring his actions almost immediately. 

“Lee Heeseung,” he introduced himself, holding his hand out.

“L/N Y/N,” you replied in the same tone before accepting his hand to shake. 

“Did you have a hunch on who your virtual partner would be?” 

You both looked at each other, trying to recall from the conversation last week before shaking your head. There were a couple of other idols that played video games—it could've been your best friend, Beomgyu for all you cared.

Oh shit. Beomgyu. He is going to crash out when he finds out you're married to his other bestie for the next month and you haven't even told him you're doing this.

“How are you feeling then? Now that you already know who your partner is for the next few weeks?” The production staff was giddy. They were through the roof with squeals from behind the camera every now and then. 

“Choi Beomgyu is going to kill me for virtually marrying his other bestie,” you replied frankly, holding back your laughter as you looked at the director. “Ya! He's going to lecture me for hours about marrying him!”

“I think he will kill me first—”

“We made sure Beomgyu will not burst through the door,” your director announces. 

“Unless he is tied up in the basement for the next 30 days, we are never sure if he's not going to burst into our apartment instead,” Heeseung jokes, leaning back against his chair. 

You take a good look at him. If you were to be honest, you've never looked at him for this long. By some fucked up standard, you have trained yourself not to look at people for too long, at least not long enough for unsuspected cameras to capture. You've never had a dating rumor since debut which was honestly a big deal for you—and now this. But that's besides the point.

Heeseung reeked of charisma. He had this good aura around him that made you feel comfortable. He was undeniably handsome and lean. God. He seemed like his parents carefully crafted him with handpicked good genes from their body and took their absolute time of their lives creating him with love—he definitely did not looked like he was made from a fuck and go situation. He was a masterpiece himself—god what are you even thinking? 

“Y/N, Heeseung asked for your coffee order,” your manager repeated, snapping you back to reality.

Heeseung chuckled at your previous zoned-out state. He daresay you looked adorable with your pupil blown out and seemingly in deep thought to not recognize that you were being instructed to do something.

“Oh it’s just a Spanish Latte, thank you so much,” you replied to him. He grinned at you as he nodded before you hid your face in embarrassment.

The crimson in your face began spreading to your ears which made the production team squeal in delight at your sudden shyness. Even your manager and Heeseung’s manager who sat closely to the director could not hide the stupid grin on their faces as the cameramen tried to capture the obvious blush on your face.

“This should be illegal, why does he smile like that?” you playfully talked to your small camera on the table. “He looks like he knows everything about me but not in a creepy way!”

“Really?” 

Oh sweet babybel cheese. He heard that.

“No! It was a joke!” You panicked, hiding your face with your hands as you kept your head low on the table to avoid looking at him again. 

It hasn’t been an hour and you’ve already embarrassed yourself for about more times than your hands could count. Everything Sakura just taught you about flirting before you came here was suddenly out the window. You were a huge bag of disappointment and embarrassment right now and you don’t even know how you managed to do that much in such a short span of time.

“I’m just really flustered, I’m sorry,” you apologized before coming up with another yap topic, “I have been training since I was 14 and was homeschooled before that. My social skills had to be developed in training.” 

“My manager only told me, my partner was from Uiwang-si,” he told you. “My manager hasn’t told me anything after that.”

“He's right! I am from Uiwang-si! My grandparents live there!” You replied happily. “I have lived there since I was 14.”

“I was born there!”

“We should visit there before our marriage ends! My grandpa is going to have a heart attack if he finds that I came there with a husband!” You laughed. “I brought my friends there one time, and then Beomgyu was there! He told me after that if Beomgyu hadn't been the way he is, he would've assumed he was my boyfriend and his blood pressure would have shot up.”

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“How would you describe your childhood?” you asked, reading the cue cards they had given you as your “get to know each other activity”.

“Hard,” he jokingly laughed. “Looking back at it now, half of my childhood was training and worrying if I'll ever debut.”

He made it sound light and funny but it was a reality for many people, especially in the kpop industry. Once upon a time, you also thought about whether you should've just continued pursuing your ballet career in the US because your dream of the kpop scene did not seem to go anywhere. You were lucky your grandmother insisted that you continue your ballet lessons on top of training with Source back then so that you'd always had that safety net if ever you ended up not pursuing your kpop career.

“You debuted though,” you reminded him, his face softening at your tone and your statement. “Arguably one of the best performers of our generation also. So I guess, the hard work paid off, huh?”

Heeseung was stunned. He's always reminded of how far he's come by many of his peers but somehow, hearing it from someone who trained for a year longer than he did, validated something in him. He knew you would be able to understand what it felt like to hold your career so dearly after working day in and day out for it.

“It did. Yours too.”

Heeseung knew about you. He would be lying if he said he didn't have a tiny crush on you. You were highly regarded as Source's golden child. You were their secret weapon trainee and he's always known that whenever it may be, when you debut, you were going to make it big—international, even. And now you are sitting in front of him, after you did make it international with your Coachella stint, which you and your members did well in his opinion despite the criticisms. Maybe you could give him a couple of tips on what he can do better for their turn next year..

“I remember seeing you in the Hybe building,” you smiled at him. “Source was just acquired by Hybe and I was relatively a new recruit. I think you and some of your other members were preparing to go to I-land back then. I had a short conversation with Jay because he heard that there was another American in the building.”

You were a spectacle to Heeseung from the get go. He knew Jay spoke to you but he couldn’t do the same after he got intimidated by the rapid English words that made your conversation with him seem so enjoyable for the both of you. He didn’t want to insert himself into a situation he didn’t know how to sustain, so he stayed back.

“That’s why he knows you!” he laughs. “You did very well in your training too. We were really happy when we heard the news that you were going to debut!”

“He was really a good brother figure to me,” you explained. “Him and Yunjin always made me feel close to home.”

“I am looking forward to making you feel at home too then,” he replied, making you cackle at his pick-up line. 

“To be fair, Uiwang-si is my home too, so I am looking forward to that!”

“You haven’t answered the question yet, though,” he reminds you, pointing at your cue card, reminding you once again that you have lost yourself in a stream of thought. 

You look at your cue card to check the question once again as you laughed at yourself, trying very hard to focus on what you were actually doing. 

You thought of your childhood but it seemed that it wasn’t any different than his. You were dancing the moment you were able to balance yourself on your own. You’ve been doing ballet since you were three, did full time training as soon as you were old enough to be in a pre-professional program before you were recruited by Source Music in a ballet recital when you were 14. That somehow awakened a dream in you that you didn’t know you had. You wanted to resist it at first. Ballet has been your whole life—you are leaving an entire career of continuous conditioning, training and dance competitions for a chance to be in the spotlight in your home country. It seemed far-fetched to leave an entire life behind for what could be but it was what your heart desired and being the ever so impulse-driven person that you are—it brought you here.

“Ballet has been my entire childhood. I was on my toes for half of it, and crying for the half because I feel like I will never be good enough or because something hurts,” you explained to him while holding back a laugh. “I think I will still be doing that if I didn't debut but you know, I don't think I'll be as happy.”

Heeseung could watch you talk all day. It seems all too surreal to even fathom that he will be virtually married to the girl he had a tiny crush on before he went to I-Land. You were still a sight to see, even years after the last time he was in close proximity. 

-

The day eventually ended and you were in the living room of your home for the next month. All  the cameras were either shut off or taken home by the production staff at last so you were able to sit comfortably on the living room couch watching your favorite show on the TV. 

“I'm making ramyeon,” Heeseung calls from the kitchen connecting to the living room. “Do you want some?”

“Yes, oppa!” you replied to him, raising a thumbs up just in case he didn't hear you properly. 

You have decided to drop the honorifics for the camera and just let me gradually lose it as time goes after the cameras are out during one of your  a while ago. 

It didn't feel like you were going to have a hard time working and living with Heeseung. He was a gentleman after all and has a nurturing nature in him. You know Chaewon wishes he's not going to feed you ramyeon right now just like they had predicted but it could be worse. You and Heeseung didn't have any interactions personally other than for the tiktoks prior to today so it's a huge step already to have him cook for you.

“We should go buy groceries tomorrow with unnies,” you tell him quietly as you both enjoyed your own bowl of ramyeon and some spam. “They will not be very happy if we eat this for the rest of the month.”

He did not object to it, nodded before asking, “Did you really want to do this?”

You look at him, curious as to why he would ask that suddenly. Was he expecting someone else? Did he not want you to be here?

You shook your head, trying to deflect, even though deep down inside of you, you wanted to do this just to see how it would turn out. 

“You?”

“Just wanted to know how it would turn out,” he snorted. “Jake didn't want to do it. He would be a mess the entire show too. My guy is too nervous and too hormonal for his own good.”

“Could've turned it down?”

“I barely had a girlfriend when I was in highschool and right now, our fans would quite literally destroy anyone remotely close to seemingly dating me.” He chuckled. “I don't think I'll ever be with someone anyway in my 20’s. So I just went for it.”

The utter ingenuity of his explanation somehow got you because you did feel the same. Yunjin was blasted when she got the dating rumor with Yeonjun. The world seemed to close on her when it happened because it seemed like everyone was trying to end our career because of it. It never stopped though, people trying to end your group. You just started to learn not to give a damn what they have to tell you.

“What about you?” 

“I don't really care what happens,” you reply. “I don't even know how I feel about it right now. But I'm glad it's you.”

“I'm glad it's you too,” he chuckled before going back to just sitting there in comfortable silence while you watched Grey's Anatomy on the TV.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“You look unwell,” Heeseung points out, concern laced in his voice as he watches you come out of your room to get ready for the day. “Can you still go grocery shopping today? I don’t mind going by myself if you’re not feeling well.”

You shrugged. You hated flaking out of plans, besides when you survived practice with a mild fever before, grocery shopping isn’t something you were afraid of doing while a little hot. You were sure that you were okay.

“We can do it tomorrow. You really look like you’re going to faint,” he explained before rising up from his seat from the dining table to help you walk to the other end of the table from where he sat. “It’s totally okay, Y/N.”

“Oppa, I’m okay.”

“Jay can do the grocery for us!” he announced. 

“The producers will kill us,” you forced out a laugh. “I’m okay, Heeseung. I’ll just take an Aspirin and I’ll be fine for the rest of the day.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, opening the fridge to take the microwavable bibimbap he got this morning. “Do you want this, or cereal?”

“You got us breakfast?” You looked surprised that he did. You always woke up with food on the table because Sakura hated not seeing you and Kazuha have breakfast. So she always made you two foods before you could even wake up. 

“I wanted to make something better than anything that goes in the microwave but this would do,” he replied, shyly scratching the back of his head as he avoided your gaze.

He woke up earlier than he usually would that morning to take a walk outside of the apartment building to check for food stalls or convenience stores he can get you breakfast from. He contemplated if he was going to get bibimbap or something that he thought was more your thing as an American. So he ended up buying a ready-made bibimbap that he could easily microwave at home and a box of cereal and milk. He really was hoping for a more thought of breakfast for the both of them since it was their first time eating breakfast together but upon thinking of it last night, which honestly was the first time he was up that late that wasn’t because of practice or League, he realized that he’s not confident about cooking anything besides spam and ramyeon. 

And the thing was Heeseung wanted to impress you. Everyone knew you were a lazy eater, and he wanted to make sure that with him, despite all that, you were being fed very well. So, giving you options was the most doable effort he has for now. He took a mental note on his way home that he will make sure to message Jay or one of your members later this dinner to teach him how to cook anything you might want to eat tonight.

“That bibimbap looks nice actually,” you replied. Heeseung nodded before placing the food container in the microwave to heat it up for you.

“Are you really sure you can film today?”

“I have a mild fever, oppa,” you laughed at him. “I’m not going to die.”

“I don’t want to be accused of neglecting my wife, excuse me!” he playfully argued. “If you really want to go, the production team will be here in about 2 hours, so we better start getting ready after this. Take your time though, two hours is still a long time.”

You were fortunate enough to be with people who always took care of you. That being said, you never had to look for anywhere to fulfill the desire to be loved, because you were loved in every home you went to. Dating never interested you before, to be frank. Besides the fact that your manager would more or less kill you if you ended up in a dating scandal, you were too busy to meet anyone. You didn't know many people outside of Le Sserafim. You barely had any friends predebut because you were homeschooled and your ballet class friends weren't exactly friendly with you after they found out that you were training to be a kpop idol and were not too focused on the same goal as them. 

It made your heart race that someone who barely knew you managed to show you kindness. The things that years of struggling to make genuine connections taught you somehow vanished into thin air as Heeseung gently places the back of his hand against your forehead to check if you were still hot before nodding when he felt that you didn’t feel very warm anymore.

“Just tell me if you don’t feel well along the way… yeah?” His bending down to be at eye-level with you was the cherry on top of it all.

Who is this man and why does he know how to make your knees feel weak?

“Okay,” you replied shortly, smiling at him, your eyes crinkling on the sides which was a feature Heeseung was sure he’s never seen before and he’s only noticed now that his face is so close to yours. 

You were… beautiful.

He knew that all along, long before you were this close to him. But it was like seeing what beautiful is in 4K—like all of a sudden being this close to you gave him a whole new definition of beautiful, because even the texture of your face makes him wonder how long it took for God to craft you… it must’ve taken them a lot of time.

And you would’ve fully fallen for it, if you just kept your eyes on him—if the corner of your eye didn’t catch the cameraman hauling this huge filming equipment to capture the moment because now you have this pit in your stomach as if your heart has sunken into it. 

It’s for the show. You have to remind yourself as Heeseung offers his hand for you to hold as you make your way out of the apartment that you shared. 

-

“My grandma used to always bring me with her to the market,” you smiled at him. “I went home to them on the weekends. It sort of just became a normal thing for us to go to the market really early every Saturday morning.”

“Are you closer to your grandparents or your actual parents?”

“Well, my grandparents took care of me from the moment I landed here. So maybe now, I’m closer to them. I still have a very good relationship with my parents and my little brother. With my little brother, it’s a little better now than before, because we always used to fight but whenever I can take breaks and I could go home to New York, we bond a little better now,” You explained to him as you browsed through the meat section of the supermarket. “I suppose you and your brother are close too? I saw that clip from I-Land.”

“We are close,” he chuckled. “Every now and then we meet up to play basketball when we’re both free since he is in University.”

“I wish me and my brother still lived in the same country,” you laughed. “While I do treat Beomgyu like my brother, that idiot would pick fights with me and our entire day out would’ve been just us bantering about random things that don’t matter.”

The two of you kept on going around the supermarket trying to find novel things to make your apartment a little more interesting. So, by the end of it all, you had funky shaped coffee cups, mismatched plates and a couple other cutlery that you both picked for each other.

It really did seem that you and Heeseung were building a home for each other as you talked about each other’s upbringing over what color of plate the other should get. And while he thought he’d never be the type to enjoy those kinds of things, he figured that maybe hearing about the tiniest and the most mundane things about someone could be interesting if it was you that’s talking. He found out that you and Yunjin were family friends long before you were kpop trainees and actually flew to Korea together and how devastated you were when Yunjin went home to New York after PD48 and how somehow, you became HYBE’s way of convincing Yunjin to come back and join the girl group even though it did not take her a lot to say yes. And even in the things he would usually not enjoy getting done, like picking out meat for the upcoming days as he would rather just order take out—he seemed to enjoy it now that he’s with you.

And you didn’t feel any different. You don't have to feel anxious whenever you have to talk to a vendor as Heeseung would beat you to it every time. Oh and you had to pretend you didn’t notice how hard he blushed when an old lady told you that your boyfriend was a dream to have and how you playfully corrected that he is your husband. You enjoyed seeing Heeseung flustered.

-

“Today was a lot, right?” Heeseung laughed, throwing himself on the sofa, already showered and dressed in his pajamas. Which consisted of his grey sweatpants and a Hybe shirt that you were sure everyone from the company had. 

“I hope I didn’t talk your ears out,” you replied at him, raising your head from your phone to look at him. 

“I like listening to you talk,” he smiled.

And you couldn’t help it. Before you could even cover your face, you were already blushing and Heeseung is basking in his glory once again that he’s finally got his revenge from you flustering him a while ago in front of the production staff and the old lady.

“It is actually refreshing to hear someone else that isn’t one of my members,” he laughed. “Don’t get me wrong. I love those idiots, but I am enjoying hearing you talk. It’s like I have this personal podcast playing live all the time.”

Before you knew it, you were asleep on Heeseung’s shoulder. You were out all day after all running errands like a married couple should, it must’ve tired you. But in Heeseung’s opinion, you did not look tired at all. 

Heeseung couldn’t help but feel his heart race as he watched your sleeping figure. It was too early to fall in love with you, but it did feel like that. You were so easy to love and he was all in for it like he has been doing it for a long time already. The way you would innocently explain things to him around the marketplace that he would ask you about somehow made him feel at ease that you weren’t going to judge him for not being as knowledgeable in life as you were. It was as if you were okay with helping him learn the things he should’ve known a long time ago. You were a breath of fresh air and it made him feel like he was free from the bounds of being perfect for the next few weeks while he’s with you. 

He carefully lifted your head from your shoulder before picking you up and bringing you to your room. You are  a heavy sleeper, he takes note in his mind as he pulls the covers over your resting body.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“Don’t forget to eat lunch, okay?” Heeseung reminds you as he drops you off of your practice room with your members.

“Hi oppa!” Eunchae happily skips towards you to give you a hug as she smiles at your husband brightly. “How is unnie adjusting at home with you! Is she eating well? I hope you’re not staying up too late playing video games!”

Heeseung could tell that you were so well taken care of by your members. You were their second youngest after all. He was so glad that so far, Eunchae’s inquiries were all being met. He’s managed to make at least a decent breakfast for the both of you this morning with the help of Jay from facetime. Was Jay excited about waking up at 5 in the morning to teach his brother how to cook? No. But did he do it anyway for the sake of giving his darling virtual sister-in-law the breakfast that she deserves? Oh yes. 

“Of course, I am feeding Y/N! Right, jagiya?”

Eunchae screamed in excitement as soon as the nickname slipped out of Heeseung. She was ecstatic, running over to the other girls to tell them what she just heard. The other girls screamed as well. The both of you couldn’t help but laugh at their reactions. 

“Jagiya…” you trailed. “That’s new.”

“I’m sorry, was it too much?” Heeseung peed, immediately going into panic mode, thinking that you weren’t comfortable with it. “It just slipped, I promise!”

“It’s cute,” you answered, chuckling at his panicked state before pressing a soft kiss on his cheek as you let him go. “Go now. Your members must be looking for you. You’d be late.”

You hurriedly closed the door before you ran towards your girls, leaving Heeseung a blushing mess at what you just did. 

“Did you just kiss that poor boy?” Yunjin screamed, grasping your arm as she made you look at her. 

“He is my husband, unnie!” You explained, making it sound as it was a matter of fact that she should have already known. “What did you want me to do?”

“I don’t know, maybe show some decency because there is a kid in the room?!” Yunjin dramatically retorted as she pointed at Eunchae who was still buzzing in exhilaration from witnessing that. 

“Is he treating you alright, at least?” Sakura asked softly as she wrapped her arms around your waist. “Are you eating dinner every night? Eating is always your problem, Y/N. He should be feeding you alright.”

“He is feeding me alright,” you sighed. “I heard him talking to Jay this morning. He asked Jay how to make a proper breakfast. Is that enough evidence that I am eating alright?”

“You're smiling a little differently,” Chaewon teased. “The show got you good, no?”

“What the hell do you mean I’m smiling differently?” you voiced, brows furrowing as you turned to Chaewon, whose face expression you couldn’t quite figure out if it was happy or scared. She was smiling but her eyes told you something else.

“Let’s just say you do end up falling in love with him,” your leader mumbled. “You do know the managers are never going to let you do it, right?”

She said it so calmly and nicely that you almost forgot how harsh that truth was. The worst part was realizing she was right. The few days that you have spent living with Heeseung really had you smiling differently and you’ve only realized now that she pointed it out. You were starting to like him. But for what? You were never going to be with him in real life after the show. You don’t even know if he likes you that way outside of the show.

You looked around for anyone familiar from the production staff of the show to see if anyone was filming it. Relief washed over you as soon as you confirmed that they stuck with their terms and did not film your activities when you are separated.

“Y/N,” Sakura cooed as soon as she realized how Chaewon’s words affected you. “It’s okay! You’re going to be okay! I mean it’s a normal thing to fall for people like Heeseung! He is so kind and generous to you!”

“Right! I would fall in love too if someone made that much of an effort to feed me!” Kazuha added. 

“I don’t want you to see falling in love with Heeseung as a bad thing,” Chaewon sighed, moving closer to you as she reached for your hand. “We’re not even sure how long we’re going to do this for and if we’ll ever have the chance to fall in love with anyone with the schedule that we have!” She squeezed your hand before lifting your chin up to make you look at her. “I’m just saying that it’s going to be hard but I cannot blame you for feeling that way. You’re still a human person, Y/N and falling in love with someone who is kind to you is a human experience. That is okay to have.”

While she did have a point, you did realize how sad and unfortunate it was to be in a situation like that. 

“You still have 2 and a half weeks to enjoy his company,” she reminded. “After that we’ll ask you how you feel about it and then decide our course of action from then on.”

“What's important is, whatever your decision is,” Yunjin smirked. “Whether or not it’s going to get us in trouble, we are going to support you! Even if it meant all of us would have to sign an NDA again to keep your future relationship with Heeseung a secret.”

2 weeks and 2 more days. After this, you can just live your life like you never knew him and maybe then your accumulating feelings for him would fade. 

-

“What do you want for dinner?” Heeseung asked, standing by the door frame of your room, watching you stare at your laptop that you brought with you since your normal gaming set-up was too much of a hassle to transfer just to bring back after a month.

The production team had already left a good half an hour ago after the both of you were briefed about tomorrow’s agenda which was hanging out with his members for half the day and with yours for the remaining half. You felt lethargic after all the practice you had to do for your upcoming promotions as your EP was waiting to be released by the approaching month, around the same time this show will go on air. On top of that, your conversation with Chaewon still clung to you, and you were so desperately trying to get your head out of it by playing Valorant. But your trusty game to replace your worries with anger did not seem to work at all for you tonight. Heeseung standing by your door frame was not helping either.

“I don’t really feel like eating dinner tonight, Hee. I’m fine tonight,” you replied at him politely, glancing back at him to acknowledge his presence. 

Heeseung clicked his tongue before walking over to see your game. He sat on your bed watching you play.

He’s never really entered your room before. You’ve entered his room a lot of times before when you watched him play League and when he taught you how to play his favorite game. Nothing malicious ever happened when you were in there so you weren’t expecting anything here either.

“Chaewon explicitly told me before the show started to never let you sleep without eating dinner,” he stated as soon as you died for the round. “So, I’m sticking with that. What do you want for dinner?”

“I’m not hungry,” you repeat, a sigh following as you avoided his gaze. “You can just not tell unnie that I didn’t eat dinner tonight.”

“Okay,” Heeseung shrugged before getting up and leaving your room. You let out a sigh of relief when he does, thinking that he finally left you alone.

Or so you thought. As soon as your door was shut once again, Heeseung was dialing Yunjin’s number in hopes that she can suggest anything he can cook up to make you eat dinner. 

“Heeseung! Is everything okay?” Yunjin asked immediately as soon as she answered on the 3rd ring.

“Y/N doesn’t want to eat,” he confesses. “She just sounds upset and I don’t know if it was anything I did or something just upset her before coming here.”

“Oh,” Yunjin sighed from the other line. “Well, I don’t know if I can tell you what might be the reason why she’s like that but ramyeon should do the job of feeding her for the night. We don’t usually let her have it for dinner, but when she’s especially resistant to eating, which usually happens when she’s upset, we just let her have it.”

“So ramyeon is the solution to all of this?” he asked, a chuckle following his inquiry. 

“Yes,” Yunjin laughed from the other line. “She will inhale that shit so fast and the dinner problem is done before you know it.”

“Would it be so bad to tell me what upset her?” he asked once again. “If it’s something I did, I want to know. I don’t want to keep on doing something that upsets her, Yunjin.”

“I'm afraid it’s something all of us have little to no control of, Heeseung.” Yunjin dejectedly replies. “If there was anything I could do about it, I would’ve done it myself. But it’s out of our hands. But it isn't anything in particular that you did, don’t worry about that anymore.”

As soon as the call was dropped, Heeseung got to work making your dinner. 

On the other hand, Yunjin turns to Chaewon and Eunchae who’s looking at her in shock that Heeseung called her. 

“What did he say?” Eunchae inquiries immediately. 

“I really think the conversation about her and Hee not being able to be together even if they do end up falling for each other got to her,” Yunjin starts. “She doesn’t want to eat dinner. Heeseung called to ask if there’s anything he could do to somehow just not make her skip dinner.”

“And you didn’t tell him that he’s partly the reason why she’s upset?” Chaewon added.

“Of course I didn’t!” Yunjin sighed exasperatedly. “I don’t want to upset them both. They seem into each other and it’s just sad that it’s supposed to end. I wouldn’t have wanted it to end if that was me.”

Eunchae gave her a weird look, “Not because I like Heeseung. I’m just saying if that was me and someone else and I’m getting treated like a proper girl in love, I wouldn’t have wanted it to end. I don’t even know if I’ll ever get to experience anything remotely close to that ever again!” Yunjin explained right away. 

“I just feel bad for Y/N,” Yunjin continues. “You know she’s all that uninterested in the idea of dating and all before but you know she’s a hopeless romantic.”

–

“I made you something,” Heeseung knocked on the door once again, holding up a bowl as he stood by the slightly open door. 

“Heeseung—”

“Before you complain it’s ramyeon and Yunjin is going to lecture you tomorrow for not eating dinner if you don’t eat this because I asked her if there’s anything you would eat so she knows that you’re being hard right now,” Heeseung cuts you off before barging inside of your room and placing the bowl in front of you. 

If Heeseung wasn’t fast enough, he wouldn’t have noticed that you weren’t playing anymore and was instead doing something with your digital audio workstation software open in your laptop but you managed to change the window before he could check the song title. 

“Eat up,” Heeseung demands, as he picks up the chopsticks and puts them in your hands. “Can you do it or do I have to chew it for you.”

“You are a disgusting rat, Heeseung,” you rolled your eyes at him before letting out a chuckle. “Where’s yours?”

“They’re outside, I’ll eat when you’re done.”

“Get a chair and eat here,” you ordered. “It’s sad to eat alone.”

Without any objections, Heeseung does what you asked him to do. Which in reality made your heart skip at how willing he was to make sure you weren’t feeling lonely. He had to take in consideration that you never ate alone when you were with your girls. And whenever you did go in your solo activities alone, either one of the girls ate with you through facetime or your manager ate with you.

“You didn’t have to do this, Hee,” you mumbled at him as you devoured your bowl. Heeseung couldn’t help but smile fondly at you. Yunjin was right, you were going to inhale it.

“I wanted to do it,” he replied shortly.

You hummed in response, looking at your laptop screen where you watched your favorite show while you ate. You were half watching and half lost in thought on whether or not you should tell him or if it was too much information. There was a reason why your members rarely ever let you eat alone and it was a reason only a specific group of people knew.

“You wanna know why they always make sure someone is always with me whenever I eat?” 

Heeseung raised his eyebrows, looking at you with intent before he asked, “why?”

“The people in my school used to bully the fuck out of me during lunch,” you recalled. “I was in second grade when these kids started to make fun of me for bringing Korean food for lunch. I used to hate lunch breaks because it would mean that my favorite food in the world would get picked on for another day yet. Until people just started avoiding me at lunch tables and they would sometimes shoo me away from their table. It was too much for me back then so I just stopped eating lunch to avoid it. I would throw my food in the trash before getting on the bus because my mom would kill me if she found out that I wasn’t eating the food she prepared.”

“And the principal caught me throwing my food away one time and told my mom, and of course she was furious but then she heard why I didn’t eat lunch. Even if she switched up the food she gave me it still would’ve been unappetizing to eat and the kids still would bully me for ‘wanting to fit in’. I mean to be fair, maybe I really wasn’t the prettiest girl when I was a kid, and it probably was the reason they didn’t stop the bullying even after my food was switched. But you know… kids will be kids… I just wished someone would stop them and tell them it was wrong, you know? Because one thing led to another and the next thing I knew I switched to homeschooling and food was just a bad memory to me because I blamed it so much for not having any friends.”

“I hung around with Minji a lot when I was scouted,” you continued. “But she got transferred to Ador and I was alone once again. Then, Beomgyu found me eating alone in the practice hallway and the little shit just sat with me and ate his sandwich next to me, outyapping me because I got really shy when an idol approached me out of pity.”

“You didn’t bring it up to him at all?” He asked curiously. 

You shrugged, “Boy, I was already struggling to debut. My friends were one by one getting chosen to be in survival shows and getting placed in debut lineups. I was starting to delude myself if I really lived up to my secret weapon trainee title because they really showed no interest in putting me in a debut lineup any time soon and only wanted me to help produce songs for the meantime. I did not want them to think that I am barely improving and I still had the audacity to demand having an eating buddy?”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he sighed, obviously brought down by the sudden lore being spilled.

“It’s no problem anymore,” you told him. “Beomgyu actually managed to toughen me up and lectured me for hours on end whenever he found out that I didn’t eat which was honestly absurd because we’re not even related and he keeps saying he’s doing it out of pity. But that idiot did manage to tell my manager and my members about the eating situation when I debuted and they kept their word. I’m surprised he wasn’t the person you called a while ago.”

“I have no prior knowledge that Beomgyu had that kind of power over you,” he laughed.

“He doesn’t,” you snorted. “He just never gets tired of saying the same thing over and over and I don’t always have the braincells to listen to him. So it’s ramyeon first, if it doesn’t work, call Beomgyu.”

“You and Gyu are really close, no?”

“He’s like my older brother that I never had,” you tell him. “We like to joke that he only acts like such because it makes him feel responsible without doing much. We’re also really close in personality so the friendship works.”

“I’ll know when to call him then,” he smirked playfully. 

“I’ll know when to decline his call then,” you retort.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“Are you hot?” Heeseung asked as he reached for the mini fan that the staff was handing him as you and his members walked through the busy street trying to look for the restaurant that Jungwon found online. 

“Not really—”

“Noona, we found it!” Ni-ki happily jumped as he ran back towards you and Heeseung, taking your hand quickly to bring you to the restaurant that was just a few stores away from where you and the rest of the older members were walking. Ni-ki reminded you so much of Eunchae. He started all shy and serious but did end up opening up to you and talking a lot once he got the hang of you. 

“Your youngest really just stole your wife like that,” Jake teased as they watched Ni-ki open the door for you and get inside of the restaurant. “He looks like a kid excited to have his mom around.”

“She looks like she’s enjoying his company anyway,” Heeseung chuckled fondly, watching you and Ni-ki laugh at something as they entered the restaurant themselves. “Just let him be,”  he tells them. He watches as you throw your head back like a kid while you laugh over something he’s yet to ask the context of, but he might just watch you laugh like this instead. You were adorable interacting with his youngest member like that.

“Have you ordered already?” Heeseung asked you. 

“Oh, Jungwon handled all of the orders. I just told him to surprise me,” you replied, turning over to him as he reached for your hand. The weather outside was still very cold and it was a wonder how your hands stayed warm with that cold wind outside as if you had a personal heater inside of your body. 

“Your usual food isn't on the menu though,” Heeseung replied, brows furrowing as his eyes trail back to Jungwon and Sunoo who were still finishing up the orders with the menu in their hands. “What if you don’t like it?”

“Then I’ll make you finish the rest of it,” you playfully squeezed his hand, making him shrug.

“And if I don’t like it?”

“We’ll pack it to-go and I’ll force myself to eat it at home,” you chuckled. “I wanted to see what your members would feed me, Heeseung. Chill. It’s not like I cannot go out of my usual food selection!”

–

“He's the laziest cook in the dorms,” Jay chuckled as he sat back with you while you two watched the other members play foot volleyball. “I was about to crash out on him when he called me that early but then he asked me how to make fucking curry at 4AM in the morning.”

“And you want to tell me what?”

“That I'm pretty sure Heeseung likes you—in love maybe,” he replied quietly, hoping that the mics won't be able to catch it as the smaller production team that went with you today only had one boom mic with them and it was being used towards the guys who were playing. “I heard he's been calling your members too to ask them how to make your favorite meals.”

“Jay, are you hearing yourself?” you ask, holding back a laugh as Heeseung tries to catch a falling Ni-ki before he lands on his butt after the younger attempted to kick a ball too early.

“Heeseung is a lovesick fool,” he laughed. “And you are a little dense to not notice that.”

You thought about it well. You'd be lying to say that you didn't notice that he was really kind to you and no friend would've gone the lengths of bringing you food in the practice room if you were too busy to grab food for yourself. Regardless of whether or not cameras were seeing what his efforts were, he did it anyway. But you've never been involved with anyone romantically—what do you know?

“Noona, join us!” Jungwon happily calls as he jumps. “Jay-hyung! Get up!”

You couldn't help but adore the cat-like leader. Jay helped you get up from your seat on the mat they laid down for you on the grass. 

“Noona! Is in our team!” Jungwon declares that he and Ni-ki stood in front of you when Heeseung tried to take you.

“That is my wife!” Heeseung argued, trying to go around them to take you but the two were persistent. 

“And we are around the same age, so she's ours!” Sunoo joined in, creating another wall on your side to close you away from Heeseung. “You guys are old!” 

“You're not even 7 months older than Sunghoon!” Heeseung retorts. “Y/N! You're supposed to be on my side!”

“The kids want me on their team,” you laughed, reaching for Ni-ki's shoulder, which definitely was higher than you anticipated.

“The kids will always get their mom,” Jay shrugged jokingly, pulling Heeseung away so the round could start. “Even the court would agree.”

–

“Please give my gifts to the other boys, okay?” You told Jay as you got into the van, preparing to go to your afternoon schedule with your members this time. 

“I'll make sure they thank you for it, Y/N,” he chuckled. “Don't worry about it.”

“They seem to love you very much,” Heeseung told you as soon as the van started moving. 

You nodded. You noticed how they would make an effort to include you, even toning down their energy just to make sure they weren't tiring you out too much considering you still have things in your agenda after your time with them. Especially their younger members, they seemed pretty close to her despite only hanging out today. 

Although you couldn't quite forget what Riki told you when you got to the park earlier, “I'm going to miss having you around when you and Hyung finish filming this show,” he told you.

You started to wonder how complicated it would be to maintain a good relationship with Enhypen after this show ends. You truly wanted to be friends with them after this. They were really a very friendly bunch after all. But if Jay is telling the truth, wouldn't that make it complicated? To remain friends with all of them but one because he had feelings for you before and the feeling is possibly mutual?

“Especially Ni-ki,” he chuckled. “That kid did not want to let go of you!”

“He's like Eunchae,” you chuckled at him. “Really shy at first, you would only get giggles from that poor girl. Then when she gets to know you she turns into yapperton 3000.”

“It's hard to comprehend that you're the second youngest in your group,” he shrugged.

“Still 3 years older than Eunchae though,” you smiled at him. “She is like everyone's little sister, then me and Zuha are twins. Yunjin is our big sister. Chaewon is our mom and Kkura is our fun gay aunt.”

“Do you think they'll like me?”

You were taken aback. Since when did Heeseung worry about being liked by anyone? Everyone likes Heeseung from the get go. The moment they lay eyes on him, he's already got this good aura around him and then he opens his mouth to sing and it's over for everyone. He has the qualities of a person that is likeable.

“You've met plenty of women in your life, Hee,” you laughed. “Especially being a male idol. You have a huge audience and the majority of them are women. I'm pretty sure you know that you are one of the very likeable men out there.”

“I appreciate that you think I'm likeable, but I can't just flirt with your sisters to make them like me!” He argued playfully. “Jagiya, do you think I annoy them?”

“For what?”

“For calling them all the time to teach me how to cook your dinner,” he explained. “Oh my god! What if noona thinks I'm annoying?”

“I'm pretty sure that's cute to them,” you chuckled, patting his knee to calm him down. “They like you, Hee. There's nothing to sweat about.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

–

“Hello, my baby!” Chaewon happily goes over to you to hug you before stepping aside to let Kahuza and Eunchae literally pounce into you to give you a hug, Yunjin follows suit before greeting Heeseung. Sakura does not give you anything less than that before fist bumping Heeseung. By this time, you’ve already gone back to your apartment to freshen up and get ready for your next agenda.

“We already ordered, by the way,” Yunjin declares. “Oh, Heeseung, I asked Y/N, your order. I hope she got it right?”

“I'll eat anything,” he replies shyly.

“Please order anything you like if I got your order wrong. I asked all your members a while ago about your food preferences because you never told me anything and you always just ate exactly the same thing I usually eat.”

Yunjin watched the conversation intently. Heeseung always looked at you with eyes no one could dim and good Lord. If that isn't love, then she does not know what is. 

“You ate an unfamiliar order a while ago,” he reminds you. “I'll do the same to return the favor.”

“Stop being cute, I might throw up,” Sakura joked across from you. “Is she being hard to live with, Heeseung?” 

“Aside from the fact that she takes her sweet time getting ready and does not like getting up early,” Heeseung started. “I think she's okay to live with.”

“Do you like unnie?” Eunchae blurts out, chin resting on her hands as she smiles at Heeseung innocently.

“Eunchae!” You didn’t mean to raise your voice, Eunchae seemed to know that already that’s why she bursted out laughing at everybody’s reaction because there was a lasting shocked face in Sakura’s face while Kazuha was laughing along with her, implying that she was in on the joke. Chaewon who was sitting next to Eunchae managed to playfully slap the younger’s arm in shock. And Yunjin… the ever so theatrical member, managed to choke on her water, when she heard Eunchae’s question.

“I don’t have a good enough reason not to like someone like Y/N,” Heeseung replied confidently. His chin even lifted a bit as he maintained eye contact with Eunchae as if convincing her to believe him. 

The next thing you knew your heart was skipping beats as you watched him and Eunchae banter. You didn’t want to believe it because ultimately, the cameras are on and the mic can hear everything he’s saying right now… but he’s sounding a little too convincing and you don’t know how to feel about it. 

“You didn’t have to go through all that banter with Manchae,” you whispered to him as soon as you felt him reach for your hand from under the table. “You don’t have to convince them.”

“I wanted to,” he replied coolly, fiddling with the rings on your fingers. “I want to convince them.”

“What for?” You asked as you watched him slide off the silver band from your middle finger to your ring finger. Your eyes followed the tiny little diamond encrusted on the top of your grandmother’s silver wedding band that she’s given you as a gift for your birthday a few months back. 

To say that your heart was exploding was an understatement. You felt everything and anything all at once. You had to hold your breath and blink a couple of times to hold back your tears as he aligned it properly before he glanced at you. 

“Because a husband must always prove that he is in love with his wife,” he replies before poking your cheek.

—

Somehow the conversation with Heeseung during that dinner never left you. You never got confirmation if he meant what he said or if he only did that because he knew the cameras were watching. In all honesty, you just want to believe it because it would hurt so much to hear that it isn’t real.

You liked Heeseung.

You were tired of denying it and sitting in front of your desk trying to get your little passion project song done has never felt more real as you try to justify that it's a normal thing to fall in love with people like Heeseung. It's his day job to make girls fall in love with him and you were a willing victim to his charm. Weirdly enough, you wouldn't have it in any other way.

You only have seven more days with Heeseung before you go back home and only go to the studio to film the confessionals. You're not even sure if you'll see him there but you want to. You don't want this to end. 

You still want someone to reach for when the movie gets too sad. You still want someone to hold your hand when you're tired. You still want someone to care for you whenever you don't feel like eating or when you're sick—but the thing is, you've had all of these before Heeseung. 

Heeseung has done a great job making it comfortable for both of you and you especially by providing everything that you're used to when you're in your dorms. He mimicked everything he could just to make sure that you were comfortable with him. But now that the end is near, you suppose you were too comfortable.

So now you're texting Yunjin, while holding back tears as you send her the demo version of your song after a long dreadful writer's block.

—

“Are you ready to meet them?” You asked Heeseung as he entered the car after you.

“Can you guys stop being cute, it’s gross,” Beomgyu rolled his eyes before crawling inside the car and squeezing himself between the both of you. “You have to ask the hand of her older brother first, Heeseung. Have you got no manners?”

“You are so annoying,” Heeseung rolled his eyes at him, holding back a laugh at how unserious his best friend was. 

“You married my other best friend, imagine how that feels for me!” Beomgyu argued. “And if you’re going to argue about how this shouldn’t be that big of a deal for me, I’m here to tell you that it is. Because it’s gross to see the both of you together and we’ve been friends for long enough to guarantee my invitation to her wedding and I was not even informed that it’s going to be with you!”

“Calm down, oh my god!” You slapped his shoulder to hold him back from nagging Heeseung any more. 

Your actions might not seem like it but you were grateful the production staff agreed that it was a great idea to bring Beomgyu along since, essentially, this whole man-child has treated you like family and your family did the same to him. And if they really wanted to sell the ‘meeting the family’ fantasy that they’ve been conceptualizing as your marriage soon reaches its conclusion, they must go all the way. Alas, Beomgyu is here. Lodged in between you and Heeseung because apparently, it’s gross to see your two best friends get married for a tv show. 

“You are an entire challenge to get through,” Heeseung murmured as he poked on Beomgyu’s side to annoy him even more. 

“Imagine the interrogation I can put you through if you keep acting up, Heeseung!” Beomgyu threatened him, eyes widening as he jokingly peered over Heeseung. “I am the favorite friend and there’s no topping that. I can put you through hours of interrogation with just one bad mouth.”

“I swear to everything good, if the both of you don’t shut up the entire ride I’m throwing you off this car.”

The both of them seemed to get the message when they looked back at you before quietly tugging on the seat belt to fit them before the car started. The car ride was relatively quiet, aside from the occasional banter that you had no problems whatsoever breaking up immediately before it got too serious, it was peaceful. Even the driver insisted on putting on some music just so it wouldn’t be too quiet whenever the two had to shut up for the sake of your sanity.

-

You can't help but put out a huge sigh  when you reach your grandparents home. You had explained to your grandmother last night the arrangements with Heeseung and that it was only for the tv show and you wouldn't have married someone you don't know beforehand. Contrary to what you formerly believed, your grandmother had a good laugh last night about the concept of the show and found it funny to keep it a secret from your grandfather for the meantime and surprise him about your marriage when you arrive.

“Y/N!” Your grandfather happily waddles to your car as soon as you step out of the vehicle, your grandmother slowly following him. The old man happily pulls you into a hug doing a little dance as he turns you around before he notices Beomgyu and does the same with him. “Beomgyu!”

“Who is this fine gentleman, Y/N!” Your grandmother smirked as soon as he noticed Heeseung smiling at the both of them shyly. It was so weird seeing him look so shy. He looked like he was screaming for help and he had to wipe his palms that began sweaty profusely the moment he heard your grandfather's voice. 

“Good morning, Sir Y/G/N and Ma’am Y/GM/N, I am Lee Heeseung from Enhypen. I come from the same company as your granddaughter and we're filming a show today which…” Oh dear heavens. Heeseung had it all practiced before he even got in the car. He practiced it in the mirror this morning, even practiced his speech with you before leaving the apartment but now he couldn't remember anything. Not a single thing on how he can properly break it to your grandfather that you got married for a variety show.

“Grandpa, Heeseung is my husband—”

“Excuse me?” Your grandfather looked like he was about to have a heart attack with the sudden news. “Does your mother know? Did any of your parents know? How could your company let you do this? Y/N! You're only 21!”

Your grandmother was taking it all in her to hold back from bursting out in laughter, holding on to Beomgyu as he does the same. Heeseung on the other hand, didn't look any better than your grandfather. He looked like he was going to pass out in fear with how your grandfather is reacting to all of this right now.

“Eomma knew it,” you joked. “Jen told her.”

“Yunjin told your mother? You couldn't even tell your mother yourself?”

“It's for the tv show only, grandpa,” Beomgyu bursted out in laughter as soon as your grandma signalled him to tell him already. She knew you were going to play it for as long as you could because the mischievous child that you are. 

“It's not real? You did not sign anything?”

“Just the contract for the show and an NDA that I'm not going to talk about until it's aired,” you laughed at him as the old dog let out a sigh of relief. 

“Why do you always do this to me?” he huffed as you looked back at your grandma, who planned it all. “Of course it was your idea!” 

“Well, Mr. Heeseung,” he smiled at the younger. “I am glad that you wanted to meet us even if this marriage is not for real.”

“I am actually from Uiwang-si too,” Heeseung replies politely before he finally comes out of the car to bow down to your grandparents. “I am very honored to get to meet you, sir.”

You all gasped in surprise when Heeseung, in his light brown pants, went down on the grass to kneel and bow to your grandparents. “Thank you for bringing Y/N mother into this world, without her the world would’ve never seen how talented of a person she is.”

“Please get up there, son,” your grandfather laughed, helping him get up and dust the specks of dirt on his clothes. “Come inside.”

You laughed as you approached Heeseung, Beomgyu managing to distract your grandparents with his excitement for your grandmother’s food. 

“Your hands are very sweaty,” you laughed at him, as you grabbed his hand to walk him in your grandparents’ home. “Were you that nervous?”

“I think I lost my heartbeat for a good 30 seconds when you broke it out like that,” he whined. “Good graces, I thought he was going to kill me!”

“He’s a cool grandpa,” you laughed. “Even if we did get married for real, he still would’ve accepted you. He has no room for resentment.”

“Heeseung, come here! We have Y/N middle school pictures, come look!” Beomgyu laughed from the door, holding up an old photo album that you recognize to be yours and your little brother’s that your grandmother made from the pictures that your mom sent them when you were back in New York. 

“Those are horrendous, put it back, idiot!” You yelled at him, dragging Heeseung inside before you ran towards Beomgyu to take the photobook away. “You are an insufferable little bitch, Beomgyu, oh my God, put it back!”

Heeseung took a look at the place while you and Beomgyu quarrel over the photobook. 

“Come here, Heeseung,” your grandfather called him over the piano on the corner of the living room. It was no secret that your family did have a wealthy background. After all, after a little more research under his belt, your family did own a successful business in the engineering field both in the country and in the US. It was sort of surprising to find that out, considering your modest way of living in the apartment with him. “Loosen up, kid. I’m not going to bite you.”

“Sorry,” he chuckled nervously still. “It’s the first time I’m meeting someone’s family.”

“You’ve met your members’ families, I’m sure,” your grandfather quips. “What’s the difference now? Y/N is your colleague just as much as they are.”

Heeseung thought of it well and hard even though it came out hard with you and Beomgyu still running around the house fighting over the photobook. His eye caught a picture of you dancing in a ballet tutu with a tambourine in one hand.

“That’s La Esmeralda,” your grandfather tells him when he notices the younger one staring at it. “She’s been dancing that variation since before she could wear pointe shoes. On her first birthday, her grandma put those ballet slippers in front of her at the last minute because Y/N’s mother used to dance ballet too. It used to be her whole life. She did nothing but dance but then decided that she was done and went straight into managing the family business. Y/N eyed those slippers before she was allowed to even pick and the moment she’s allowed, she grabbed onto it so fast and refused to give back that singular slipper.”

“She’s never looked back since. She would sleep in those ballet slippers as a baby. She was obsessed with it. Then one day this recruitment woman came to her after her dance recital and then it clicked something in her the same way engineering switched inside of her mother. In a blink of an eye, our Y/N didn’t want to be a ballerina anymore. She wanted to sing and you would think that four fruitless years of training would bring her back—but that kid never knows when to give up. The moment she decides something—call it a done deal, she will find a way to have that no matter what. When she loves, she loves it wholly and with everything that she has, even if it takes a lot of time to get there.”

Heeseung couldn’t admire the determination that you had as she looked at the years of ballet pictures that you had since you were in diapers. Some were even photos of you dancing with your mother. You really were a woman of your words… which… well… if weeks ago he wasn’t sure if he was in love with you… now he’s sure of it.

“Now, I don’t know your intentions with my granddaughter,” your grandfather continues, reaching for Heeseung’s shoulder as he pats it. “But whatever you do, I hope you don’t break something in her that will lose that determination, especially her ability to give as much love as she can. Because I don’t know who my granddaughter would still be if she loses that.”

Heeseung had no intention of hurting you. If he has to stay away from you just to make sure that it doesn’t reach the point of breaking you in that case, then he will even if it would feel like burning him alive. He’s never met anyone quite like you before—someone so open but so mysterious at the same time. It’s like he knew everything about you because you had no problem sharing it but still, there’s always more to you than what you’d tell.

“Yeobo, Heeseung, food is ready!” Your grandmother calls, making the both of you turn towards the entrance to the kitchen.

You and Beomgyu were busy placing the food and the plates on the table. You were like a kid again, arguing with your brother and then making up the next moment to get ready for food. You looked so relaxed and carefree around here than when you were in Seoul.

Heeseung was convinced he’s never seen you eat this much before. He just knows you’ll complain about how you’ll need to go to the gym first before going home just to burn everything you consumed today or your trainer would be a bitchy bunch when she notices your sudden weight gain. He hated that it’s the way that it is, but after a few arguments about her over worrying about it, he’s finally come into the acceptance that it’s the price they all pay for their dreams and no matter how fucked up that is—while someone has to go and change that ideal—it’s how it is right now.

It’s like watching you be another version of yourself that’s still you. Because everything you are is still the same, but more alive… and if he hasn’t admitted to himself, yet. Holy shit, he is in love and his heart skips eight beats every time you look at him with your pretty eyes that look like you’re convincing him to treat you like a baby every time you do. And for the longest time, he thought love looked like something else… he’s not quite sure what they’re supposed to look like but he definitely did not expect love to look… exactly like you.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Beomgyu shrugs as he tosses Heeseung the can of beer as they sit on the rooftop of the apartment building that they sent you and Heeseung in.

“What the fuck are you talking about,” Heeseung shrugged.

“Everyone can see it, idiot,” Beomgyu laughed, hitting the back of his head. “Everyone knows you guys actually fell in love but none of you care enough to admit it.”

“Like it’s even possible to admit that,” Heeseung chuckled bitterly, opening the can before chugging down on the alcohol. “Can you imagine the amount of protest trucks they’re going to send in front of the building if they find out? They’re going to block the streets. Worse case scenario they’re going to send Y/N death threats. I don’t think I have the stomach to instigate that.”

“So you care about her?” Beomgyu pressed.

“You care about Y/N and I don’t question you like this!”

“Because when the topic of protest trucks being sent to the building came when she debuted and everyone was planning on the PR to make sure that our image does not get perceived as a threat to the fans, Y/N and I just laughed it out and called bullshit,” Beomgyu explained. “Even the idea of getting death threats did not faze her. We never cared if people called our friendship something else. But you seem to care more than that, so it’s different.”

Heeseung fell silent. What’s the point of hiding it from Beomgyu anyway? He’s known him and you since before you and Y/N even met. If there’s anyone that will sense it, it’s going to be him.

“I’ve signed more NDAs than brand deals, to be honest,” Beomgyu continued. “I don’t mind signing another if it means you guys are going to stop acting like fools about this. Even the Le Sserafim girls are literally okay with it. It’s possible. You just have to want it.”

“Do you know how far fetched it is to say that I actually had the chance to actually fall in love with Y/N?” Heeseung started. “I literally liked her since the day I laid eyes on her to the point that I used to get so jealous that you get to have that relationship with her and I don’t.”

“It sounds stupid, really,” Beomgyu laughed before taking a sip of his beer. 

“It doesn’t even feel real that I said okay to this fucking show without knowing that she’ll be my wife for 30 days! Are you getting this? It’s like the universe just gave me a chance and I don’t even know how to go about it now! I’m not even sure if she feels the same way!”

“Oh trust me, she does.”

“God. It’s like the world is asking me to give up on everything I ever worked so hard for to be able to actually experience being in love!” He cried. “And it fucking knows that I will but I don’t want to hurt her like that.”

“That sounds to me like you’re the only one here that’s afraid of the hate,” Beomgyu shrugged. “Because knowing Y/N, she would walk in front of those protest trucks and would possibly take a selfie with it if she’s feeling like it. She knows her worth so much that she’d bring coffee for the protesters because it’s hot outside.”

“That woman has loose screws in her head, she turns absolutely unhinged once she’s put her mind into something,” He continued. “I know it’s weird that a girl with eating schedule problems can be that tough, but she is.”

Heeseung lets out a big sigh as he watches Beomgyu stand in front of him. 

“So now, I should ask you,” he trails off. “Are you willing to love my best friend with everything that you have inside you and nothing less? Because if no, you should really just stop being so damn unnecessarily romantic with her when the cameras are not on. That woman is going to love you wholly and nothing else if she decides that she does, and you have to make it clear if you’re going to meet her halfway or not because you’re not going to like what you’re going to hear from me and Yunjin if you lead her on, Heeseung.”

“Why does that sound like a threat?” Heeseung asked to diffuse the tension but Beomgyu, so serious all of sudden, did not back down.

“Because it is a threat, Hee,” he quips before going back to his seat. “You have 5 more days to tell her how you feel before the show ends. When you’re clear on where the both of you stand, tell us. And we’ll take whatever steps we must take.”

—

“Jagiya?” Heeseung called as he stumbled inside of the apartment. “Jagiya?”

You turn to look at Heeseung’s miserable state, leaning against the wall next to the door, shocked that he even managed to get this wasted after he fully refused to drink with you and Beomgyu when you were in your grandparents’ house.

“I thought you only had beer when you went up?” You asked as you scurried over him, immediately helping the poor boy get back up on his feet and into the dining room chair. “Where’s Beomgyu?”

“Manager… picked him up…” He drawled as he rested his head on his hands while his elbows were on the table, smiling stupidly at you as he watched you scramble in the kitchen to get him anything that might help his state. 

“What else did you drink?” You asked as you slid a glass of water in front of him, urging him to drink.

“Beomgyu… that sneaky little bitch… brought… um… that green—”

“Soju?”

“Yes! You’re so smart!” He laughed, clapping his hands happily. You couldn’t help but laugh at his stupid state. How can he even drink this much without thinking of the consequences after?

“Well, finish this already,” you told him, picking up the glass of water to help him drink. 

And just after he’s steady enough to stand up with your help, he bolts to the bathroom and hurls. 

“I’m pretty sure, you’re not going to be drinking a lot more often after this, no?” you asked him as you helped him sit up against the tile wall after he was done. “Come on, let’s clean you up.”

You got up and found a wash cloth that you drenched in warm water from the tap before ringing it. You managed to clean most of his limbs up, but there was some vomit on his shirt that you had to clean up before you let him sleep because that would be awfully disgusting. 

“Can you clean yourself?” you asked, trying to see if he was functional enough to at least change his clothes. 

“I actually like having my wife take care of me like this,” he giggled giddily. “So nice and so caring.”

You shrugged at his drunken state before getting up. 

“Noooo…” He whined, grabbing onto your ankle to keep you from going. “Don’t leave me!”

“I’m just going to get you a new shirt, Heeseung,” you laughed at him, bending down to take his hand off your ankle. “Wait here.”

You went up to his room to retrieve a shirt when you found his phone ringing. A number you recognized to be your grandfather’s. You didn’t want to invade his privacy so instead you took it and allowed it to ring until you were back in the bathroom where Heeseung sat with his long legs straight in front of him, lazily leaning against the tile wall.

“Who is it?”

“Grandpa,” you replied nervously. “Why is he calling you at this time of the day? Shouldn’t he be asleep?”

“I don’t know!” he claims before you answer the phone and put it on a loudspeaker. 

“Heeseung, son?”

“Yes, Grandpa?” he answered politely, trying his best to sound normal. 

“I just realized that I forgot to tell you that I think you are good for Y/N,” your grandpa exhaled. “And wherever your relationship goes after your tv show, I hope you guys stay good friends. You are good for Y/N. And I can also tell that you like her because no one gets that nervous when meeting your friend’s grandparents. I hope you stop denying that.”

“Umm…” Heeseung trailed off, not knowing what to say. He looked up at you to ask for help but you seemed to be in a panic too. 

“Just say thank you!” you mouthed at him in a panic, not wanting to reveal that you have been hearing the conversation all along.

“Thank you, grandpa,” he says, following exactly what you told him to. 

“Well, it’s getting late. I should rest. Please tell Y/N I said good night and good night to you too, Heeseung. Please take care of my granddaughter.”

“Good night, grandpa,” he said before the call was dropped. “Oh my god, I think that just sobered me up!”  he laughed slightly before wincing, making him lean back down on the tile wall to support his head.

“No, it didn’t,” you shrugged at him before kneeling next to him. “Can you take your shirt off, so you can change?”

He carefully tugs on his shirt to pull it off before handing it to you. In exchange, you gave him the fresh shirt that you got from his room. It was surprising that he didn’t fuss about it so you decided to take advantage of his compliant state and went over to the kitchen to grab a chair and put it next to his sink. You weren’t sure if he had anything on his agenda tomorrow, but are you really going to let him out tomorrow looking like a dehydrated piece of vegetable after all he drank with your best friend? Maybe you cared enough about Heeseung to not let him do that to himself.

“What’s that for?”

“Get up, I’m not letting you skip your skincare,” you replied in a duh tone while you helped him get up from the floor to his seat on the chair. “Sit properly.”

“You are crazy,” he laughed, as he patiently does what you tell him. 

“You like me though,” you replied condescendingly.

He chuckled before responding, “I actually do.”

“Tell me that again when you’re sober, alright?” you tell him before squirting some of his cleanser on your hands and lathering it on his face. 

“Come here,” he chuckled smugly as he gently placed both his hands on either of your sides to pull you closer to him, making you sit on his lap. “You heard it from your grandpa, jagiya.”

“But you’re only admitting it now that you’re off your face,” you replied to him patiently, as you kept on rubbing the cleanser over his face. “If you really mean it, you won’t have a problem saying it again when you’re not intoxicated.”

You continued doing his skincare sitting on his lap in silence.

“I don’t want you to think that I’m only doing this because I’m drunk because I am willing to tell you the same thing over and over again tomorrow when I’m not in this state.” He tells you. “Saying that I like you is an understatement because doing this show with you really just intensified what I already had for you years ago. I can’t explain to anyone enough how I almost passed out when I found out that it was going to be you to do this show with me.”

“You can ask Jay and everyone else. Because they knew—well, they sensed it because I couldn’t get myself to admit it for the longest time. But right now? I don’t think that I can let you go anymore now that I’ve got to experience all these with you.” Heeseung added. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he sighed, bringing a hand over to your face to wipe the tears that you didn’t know had already escaped your eye. “I’m so in love with you and it sucks that they put people in situations like this to fall in love and separate them after—but I’m going to work hard to turn this to our favor once it’s over, okay?”

“Please keep your word, Hee,” you mumbled quietly. “I need you to keep your word because I don’t mind doing the same.”

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You were up bright and early the next morning to get Heeseung a hangover drink and some soup because it wouldn’t be logical to buy any more stocks when you’ll be moving out less than 5 days from now. The camera crew will be there in a few hours so you really had to wake Heeseung up as soon as you get home or he’ll run late for filming if he doesn’t

“You didn’t have to do this, Y/N.” He mumbled as soon as he was down on the table enjoying his soup.

You don’t know why it did, but it stung to hear him call you by your name after confessing last night and getting you used to being called jagiya. You shouldn’t have let yourself fall for it, he was off his face after all. Why did you even consider believing it in the first place?

“I had to,” you mumbled quietly. “You looked helpless last night. It’s actually surprising you still woke up this early.”

“Y/N?”

“What?” You lamented. Hearing it the first time was stung, for the second time? You wanted to cry in humiliation for assuming that he meant what he said. God it felt like the same way Minji broke it to you that she was moving to Ador after promising you that she’ll always stick around—and you couldn’t blame her. You couldn’t blame anyone because at the end of the day you both had dreams and you can’t demand anyone to stay for your comfort. Not in that competitive environment. 

“Why are you so quiet?” he asked. “I’m sorry for the bother last night.”

“I wish you weren’t sorry about it though,” you replied honestly. “That makes me feel like everything you said was a mistake.”

“Oh!” He almost spins after you jog his memory. “Jagiya, I meant everything I said!”

“Then why are you calling me by my name all of a sudden? God, if this is a joke to you, Heeseung, I might as well walk away right now, because I can’t let you do that to me,” you rambled. 

“Okay, let’s calm down first,” Heeseung sighs heavily.

“Don’t sigh like that!” you snapped at him, making him break into a soft chuckle.

“I was waiting until you’re done with your coffee before I tell you,” he laughed softly, before walking over to your side of the table. “You’re a little snappy before your coffee. So I was waiting for you to finish that first and then I will tell you how you are the most beautiful person in the world and I am so in love with you, I’ll fight Bang PD-nim even for a slight chance to hold your hand on camera after this show is over.”

You couldn’t help but cry even more after you realized that you have overreacted over the situation. 

“I hate you,” you sobbed as Heeseung tried to contain his laughter out of awe as he wrapped his arms around you.

“And I am so in love with you for it,” he continued laughing.

–

“What’s on the agenda today?” you asked the production manager as they set up the cameras inside of your home. 

“Well,” the production manager smiled at you, “We have a surprise for the both of you today.”

“Oh?” Heeseung quips, head peeking through the bathroom door while he was brushing his teeth. 

“We have your members with us today,” they tell you before the door bursts open and your groups’ members enter the home one by one, crowding your living room faster than you’ve ever seen before.

“Hi!” You jumped happily, throwing yourself over to Yunjin when she entered the room, wrapping your legs around her as you happily squealed.

“Well, they’re reunited,” Jay laughed as the camera panned over to you and Yunjin, still screaming happily. 

“What? What’s on the schedule today?”

“Well, you will have a virtual marriage ceremony in Everland,” they announced. “When you were in the cafe when you guys first met, we asked you to draw your dream fairytale wedding. We were quite impressed with the design that Y/N made that we started questioning if we could do it. But we managed! So, we're all going to the Hybe building today, get everyone ready and we'll be on our way for the big event.”

You couldn't contain your excitement as they handed you an iPad with a picture of a fully realized version of your dress sketch from that day that they asked you to. You didn't think too much of it back then and really just drew your fantasy, you didn't expect that they'd actually use that in real life. 

–

Soon enough the parade was in full swing, people were starting to gather around as soon as they noticed who was sitting on the huge carousel float and the convertible cars behind. Your members were dressed as princesses too, Heeseung's were dressed as knights.

People were squealing as they watched you and Heeseung interact with the kids in the crowd. You were dancing and playing with the bubble machines they gave you early on. 

To be frank, it made you feel like a kid again. You didn't get to experience a lot of it when you were a kid because you were always busy with dancing and even when you became an adult, you still barely had time to go. You couldn't believe that you were there on the carriage, being looked up to by the babies and kids that were probably there for the first time. You hoped that they were getting the fun that they were meant to experience being in a theme park. 

“Y/N!” The crowd cheered your name as you turned to them and gave them a little dance. 

Heeseung watched you fondly from the side. He couldn't help but notice how natural your presence were, especially around kids. You looked so happy, your smile was brighter than he's ever seen. 

“Lee Heeseung! Is she beautiful?” A kid yelled from his direction, making you look over the kid and then to your partner. You thought he'd deflect it, anything he would say or do right now will be held against him by his begrudging fans. You would understand if he did. 

But instead Heeseung crossed his arms at the kid and asked him back, “Have you seen a woman more beautiful than her?”

You couldn't stop yourself from blushing, even attempting to hide your face in one of the posts, making the crowd laugh at your cute reaction. 

“Aigoo,” he cooed, walking over you and hugging you from behind, once again making the crowd roar as he laughed at how shy you were getting. 

Just then, the float started moving again. By then you were too shy to even move from your position, leaving Heeseung with no choice but to take your hands off the post and use it to do a little cute dance infront of everyone. 

You were laughing uncontrollably, you face was crimson through the make up on your face and you were sure your face would be all over the internet when you go home later but you couldn’t seem to be worried about that right now. All your mind was on trying to stabilize yourself in front of the people once again.

“Are you okay now?” he asked, fixing a stray hair that slipped out of your perfectly pinned hair. “You're not very red anymore.” He points it out, carefully dabbing a paper towel that the staff handed him moments ago on your forehead while chuckling lightly. 

“You're saying it like it wasn't your fault,” you rolled your eyes at him playfully, softly hitting his shoulder. 

“Come dance with me,” he grinned, reaching for both of your hands and interlocking them behind his neck before placing his on your waist. The both of you pranced around the lively music as the float moved to it's next spot. 

Asking you to dance was Heeseung's way of concealing the fact that he was about to drop dead out of nervousness for what he's about to do. In the briefing a while ago, while they were getting ready to go to Everland, he was asked if he wanted to do something special, considering that the two of you only have less than a week before the filming of the show is over. After being egged on by his members to do a cute proposal, he agreed that it would be cute and would make the experience more special for you. 

“You're having so much fun, no?” he asked, as he spun you around, your dress flowing around you. You can hear the faint coos of your members from the next car, even laughs from Heeseung's teammates. 

“So much,” you replied as you attempted to do the same thing for him but the height difference made it much more difficult for him, bending his back more than he would usually do. 

He laughed at himself before grabbing you by the waist and spinning you around. 

Soon enough the float stops again and you notice everything starts to slow down a bit from what it used to. You looked around curiously, trying to figure out what was going on with the sudden change of tempo, but instead you find Heeseung down on one knee with a silver ring presented before you, before he proudly shouts out, just so everyone can hear it, “Y/L/N Y/N, will you marry me?”

The crowd roars all so suddenly after Heeseung says it, making you jump a bit from how loud it was. You could even hear Sunoo, Kazuha and Eunchae screaming a few feet away. You looked around, once again, and it was a fairytale. You don’t even know why no one has climbed up your float and grabbed you by the neck after seeing this unfold. The girls were out of the car now, they were happily jumping while Heeseung’s younger members cheered as loud as they could, even chanting some ship name you’ve only heard for the first time. 

Looking back at Heeseung, his eyes never looked so clear and so happy before. His smile made his face so insanely handsome, you began questioning if it was possible to fall in love with the same face twice and feel just as gobsmacked with how beautiful he was made. 

“Yes,” you laughed, awkwardly going down on your knees too. You don’t even know why you did but it felt right to just be there, on the same eye level with him. He laughed at your actions as he slipped the ring on your finger, next to your grandmother’s ring that you still kept to where he moved it. 

“Kiss her!” a kid yelled from the crowd, following an uproar of requests to do so. Of course it was not going to happen, but Heeseung did manage to sneak a soft kiss on the side of your head as the both of you posed for the people taking photos. 

You don’t even know how you’re going to recover from this. You were smiling and dancing all throughout the rest of the parade, but deep inside, you were hoping that Heeseung stays true to his word because there is no way that you were going to be able to live normally after this. There was no way that after filming this show, you would be able to show up in the same music shows acting like this man never made you question your capabilities for love. 

You were in too deep, you don’t even know how you’ll manage to ever be the same after this. And it wasn’t like you. You were resilient. You knew how to withstand the adversities that came in your life.

But what if it’s not so much of an adversity? What if it was love? How were you ever going to endure that?

After all of you were worn down by excitement and thrill from hopping from one ride to another in the park, you were later informed to rest early after the group dinner, as you will be back in the studio to record your special performance song for the music show that will be aired once the variety show airs. The song would be yet to be decided but you were pretty sure it would be heavily discussed over dinner. So you just decided to go with what everyone thinks would sell the most.

You weren’t quite sure how to feel by then. You were tired and your thoughts plagued you over and over whenever you had your silent moments. You couldn’t believe it. In 4 more days, you will be separated from Heeseung. 

“Are you okay?” Heeseung asked, as he reached for your hand. “You’re very quiet.”

“Just tired,” you replied shortly. “I’m okay.”

Heeseung didn’t buy your excuse, but he held onto your hand still, hoping that it would give you some sense of comfort to whatever might be bothering you. You had a long day and tomorrow and the following days would be as well considering that they are now asking you to record and perform a song for the last episode, which he hasn’t even experienced, but is already breaking him inside to think about. 

He doesn’t even want to think about what song he would perform, in high hopes that he could avoid it that way despite knowing the inevitability of it. But what’s wrong with a little blind hope, no?

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You sat there inside of the studio as you watched Heeseung record his part of the song, Accidentally In Love.

It didn't feel real that you and Heeseung have to get this all done in a matter of 3 days. It only feels like yesterday when your girls were only convincing you to do this—now, you're four days away from parting ways. And you managed to fall in love with someone you barely knew for less than a month, and him likewise. 

Do it for the plot they said. 

No matter where this road may take you and Heeseung, things will never be the same for you. You can never tell how it will be for him—but for you? A piece of you will never recover from this. A piece of you will always remember the shape of his body next to you or the way his perfume smells or the way the palm of his hands molds perfectly into yours. Nothing can make you not remember those things now. And if it doesn't end well… then you guess the only comfort left is that you'll see him around. You can pretend that things are okay—and that it's all a performance because that's what you do, you perform.

It's one sick and twisted performance. But at least… you got to experience it, no?

“Jagiya, it's your turn!” Heeseung happily exits the booth and reaches for the notebook in front of you where you had taken notes from your vocal coach earlier. 

He was actually surprised how detailed your notes were. At this age, he wouldn't think someone would still be this serious about taking coaching, especially since you've been a trainee and an idol for years now. Somehow, even though it wasn't a question before, it made sense that you were your company's golden child—you were dedicated to your craft and was always open to improving anything, and you always come through with the best results. Years ago, Heeseung thought it was not worth his dreams to pursue any girl. But you're Y/N. You are way out of his league. And you are in love with him. It would be blasphemous to not take the risk for his dream girl. He doesn't have it in him to waste that.

“You two are really comfortable,” your coach chuckled at the both of you. “Young love.”

You and Heeseung looked at each other, shocked at what your coach just said. The woman laughed payfully at your surprised faces, “It would take a person to be braindead to not notice how in love the both of you are. I can hear it, even if you don’t say it directly. I can see it, just by the mere look in your young faces. And the air got disgustingly sweet the moment you two stepped in this studio.”

You glanced at the camera, but the man behind shook his head to tell you that he wasn’t recording. You don’t wish to ruin your career, as much as you love Heeseung but you were going to take the risk and believe the cameraman that he wasn’t recording when you said it, “You think so?”

“My husband looked at me like that when we were younger,” she smiled, grabbing her phone from the soundboard and unlocking her phone to show you her screensaver. It was a photo of her and her husband, with their two sons. One was a little over three years old and the other looked like he was just a year old. “Now he’s taught our boys to look at me the same way. It pays to marry men who truly make you happy and would do anything to keep you that way.”

Heeseung wondered if he did that to you—if he made you happy. Because he wants to do that. He wants to be the person that you’ll think of wanting to come home to or at least for where they are right now, someone you’ll be excited to call after a busy day. He wants to be the person that you’ll want to reach for when things get heavy or if you want to celebrate even the tiniest things. He wants to be your person. He wants to be present for you.

“I must be lucky then,” you joked. Half-meant though. 

“Only one of the very few who are,” she chuckled, reaching for your arm to give you a little squeeze. “If they tell you to enjoy your youth first, tell them it’s even more enjoyable to do it together. Don’t let them get to you, okay?”

–

“Tired?” Heeseung asked as soon as you rest your head on his shoulder only seconds after he’s settled next to you inside the car. 

“Yeah,” you respond quietly, trying to get a few minutes of rest before you are home. “We had to polish the choreography for the comeback next week after our rehearsals. The steps were pretty fast and detailed.”

“I know you’ll do great next week.”

“We’re not going home to the same place, next week,” you mumbled sadly. 

“I’ll watch you still,” he reassures, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head. “I will always watch you and think you’re doing great.”

–

“The two of you are going to be allowed to start packing up your things tonight,” they told you as you tried to hold your breath to keep yourself from breaking down. 

You were exhausted. After your performance in MBC’s music show, you had to follow through your original schedule with your group to rehearse for your comeback show which was draining with the amount of criticism you had to receive from how distracted you seemed the entire time. 

Judging from how quiet Heeseung was being, you knew he had a long day too and you didn’t want to add up to it by telling him and allowing it to weigh him down even more. 

“I need to talk to you, Y/N, before you go,” your manager called before you could stand up and gather your things from the green room. 

You nodded and followed her outside to the other makeup room so that you may be able to speak in private.

“Are you and Lee Heeseung together?” she asked sternly as soon as you shut the door after you.

You looked at her in shock, wondering if you were too obvious about it or if she could read your mind. 

“What do you mean?”

“I need you to not play dumb with me, Y/N.” She tells you, the atmosphere getting thicker around the both of you, making your heart pound against your chest. 

“I don’t know…”

The older woman seemed to notice the fear in your energy, making her regret the harsh tone she used on you almost immediately. The woman softened as soon as she noticed your eyes glossing as you looked at her.

“Y/N,” she sighed. “I need to know it if you want me to help you.”

You let out a deep breath that you didn’t notice you were holding. Along with it, came with the rest of your tears as you slid down on the floor, crying. 

You don’t even know why you started to cry. Was it a relief? Was it because you knew this was going to bring trouble to your group? What is because you could put Heeseung’s career in jeopardy? God, a few days ago you were so sure that you were going to power through this with Heeseung? Yesterday, you were so sure that you could do this—but now? You don’t know where it all went. You don’t know how to feel.

It was the first time you felt as such. It was the first time that you had to admit that you were not sure how to go about something that you wanted so badly because this time, it wasn’t just you. It’s Heeseung’s career and his life that’s on the line too. And you don’t know if you can do that to him.

“Y/N,” your manager called softly, helping you up and ushering you to sit on one of the chairs. “Are you and Heeseung together? I’m not going to be mad at you or him. I just need to know. I want you to be happy.”

“I don’t know what we are,” you confessed. “We’ve only established liking each other, but other than that, I don’t even know where we stand.”

“Thank you for telling me, darling,” she tells you while squeezing your hand to calm you down. “After this, I’m going to sit you and the girls down on how to go about this behind the media, okay?”

She helped you look less miserable when you went out by giving you your baseball cap and a facemask before exiting the building to get to your ride home. 

“Please eat dinner and pack your things, okay?” she reminds you one last time before closing the door after you. 

—

“Hee,” you called Heeseung as soon as you saw him exit the bathroom, freshly showered.

“Yes?”

“Watch this with me,” you tell him, reaching for him to pull him faster next to the empty seat next to you. 

“What movie is it?”

“Serendipity,” you replied. “It’s my parents’ favorite movie.”

“Serendipity,” He sounded it out like a kid learning a new word for the first time. “What does it mean?”

“It’s destiny’s big fat joke to humankind,” you replied. “It’s when it gives you something really good you refuse to believe it’s real or you deserve it. But no matter how far the chances will take you, it will always find you.”

“I hope that’s what we’re experiencing right now,” he tells you before scooching closer to where you sat. 

“What if it’s not?”

“It wouldn’t change anything.” He smiles softly at you, face inching closer to yours. “Having to experience being this close to you, someone that I liked for years now—it’s something I would never get tired of bragging about to my members. And if it is and life goes well for the both of us, I’ll tell the story of the luckiest man alive whose chance presented itself in front of him to be in love with the most beautiful woman in the world. I’ll tell it as a bedtime story to our kids.”

“I don’t want this to end, Hee,” you hummed quietly. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not losing me,” he smiles at you as he rests his forehead against yours. “Or I’m going to lose my mind.”

Tears began falling from your eyes again before you could even stop yourself. You’ve already cried so many times today, you don’t even know where it’s coming from at this point. You thought by now, you’ve already cried every tear you had in your system but it doesn’t stop coming. 

This time, Heesueng couldn’t help but feel his heart clench at the sight of you being so anxious and broken over the thought of the both of them having to separate. He’s been having a hard time trying to brush it off because he didn’t want to show you how much it affected him out of fear that it would bear more weight on you. Jungwon has been trying to listen to him these past few nights, trying to comfort him that everything will eventually fall into place—Yeonjun and Yunjin made it work. He believes that you and him could work just as well. 

“What can I do to help you, jagiya?” he asked, running his knuckle softly across your face to wipe down the tears that stained your cheeks already. 

“Kiss me.”

You don’t know why you said it. You don’t even know what made you say it, but it felt right to ask him that. Somehow, you felt like being that close to him would make you feel comfortable. 

And Heeseung did not hesitate. The kiss was hot and heavy… and wet and sloppy. Your stomach began to tingle a bit, then even with the both of you sitting down, your knees felt like wobbling jelly. His open mouth, moving against yours made you weak. You were melting at the hot touch of the palm of his hands snaking its way from your cheek to the back of your head to pull you closer to him as if it was still humanly possible. It’s like you were floating and you don’t know when you started to feel weightless because moments ago, you felt like the weight of the world was weighing down on you. So weightless, you didn’t even notice Heeseung moved you to sit on his lap already.

“I’m so in love with you, jagiya,” he says, as soon as you pull away to breathe. “I’m so in love with you I can’t even explain how it feels to hold back.”

“Then don’t hold back,” you replied, pushing his chin up with your index finger to make him look up at you. “I don’t want you to hold back, Hee. Even just for tonight.”

“Jagiya,” he breathes heavily, physically restraining himself from bringing it any further but also failing as he chases your lips every time he feels like you are moving away. “You know it’s not that easy.”

“Please,” You pleaded, hands moving to reach for his hand before guiding it under your shirt and over the soft mound on your chest. He looked surprised at first that you weren’t wearing a bra underneath. God, he couldn’t help but feel himself get hard underneath you—he was almost embarrassed but you seemed to not mind, pressing yourself harder on him. 

“Are you sure you want this, jagi?” he asks one more time.

You nod.

“I need to hear you say it, jagi,” he tells you, his free hand moving to your face to move the stray hair on your face. “Say it to me, please?”

“Ruin me,” you tell him firmly, as you rest your forehead against him. “For everyone. I want you to make sure I’ll never be able to love anyone else but you.”

Something snapped inside of Heeseung. He cannot believe he’s hearing all these right now but he’s not complaining. He doesn’t have it in him—he’s just a man. Someone craving for closeness with someone he never thought he’d even come close with. 

He doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do right now, but it didn’t bother him one bit. You could be gone tomorrow and he’ll never get the chance to be this close to anyone. You could be just a mere memory to him before he notices it—would it be so bad to keep you this sweet in his memory? 

“I love you, Y/N.” He says before pressing a passionate kiss on yours once again. 

For once, you let yourself go. You let the feeling consume you—the lust and love. You let it hug you like it never has before. 

And if this is destiny’s sense of humor playing its trick on you. The joke is on them. Because you were not known to give up. You never wanted someone as much as you wanted Heeseung and you were going to have him—even if it meant looking at sasaengs dead in the eye while they wished for your untimely death.

—

a/n: 

I got carried away???? Omg???? It literally started when I saw a tiktok abt We Got Married when Joy and Sungjae were there and watched it and got inspired and the next thing I knew I was pushing to 40 pages into my google docs file 😃 Anyway!!! I have been very absent recently… due to a lot of causes (lol i got into another situationship and it didn’t end well again and i took it to heart even if it was my fault—also i’m in my last year of college I'm literally 😃😃 even finding time to rest is hard)

Anyway~ I hope you guys liked this one!!! Tell what you think here and if you want me to make blurbs from this fic in the future. 

Thank you for making it this far in the story hehe

xo, anya ୨୧

[anyalovesu]

THIS AGED LIKE FUCKING MILK I WANT TO COMBUST

[anyalovesu]

𝓓o You Think I have Forgotten?

ksn x law student!reader

— the one where sunoo returns to his hometown to sign the documents to finally inherit his late grandfather’s mansion and comes face to face with memories he didn’t know he had—and it’s all about you.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

genre : angst to fluff ( hehe )

pairings : sunoo x genderneutral!reader ( nicknamed sunshine, used they/them pronouns )

wc : 3.7k words

cw :

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ oc is mentioned ( atty. han )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ non-idol!au ; sunoo is the ceo of a marketing firm

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ sunoo can't remember shit

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ tw : minor character death ( family deaths )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ( ft. en- )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ might edit the ending it's kinda shit ( ??? )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ not proofread ( yet )

song : about you - the 1975 ( being funny in a foreign language , 2022 )

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

Returning to that house was nothing less than heavy to Sunoo. He grew up in his grandfather's care after his own parents died in a car crash when he was very young and now being here without the very person that cared and made him feel like he was not alone… Well, it was a testament that he really is alone now. Officially with no kin left. 

If he was slightly more honest he'd admit that he pushed coming home to this place for longer than he should to sign the documents to change the legal owner of his grandfather's properties to him, but he's meant to be cold and calculated. Emotions would only get in the way of things, and him being here 4 months late from when his lawyers called him up for his signature is proof that it is true. But again, he'd rather be late than admit it—say that he’s busy and call it a day. 

It seemed like his feet were glued to the flooring of the foyer. He couldn’t get himself to move to the living room. It looked so cold, like the heating system was broken or the windows were left open last night and the chill from outside creeped in while he was away. But more so, it probably was because it felt empty now that the person who made it feel like home is not there anymore. With more than two decades of memories that these walls witnessed, Sunoo could barely remember a memory he had in this home that didn’t include his grandfather. Everything reminded him of that old man who held him so tight that night the police called. 

“Mr. Kim,” one of the helpers, Minseo, called in from the maids’ quarters. “The lawyers will be here in a while. They called in this morning to ask if you were coming.”

Sunoo nodded, wordlessly and finally decided to hang his coat on the hanger and remove his shoes.

“Tea?” Minseo asked again. He contemplated for a moment. Minseo made great tea, the same exact way his grandfather liked his tea. He didn’t know what to say, he wanted tea but he also knew nostalgia was only going to hit him the moment that tea starts to warm his system up.

Sunoo just looks at her, blankly, while he contemplates. Ultimately though, he hesitantly shakes his head before walking upstairs to set his things down. He couldn’t get himself to move to his grandfather’s bedroom. He walked past it like he was still going to be there and nothing has changed. So, he went straight for his childhood bedroom. 

The corner of his eye catches a picture frame, carelessly decorated with beads and glitter—obviously made by children who didn’t know any better. It was a photo of a younger version of him and you, Sunshine. He found himself looking over the window, where he expected your room window would be but your curtains were down and you probably wouldn’t be there anymore. It had been five years since he left, and he hadn’t spoken to you since then. He doesn’t even know what university you went to or what program you took. Which doesn’t feel real to think about because there was a time where he could predict exactly what you wanted and you don’t even have to tell him.

The thought of it bothered him. It’s like he doesn’t know you anymore, like you weren’t even his best friend for all his life until five years ago when he left. He doesn't even remember why he stopped talking to you. Which contrary to the persona that he always puts front, made him feel like an ass. Why did he stop talking to you?

“Mr. Kim, someone from the law firm is downstairs,” Minseo knocked on the door, the middle aged woman calling from the other side of the door softly. 

“I’ll be right there,” he responded politely, before rummaging through his drawers to look for the pen that his grandfather gave him for his birthday last year. It was the same day he took over his grandfather’s position in the company—in some fucked up way, maybe his grandfather did know he was dying that’s why he rushed into turning the company over to him that year. Looking back into that timeline, he most probably did and just didn’t tell him until he was too far gone to even have treatments that would work to save him. 

He was an old man, he did deserve to rest but a part of him will always ask, was it worth leaving him on his own?

Well, he has no choice but to make it worth it.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

“Mr. Kim, are you listening?” You ask him, looking at him sternly, as you point at the documents that you were explaining to him. “I could be making you sign papers to donate all your assets, focus please.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” he chuckled smugly.

“I wouldn’t, but I could.” You replied sharply.

“Where is Attorney Han, anyway?” He asked. “Why isn’t she here?”

“Took longer than anticipated with another client,” you tell him, careful not to disclose anymore that could put your job in one of the biggest law firms in the country at risk. “I was asked to run you down with this first before you officially sign the documents tomorrow morning in the office. I happen to be nearby, so I was asked to go.”

“You live next door.”

“Thank you for stating the obvious. Now, focus.” You tell him before going back to explaining the documents to him.

He wanted to listen, really and keep it professional between the both of you but 5 years has done its time on you. You were ethereal. Your hair was longer, still as dark as he remembers it to be and you were glowing. It seemed like college and law school after that didn’t stand a chance against you. How can you be real?

“This is pointless,” you sigh, exasperatedly. “You are hopeless, Mr. Kim. TLDR, your grandfather’s restaurant and winery in Seoul, this house and his vacation house in Jeju will be transferred to you. That’s going to be a lot of work and you might have to come back to our office every now and then to sign a few documents once we get them from the bureau.”

“You have an office in Seoul.”

“Specific orders from your grandfather,” you replied, as if stating the obvious. “He wanted you to go home at least every month or two. That's why he’s made these specific instructions to make you go to our main office to sign your documents. So you’re not going to escape this, Mr. Kim, unfortunately for the both of us.”

Your tone was sharp in contrast to the person that he once knew. You used to be shy and reserved, and he’s always been the one to be on the flamboyant side. Your mother used to joke with his grandfather that you were like a swan and a flamingo next to each other—you were nothing like a swan anymore. Something like an eagle—a vulture maybe but you haven’t done anything that rude or menacing for him to assume such. So far your aggressions were justifiable with how distracted he has been since you started explaining whatever he had to do with those documents. 

“What an ass.”

“Excuse me?” Sunoo almost jumped from how shocked your tone was. You sounded offended, assuming you were the one he was calling an ass.

“Oh shit,” he laughed. “No, I was referring to my grandfather. He IS the ass. You know… for making me do this… after giving me all these businesses I have to manage and now he’s going to make me go home just for a signature.”

You looked at him, brows furrowed. You were definitely judging him. The same reaction you used to make whenever he’d say something so absurd, you couldn’t control your face. Your judging face. The one he was once so sure he was in love with. 

And so suddenly, what he thought was forgotten wasn’t so blurry in his memory anymore. Or maybe this was the only one that hasn’t changed still—the rest were nuanced, some more than the others that made it seem so unfamiliar. But this one isn't so new. A part of his Sunshine that he still recognizes, proof that you’re still the same person.

“If you don’t mind, I still have to do something other than have these conversations with you. I’m assuming you’re not stupid. Considering that you are managing a whole company on your own, these documents shouldn’t be mental gymnastics to you.”

“What kind of paralegal uses mental gymnastics—”

“Sunoo, I have to go,” you tell him, voice slightly raised as if annoyed that he’s somehow making the conversation longer than you liked. He had to fight a grimace as you finally called him by his given name—a sound that felt like a distant memory. 

“Sunshine…” His voice faltered, the feeling of his heart dropping suddenly felt new. He hasn’t felt that way in a long while. Big emotions haven't been his thing since starting college and having to lock in with his academics to prove to the board that he was capable of levelling to his predecessor. 

“You don’t get to call me that,” you snapped, which surprised Sunoo, making him step back, giving you the space that you clearly needed. “You can’t just forget I existed and then make conversations like you haven’t been absent for the past 5 years. That’s bullshit. That makes you a terrible person.”

And it’d be wonderful if that actually happened. But it was all in your head—that he was busy proving himself to his grandfather’s business partners or that he was focused on his academics like he had always been. You did what you always do, intellectualize your misfortunes—make up reasons that would make it easier for you to accept that things are not the same anymore.

“Okay,” he replies in surrender. Despite feeling his heart shatter over something he didn’t think was capable of shattering him, he stepped back to give you space and led you to the door. Which honestly, was more heartbreaking for you than you think it would be for him because you waited for him. And now he’s gladly leading you towards his door as if the only thing he remembers about you is your name and the fact that you live next door. Nothing else.

Not the fact that he kissed you and then went off your radar after.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

“Mr. Kim,” Attorney Han had this light aura around her, something atypical for someone who worked in the field that she did great in. “I’m so glad to finally see you. You know since your grandfather’s wake, it’s been hard to reach you. I’m sorry I couldn’t see you yesterday. I got held up in a case. It took longer than I expected.”

“No worries,” he replied, politely. His eyes scanned her office briefly, hoping he’d see a glimpse of you, but you weren’t there. 

“Looking for Sunshine?” she asked, teasingly. She was nothing of the sort that he expected. Attorney Han seemed like a loving aunt he hasn’t seen in a while but has always kept tabs on him. “It was her day off yesterday and I kind of promised I’d leave her alone today if she went to you. So, she’s probably in her pilates class or jogging. Jogging probably. I don’t know how they do this academically excellence, this part-time job during her vacations and law school all at the same time. I almost died in law school from exhaustion and stress!”

“You’d understand that, no?” She smiled at Sunoo. “You did so great in school. Graduating with honors and taking over your grandfather’s marketing firm in Enhypen Group of Companies.”

“Sunshine is a bit better in time management than me,” he replied with a soft smile, unbashful about the truth that he just admitted. You haven’t been in his radar for a while now, but ever since that you carried yourself better than he did during stressful situations. He brought trouble and fun, you solved them. You’ve always had a knack for fixing things he broke as a kid—which made sense why you’d venture into law. 

“You would know,” she slid the papers out of the manila folder before showing them to him. “I heard you guys were really close friends.”

Sunoo just looked at her, curious as to what this woman knows. 

“Your grandfather told me. I saw that he’s leaving half of his Jeju vacation house to Sunshine,” she tells him nonchalantly. “Something about him trying to force the two of you to finally make up.”

“She didn’t tell me that…”

“Oh, she doesn’t know yet,” she said. “I was supposed to tell you both at the same time. No strict instructions on when to tell you just the fact that I specifically have to be the one to tell you both, but I just thought it would be easier if I had the both of you in the same room. But yesterday happened, and now we’re here.”

Was Sunoo shocked? Was he angry that a portion of his inheritance is half yours? Not really. But it all sounds crazy and something definitely your grandfather would do, which made him miss his old man even more. 

“That being said, Mr. Kim, you’re going to have to sign this document too,” she handed him a document, already prepared to be stamped and notarized after his signature makes it on the empty space on the bottom. “This is the official document that will tell us that you attest to sharing your Jeju property with Sunshine.” 

“Okay,” he mumbles quietly, mind wandering somewhere else. 

He tries hard to remember it, how the hell did he manage to drift away from you?

“What are you thinking, Mr. Kim?” Attorney Han asks upon noticing the spaced out expression on his face. 

“Nothing,” he tried brushing off, though it seemed useless to lie to Attorney Han at this point. This woman seemed to know everything and her response,

“You do know there’s nothing about you that your grandfather hasn’t told me before he died, right?” 

…only proves that his theory is right.

“Your grandfather told me everything, Sunoo,” she sighed, noticing the change of expression when he looked at her. “I was told I need to be careful with you because there’s some things you don’t remember.”

Sunoo’s spaced out expression shifts to confusion. “What don’t I remember?” 

“Oh,” Attorney Has was not less than surprised to find out that he doesn’t even know what happened. “Your grandfather was right. You haven’t been going to your doctor.”

His grandfather knew every single thing about him. He could only be so glad that Sunoo did not lose any of his great intellect when it happened—but it doesn’t make anything any better. 

“You were involved in another car crash as soon as you got to Seoul years ago,” she says softly. “You were okay but the driver of your taxi passed during the impact. You had minimal injuries but lost a whole lot of your memories.”

“What do you know about my relationship with Sunshine?” he asked. 

Attorney Han looked at him with pity. Life really was unfair with him—he lost more than just family. “All your grandfather told me was you loved them dearly.”

He lied to his grandfather multiple times about going to his doctor. The only time he went was the first time his grandfather went to him and then he never went again. In his defense, he was busy. He had business school to deal with and there was no other way than to be successful to be worthy of replacing his predecessor. He had no time to show up to his appointments.

Coming face to face with Sunshine again brought back feelings he forgot he had. He remembered you, only some parts of who you were and a bit of your childhood—but other than that, it all seemed so blurry and confusing. As if there was a gap in his mind that he was so sure had something but he couldn’t quite find it.

“Did Sunshine know about the accident?”

“You were blurred out when it came on the news. Your family is quite the high profile individuals that can’t just be aired out on the news like that. And Sunshine, as far as I know, was grieving the passing of their father back then. So your grandfather didn’t get to tell her at the time. I suppose, which may never get answered due to the fact that your grandfather wouldn’t be here to confirm it, is that he was hoping you’d be the one to tell her about it when you’re ready to remember it once you’re cleared from your doctor. But you haven’t been going, so that answers why you guys are in this situation.”

“Now, I understand that you might be in distress right now. So these documents can wait until tomorrow,” she started gathering the documents back into the Manila folder labelled with his grandfather’s name.

“Attorney—” his head snapped towards the door, where you stood in your gym clothes with a jacket covering your arms from the cold Suwon weather. “Oh shit.”

“Sunshine,” the attorney greeted her like the conversation prior to this moment wasn’t heavy and half about her. “What seems to be the concern?”

“I… um…” you stammered as you scanned the room for your desk where you were hoping your tablet stylus might be. “My stylus. I was hoping if to see if I left it on my desk the last time I was here.”

“Go check,” she nodded, gesturing to help themselves in. 

“Mr. Kim, I’ll see you tomorrow for your signature on these documents,” the woman finally tells Sunoo before he stood up, bowed to the attorney and left the office. 

He walked. Aimlessly. Unsure where he was headed to but somehow, his feet lead him to the park where he had glints of memories of. Most of them were blurry and he couldn’t even remember why he had memories of himself in there but he was there with someone he was sure couldn’t have been anyone but you. 

He stood there a few feet away from the swing set. Recalling a memory of him swinging there with you, young and boisterous, laughing your hearts out but he can’t remember why. He can’t remember how they got there, or what happened next. Just singular memories that had little to no context of. It was moments like these where he wished he just went to those appointments. He couldn’t even remember the accident. It felt pointless to go when nothing in his body ached—until now. His heart ached. So much that it was all he could think about. He didn’t even notice the tears on his face until the warm salty drop touched his cold lips.

“Don’t you really remember anything?” A voice asked behind him, he turned to find you standing there, not less wrecked than he was. 

“I do,” he replies shakily. “I remember you, but this?” Sunoo turns to the swing set, anger towards himself boiling for being so hardheaded. “I can’t. I don’t… I remember you in here and I was there too but the things about it, what happened next… It’s like…”

“You want to know what happened next?” You asked him, quietly as you walked towards him, holding his face like you used to whenever he got overwhelmed when you were kids. A familiar feeling that was just as unclear as everything to him. “Sun, you kissed me. The day after that, you left for Seoul and never called me again.”

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out mid-sob, over and over, like it would help him remember but nothing happened. 

You wanted to apologize too for getting mad at him for something he didn’t remember. 

“You didn’t remember,” you tell him. “It’s okay.”

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

You filled him in with everything he couldn’t remember. All the memories he lost, you narrated to him like building bridges in the gaps in his mind making him realize that the heart truly does not forget but you corrected him very clearly, like the all-knowing person you were ever since, that it his amygdala telling him that those big emotions had memories and his brain was able to retain some of it, though not everything.

“Okay, smarty-pants,” he chuckled as he pushed his feet on the ground to swing him up higher. 

Somehow, while he was almost upside down, he remembers a glimpse of it—you sitting on the same exact swing set and him standing in front of you, warm lips against hers. His heart stopped as he tried to slow down and get off the swing. 

“Are you okay?” Your voice was laced with concern as you watched him stand. “Is something hurting?”

Your hands find themselves on his face once again, palms roaming to the back of his head trying to find what hurts like you would be able to feel where it was. 

“I loved you dearly,” he says, softly. 

“I did too,” you mumbled, looking at him, watching as tears form in those amber eyes once again. “I still do, but you don’t remember me.”

“Do you think I have forgotten about you?” he asked. “I never forgot who you were. I just don’t remember how I fell in love with you. I don’t think I knew how even before I had my memories. I just do.”

Your heart raced. It was as if you were being brought back to life, like your heart was finally pumping again and blood was back in your veins. 

“You said that before too.” You tell him.

He’s back. He’s finally back. Your Sunoo is back.

And Sunoo? He’s not alone anymore. He has you… again.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

masterlist

a/n : im back ! :3 hehehehe lmk how you want me to end this if i am to edit the ending here !!

xo, anya ୨୧

[anyalovesu]

𝓌altz of four left feet

non-idol!jay x implied bio student!reader

— a memoir of all the times jay told himself that it wouldn’t kill him to not be with you and the one time he admitted that it would drive him insane to watch you walk away.

꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧

genre : fluff/angst w comfort ; childhood besties to lovers (?)

pairings : jay x fem!reader

wc : 6.1k+ words

cw :

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ non-idol!au ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader is named love ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader is bio inclined, overachiever ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ft. heeseung, and beomgyu ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ heerina mentioned ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader has a mental breakdown and argues with jay over something (tw!!!) ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader and beomgyu have strict parents are siblings (implied toxic parenting) ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ pining ( a lot a lot a lot a lot) + wingman!heeseung ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ lmk if i missed something hehe ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ kinda proofread ( kinda still has typos/errors lmao )

listen to : waltz of four left feet - shirebound (for princesses , by thieves , 2019)

꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧

elementary school; the feral animal

“You like her,” Heeseung, his best friend, a year older than him, teased. 

“Hell no,” Jay replies immediately appalled that he was being accused of liking you. You’ve known each other since you were in diapers, your mothers were obsessed with dressing you with matching clothes as babies—you were practically like brother and sister at this point. Plus, you always steal his food. He definitely does not like you.

“So you wouldn’t mind if I date her in the future?”

“Hell no, Heeseung,” he shrugged, pushing Heeseung away from him. “Love is not even old enough to date. Not until she’s like 38.”

“I have 28 years to wait then,” Heeseung pushed, grinning to annoy him even more as Jay’s eyes followed your running figure. You had this obnoxiously fat frog in your hands while you ran after your brother, Beomgyu, around the playground. 

“You would want to date that?”  Jay rolled his eyes. “She’ll grab every little animal she could find and give it to you.”

“That’s fine.”

“Heeseung, she’s had every single antiviral vaccine that her parents can find because she’s insane and wouldn’t stop grabbing things, what makes you think you can handle that feral animal,” Jay argued with him. “And stop it. She’s not going to date you.”

Heeseung couldn’t help but snort at the way he described you—so accurate and precise—especially with how you looked right now. The hem of your yellow dress was covered in mud, your white shoes are not even white anymore, your pigtail braids are loose and there’s a missing ribbon at the end of one of the pigtails—you were a free spirit with a fascination for animals, that’s for sure, but ‘feral animal’ works too. Heeseung knew you were a lot to handle and while Jay is seemingly annoyed by all these, everyone would be surprised to know that he had an entire backpack filled with your change of clothes, and a first aid kit that even your brother would’ve never brought for you. 

“Why don’t you want Love to date me, huh?” Heeseung chuckled.

“Because you can’t handle her, Heeseung,” Jay replied as a matter of factly.

“Can you?”

“Who else is going to tolerate her crazy ass?”

“So you like her?”

“No, Heeseung, I don’t like her.”

“So if she dates someone else, you’ll be okay with it?”

“Shut up,” Jay snaps at him as Heeseung laughs in satisfaction. Clearly, the thought of you dating Heeseung isn’t the one bothering him—it’s the idea that you were going to date someone one day that strikes the nerve.

“I don’t know, man,” Heeseung chuckled. “Would it kill you to imagine that Love will date someone else that isn’t you?”

“It’s not going to kill me, Heeseung. She’s going to date when she’s 38 and it’s not going to be with you. You’d be too old and probably dead by then,” Heeseung laughed at the exaggeration. 

Jay was annoyed. Why is his best friend even so interested in dating you? You’re not even allowed to date yet, you and Jay were literally 10 years old. What makes him think it’s okay to think about dating you? And him? Getting killed by the thought that you will date anyone other than him? He can’t even imagine being your boyfriend! You’re going to take his food for the rest of his life if that happens! He’s going to be annoyed. It’s not going to kill him to see you date someone—just not now!

sophomore year; the prodigy and the stage bestie

Jay doesn’t even know how you managed to live two completely different lives and excel in both because how the hell is he waiting by the door of the school auditorium with your gym bag, waiting for your Science quiz bee to end just so you could quickly change into your jersey and be in the field just in time for your soccer championship match? He can barely even keep up with school work and you’re out here doing intense extracurriculars like it’s just your pastime hobby!

“Thank you, Jongseong!” you tell him as you hurriedly sit on the bench just outside the bathroom to get your shoes on. You get one of your cleats on one foot while Jay knelt down immediately to help you get in the other one. He pats your knees three times before getting up, as if in a quiet way to tell you that he wishes you good luck. “What would I do without you?” 

“Crash and burn, probably,” he replied nonchalantly as he grabbed your gym bag from you once again before you sprinted towards the field where your teammates already were just beginning your warm up session. 

“I knew you’d be here,” Heeseung chuckled as he sat next to him by the bleachers as he was folding your school uniform that you carelessly stashed inside your gym bag when you changed earlier. “Of course,” he chuckled as soon as he realized what Jay was doing. “What a good stage friend you are.”

“You know some people really just want things to be neat,” Jay tells him. “And supportive.”

“You don’t do this for me when I have basketball matches,” Heeseung argues. 

“Heeseung, you never make it to the championships and when you do, you’re always benched,” Jay rolled his eyes at him. 

“Ow!” Heeseung laughed at him, not one bit hurt about the truth Jay just said to retort. “You really hurt my feelings there. I’m sorry I’m not a prodigy, like your dear darling Love!”

“Yeah right,” Jay half-heartedly replies at him, not wanting to be subjected to Heeseung teasing any longer. 

You really were a prodigy of some sort. It was a shame your parents were always busy that they never got to see how amazing you were in the things that you do. His mom frequently stood in for them, but when she got busy too, it was always him who stood by the sidelines to support you. Jay was your stage best friend—the one who wouldn’t think twice to mouth words while you were on stage when he feels like you’re going to forget the next words to your spiel or the one who’ll make sure all your things are complete and packed whenever you have to compete outside of school. He was, in fact, right. You would crash and burn without him.

“You know, best friends don’t look at each other that way,” Heeseung shrugged as you stood in the middle of the field looking over to the both of them waving both of your arms while jumping to let them know that you know where they are. 

“I’ll do good for you!” You scream at the top of your lungs, placing both your hands at the sides of your mouth as if it would make your voice any louder over the warm up music playing from the school speakers.

It’s ritualistic, you always did that. With anything you did, you always found yourself scanning the crowd to look for Jay, Heeseung and your brother. They were always together anyway so they weren’t that hard to find. As soon as you do, you always scream the same thing, I’ll do good for you.

“And I don’t care about what you think, Lee Heeseung,” Jay replied as Beomgyu sat next to his other side. 

“That untidy ass rat,” he says, watching as Jay places your blouse neatly back in your duffle bag. “You always clean up after that little rat that she doesn’t even know how to clean up after herself.”

“She’s the way she is,” Jay sighed, rolling his eyes as he tugged the zipper close just in time as the referee blew his whistle.

You bolt down the field to chase the ball. You were impressive to say the least. You were like a little thunderbolt zooming around that only seemed to go faster when you were dribbling the ball between your feet. 

You have always been anything but ordinary in Jay's eyes. Something about you made everything seem easy and light—something about you screamed safety to him. And maybe it's the way that you've always told him that you felt the same way about him made it seem normal and platonic.

But to your brother's and Heeseung's eyes, they are so damn sure no one's ever looked at Love the way Jay did. Especially not after Jay looked at you like that since his eyes probably knew how to function. No one will ever be as in love with you as Jay is and as disgusting as it sounded, even if Beomgyu and Jay are practically the best of friends too, he'd rather see you with him than with some guy who'd you some half-assed confessions of love that he'd be damned to believe to even be half baked.

If there was anyone in this world who would know how to love you the same exact way that you deserved to be loved, that's Jongseong. No one else.

“Goal!” Beomgyu roared as soon as your last penalty kick went through your opposing team's goal. 

Jay doesn't think twice before he grabs your bag to run down the flight of stairs towards the field to get to you. You would be crazy to think twice too, as soon as the ball went in, you were so sure your feet were already running towards Jay who was always running towards you as well. The older one almost falls back when you crash on him, arms wrapping around your body, barely caring that you were drenched in sweat. There was nothing in this world that you wanted at the moment than to be in your best friend's arms.

The hug felt like a thousand minutes long but it wasn't long enough until your brother's proud voice neared your direction.

“Love!” he picked you up and swayed you around like you weren't bolting around the field like it was nothing just a few minutes ago. “I am so fucking proud of you!”

Even the mere action of watching you be exactly who you are makes his heart swell. You are exactly who you are and he could never imagine seeing you as anything different. So yes, maybe Heeseung was kind of right—he did have feelings for you—but is he really going to admit that? 

No. He’s smarter than that. He’s smarter than letting all those years of friendship go away because he had feelings for the one girl he swore he didn’t like. But at the same time, it’s not like he had a choice. The heart wants what it wants. And clearly it couldn’t beat for anyone but Love. So if it meant that he’ll always be Love’s constant, he’ll live with it. It wouldn’t kill him to never admit it. It wouldn’t kill him to just be Jay, the stage best friend to Love, the prodigy. That’s okay.

college senior year; the human and the pressure

Shit hit the fan too fast. One moment you were complaining about not having enough sleeping time while you balanced two majors on your shoulders with your finals approaching then the next thing you knew, you and Jay were fighting about the mess in the living room. In hindsight, you knew Jay was right. He’s been picking up after you for the past two weeks and he’s been having a hard time adjusting to his rank and file position in his Dad’s company that he insisted on having first before taking on a more significant role. You don’t even know why you were still fighting about it—but you couldn’t stop. 

The hurt you had inside you only seemed to grow at the same rate as your bestfriend’s frustration as you felt smaller and smaller than him the more he talked about how tired he was with his corporate job. You were still provided for by your parents as they had a deal with you that they’d keep on providing for you up until you finish your majors. You never had to worry about your part of the rent and your living expenses as you were still provided for. Jay, on the other hand, has met the end of the same deal with his parents and had to work for every dime he spends on his cost of living. 

You are proud of him, of course. But pressure started to bubble inside you as your parents started asking about when you were going to finish, or where you planned on working given that your line of work did not go remotely close to your family's business. Oh and holy shit, you don't even know when you were going to finish your thesis or if it was even possible to finish it this term. Everyone is starting their lives—and you're still stuck in what feels like an endless loop that you put yourself in.

“I only asked you to pick up after yourself, Love,” he sighs heavily. He wasn't even yelling but his point but frustration coated every word that came out of his mouth which killed you even more than you thought it would. “That's all I ask for. We have to keep the place tidy. The rent is not cheap, Love. If  it's going to be that expensive we might as well live in comfort and not in this… trash room looking living room.”

“I literally told you I was going to!”

“Love, you have 3 coffee mugs on the coffee table! There's paper everywhere. You even have an unfinished coffee by the sink.” It would've been better if he was yelling. It would've meant he was angry. But no. Disappointment was plastered on his face and it was the first time you saw it. He's never looked at you with disappointment before and that burned a pit in your stomach. You've never felt so small.

“I'll… I'll get it. Let me just finish this. I'll clean up, I promise.” 

Jay just shrugged, shoulders dropped in exhaustion before walking to his room.

The room that he pays for. The room that he works hard for. And you? You had everything handed to you on a silver platter. You'd be stupid to not know what your colleagues have been saying about you—how you could afford to chase two majors and still be at the top of your game because it's all you had to do. You never had to work a day in your life which gives you an advantage in what was meant to be an even playing field. You were privileged. You don't deserve to be there. You were only there because you had money and the luxury of time because you don't have to slave away in an inhumane capitalist hole just to make it out alive.

“I'm sorry!” You tell him before he shuts his door.

He might be exhausted but he will never deny that he heard the choke in your words when you apologized. It was the first time he heard you apologize to him. You rarely ever did anything wrong in his eyes.

It was his turn to feel the guilt. He knows you haven't been sleeping well the past few days and he wonders whether or not it was just right to spill that out on him, especially now that your finals are just looming around the corner. 

He didn't even get to warm up his bed before he's back in the living room, only to see it cleared up from your days old coffee mugs and scratch papers. Your usual presence, always sitting on the same spot on the floor rug, empty. 

His heart pounded in fear and guilt that you may have gone out at this time of the night while you were upset. But it all momentarily fades away as soon as he hears you sniffle in the kitchen—key word, momentarily—because it all crashes back to him twice the magnitude when realizes that he made you cry.

Something he had never done before. 

Something he swore he'd never do.

“Love,” he sighed, moving over to the kitchen sink where your body racked with sobs as you washed the dirty cups. “I'm sorry.”

“I…” The way she sobbed only cracked his heart even more than it already is. “I'm going to try harder. I'll just stay at Beomgyu's place until my finals end. I really am sorry, Jay.”

You avoided his gaze as you tried to squeeze yourself past him but he managed to grab you. “Love.”

“Jay.” She responds flatly, as she kept looking down. “I'll be back Friday next week… if you still want me back… if not—”

“Don't do this—”

“I'll just take my things—”

“Love! Listen to me!” he calls out sternly, shaking you a bit. “I didn't mean it.”

“You do.” you replied angrily at him. “You don't have to lie to me, Jongseong. I already have to put up with my mom asking when I'm going to get out of school and comparing me to how good you're handling life. All I can fucking do is go to school and I don't even know if I can finish it on time and… my mom is breathing on my neck because you've always been the normal child that she wanted!”

“And it's not even your fault that she likes you better than me…” your voice shook as you looked at him. “It's unfair for you that I feel this way because you've always treated me the way that you always do. I shouldn't have ill feelings for the only person who doesn't see me less. But… I'm not good like you, Jongseong. I'm sorry.”

It hit him. Like a fire truck, lights on with sirens on full volume. 

The pressure was catching up on her and she’s breaking under it all. 

Jay never saw you as the type to crack under pressure. You’ve done so many academic stints and quite frankly thrived under the pressure of audience and expectations. Pressure makes diamonds and you were nothing less of that and it was something everyone believed about you. You were indestructible. But just like everybody else, Jay too, forgot that you were human. And you weren’t built to withstand pressure for years and years and years. You were bound to break. You were bound to falter just like every other human does—something Jay, even with his adoration and unconditional positive regard for you, overlooked. 

“I’m going to be back after finals, I’m sorry,” you mumbled, shaking his hand away from your arm before you ran towards your bedroom to pack the necessities you needed for the next week. If you forget anything you can just go back and pick it up when Jay is in the office, he doesn’t have to be bothered about your presence at all.

Jay appears in by your slightly open door, tears in his eyes as well.

“You don’t have to leave, Love,” he tells you, voice shaking as he stands by the door. “I’m sorry I said that. I don’t have a good excuse for it. I’m sorry, okay? Please don’t… Please don’t do this.”

“Don’t make this hard, please,” you tell him as you zip up your duffle bag.

“Please…”

“Jongseong.”

“No, you’re not going,” he tells you even though he knows there’s already nothing he can do to stop you. 

“Friday next week, if you still want me back I will be back,” you tell him, reaching for his hand to assure him that you’ll be back… if he wants you back. 

“Love…”

You left. You made sure Beomgyu called him to make sure you made it to his apartment safe and sound. And your crying should’ve ended there. You got what you wanted. You got out of your shared apartment like you said you would, so why are you crying in your brother’s room like there was anything he could do to fix the mess that you made?

“You know, it wouldn’t kill mom if you couldn’t… you know… finish college on time,” Beomgyu sighed as he entered his room with a glass of water. “You’re juggling two majors, Love. Not everyone makes it out on time.”

“It won’t,” you tell him truthfully, a sob escaping just after you spoke, “but it will kill me.”

“What will kill you is if you don’t let yourself breathe,” he replies sternly. “Look, I know Jay’s taken care of you more than I ever did. But if you don’t rest, things like that happen. Jay can only take so much. You can only take so much. You don’t have to give a fuck what Mom says. If they cut your allowance money off, I’d gladly support your ass if that’s what’s going to get you to slow down.”

“I can’t…”

“Why?”

“Gyu,” you look at him, his eyes were already filled with pity for how poorly you're handling this. “Being an overachiever  is all that I’ve ever been. If I’m not good enough anymore, I… I’m not sure what or who I am.”

Beomgyu sighs, suddenly realizing that he shouldn’t have let it go this far. “I thought you liked doing a lot of things,” he says. “I never thought you’d get tired of things, because you loved doing what you do and you didn’t seem to mind whenever your coaches or whenever mom pushed you.”

“I should’ve slowed you down,” he tells you, walking over to pull you into a hug. “You were too young to do so much anyway.”

The atmosphere was heavy. To be fair, it’s always been like that in your family, but you carried it with grace and Beomgyu often laughed it off. No one seemed to care enough to point out that you were too young to be doing so much and you were maturing too quickly. Come to think of it, you don’t even remember being a child. The earliest memory you could remember was being in a playground with your brother, Jay and Heeseung, you were playing with frogs but even that was purposeful—you were a kinesthetic learner and with your mom being a frustrated medical student who had to shift to business to take on her family’s airline business—she allowed you. She let you learn about nature as you experience it but that too could not last forever. You eventually had to take advanced classes—got into weekend school that allowed you to learn with laboratory equipment. Soccer? You were only allowed because it was extra credentials to get into prestigious colleges. As soon as you step into university, you don’t even remember the last time you stood on grass if it’s not collecting specimens. And you liked it, that’s why stopping even just for a moment never crossed your mind. You liked doing a lot of things—only that you forgot that you could also get tired doing the things you liked to do.

college senior year; the waltz of four left feet

Jay left the light in your foyer every night that you were gone. He knew you really weren’t going to be back until your finals were over—but just in case… Just in case you decided to come home to him earlier, he didn’t want to make you feel like he wasn’t waiting for you.

 He was.

He waited for you every night… until 2AM, your usual sleeping time, regardless if he had to be up early the next day. He waited for you in the living room in hopes that he’d be there when you came home even though he knew it was unlikely. 

Even Heeseung noticed that you were gone and Jay didn’t have to tell him. Jay didn’t talk about you for a day and that was enough time for him to conclude that something happened. The second day and still no news about what funny thing you did last night during dinner, and he was already on Beomgyu’s messages asking what the fuck just happened between you and Jay and why his friend is all of a sudden acting aloof. 

“How did you do it?” Jay asks, mumbling under his breath, just loud enough for Heeseung to hear while they sat in the office pantry having their lunch. 

“Did what?” Heeseung’s brows furrowed, confused about the sudden question and how his asshole of a friend couldn’t even bother to give him context before asking how he did what.

“You and Karina,”  he blurted out. “How did you know you were in love with her? How did you find out?”

Heeseung’s lips curved into a smile, almost victorious, as he realized where this conversation was going. He didn’t want to ruin it though. He was tired of Jay’s emotional constipation and your blatant disregard for your own feelings. It’s always been obvious. While arguably could be platonic, Jay never dated. You never dated as well. You never found yourself telling your friends that you were in love with someone—apart from the fact that you and Jay made a pact that you guys would get married at 30 if you were still single and unmarried by then. Cliche. Heeseung almost vomited when he witnessed it in a small gathering where you and Jay were drinking under supervision. It was the first time you both fell drunk and it was the first thing you guys said. Like the two of you were just waiting for an opportunity to say it and getaway with it without Heeseung and Beomgyu’s teasing.

“If you think you’re in love, then you probably are,” Heeseung replied to him simply.

“I don’t get it,” Jay starts, setting his chopsticks down on top of the bowl before looking at Heeseung dead in the eye. “Why is it so sudden? We’ve been best friends for so long and I never…” Jay trailed on his words. He didn’t know how to describe the feeling. He knew it wasn’t going to kill him to be away from you. But it will drive him insane and it shouldn’t because you promised to come back and he knew you will be back… but why did it hurt? Why does it feel like he’s going insane?

“Never what?”

“I never felt this way,” he sighs heavily. “I never felt like it’s going to kill me to not have her. I’ve always been okay with being the friend on the side…

Jay’s always been okay with toeing the line between being something more and being okay with just being in the background of her life. He’s always been okay to just be there. He’s always been okay with the idea of you leaving your shared apartment and being with someone who isn’t him even if the both of you had spent most of your life next to each other. 

“I don’t understand why I don’t think I have it in me now to just be that and watch her walk away from me again.”

“You’ve never had the chance to be away from Love,”  Heeseung says carefully. “The same goes for Love. The both of you have never been away from each other. Never dated anyone. Never been linked to anyone, even. The closest we have is you getting pissed over the thought of me being with Love even though we both know I don’t see her like that.

“I can bet you this month’s salary that even your parents know that you’ve been in love with Love since you were a kid,” Heeseung continues. “It’s all that you’ve known, Jongseong. And maybe it can be confusing to understand that kind of love can grow into something else because this relationship shit is confusing and complicated at its best and the risk of ruining everything that there ever was will always be there. But it can’t be helped. And it shows right now.”

“Fuck.”

“God, I thought I’d be on my deathbed by the time I get to do that monologue with you,” Heeseung snorted, patting his friend’s shoulder. “You’re going to be fine. Finals are over. She’s probably back in your apartment by now.”

“That’s even worse.”

“Nothing worse than going home without flowers and a written script for your apology for being the biggest asshole on the planet,” Heeseung shrugged before gathering his ramen cup and disposing it in the trash under the sink. “I’ll text you about Karina's favorite flower shop. Go get something, man.”

So, as soon as his finger was off that time clock by the lobby his eyes were already fixed on some language of flowers website Karina had texted him. Heeseung really doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut. He thought as soon as he saw Karina’s text which included a link and a flower suggestion best for an apology.

And he did what Heeseung asked him too. He wrote an entire script for his apology, even a list of things he has to apologize for and the things he wants to say as a back up for when he stutters with his speech. Embarrassing. But would the thought of her leaving for good be the death of him for real? Definitely. So if making a fool out of himself would be the way to make her stay, then be it. 

He was dancing to the sound of love with two left feet. He has absolutely no idea how things are even working out but it’s okay. At least he’s at a point of conviction that it is going to be fine and nothing is not worth losing you for. 

By the time his keys are giggling on the apartment door, he could already hear rustling inside of the home and for once after a good while, the space felt warmer, like an orange hue wrapped the whole apartment and it wasn’t just the warm light lamp shades that you had in the living room or the overhead lights in the kitchen—it wasn’t the lavender candles in the coffee table, the smell of cooked pasta on the stove, and the vintage vinyl player that he got you for your birthday last year, playing Get It Right the First Time by Billy Joel. It was home again, somehow. Because you were back.

“Jay?” Your voice echoed inside the apartment, as you emerged from the walk-in pantry in your pink gingham apron, stained with tomato sauce. “Dinner is ready. I was just putting back–”

You didn’t even get to finish your sentence. You were enveloped in Jay’s arms before you could process it. He didn’t even care if the tomato sauce stain would transfer in his crisp dress shirt, the flowers he brought were forgotten, placed carelessly on the table as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Seong?” Your voice was soft and you never would’ve expected it, but it easily turned to be his breaking point. He missed you. So damn much. And he underestimated just how much until you were back in his arms and now, with the realization of just how in love he is with you. “Are you okay?”

Jay pulls back, just a little bit, just enough to see your face completely. Every crevice and curve of your face, something he longs to memorize still even though he’s seen it more than he’s seen himself. 

“Why are you crying?” you ask, the back of your hand reaching for his face and wiping the tears that stained his tired features.

“You came back,” he breathes out, lips curving into a smile in contrast to the continuous flow of tears from his eyes. “Oh my God, you’re back.”

“I am back,” you repeat, smiling back at him before you playfully joked, “why the fuck are you still crying?”

“I don’t know,” he laughed, both hands moving to hold your face before pressing a firm kiss on your forehead. Something he’s always done, a reassurance—a reminder that was more for him than it is for you, that he had you and you had him. “I’m sorry for being an ass—”

“Oh,” you shut him really quickly. “That was on me. I was being a slob and none of it was because of you. It was unfair of me to dump it all on you when it wasn’t your problem to deal with in the first place.”

“But–”

“No buts, Jongseong. I’m not a kid anymore, and I should be responsible for myself,” you explained. 

Jay couldn’t argue with you. Not because he thinks you’re absolutely right—partly because he knew it was pointless, you were never going to accept an apology for your altercation, and partly because he knew that you had a point and it wasn’t his place to invalidate your growth upon that realization. 

So, he apologizes for the next big mistake. “Well then I’m sorry for letting you walk away.”

“I needed that, Seong,” you tell him as you lean to his touch. “You shouldn’t be apologizing for it.”

“It broke me,” he says. “I’m sorry for letting you walk out without telling you just how much I regret hurting you with what I said. I’m sorry that you had to walk away for me to realize how absolutely insane it is to not realize it sooner.”

“Realize what?”  Your lips curved into a soft smile that tells him you’ve always known. A smile that tells her, you’ve always been his. “I love you, Jay.”

He almost choked, tears were flowing down his face once again. He tries to say something but no words come out. 

Why did he turn mute all of a sudden? Why is his heart beating so fast? Why is he crying?

His body moved before he could stop himself. He pulls your face closer, kissing your lips this time. Soft. Warm. Sweet. His brain goes haywire as you kiss him back, lips moulding into his perfectly, moving in sync as if you’ve done this a thousand times before with him. 

“My Love,” he mumbles to you as he pulls away, keeping his forehead pressed against yours. 

“Your Love,” you reassure him. 

“I love you,” he hums, as he closes his eyes, letting himself drown in the feeling. 

Soft. Warm. Sweet. 

You were home. And you were his. 

“The food is going to get cold,” you remind him, with a soft smile. “Gyu went to our grandma’s just to get her to call me and teach me how to cook this—go eat up.”

“Since when did you start cooking?”

“Since I realized that Gyu and I will starve to death if I don’t learn,” you laughed, as you moved swiftly around the kitchen to set the table. 

He couldn’t help but feel his heart swell. You’ve always had a way to charm the people around you. You’ve had a way around things. You were so strong, stronger than you’ve always thought of yourself and he can’t help but smile as he realizes that you’ve grown so much and you don’t give yourself enough credit for growing so beautifully in the conditions that you’ve always been in. 

“Well don’t just stand there, put these in here,” you tell him, handing him the flowers he had brought and the glass vase you’ve always had under the sink that you were almost convinced was never going to be used because you were both too busy to find the time to get fresh flowers to put in them. 

You’d argue that you absolutely know what you’re doing—that you wouldn’t fuck this up, mostly because you don’t like admitting when you’re wrong. But were you going to deprive yourself of something that feels right? You’ve always been in conditions where easy probably means you’re doing something wrong—well, fuck that. If it’s wrong, then it’s the only time you’d rather be wrong. 

You doubt that it is, though. Everyone would doubt if it is really wrong.

Because you were almost sure that everyone knew before you and Jay did.

The thought of that brings you both comfort that whatever it is, even in conditions that are heavy and hard to accept, at least it is true.

And in this humble little abode, where it is soft, warm and sweet, sometimes lit with lavender candles and yellow overhead lights, sometimes with used cups on the coffee table and clutter in almost every corner, no one can take that love from you because you’ve always had it. 

It’s always been there and it’s finally had its time to be realized and noticed. 

꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧

a/n: 

guess who's back from the dead !!! lmao so,,, i graduated from college ??? with latin honors ??? ( i'm officially free from the shackles of ph education and now bound to the world of unemployment as i struggle to find a big girl job ) anyway , this has been in my docs for a good while now along with my other wips that i haven't found the braincells to finish bcos of how crazy my life has been lately !!! gna update u guys on how it's gna go when i finish it or if i ever will ( lmao )

anyway~ i hope you guys liked this one!!! tell what you think here !!! and checkout my other works here !!!

thank you for making it this far hehe

xo, anya ୨୧

[anyalovesu]

𝓷ever recover

idol!Heeseung x lsf member!reader

— get over the tv show and live life like you used to. that’s what you promised yourself when your members chose you to participate in the tv show your group was selected to star in. it was never your intention to fall for heeseung in real life, but you’re here anyway.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

genre : fluff/angst w comfort (?)

pairings : heeseung x fem!reader

wc : 14.2k+ words

cw :

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ idol!au ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader has eating issues (tw!!) ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ yunjin and yeonjun being in a rs mentioned ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader is a member of le sserafim, '03 liner ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ (ft. beomgyu from txt, lsf members, and en- members ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ heavily inspired by joy and sungjae from when they were in we got married ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ slight smut (?) very suggestive ending ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ mentions of sasaengs, obsessive fans, death threats ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ lmk if i missed something hehe ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ not proofread (yet hehe)

playlist : i'll never recover જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“It’s going to be an amazing opportunity for you to actually give people some perspective!” Chaewon pleads with you in the common room while you sit there with the rest of the girls, just arriving from your dinner with your managers where you found out that Le Sserafim was offered to participate in a tv show.

Arguably, this would definitely make or break your group's long standing record of hate trains. You’ve gotten used to it at this point. This would assuredly bring some of those back in a bigger surge most probably, but the rest of them were arguing that it would be a good opportunity to show them a side of you that they have not before—especially since you were always branded as the man-repellant of the group ever since your debut with your playful show of disinterest in dating.

“And if the perspective doesn’t turn out to be what you think it is?” You sighed, fiddling with the strings of your hoodie. You wished you could banter about this the way you normally do, but by the way you were hyper aware of the camera clipped on your table, you knew it would probably not be the best idea to do right now.

“Then you did it for the plot!” Yunjin playfully jokes, making you snort quietly. “If it doesn’t turn out well, then we can just laugh at it and say that you did it for the plot!”

You’ve always done that. You were never one to have inhibitions to do whatever you pleased, which also meant you were a big pain in the ass for your managers and PR associates. This was a huge step in the box on what you usually do, but you’re not going to argue that the seemingly impulsivity of it all seemed very on-brand for your fearless and playful persona.

“It would’ve been you most probably if you stayed in the US with your parents. I’m pretty sure those American boys would’ve been head over heels for you!” Yunjin egged on even more.

“When am I going to find out who it is?” you asked your manager who was sitting on one end of the coffee table in the common room. 

“Once you’re in the show, they’re going to surprise you on who it is?”

“Is he going to be in a different company or the same?” You bombarded your manager with questions which ultimately made your group laugh with how persistent you are with milking your manager for answers. Most of you knew that he probably already knows who it is by the way he tried to avoid your gaze while actively deflecting your questions. 

“You have to wait!”  he says finally. “I just want to know if you are really sure about this. You know we can always decline the offer.”

“Crazy shit like this doesn't come everyday,”  you laughed. You knew it was unreasonable and the arguments you have to defend your claim on why you should actually do the show would probably not stand well in court but you are you. You’re always going to say yes to the most outrageous shit that offers itself to you. You were fearless after all.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You paced around to try and calm your nerves when the production staff from the tv show began to set up in your practice room where you and your members would meet your virtual “husband” for the first time through a mystery zoom call. You were oriented that they would have you message each other first and try to get as much information from each other before finally going to the meet up place tomorrow so that you could formally meet. As the call time drew closer and closer, you couldn’t help but feel your feet turn cold, finding yourself in deeper waters than you would usually dare to go to. Besides, who even has an absolutely insanity of a mind to agree with this outrageous show? You were starting to delude yourself that this was a prank and that your manager wasn’t actually going to have you marry for the next 30 days. You have a busy schedule! You are already going insane as it is, is he really going to let you do this?

“Honey, come back here,” Yunjin laughed as she pulled you to plop on the couch next to her and the girls. “You know I can’t tell if you're anxious or you're excited?”

“I don’t know either,” you chuckle at her. It was true. The thrill of being out of the dorms and living with a complete stranger for an entire month was exciting. In a game of most likely to, the girls would’ve pointed at you the same way they did when the offer was discussed with your group in that dinner. This really was something you would most likely do compared to the other girls but whoever you were going to be paired with will determine how this is going to go. You have a massive ten-wheeler truck of  hate waiting to crush you and leave you for dead without an active career in entertainment. You were worried this was not the amazing opportunity they made you think it was.

“Okay, we’re starting in 2,” the producer smiled at you girls as he held up a hand to get your attention. 

You couldn’t help but stare at your phone on the table showing your lock screen, watching the numbers turn from the displayed time before the director finally calls everyone’s attention by handing your leader white box adorned with a bright red ribbon around it, holding it securely.

“Oh!” Chaewon giggles excitedly, “I can't believe my baby Y/N is going to be the first to get married! My baby!”

You were only 3 years younger than Chaewon and a few months younger than Kazuha, but you were always referred to as Chaewon’s baby because of the doting  nature that the leader had for you and your group’s youngest member, Eunchae. 

Chaewon happily helps herself in opening the gift box, finding an envelope and a phone in the box.

“Oh, you have a mission card! And a phone!” Sakura chimes.

“Is it your invitation? Am I invited to your wedding? What is the phone for?” Eunchae bombards you with questions, excitement practically bursting through her seams. 

“I can’t believe you’re getting married before your Unnies!” Yunjin adds.

Chaewon opens the envelope to find a mission card which read in wedding-esque lettering, 

“To Y/N, your virtual marriage starts tomorrow but first you must get to know your virtual husband through a special couple app that we have made especially for you.”

“Do you think your husband will be younger or older?” Yunjin asked.

“I hope he is older or the same age,” you replied politely. “I don’t want him to be younger. It would feel wrong. My grandpa is older than my grandma, and my dad is also oppa to my mom. I also have a little brother who is only younger than me by exactly a year. That would feel really weird.”

“I think older would also be fitting for you,” Sakura replied. “ I think you need someone who will take care of you and you tend to be a little stubborn towards your peers that are your age.”

“She literally does not eat unless it’s the unnies that tell her to eat,” Kazuha complained. “She would literally just watch me eat!”

“I am taught to not eat before my elders do!” you argued, remembering that because you were raised in a traditional household before you moved in with your grandparents, who also upheld necessary traditional values,  in Uiwang-si when you told your parents you wanted to be a musician in Korea, you were very connected to what you were taught to be disrespectful and what not.

“Girl, you are just a picky eater and are always looking for an excuse to skip meals,” Yunjin chuckled. “I hope your husband makes you eat different things.”

“I’m going to eat ramyeon.” you joked.

“I hope my brother-in-law does not make you eat ramyeon,” Eunchae laughed. “You need to eat healthy, too much ramyeon cannot be good for you.”

“Brother-in-law?!” Chaewon sounded appalled upon hearing Eunchae call the mystery man as such already.

“They are virtually married, are they not?” Sakura laughed at Chaewon, poking fun at the excessive reaction from the leader. “I agree that we should call him brother-in-law from now on.”

“Tomorrow! The virtual marriage starts tomorrow!”

After the yap session, which you were very sure was going to be in fast forward once the episode airs, you finally decided to open the app to find your virtual husband already sent you a message.

“He sent me a message already!” You laughed dryly, trying not to make you seem too excited before you deadpanned, “oh I already feel like the prettiest person in the world.”

Hello. Do you play video games?

“Oh! He asked if she plays video games!” Kazuha happily jumps as soon as she sees the message.

“Oh no!” Chaewon jokingly whines. “They are going to play video games all day!”

Yes. I play Valorant.

“I have a feeling that they will bond very well!” Yunjin announces. “The vibes are vibing right now and they have a total of 2 messages to each other!”

The next few messages were responded to very quickly, both parties seemingly anticipating the response of the other. You could help but start to wonder who your virtual husband was or was this some elaborate prank to get you to break and show a new character that the media hasn’t seem to unlock yet. It was a crazy idea after all.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“Hi guys,” you chuckled towards your little camera mounted on a small tripod, even though cameramen surrounded the HYBE Cafe to capture the scene. “Good afternoon!” You made sure to bow and greet everyone from the production staff and the cafe staff before making your way to the seat that you were oriented to sit in. 

“I was told that I had to prepare a gift,” you started after propping your mini camera on the table. “So, my gift is in here…” you made sure to let them see the little brown box that you and Kazuha decorated in your dorm last night after you had packed your things to move for a month with the mystery virtual husband that you will meet today.

You were told that while the two of you will be living together, given that company would not fully allow you sleeping next to someone remotely close to tempting you to ruin your own career, you were assured that after filming you are allowed to sleep in the other room in the apartment they were going to make you stay in for the next 4 weeks.

“I’m just going to spoil it,” you yap while waiting to be signalled that your on-screen partner is there already. “It’s a gaming keyboard since he mentioned that he plays video games. I thought maybe I should get him an xbox controller but I’m not sure if he plays games that use that. So a keyboard would be more generic to give. I promise to give better gifts to my virtual husband when I get to know him better.”

As if on cue, right after you talked to your little camera about your gift, you were asked to put on a blindfold because your virtual partner has arrived and they want you to have a first look at each other at the same time.

“You may now take off your blindfold,” the producer instructed before you tugged on the lace of the blindfold behind your head. 

Your eyes had to take a good few seconds before it could adjust and recognize the person sitting across you. 

“Oh shit.”

You immediately slapped a hand over your mouth in surprise that you actually said it out loud. You only meant to keep it in your thoughts, but it’s Lee Heeseung from Enhypen.

His fans are going to hunt you down, you were so sure of it but the assuring look on his face as surprise wore off of it as he got used to looking at you made you seem more comfortable.

You’ve interacted with him a couple of times before. Maybe made a tik tok with him once or twice. The ship was very unlikely, you weren’t very sure why your managers agreed to this, whereas if they had placed Kazuha or Yunjin in your place, considering the amount of manips he has with your other members, they would’ve gone more viral.

“Hello,” he bowed to you politely, even getting up in his seat again to do a full 90 degree bow. You found yourself mirroring his actions almost immediately. 

“Lee Heeseung,” he introduced himself, holding his hand out.

“L/N Y/N,” you replied in the same tone before accepting his hand to shake. 

“Did you have a hunch on who your virtual partner would be?” 

You both looked at each other, trying to recall from the conversation last week before shaking your head. There were a couple of other idols that played video games—it could've been your best friend, Beomgyu for all you cared.

Oh shit. Beomgyu. He is going to crash out when he finds out you're married to his other bestie for the next month and you haven't even told him you're doing this.

“How are you feeling then? Now that you already know who your partner is for the next few weeks?” The production staff was giddy. They were through the roof with squeals from behind the camera every now and then. 

“Choi Beomgyu is going to kill me for virtually marrying his other bestie,” you replied frankly, holding back your laughter as you looked at the director. “Ya! He's going to lecture me for hours about marrying him!”

“I think he will kill me first—”

“We made sure Beomgyu will not burst through the door,” your director announces. 

“Unless he is tied up in the basement for the next 30 days, we are never sure if he's not going to burst into our apartment instead,” Heeseung jokes, leaning back against his chair. 

You take a good look at him. If you were to be honest, you've never looked at him for this long. By some fucked up standard, you have trained yourself not to look at people for too long, at least not long enough for unsuspected cameras to capture. You've never had a dating rumor since debut which was honestly a big deal for you—and now this. But that's besides the point.

Heeseung reeked of charisma. He had this good aura around him that made you feel comfortable. He was undeniably handsome and lean. God. He seemed like his parents carefully crafted him with handpicked good genes from their body and took their absolute time of their lives creating him with love—he definitely did not looked like he was made from a fuck and go situation. He was a masterpiece himself—god what are you even thinking? 

“Y/N, Heeseung asked for your coffee order,” your manager repeated, snapping you back to reality.

Heeseung chuckled at your previous zoned-out state. He daresay you looked adorable with your pupil blown out and seemingly in deep thought to not recognize that you were being instructed to do something.

“Oh it’s just a Spanish Latte, thank you so much,” you replied to him. He grinned at you as he nodded before you hid your face in embarrassment.

The crimson in your face began spreading to your ears which made the production team squeal in delight at your sudden shyness. Even your manager and Heeseung’s manager who sat closely to the director could not hide the stupid grin on their faces as the cameramen tried to capture the obvious blush on your face.

“This should be illegal, why does he smile like that?” you playfully talked to your small camera on the table. “He looks like he knows everything about me but not in a creepy way!”

“Really?” 

Oh sweet babybel cheese. He heard that.

“No! It was a joke!” You panicked, hiding your face with your hands as you kept your head low on the table to avoid looking at him again. 

It hasn’t been an hour and you’ve already embarrassed yourself for about more times than your hands could count. Everything Sakura just taught you about flirting before you came here was suddenly out the window. You were a huge bag of disappointment and embarrassment right now and you don’t even know how you managed to do that much in such a short span of time.

“I’m just really flustered, I’m sorry,” you apologized before coming up with another yap topic, “I have been training since I was 14 and was homeschooled before that. My social skills had to be developed in training.” 

“My manager only told me, my partner was from Uiwang-si,” he told you. “My manager hasn’t told me anything after that.”

“He's right! I am from Uiwang-si! My grandparents live there!” You replied happily. “I have lived there since I was 14.”

“I was born there!”

“We should visit there before our marriage ends! My grandpa is going to have a heart attack if he finds that I came there with a husband!” You laughed. “I brought my friends there one time, and then Beomgyu was there! He told me after that if Beomgyu hadn't been the way he is, he would've assumed he was my boyfriend and his blood pressure would have shot up.”

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“How would you describe your childhood?” you asked, reading the cue cards they had given you as your “get to know each other activity”.

“Hard,” he jokingly laughed. “Looking back at it now, half of my childhood was training and worrying if I'll ever debut.”

He made it sound light and funny but it was a reality for many people, especially in the kpop industry. Once upon a time, you also thought about whether you should've just continued pursuing your ballet career in the US because your dream of the kpop scene did not seem to go anywhere. You were lucky your grandmother insisted that you continue your ballet lessons on top of training with Source back then so that you'd always had that safety net if ever you ended up not pursuing your kpop career.

“You debuted though,” you reminded him, his face softening at your tone and your statement. “Arguably one of the best performers of our generation also. So I guess, the hard work paid off, huh?”

Heeseung was stunned. He's always reminded of how far he's come by many of his peers but somehow, hearing it from someone who trained for a year longer than he did, validated something in him. He knew you would be able to understand what it felt like to hold your career so dearly after working day in and day out for it.

“It did. Yours too.”

Heeseung knew about you. He would be lying if he said he didn't have a tiny crush on you. You were highly regarded as Source's golden child. You were their secret weapon trainee and he's always known that whenever it may be, when you debut, you were going to make it big—international, even. And now you are sitting in front of him, after you did make it international with your Coachella stint, which you and your members did well in his opinion despite the criticisms. Maybe you could give him a couple of tips on what he can do better for their turn next year..

“I remember seeing you in the Hybe building,” you smiled at him. “Source was just acquired by Hybe and I was relatively a new recruit. I think you and some of your other members were preparing to go to I-land back then. I had a short conversation with Jay because he heard that there was another American in the building.”

You were a spectacle to Heeseung from the get go. He knew Jay spoke to you but he couldn’t do the same after he got intimidated by the rapid English words that made your conversation with him seem so enjoyable for the both of you. He didn’t want to insert himself into a situation he didn’t know how to sustain, so he stayed back.

“That’s why he knows you!” he laughs. “You did very well in your training too. We were really happy when we heard the news that you were going to debut!”

“He was really a good brother figure to me,” you explained. “Him and Yunjin always made me feel close to home.”

“I am looking forward to making you feel at home too then,” he replied, making you cackle at his pick-up line. 

“To be fair, Uiwang-si is my home too, so I am looking forward to that!”

“You haven’t answered the question yet, though,” he reminds you, pointing at your cue card, reminding you once again that you have lost yourself in a stream of thought. 

You look at your cue card to check the question once again as you laughed at yourself, trying very hard to focus on what you were actually doing. 

You thought of your childhood but it seemed that it wasn’t any different than his. You were dancing the moment you were able to balance yourself on your own. You’ve been doing ballet since you were three, did full time training as soon as you were old enough to be in a pre-professional program before you were recruited by Source Music in a ballet recital when you were 14. That somehow awakened a dream in you that you didn’t know you had. You wanted to resist it at first. Ballet has been your whole life—you are leaving an entire career of continuous conditioning, training and dance competitions for a chance to be in the spotlight in your home country. It seemed far-fetched to leave an entire life behind for what could be but it was what your heart desired and being the ever so impulse-driven person that you are—it brought you here.

“Ballet has been my entire childhood. I was on my toes for half of it, and crying for the half because I feel like I will never be good enough or because something hurts,” you explained to him while holding back a laugh. “I think I will still be doing that if I didn't debut but you know, I don't think I'll be as happy.”

Heeseung could watch you talk all day. It seems all too surreal to even fathom that he will be virtually married to the girl he had a tiny crush on before he went to I-Land. You were still a sight to see, even years after the last time he was in close proximity. 

-

The day eventually ended and you were in the living room of your home for the next month. All  the cameras were either shut off or taken home by the production staff at last so you were able to sit comfortably on the living room couch watching your favorite show on the TV. 

“I'm making ramyeon,” Heeseung calls from the kitchen connecting to the living room. “Do you want some?”

“Yes, oppa!” you replied to him, raising a thumbs up just in case he didn't hear you properly. 

You have decided to drop the honorifics for the camera and just let me gradually lose it as time goes after the cameras are out during one of your  a while ago. 

It didn't feel like you were going to have a hard time working and living with Heeseung. He was a gentleman after all and has a nurturing nature in him. You know Chaewon wishes he's not going to feed you ramyeon right now just like they had predicted but it could be worse. You and Heeseung didn't have any interactions personally other than for the tiktoks prior to today so it's a huge step already to have him cook for you.

“We should go buy groceries tomorrow with unnies,” you tell him quietly as you both enjoyed your own bowl of ramyeon and some spam. “They will not be very happy if we eat this for the rest of the month.”

He did not object to it, nodded before asking, “Did you really want to do this?”

You look at him, curious as to why he would ask that suddenly. Was he expecting someone else? Did he not want you to be here?

You shook your head, trying to deflect, even though deep down inside of you, you wanted to do this just to see how it would turn out. 

“You?”

“Just wanted to know how it would turn out,” he snorted. “Jake didn't want to do it. He would be a mess the entire show too. My guy is too nervous and too hormonal for his own good.”

“Could've turned it down?”

“I barely had a girlfriend when I was in highschool and right now, our fans would quite literally destroy anyone remotely close to seemingly dating me.” He chuckled. “I don't think I'll ever be with someone anyway in my 20’s. So I just went for it.”

The utter ingenuity of his explanation somehow got you because you did feel the same. Yunjin was blasted when she got the dating rumor with Yeonjun. The world seemed to close on her when it happened because it seemed like everyone was trying to end our career because of it. It never stopped though, people trying to end your group. You just started to learn not to give a damn what they have to tell you.

“What about you?” 

“I don't really care what happens,” you reply. “I don't even know how I feel about it right now. But I'm glad it's you.”

“I'm glad it's you too,” he chuckled before going back to just sitting there in comfortable silence while you watched Grey's Anatomy on the TV.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“You look unwell,” Heeseung points out, concern laced in his voice as he watches you come out of your room to get ready for the day. “Can you still go grocery shopping today? I don’t mind going by myself if you’re not feeling well.”

You shrugged. You hated flaking out of plans, besides when you survived practice with a mild fever before, grocery shopping isn’t something you were afraid of doing while a little hot. You were sure that you were okay.

“We can do it tomorrow. You really look like you’re going to faint,” he explained before rising up from his seat from the dining table to help you walk to the other end of the table from where he sat. “It’s totally okay, Y/N.”

“Oppa, I’m okay.”

“Jay can do the grocery for us!” he announced. 

“The producers will kill us,” you forced out a laugh. “I’m okay, Heeseung. I’ll just take an Aspirin and I’ll be fine for the rest of the day.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, opening the fridge to take the microwavable bibimbap he got this morning. “Do you want this, or cereal?”

“You got us breakfast?” You looked surprised that he did. You always woke up with food on the table because Sakura hated not seeing you and Kazuha have breakfast. So she always made you two foods before you could even wake up. 

“I wanted to make something better than anything that goes in the microwave but this would do,” he replied, shyly scratching the back of his head as he avoided your gaze.

He woke up earlier than he usually would that morning to take a walk outside of the apartment building to check for food stalls or convenience stores he can get you breakfast from. He contemplated if he was going to get bibimbap or something that he thought was more your thing as an American. So he ended up buying a ready-made bibimbap that he could easily microwave at home and a box of cereal and milk. He really was hoping for a more thought of breakfast for the both of them since it was their first time eating breakfast together but upon thinking of it last night, which honestly was the first time he was up that late that wasn’t because of practice or League, he realized that he’s not confident about cooking anything besides spam and ramyeon. 

And the thing was Heeseung wanted to impress you. Everyone knew you were a lazy eater, and he wanted to make sure that with him, despite all that, you were being fed very well. So, giving you options was the most doable effort he has for now. He took a mental note on his way home that he will make sure to message Jay or one of your members later this dinner to teach him how to cook anything you might want to eat tonight.

“That bibimbap looks nice actually,” you replied. Heeseung nodded before placing the food container in the microwave to heat it up for you.

“Are you really sure you can film today?”

“I have a mild fever, oppa,” you laughed at him. “I’m not going to die.”

“I don’t want to be accused of neglecting my wife, excuse me!” he playfully argued. “If you really want to go, the production team will be here in about 2 hours, so we better start getting ready after this. Take your time though, two hours is still a long time.”

You were fortunate enough to be with people who always took care of you. That being said, you never had to look for anywhere to fulfill the desire to be loved, because you were loved in every home you went to. Dating never interested you before, to be frank. Besides the fact that your manager would more or less kill you if you ended up in a dating scandal, you were too busy to meet anyone. You didn't know many people outside of Le Sserafim. You barely had any friends predebut because you were homeschooled and your ballet class friends weren't exactly friendly with you after they found out that you were training to be a kpop idol and were not too focused on the same goal as them. 

It made your heart race that someone who barely knew you managed to show you kindness. The things that years of struggling to make genuine connections taught you somehow vanished into thin air as Heeseung gently places the back of his hand against your forehead to check if you were still hot before nodding when he felt that you didn’t feel very warm anymore.

“Just tell me if you don’t feel well along the way… yeah?” His bending down to be at eye-level with you was the cherry on top of it all.

Who is this man and why does he know how to make your knees feel weak?

“Okay,” you replied shortly, smiling at him, your eyes crinkling on the sides which was a feature Heeseung was sure he’s never seen before and he’s only noticed now that his face is so close to yours. 

You were… beautiful.

He knew that all along, long before you were this close to him. But it was like seeing what beautiful is in 4K—like all of a sudden being this close to you gave him a whole new definition of beautiful, because even the texture of your face makes him wonder how long it took for God to craft you… it must’ve taken them a lot of time.

And you would’ve fully fallen for it, if you just kept your eyes on him—if the corner of your eye didn’t catch the cameraman hauling this huge filming equipment to capture the moment because now you have this pit in your stomach as if your heart has sunken into it. 

It’s for the show. You have to remind yourself as Heeseung offers his hand for you to hold as you make your way out of the apartment that you shared. 

-

“My grandma used to always bring me with her to the market,” you smiled at him. “I went home to them on the weekends. It sort of just became a normal thing for us to go to the market really early every Saturday morning.”

“Are you closer to your grandparents or your actual parents?”

“Well, my grandparents took care of me from the moment I landed here. So maybe now, I’m closer to them. I still have a very good relationship with my parents and my little brother. With my little brother, it’s a little better now than before, because we always used to fight but whenever I can take breaks and I could go home to New York, we bond a little better now,” You explained to him as you browsed through the meat section of the supermarket. “I suppose you and your brother are close too? I saw that clip from I-Land.”

“We are close,” he chuckled. “Every now and then we meet up to play basketball when we’re both free since he is in University.”

“I wish me and my brother still lived in the same country,” you laughed. “While I do treat Beomgyu like my brother, that idiot would pick fights with me and our entire day out would’ve been just us bantering about random things that don’t matter.”

The two of you kept on going around the supermarket trying to find novel things to make your apartment a little more interesting. So, by the end of it all, you had funky shaped coffee cups, mismatched plates and a couple other cutlery that you both picked for each other.

It really did seem that you and Heeseung were building a home for each other as you talked about each other’s upbringing over what color of plate the other should get. And while he thought he’d never be the type to enjoy those kinds of things, he figured that maybe hearing about the tiniest and the most mundane things about someone could be interesting if it was you that’s talking. He found out that you and Yunjin were family friends long before you were kpop trainees and actually flew to Korea together and how devastated you were when Yunjin went home to New York after PD48 and how somehow, you became HYBE’s way of convincing Yunjin to come back and join the girl group even though it did not take her a lot to say yes. And even in the things he would usually not enjoy getting done, like picking out meat for the upcoming days as he would rather just order take out—he seemed to enjoy it now that he’s with you.

And you didn’t feel any different. You don't have to feel anxious whenever you have to talk to a vendor as Heeseung would beat you to it every time. Oh and you had to pretend you didn’t notice how hard he blushed when an old lady told you that your boyfriend was a dream to have and how you playfully corrected that he is your husband. You enjoyed seeing Heeseung flustered.

-

“Today was a lot, right?” Heeseung laughed, throwing himself on the sofa, already showered and dressed in his pajamas. Which consisted of his grey sweatpants and a Hybe shirt that you were sure everyone from the company had. 

“I hope I didn’t talk your ears out,” you replied at him, raising your head from your phone to look at him. 

“I like listening to you talk,” he smiled.

And you couldn’t help it. Before you could even cover your face, you were already blushing and Heeseung is basking in his glory once again that he’s finally got his revenge from you flustering him a while ago in front of the production staff and the old lady.

“It is actually refreshing to hear someone else that isn’t one of my members,” he laughed. “Don’t get me wrong. I love those idiots, but I am enjoying hearing you talk. It’s like I have this personal podcast playing live all the time.”

Before you knew it, you were asleep on Heeseung’s shoulder. You were out all day after all running errands like a married couple should, it must’ve tired you. But in Heeseung’s opinion, you did not look tired at all. 

Heeseung couldn’t help but feel his heart race as he watched your sleeping figure. It was too early to fall in love with you, but it did feel like that. You were so easy to love and he was all in for it like he has been doing it for a long time already. The way you would innocently explain things to him around the marketplace that he would ask you about somehow made him feel at ease that you weren’t going to judge him for not being as knowledgeable in life as you were. It was as if you were okay with helping him learn the things he should’ve known a long time ago. You were a breath of fresh air and it made him feel like he was free from the bounds of being perfect for the next few weeks while he’s with you. 

He carefully lifted your head from your shoulder before picking you up and bringing you to your room. You are  a heavy sleeper, he takes note in his mind as he pulls the covers over your resting body.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“Don’t forget to eat lunch, okay?” Heeseung reminds you as he drops you off of your practice room with your members.

“Hi oppa!” Eunchae happily skips towards you to give you a hug as she smiles at your husband brightly. “How is unnie adjusting at home with you! Is she eating well? I hope you’re not staying up too late playing video games!”

Heeseung could tell that you were so well taken care of by your members. You were their second youngest after all. He was so glad that so far, Eunchae’s inquiries were all being met. He’s managed to make at least a decent breakfast for the both of you this morning with the help of Jay from facetime. Was Jay excited about waking up at 5 in the morning to teach his brother how to cook? No. But did he do it anyway for the sake of giving his darling virtual sister-in-law the breakfast that she deserves? Oh yes. 

“Of course, I am feeding Y/N! Right, jagiya?”

Eunchae screamed in excitement as soon as the nickname slipped out of Heeseung. She was ecstatic, running over to the other girls to tell them what she just heard. The other girls screamed as well. The both of you couldn’t help but laugh at their reactions. 

“Jagiya…” you trailed. “That’s new.”

“I’m sorry, was it too much?” Heeseung peed, immediately going into panic mode, thinking that you weren’t comfortable with it. “It just slipped, I promise!”

“It’s cute,” you answered, chuckling at his panicked state before pressing a soft kiss on his cheek as you let him go. “Go now. Your members must be looking for you. You’d be late.”

You hurriedly closed the door before you ran towards your girls, leaving Heeseung a blushing mess at what you just did. 

“Did you just kiss that poor boy?” Yunjin screamed, grasping your arm as she made you look at her. 

“He is my husband, unnie!” You explained, making it sound as it was a matter of fact that she should have already known. “What did you want me to do?”

“I don’t know, maybe show some decency because there is a kid in the room?!” Yunjin dramatically retorted as she pointed at Eunchae who was still buzzing in exhilaration from witnessing that. 

“Is he treating you alright, at least?” Sakura asked softly as she wrapped her arms around your waist. “Are you eating dinner every night? Eating is always your problem, Y/N. He should be feeding you alright.”

“He is feeding me alright,” you sighed. “I heard him talking to Jay this morning. He asked Jay how to make a proper breakfast. Is that enough evidence that I am eating alright?”

“You're smiling a little differently,” Chaewon teased. “The show got you good, no?”

“What the hell do you mean I’m smiling differently?” you voiced, brows furrowing as you turned to Chaewon, whose face expression you couldn’t quite figure out if it was happy or scared. She was smiling but her eyes told you something else.

“Let’s just say you do end up falling in love with him,” your leader mumbled. “You do know the managers are never going to let you do it, right?”

She said it so calmly and nicely that you almost forgot how harsh that truth was. The worst part was realizing she was right. The few days that you have spent living with Heeseung really had you smiling differently and you’ve only realized now that she pointed it out. You were starting to like him. But for what? You were never going to be with him in real life after the show. You don’t even know if he likes you that way outside of the show.

You looked around for anyone familiar from the production staff of the show to see if anyone was filming it. Relief washed over you as soon as you confirmed that they stuck with their terms and did not film your activities when you are separated.

“Y/N,” Sakura cooed as soon as she realized how Chaewon’s words affected you. “It’s okay! You’re going to be okay! I mean it’s a normal thing to fall for people like Heeseung! He is so kind and generous to you!”

“Right! I would fall in love too if someone made that much of an effort to feed me!” Kazuha added. 

“I don’t want you to see falling in love with Heeseung as a bad thing,” Chaewon sighed, moving closer to you as she reached for your hand. “We’re not even sure how long we’re going to do this for and if we’ll ever have the chance to fall in love with anyone with the schedule that we have!” She squeezed your hand before lifting your chin up to make you look at her. “I’m just saying that it’s going to be hard but I cannot blame you for feeling that way. You’re still a human person, Y/N and falling in love with someone who is kind to you is a human experience. That is okay to have.”

While she did have a point, you did realize how sad and unfortunate it was to be in a situation like that. 

“You still have 2 and a half weeks to enjoy his company,” she reminded. “After that we’ll ask you how you feel about it and then decide our course of action from then on.”

“What's important is, whatever your decision is,” Yunjin smirked. “Whether or not it’s going to get us in trouble, we are going to support you! Even if it meant all of us would have to sign an NDA again to keep your future relationship with Heeseung a secret.”

2 weeks and 2 more days. After this, you can just live your life like you never knew him and maybe then your accumulating feelings for him would fade. 

-

“What do you want for dinner?” Heeseung asked, standing by the door frame of your room, watching you stare at your laptop that you brought with you since your normal gaming set-up was too much of a hassle to transfer just to bring back after a month.

The production team had already left a good half an hour ago after the both of you were briefed about tomorrow’s agenda which was hanging out with his members for half the day and with yours for the remaining half. You felt lethargic after all the practice you had to do for your upcoming promotions as your EP was waiting to be released by the approaching month, around the same time this show will go on air. On top of that, your conversation with Chaewon still clung to you, and you were so desperately trying to get your head out of it by playing Valorant. But your trusty game to replace your worries with anger did not seem to work at all for you tonight. Heeseung standing by your door frame was not helping either.

“I don’t really feel like eating dinner tonight, Hee. I’m fine tonight,” you replied at him politely, glancing back at him to acknowledge his presence. 

Heeseung clicked his tongue before walking over to see your game. He sat on your bed watching you play.

He’s never really entered your room before. You’ve entered his room a lot of times before when you watched him play League and when he taught you how to play his favorite game. Nothing malicious ever happened when you were in there so you weren’t expecting anything here either.

“Chaewon explicitly told me before the show started to never let you sleep without eating dinner,” he stated as soon as you died for the round. “So, I’m sticking with that. What do you want for dinner?”

“I’m not hungry,” you repeat, a sigh following as you avoided his gaze. “You can just not tell unnie that I didn’t eat dinner tonight.”

“Okay,” Heeseung shrugged before getting up and leaving your room. You let out a sigh of relief when he does, thinking that he finally left you alone.

Or so you thought. As soon as your door was shut once again, Heeseung was dialing Yunjin’s number in hopes that she can suggest anything he can cook up to make you eat dinner. 

“Heeseung! Is everything okay?” Yunjin asked immediately as soon as she answered on the 3rd ring.

“Y/N doesn’t want to eat,” he confesses. “She just sounds upset and I don’t know if it was anything I did or something just upset her before coming here.”

“Oh,” Yunjin sighed from the other line. “Well, I don’t know if I can tell you what might be the reason why she’s like that but ramyeon should do the job of feeding her for the night. We don’t usually let her have it for dinner, but when she’s especially resistant to eating, which usually happens when she’s upset, we just let her have it.”

“So ramyeon is the solution to all of this?” he asked, a chuckle following his inquiry. 

“Yes,” Yunjin laughed from the other line. “She will inhale that shit so fast and the dinner problem is done before you know it.”

“Would it be so bad to tell me what upset her?” he asked once again. “If it’s something I did, I want to know. I don’t want to keep on doing something that upsets her, Yunjin.”

“I'm afraid it’s something all of us have little to no control of, Heeseung.” Yunjin dejectedly replies. “If there was anything I could do about it, I would’ve done it myself. But it’s out of our hands. But it isn't anything in particular that you did, don’t worry about that anymore.”

As soon as the call was dropped, Heeseung got to work making your dinner. 

On the other hand, Yunjin turns to Chaewon and Eunchae who’s looking at her in shock that Heeseung called her. 

“What did he say?” Eunchae inquiries immediately. 

“I really think the conversation about her and Hee not being able to be together even if they do end up falling for each other got to her,” Yunjin starts. “She doesn’t want to eat dinner. Heeseung called to ask if there’s anything he could do to somehow just not make her skip dinner.”

“And you didn’t tell him that he’s partly the reason why she’s upset?” Chaewon added.

“Of course I didn’t!” Yunjin sighed exasperatedly. “I don’t want to upset them both. They seem into each other and it’s just sad that it’s supposed to end. I wouldn’t have wanted it to end if that was me.”

Eunchae gave her a weird look, “Not because I like Heeseung. I’m just saying if that was me and someone else and I’m getting treated like a proper girl in love, I wouldn’t have wanted it to end. I don’t even know if I’ll ever get to experience anything remotely close to that ever again!” Yunjin explained right away. 

“I just feel bad for Y/N,” Yunjin continues. “You know she’s all that uninterested in the idea of dating and all before but you know she’s a hopeless romantic.”

–

“I made you something,” Heeseung knocked on the door once again, holding up a bowl as he stood by the slightly open door. 

“Heeseung—”

“Before you complain it’s ramyeon and Yunjin is going to lecture you tomorrow for not eating dinner if you don’t eat this because I asked her if there’s anything you would eat so she knows that you’re being hard right now,” Heeseung cuts you off before barging inside of your room and placing the bowl in front of you. 

If Heeseung wasn’t fast enough, he wouldn’t have noticed that you weren’t playing anymore and was instead doing something with your digital audio workstation software open in your laptop but you managed to change the window before he could check the song title. 

“Eat up,” Heeseung demands, as he picks up the chopsticks and puts them in your hands. “Can you do it or do I have to chew it for you.”

“You are a disgusting rat, Heeseung,” you rolled your eyes at him before letting out a chuckle. “Where’s yours?”

“They’re outside, I’ll eat when you’re done.”

“Get a chair and eat here,” you ordered. “It’s sad to eat alone.”

Without any objections, Heeseung does what you asked him to do. Which in reality made your heart skip at how willing he was to make sure you weren’t feeling lonely. He had to take in consideration that you never ate alone when you were with your girls. And whenever you did go in your solo activities alone, either one of the girls ate with you through facetime or your manager ate with you.

“You didn’t have to do this, Hee,” you mumbled at him as you devoured your bowl. Heeseung couldn’t help but smile fondly at you. Yunjin was right, you were going to inhale it.

“I wanted to do it,” he replied shortly.

You hummed in response, looking at your laptop screen where you watched your favorite show while you ate. You were half watching and half lost in thought on whether or not you should tell him or if it was too much information. There was a reason why your members rarely ever let you eat alone and it was a reason only a specific group of people knew.

“You wanna know why they always make sure someone is always with me whenever I eat?” 

Heeseung raised his eyebrows, looking at you with intent before he asked, “why?”

“The people in my school used to bully the fuck out of me during lunch,” you recalled. “I was in second grade when these kids started to make fun of me for bringing Korean food for lunch. I used to hate lunch breaks because it would mean that my favorite food in the world would get picked on for another day yet. Until people just started avoiding me at lunch tables and they would sometimes shoo me away from their table. It was too much for me back then so I just stopped eating lunch to avoid it. I would throw my food in the trash before getting on the bus because my mom would kill me if she found out that I wasn’t eating the food she prepared.”

“And the principal caught me throwing my food away one time and told my mom, and of course she was furious but then she heard why I didn’t eat lunch. Even if she switched up the food she gave me it still would’ve been unappetizing to eat and the kids still would bully me for ‘wanting to fit in’. I mean to be fair, maybe I really wasn’t the prettiest girl when I was a kid, and it probably was the reason they didn’t stop the bullying even after my food was switched. But you know… kids will be kids… I just wished someone would stop them and tell them it was wrong, you know? Because one thing led to another and the next thing I knew I switched to homeschooling and food was just a bad memory to me because I blamed it so much for not having any friends.”

“I hung around with Minji a lot when I was scouted,” you continued. “But she got transferred to Ador and I was alone once again. Then, Beomgyu found me eating alone in the practice hallway and the little shit just sat with me and ate his sandwich next to me, outyapping me because I got really shy when an idol approached me out of pity.”

“You didn’t bring it up to him at all?” He asked curiously. 

You shrugged, “Boy, I was already struggling to debut. My friends were one by one getting chosen to be in survival shows and getting placed in debut lineups. I was starting to delude myself if I really lived up to my secret weapon trainee title because they really showed no interest in putting me in a debut lineup any time soon and only wanted me to help produce songs for the meantime. I did not want them to think that I am barely improving and I still had the audacity to demand having an eating buddy?”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he sighed, obviously brought down by the sudden lore being spilled.

“It’s no problem anymore,” you told him. “Beomgyu actually managed to toughen me up and lectured me for hours on end whenever he found out that I didn’t eat which was honestly absurd because we’re not even related and he keeps saying he’s doing it out of pity. But that idiot did manage to tell my manager and my members about the eating situation when I debuted and they kept their word. I’m surprised he wasn’t the person you called a while ago.”

“I have no prior knowledge that Beomgyu had that kind of power over you,” he laughed.

“He doesn’t,” you snorted. “He just never gets tired of saying the same thing over and over and I don’t always have the braincells to listen to him. So it’s ramyeon first, if it doesn’t work, call Beomgyu.”

“You and Gyu are really close, no?”

“He’s like my older brother that I never had,” you tell him. “We like to joke that he only acts like such because it makes him feel responsible without doing much. We’re also really close in personality so the friendship works.”

“I’ll know when to call him then,” he smirked playfully. 

“I’ll know when to decline his call then,” you retort.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“Are you hot?” Heeseung asked as he reached for the mini fan that the staff was handing him as you and his members walked through the busy street trying to look for the restaurant that Jungwon found online. 

“Not really—”

“Noona, we found it!” Ni-ki happily jumped as he ran back towards you and Heeseung, taking your hand quickly to bring you to the restaurant that was just a few stores away from where you and the rest of the older members were walking. Ni-ki reminded you so much of Eunchae. He started all shy and serious but did end up opening up to you and talking a lot once he got the hang of you. 

“Your youngest really just stole your wife like that,” Jake teased as they watched Ni-ki open the door for you and get inside of the restaurant. “He looks like a kid excited to have his mom around.”

“She looks like she’s enjoying his company anyway,” Heeseung chuckled fondly, watching you and Ni-ki laugh at something as they entered the restaurant themselves. “Just let him be,”  he tells them. He watches as you throw your head back like a kid while you laugh over something he’s yet to ask the context of, but he might just watch you laugh like this instead. You were adorable interacting with his youngest member like that.

“Have you ordered already?” Heeseung asked you. 

“Oh, Jungwon handled all of the orders. I just told him to surprise me,” you replied, turning over to him as he reached for your hand. The weather outside was still very cold and it was a wonder how your hands stayed warm with that cold wind outside as if you had a personal heater inside of your body. 

“Your usual food isn't on the menu though,” Heeseung replied, brows furrowing as his eyes trail back to Jungwon and Sunoo who were still finishing up the orders with the menu in their hands. “What if you don’t like it?”

“Then I’ll make you finish the rest of it,” you playfully squeezed his hand, making him shrug.

“And if I don’t like it?”

“We’ll pack it to-go and I’ll force myself to eat it at home,” you chuckled. “I wanted to see what your members would feed me, Heeseung. Chill. It’s not like I cannot go out of my usual food selection!”

–

“He's the laziest cook in the dorms,” Jay chuckled as he sat back with you while you two watched the other members play foot volleyball. “I was about to crash out on him when he called me that early but then he asked me how to make fucking curry at 4AM in the morning.”

“And you want to tell me what?”

“That I'm pretty sure Heeseung likes you—in love maybe,” he replied quietly, hoping that the mics won't be able to catch it as the smaller production team that went with you today only had one boom mic with them and it was being used towards the guys who were playing. “I heard he's been calling your members too to ask them how to make your favorite meals.”

“Jay, are you hearing yourself?” you ask, holding back a laugh as Heeseung tries to catch a falling Ni-ki before he lands on his butt after the younger attempted to kick a ball too early.

“Heeseung is a lovesick fool,” he laughed. “And you are a little dense to not notice that.”

You thought about it well. You'd be lying to say that you didn't notice that he was really kind to you and no friend would've gone the lengths of bringing you food in the practice room if you were too busy to grab food for yourself. Regardless of whether or not cameras were seeing what his efforts were, he did it anyway. But you've never been involved with anyone romantically—what do you know?

“Noona, join us!” Jungwon happily calls as he jumps. “Jay-hyung! Get up!”

You couldn't help but adore the cat-like leader. Jay helped you get up from your seat on the mat they laid down for you on the grass. 

“Noona! Is in our team!” Jungwon declares that he and Ni-ki stood in front of you when Heeseung tried to take you.

“That is my wife!” Heeseung argued, trying to go around them to take you but the two were persistent. 

“And we are around the same age, so she's ours!” Sunoo joined in, creating another wall on your side to close you away from Heeseung. “You guys are old!” 

“You're not even 7 months older than Sunghoon!” Heeseung retorts. “Y/N! You're supposed to be on my side!”

“The kids want me on their team,” you laughed, reaching for Ni-ki's shoulder, which definitely was higher than you anticipated.

“The kids will always get their mom,” Jay shrugged jokingly, pulling Heeseung away so the round could start. “Even the court would agree.”

–

“Please give my gifts to the other boys, okay?” You told Jay as you got into the van, preparing to go to your afternoon schedule with your members this time. 

“I'll make sure they thank you for it, Y/N,” he chuckled. “Don't worry about it.”

“They seem to love you very much,” Heeseung told you as soon as the van started moving. 

You nodded. You noticed how they would make an effort to include you, even toning down their energy just to make sure they weren't tiring you out too much considering you still have things in your agenda after your time with them. Especially their younger members, they seemed pretty close to her despite only hanging out today. 

Although you couldn't quite forget what Riki told you when you got to the park earlier, “I'm going to miss having you around when you and Hyung finish filming this show,” he told you.

You started to wonder how complicated it would be to maintain a good relationship with Enhypen after this show ends. You truly wanted to be friends with them after this. They were really a very friendly bunch after all. But if Jay is telling the truth, wouldn't that make it complicated? To remain friends with all of them but one because he had feelings for you before and the feeling is possibly mutual?

“Especially Ni-ki,” he chuckled. “That kid did not want to let go of you!”

“He's like Eunchae,” you chuckled at him. “Really shy at first, you would only get giggles from that poor girl. Then when she gets to know you she turns into yapperton 3000.”

“It's hard to comprehend that you're the second youngest in your group,” he shrugged.

“Still 3 years older than Eunchae though,” you smiled at him. “She is like everyone's little sister, then me and Zuha are twins. Yunjin is our big sister. Chaewon is our mom and Kkura is our fun gay aunt.”

“Do you think they'll like me?”

You were taken aback. Since when did Heeseung worry about being liked by anyone? Everyone likes Heeseung from the get go. The moment they lay eyes on him, he's already got this good aura around him and then he opens his mouth to sing and it's over for everyone. He has the qualities of a person that is likeable.

“You've met plenty of women in your life, Hee,” you laughed. “Especially being a male idol. You have a huge audience and the majority of them are women. I'm pretty sure you know that you are one of the very likeable men out there.”

“I appreciate that you think I'm likeable, but I can't just flirt with your sisters to make them like me!” He argued playfully. “Jagiya, do you think I annoy them?”

“For what?”

“For calling them all the time to teach me how to cook your dinner,” he explained. “Oh my god! What if noona thinks I'm annoying?”

“I'm pretty sure that's cute to them,” you chuckled, patting his knee to calm him down. “They like you, Hee. There's nothing to sweat about.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

–

“Hello, my baby!” Chaewon happily goes over to you to hug you before stepping aside to let Kahuza and Eunchae literally pounce into you to give you a hug, Yunjin follows suit before greeting Heeseung. Sakura does not give you anything less than that before fist bumping Heeseung. By this time, you’ve already gone back to your apartment to freshen up and get ready for your next agenda.

“We already ordered, by the way,” Yunjin declares. “Oh, Heeseung, I asked Y/N, your order. I hope she got it right?”

“I'll eat anything,” he replies shyly.

“Please order anything you like if I got your order wrong. I asked all your members a while ago about your food preferences because you never told me anything and you always just ate exactly the same thing I usually eat.”

Yunjin watched the conversation intently. Heeseung always looked at you with eyes no one could dim and good Lord. If that isn't love, then she does not know what is. 

“You ate an unfamiliar order a while ago,” he reminds you. “I'll do the same to return the favor.”

“Stop being cute, I might throw up,” Sakura joked across from you. “Is she being hard to live with, Heeseung?” 

“Aside from the fact that she takes her sweet time getting ready and does not like getting up early,” Heeseung started. “I think she's okay to live with.”

“Do you like unnie?” Eunchae blurts out, chin resting on her hands as she smiles at Heeseung innocently.

“Eunchae!” You didn’t mean to raise your voice, Eunchae seemed to know that already that’s why she bursted out laughing at everybody’s reaction because there was a lasting shocked face in Sakura’s face while Kazuha was laughing along with her, implying that she was in on the joke. Chaewon who was sitting next to Eunchae managed to playfully slap the younger’s arm in shock. And Yunjin… the ever so theatrical member, managed to choke on her water, when she heard Eunchae’s question.

“I don’t have a good enough reason not to like someone like Y/N,” Heeseung replied confidently. His chin even lifted a bit as he maintained eye contact with Eunchae as if convincing her to believe him. 

The next thing you knew your heart was skipping beats as you watched him and Eunchae banter. You didn’t want to believe it because ultimately, the cameras are on and the mic can hear everything he’s saying right now… but he’s sounding a little too convincing and you don’t know how to feel about it. 

“You didn’t have to go through all that banter with Manchae,” you whispered to him as soon as you felt him reach for your hand from under the table. “You don’t have to convince them.”

“I wanted to,” he replied coolly, fiddling with the rings on your fingers. “I want to convince them.”

“What for?” You asked as you watched him slide off the silver band from your middle finger to your ring finger. Your eyes followed the tiny little diamond encrusted on the top of your grandmother’s silver wedding band that she’s given you as a gift for your birthday a few months back. 

To say that your heart was exploding was an understatement. You felt everything and anything all at once. You had to hold your breath and blink a couple of times to hold back your tears as he aligned it properly before he glanced at you. 

“Because a husband must always prove that he is in love with his wife,” he replies before poking your cheek.

—

Somehow the conversation with Heeseung during that dinner never left you. You never got confirmation if he meant what he said or if he only did that because he knew the cameras were watching. In all honesty, you just want to believe it because it would hurt so much to hear that it isn’t real.

You liked Heeseung.

You were tired of denying it and sitting in front of your desk trying to get your little passion project song done has never felt more real as you try to justify that it's a normal thing to fall in love with people like Heeseung. It's his day job to make girls fall in love with him and you were a willing victim to his charm. Weirdly enough, you wouldn't have it in any other way.

You only have seven more days with Heeseung before you go back home and only go to the studio to film the confessionals. You're not even sure if you'll see him there but you want to. You don't want this to end. 

You still want someone to reach for when the movie gets too sad. You still want someone to hold your hand when you're tired. You still want someone to care for you whenever you don't feel like eating or when you're sick—but the thing is, you've had all of these before Heeseung. 

Heeseung has done a great job making it comfortable for both of you and you especially by providing everything that you're used to when you're in your dorms. He mimicked everything he could just to make sure that you were comfortable with him. But now that the end is near, you suppose you were too comfortable.

So now you're texting Yunjin, while holding back tears as you send her the demo version of your song after a long dreadful writer's block.

—

“Are you ready to meet them?” You asked Heeseung as he entered the car after you.

“Can you guys stop being cute, it’s gross,” Beomgyu rolled his eyes before crawling inside the car and squeezing himself between the both of you. “You have to ask the hand of her older brother first, Heeseung. Have you got no manners?”

“You are so annoying,” Heeseung rolled his eyes at him, holding back a laugh at how unserious his best friend was. 

“You married my other best friend, imagine how that feels for me!” Beomgyu argued. “And if you’re going to argue about how this shouldn’t be that big of a deal for me, I’m here to tell you that it is. Because it’s gross to see the both of you together and we’ve been friends for long enough to guarantee my invitation to her wedding and I was not even informed that it’s going to be with you!”

“Calm down, oh my god!” You slapped his shoulder to hold him back from nagging Heeseung any more. 

Your actions might not seem like it but you were grateful the production staff agreed that it was a great idea to bring Beomgyu along since, essentially, this whole man-child has treated you like family and your family did the same to him. And if they really wanted to sell the ‘meeting the family’ fantasy that they’ve been conceptualizing as your marriage soon reaches its conclusion, they must go all the way. Alas, Beomgyu is here. Lodged in between you and Heeseung because apparently, it’s gross to see your two best friends get married for a tv show. 

“You are an entire challenge to get through,” Heeseung murmured as he poked on Beomgyu’s side to annoy him even more. 

“Imagine the interrogation I can put you through if you keep acting up, Heeseung!” Beomgyu threatened him, eyes widening as he jokingly peered over Heeseung. “I am the favorite friend and there’s no topping that. I can put you through hours of interrogation with just one bad mouth.”

“I swear to everything good, if the both of you don’t shut up the entire ride I’m throwing you off this car.”

The both of them seemed to get the message when they looked back at you before quietly tugging on the seat belt to fit them before the car started. The car ride was relatively quiet, aside from the occasional banter that you had no problems whatsoever breaking up immediately before it got too serious, it was peaceful. Even the driver insisted on putting on some music just so it wouldn’t be too quiet whenever the two had to shut up for the sake of your sanity.

-

You can't help but put out a huge sigh  when you reach your grandparents home. You had explained to your grandmother last night the arrangements with Heeseung and that it was only for the tv show and you wouldn't have married someone you don't know beforehand. Contrary to what you formerly believed, your grandmother had a good laugh last night about the concept of the show and found it funny to keep it a secret from your grandfather for the meantime and surprise him about your marriage when you arrive.

“Y/N!” Your grandfather happily waddles to your car as soon as you step out of the vehicle, your grandmother slowly following him. The old man happily pulls you into a hug doing a little dance as he turns you around before he notices Beomgyu and does the same with him. “Beomgyu!”

“Who is this fine gentleman, Y/N!” Your grandmother smirked as soon as he noticed Heeseung smiling at the both of them shyly. It was so weird seeing him look so shy. He looked like he was screaming for help and he had to wipe his palms that began sweaty profusely the moment he heard your grandfather's voice. 

“Good morning, Sir Y/G/N and Ma’am Y/GM/N, I am Lee Heeseung from Enhypen. I come from the same company as your granddaughter and we're filming a show today which…” Oh dear heavens. Heeseung had it all practiced before he even got in the car. He practiced it in the mirror this morning, even practiced his speech with you before leaving the apartment but now he couldn't remember anything. Not a single thing on how he can properly break it to your grandfather that you got married for a variety show.

“Grandpa, Heeseung is my husband—”

“Excuse me?” Your grandfather looked like he was about to have a heart attack with the sudden news. “Does your mother know? Did any of your parents know? How could your company let you do this? Y/N! You're only 21!”

Your grandmother was taking it all in her to hold back from bursting out in laughter, holding on to Beomgyu as he does the same. Heeseung on the other hand, didn't look any better than your grandfather. He looked like he was going to pass out in fear with how your grandfather is reacting to all of this right now.

“Eomma knew it,” you joked. “Jen told her.”

“Yunjin told your mother? You couldn't even tell your mother yourself?”

“It's for the tv show only, grandpa,” Beomgyu bursted out in laughter as soon as your grandma signalled him to tell him already. She knew you were going to play it for as long as you could because the mischievous child that you are. 

“It's not real? You did not sign anything?”

“Just the contract for the show and an NDA that I'm not going to talk about until it's aired,” you laughed at him as the old dog let out a sigh of relief. 

“Why do you always do this to me?” he huffed as you looked back at your grandma, who planned it all. “Of course it was your idea!” 

“Well, Mr. Heeseung,” he smiled at the younger. “I am glad that you wanted to meet us even if this marriage is not for real.”

“I am actually from Uiwang-si too,” Heeseung replies politely before he finally comes out of the car to bow down to your grandparents. “I am very honored to get to meet you, sir.”

You all gasped in surprise when Heeseung, in his light brown pants, went down on the grass to kneel and bow to your grandparents. “Thank you for bringing Y/N mother into this world, without her the world would’ve never seen how talented of a person she is.”

“Please get up there, son,” your grandfather laughed, helping him get up and dust the specks of dirt on his clothes. “Come inside.”

You laughed as you approached Heeseung, Beomgyu managing to distract your grandparents with his excitement for your grandmother’s food. 

“Your hands are very sweaty,” you laughed at him, as you grabbed his hand to walk him in your grandparents’ home. “Were you that nervous?”

“I think I lost my heartbeat for a good 30 seconds when you broke it out like that,” he whined. “Good graces, I thought he was going to kill me!”

“He’s a cool grandpa,” you laughed. “Even if we did get married for real, he still would’ve accepted you. He has no room for resentment.”

“Heeseung, come here! We have Y/N middle school pictures, come look!” Beomgyu laughed from the door, holding up an old photo album that you recognize to be yours and your little brother’s that your grandmother made from the pictures that your mom sent them when you were back in New York. 

“Those are horrendous, put it back, idiot!” You yelled at him, dragging Heeseung inside before you ran towards Beomgyu to take the photobook away. “You are an insufferable little bitch, Beomgyu, oh my God, put it back!”

Heeseung took a look at the place while you and Beomgyu quarrel over the photobook. 

“Come here, Heeseung,” your grandfather called him over the piano on the corner of the living room. It was no secret that your family did have a wealthy background. After all, after a little more research under his belt, your family did own a successful business in the engineering field both in the country and in the US. It was sort of surprising to find that out, considering your modest way of living in the apartment with him. “Loosen up, kid. I’m not going to bite you.”

“Sorry,” he chuckled nervously still. “It’s the first time I’m meeting someone’s family.”

“You’ve met your members’ families, I’m sure,” your grandfather quips. “What’s the difference now? Y/N is your colleague just as much as they are.”

Heeseung thought of it well and hard even though it came out hard with you and Beomgyu still running around the house fighting over the photobook. His eye caught a picture of you dancing in a ballet tutu with a tambourine in one hand.

“That’s La Esmeralda,” your grandfather tells him when he notices the younger one staring at it. “She’s been dancing that variation since before she could wear pointe shoes. On her first birthday, her grandma put those ballet slippers in front of her at the last minute because Y/N’s mother used to dance ballet too. It used to be her whole life. She did nothing but dance but then decided that she was done and went straight into managing the family business. Y/N eyed those slippers before she was allowed to even pick and the moment she’s allowed, she grabbed onto it so fast and refused to give back that singular slipper.”

“She’s never looked back since. She would sleep in those ballet slippers as a baby. She was obsessed with it. Then one day this recruitment woman came to her after her dance recital and then it clicked something in her the same way engineering switched inside of her mother. In a blink of an eye, our Y/N didn’t want to be a ballerina anymore. She wanted to sing and you would think that four fruitless years of training would bring her back—but that kid never knows when to give up. The moment she decides something—call it a done deal, she will find a way to have that no matter what. When she loves, she loves it wholly and with everything that she has, even if it takes a lot of time to get there.”

Heeseung couldn’t admire the determination that you had as she looked at the years of ballet pictures that you had since you were in diapers. Some were even photos of you dancing with your mother. You really were a woman of your words… which… well… if weeks ago he wasn’t sure if he was in love with you… now he’s sure of it.

“Now, I don’t know your intentions with my granddaughter,” your grandfather continues, reaching for Heeseung’s shoulder as he pats it. “But whatever you do, I hope you don’t break something in her that will lose that determination, especially her ability to give as much love as she can. Because I don’t know who my granddaughter would still be if she loses that.”

Heeseung had no intention of hurting you. If he has to stay away from you just to make sure that it doesn’t reach the point of breaking you in that case, then he will even if it would feel like burning him alive. He’s never met anyone quite like you before—someone so open but so mysterious at the same time. It’s like he knew everything about you because you had no problem sharing it but still, there’s always more to you than what you’d tell.

“Yeobo, Heeseung, food is ready!” Your grandmother calls, making the both of you turn towards the entrance to the kitchen.

You and Beomgyu were busy placing the food and the plates on the table. You were like a kid again, arguing with your brother and then making up the next moment to get ready for food. You looked so relaxed and carefree around here than when you were in Seoul.

Heeseung was convinced he’s never seen you eat this much before. He just knows you’ll complain about how you’ll need to go to the gym first before going home just to burn everything you consumed today or your trainer would be a bitchy bunch when she notices your sudden weight gain. He hated that it’s the way that it is, but after a few arguments about her over worrying about it, he’s finally come into the acceptance that it’s the price they all pay for their dreams and no matter how fucked up that is—while someone has to go and change that ideal—it’s how it is right now.

It’s like watching you be another version of yourself that’s still you. Because everything you are is still the same, but more alive… and if he hasn’t admitted to himself, yet. Holy shit, he is in love and his heart skips eight beats every time you look at him with your pretty eyes that look like you’re convincing him to treat you like a baby every time you do. And for the longest time, he thought love looked like something else… he’s not quite sure what they’re supposed to look like but he definitely did not expect love to look… exactly like you.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Beomgyu shrugs as he tosses Heeseung the can of beer as they sit on the rooftop of the apartment building that they sent you and Heeseung in.

“What the fuck are you talking about,” Heeseung shrugged.

“Everyone can see it, idiot,” Beomgyu laughed, hitting the back of his head. “Everyone knows you guys actually fell in love but none of you care enough to admit it.”

“Like it’s even possible to admit that,” Heeseung chuckled bitterly, opening the can before chugging down on the alcohol. “Can you imagine the amount of protest trucks they’re going to send in front of the building if they find out? They’re going to block the streets. Worse case scenario they’re going to send Y/N death threats. I don’t think I have the stomach to instigate that.”

“So you care about her?” Beomgyu pressed.

“You care about Y/N and I don’t question you like this!”

“Because when the topic of protest trucks being sent to the building came when she debuted and everyone was planning on the PR to make sure that our image does not get perceived as a threat to the fans, Y/N and I just laughed it out and called bullshit,” Beomgyu explained. “Even the idea of getting death threats did not faze her. We never cared if people called our friendship something else. But you seem to care more than that, so it’s different.”

Heeseung fell silent. What’s the point of hiding it from Beomgyu anyway? He’s known him and you since before you and Y/N even met. If there’s anyone that will sense it, it’s going to be him.

“I’ve signed more NDAs than brand deals, to be honest,” Beomgyu continued. “I don’t mind signing another if it means you guys are going to stop acting like fools about this. Even the Le Sserafim girls are literally okay with it. It’s possible. You just have to want it.”

“Do you know how far fetched it is to say that I actually had the chance to actually fall in love with Y/N?” Heeseung started. “I literally liked her since the day I laid eyes on her to the point that I used to get so jealous that you get to have that relationship with her and I don’t.”

“It sounds stupid, really,” Beomgyu laughed before taking a sip of his beer. 

“It doesn’t even feel real that I said okay to this fucking show without knowing that she’ll be my wife for 30 days! Are you getting this? It’s like the universe just gave me a chance and I don’t even know how to go about it now! I’m not even sure if she feels the same way!”

“Oh trust me, she does.”

“God. It’s like the world is asking me to give up on everything I ever worked so hard for to be able to actually experience being in love!” He cried. “And it fucking knows that I will but I don’t want to hurt her like that.”

“That sounds to me like you’re the only one here that’s afraid of the hate,” Beomgyu shrugged. “Because knowing Y/N, she would walk in front of those protest trucks and would possibly take a selfie with it if she’s feeling like it. She knows her worth so much that she’d bring coffee for the protesters because it’s hot outside.”

“That woman has loose screws in her head, she turns absolutely unhinged once she’s put her mind into something,” He continued. “I know it’s weird that a girl with eating schedule problems can be that tough, but she is.”

Heeseung lets out a big sigh as he watches Beomgyu stand in front of him. 

“So now, I should ask you,” he trails off. “Are you willing to love my best friend with everything that you have inside you and nothing less? Because if no, you should really just stop being so damn unnecessarily romantic with her when the cameras are not on. That woman is going to love you wholly and nothing else if she decides that she does, and you have to make it clear if you’re going to meet her halfway or not because you’re not going to like what you’re going to hear from me and Yunjin if you lead her on, Heeseung.”

“Why does that sound like a threat?” Heeseung asked to diffuse the tension but Beomgyu, so serious all of sudden, did not back down.

“Because it is a threat, Hee,” he quips before going back to his seat. “You have 5 more days to tell her how you feel before the show ends. When you’re clear on where the both of you stand, tell us. And we’ll take whatever steps we must take.”

—

“Jagiya?” Heeseung called as he stumbled inside of the apartment. “Jagiya?”

You turn to look at Heeseung’s miserable state, leaning against the wall next to the door, shocked that he even managed to get this wasted after he fully refused to drink with you and Beomgyu when you were in your grandparents’ house.

“I thought you only had beer when you went up?” You asked as you scurried over him, immediately helping the poor boy get back up on his feet and into the dining room chair. “Where’s Beomgyu?”

“Manager… picked him up…” He drawled as he rested his head on his hands while his elbows were on the table, smiling stupidly at you as he watched you scramble in the kitchen to get him anything that might help his state. 

“What else did you drink?” You asked as you slid a glass of water in front of him, urging him to drink.

“Beomgyu… that sneaky little bitch… brought… um… that green—”

“Soju?”

“Yes! You’re so smart!” He laughed, clapping his hands happily. You couldn’t help but laugh at his stupid state. How can he even drink this much without thinking of the consequences after?

“Well, finish this already,” you told him, picking up the glass of water to help him drink. 

And just after he’s steady enough to stand up with your help, he bolts to the bathroom and hurls. 

“I’m pretty sure, you’re not going to be drinking a lot more often after this, no?” you asked him as you helped him sit up against the tile wall after he was done. “Come on, let’s clean you up.”

You got up and found a wash cloth that you drenched in warm water from the tap before ringing it. You managed to clean most of his limbs up, but there was some vomit on his shirt that you had to clean up before you let him sleep because that would be awfully disgusting. 

“Can you clean yourself?” you asked, trying to see if he was functional enough to at least change his clothes. 

“I actually like having my wife take care of me like this,” he giggled giddily. “So nice and so caring.”

You shrugged at his drunken state before getting up. 

“Noooo…” He whined, grabbing onto your ankle to keep you from going. “Don’t leave me!”

“I’m just going to get you a new shirt, Heeseung,” you laughed at him, bending down to take his hand off your ankle. “Wait here.”

You went up to his room to retrieve a shirt when you found his phone ringing. A number you recognized to be your grandfather’s. You didn’t want to invade his privacy so instead you took it and allowed it to ring until you were back in the bathroom where Heeseung sat with his long legs straight in front of him, lazily leaning against the tile wall.

“Who is it?”

“Grandpa,” you replied nervously. “Why is he calling you at this time of the day? Shouldn’t he be asleep?”

“I don’t know!” he claims before you answer the phone and put it on a loudspeaker. 

“Heeseung, son?”

“Yes, Grandpa?” he answered politely, trying his best to sound normal. 

“I just realized that I forgot to tell you that I think you are good for Y/N,” your grandpa exhaled. “And wherever your relationship goes after your tv show, I hope you guys stay good friends. You are good for Y/N. And I can also tell that you like her because no one gets that nervous when meeting your friend’s grandparents. I hope you stop denying that.”

“Umm…” Heeseung trailed off, not knowing what to say. He looked up at you to ask for help but you seemed to be in a panic too. 

“Just say thank you!” you mouthed at him in a panic, not wanting to reveal that you have been hearing the conversation all along.

“Thank you, grandpa,” he says, following exactly what you told him to. 

“Well, it’s getting late. I should rest. Please tell Y/N I said good night and good night to you too, Heeseung. Please take care of my granddaughter.”

“Good night, grandpa,” he said before the call was dropped. “Oh my god, I think that just sobered me up!”  he laughed slightly before wincing, making him lean back down on the tile wall to support his head.

“No, it didn’t,” you shrugged at him before kneeling next to him. “Can you take your shirt off, so you can change?”

He carefully tugs on his shirt to pull it off before handing it to you. In exchange, you gave him the fresh shirt that you got from his room. It was surprising that he didn’t fuss about it so you decided to take advantage of his compliant state and went over to the kitchen to grab a chair and put it next to his sink. You weren’t sure if he had anything on his agenda tomorrow, but are you really going to let him out tomorrow looking like a dehydrated piece of vegetable after all he drank with your best friend? Maybe you cared enough about Heeseung to not let him do that to himself.

“What’s that for?”

“Get up, I’m not letting you skip your skincare,” you replied in a duh tone while you helped him get up from the floor to his seat on the chair. “Sit properly.”

“You are crazy,” he laughed, as he patiently does what you tell him. 

“You like me though,” you replied condescendingly.

He chuckled before responding, “I actually do.”

“Tell me that again when you’re sober, alright?” you tell him before squirting some of his cleanser on your hands and lathering it on his face. 

“Come here,” he chuckled smugly as he gently placed both his hands on either of your sides to pull you closer to him, making you sit on his lap. “You heard it from your grandpa, jagiya.”

“But you’re only admitting it now that you’re off your face,” you replied to him patiently, as you kept on rubbing the cleanser over his face. “If you really mean it, you won’t have a problem saying it again when you’re not intoxicated.”

You continued doing his skincare sitting on his lap in silence.

“I don’t want you to think that I’m only doing this because I’m drunk because I am willing to tell you the same thing over and over again tomorrow when I’m not in this state.” He tells you. “Saying that I like you is an understatement because doing this show with you really just intensified what I already had for you years ago. I can’t explain to anyone enough how I almost passed out when I found out that it was going to be you to do this show with me.”

“You can ask Jay and everyone else. Because they knew—well, they sensed it because I couldn’t get myself to admit it for the longest time. But right now? I don’t think that I can let you go anymore now that I’ve got to experience all these with you.” Heeseung added. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he sighed, bringing a hand over to your face to wipe the tears that you didn’t know had already escaped your eye. “I’m so in love with you and it sucks that they put people in situations like this to fall in love and separate them after—but I’m going to work hard to turn this to our favor once it’s over, okay?”

“Please keep your word, Hee,” you mumbled quietly. “I need you to keep your word because I don’t mind doing the same.”

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You were up bright and early the next morning to get Heeseung a hangover drink and some soup because it wouldn’t be logical to buy any more stocks when you’ll be moving out less than 5 days from now. The camera crew will be there in a few hours so you really had to wake Heeseung up as soon as you get home or he’ll run late for filming if he doesn’t

“You didn’t have to do this, Y/N.” He mumbled as soon as he was down on the table enjoying his soup.

You don’t know why it did, but it stung to hear him call you by your name after confessing last night and getting you used to being called jagiya. You shouldn’t have let yourself fall for it, he was off his face after all. Why did you even consider believing it in the first place?

“I had to,” you mumbled quietly. “You looked helpless last night. It’s actually surprising you still woke up this early.”

“Y/N?”

“What?” You lamented. Hearing it the first time was stung, for the second time? You wanted to cry in humiliation for assuming that he meant what he said. God it felt like the same way Minji broke it to you that she was moving to Ador after promising you that she’ll always stick around—and you couldn’t blame her. You couldn’t blame anyone because at the end of the day you both had dreams and you can’t demand anyone to stay for your comfort. Not in that competitive environment. 

“Why are you so quiet?” he asked. “I’m sorry for the bother last night.”

“I wish you weren’t sorry about it though,” you replied honestly. “That makes me feel like everything you said was a mistake.”

“Oh!” He almost spins after you jog his memory. “Jagiya, I meant everything I said!”

“Then why are you calling me by my name all of a sudden? God, if this is a joke to you, Heeseung, I might as well walk away right now, because I can’t let you do that to me,” you rambled. 

“Okay, let’s calm down first,” Heeseung sighs heavily.

“Don’t sigh like that!” you snapped at him, making him break into a soft chuckle.

“I was waiting until you’re done with your coffee before I tell you,” he laughed softly, before walking over to your side of the table. “You’re a little snappy before your coffee. So I was waiting for you to finish that first and then I will tell you how you are the most beautiful person in the world and I am so in love with you, I’ll fight Bang PD-nim even for a slight chance to hold your hand on camera after this show is over.”

You couldn’t help but cry even more after you realized that you have overreacted over the situation. 

“I hate you,” you sobbed as Heeseung tried to contain his laughter out of awe as he wrapped his arms around you.

“And I am so in love with you for it,” he continued laughing.

–

“What’s on the agenda today?” you asked the production manager as they set up the cameras inside of your home. 

“Well,” the production manager smiled at you, “We have a surprise for the both of you today.”

“Oh?” Heeseung quips, head peeking through the bathroom door while he was brushing his teeth. 

“We have your members with us today,” they tell you before the door bursts open and your groups’ members enter the home one by one, crowding your living room faster than you’ve ever seen before.

“Hi!” You jumped happily, throwing yourself over to Yunjin when she entered the room, wrapping your legs around her as you happily squealed.

“Well, they’re reunited,” Jay laughed as the camera panned over to you and Yunjin, still screaming happily. 

“What? What’s on the schedule today?”

“Well, you will have a virtual marriage ceremony in Everland,” they announced. “When you were in the cafe when you guys first met, we asked you to draw your dream fairytale wedding. We were quite impressed with the design that Y/N made that we started questioning if we could do it. But we managed! So, we're all going to the Hybe building today, get everyone ready and we'll be on our way for the big event.”

You couldn't contain your excitement as they handed you an iPad with a picture of a fully realized version of your dress sketch from that day that they asked you to. You didn't think too much of it back then and really just drew your fantasy, you didn't expect that they'd actually use that in real life. 

–

Soon enough the parade was in full swing, people were starting to gather around as soon as they noticed who was sitting on the huge carousel float and the convertible cars behind. Your members were dressed as princesses too, Heeseung's were dressed as knights.

People were squealing as they watched you and Heeseung interact with the kids in the crowd. You were dancing and playing with the bubble machines they gave you early on. 

To be frank, it made you feel like a kid again. You didn't get to experience a lot of it when you were a kid because you were always busy with dancing and even when you became an adult, you still barely had time to go. You couldn't believe that you were there on the carriage, being looked up to by the babies and kids that were probably there for the first time. You hoped that they were getting the fun that they were meant to experience being in a theme park. 

“Y/N!” The crowd cheered your name as you turned to them and gave them a little dance. 

Heeseung watched you fondly from the side. He couldn't help but notice how natural your presence were, especially around kids. You looked so happy, your smile was brighter than he's ever seen. 

“Lee Heeseung! Is she beautiful?” A kid yelled from his direction, making you look over the kid and then to your partner. You thought he'd deflect it, anything he would say or do right now will be held against him by his begrudging fans. You would understand if he did. 

But instead Heeseung crossed his arms at the kid and asked him back, “Have you seen a woman more beautiful than her?”

You couldn't stop yourself from blushing, even attempting to hide your face in one of the posts, making the crowd laugh at your cute reaction. 

“Aigoo,” he cooed, walking over you and hugging you from behind, once again making the crowd roar as he laughed at how shy you were getting. 

Just then, the float started moving again. By then you were too shy to even move from your position, leaving Heeseung with no choice but to take your hands off the post and use it to do a little cute dance infront of everyone. 

You were laughing uncontrollably, you face was crimson through the make up on your face and you were sure your face would be all over the internet when you go home later but you couldn’t seem to be worried about that right now. All your mind was on trying to stabilize yourself in front of the people once again.

“Are you okay now?” he asked, fixing a stray hair that slipped out of your perfectly pinned hair. “You're not very red anymore.” He points it out, carefully dabbing a paper towel that the staff handed him moments ago on your forehead while chuckling lightly. 

“You're saying it like it wasn't your fault,” you rolled your eyes at him playfully, softly hitting his shoulder. 

“Come dance with me,” he grinned, reaching for both of your hands and interlocking them behind his neck before placing his on your waist. The both of you pranced around the lively music as the float moved to it's next spot. 

Asking you to dance was Heeseung's way of concealing the fact that he was about to drop dead out of nervousness for what he's about to do. In the briefing a while ago, while they were getting ready to go to Everland, he was asked if he wanted to do something special, considering that the two of you only have less than a week before the filming of the show is over. After being egged on by his members to do a cute proposal, he agreed that it would be cute and would make the experience more special for you. 

“You're having so much fun, no?” he asked, as he spun you around, your dress flowing around you. You can hear the faint coos of your members from the next car, even laughs from Heeseung's teammates. 

“So much,” you replied as you attempted to do the same thing for him but the height difference made it much more difficult for him, bending his back more than he would usually do. 

He laughed at himself before grabbing you by the waist and spinning you around. 

Soon enough the float stops again and you notice everything starts to slow down a bit from what it used to. You looked around curiously, trying to figure out what was going on with the sudden change of tempo, but instead you find Heeseung down on one knee with a silver ring presented before you, before he proudly shouts out, just so everyone can hear it, “Y/L/N Y/N, will you marry me?”

The crowd roars all so suddenly after Heeseung says it, making you jump a bit from how loud it was. You could even hear Sunoo, Kazuha and Eunchae screaming a few feet away. You looked around, once again, and it was a fairytale. You don’t even know why no one has climbed up your float and grabbed you by the neck after seeing this unfold. The girls were out of the car now, they were happily jumping while Heeseung’s younger members cheered as loud as they could, even chanting some ship name you’ve only heard for the first time. 

Looking back at Heeseung, his eyes never looked so clear and so happy before. His smile made his face so insanely handsome, you began questioning if it was possible to fall in love with the same face twice and feel just as gobsmacked with how beautiful he was made. 

“Yes,” you laughed, awkwardly going down on your knees too. You don’t even know why you did but it felt right to just be there, on the same eye level with him. He laughed at your actions as he slipped the ring on your finger, next to your grandmother’s ring that you still kept to where he moved it. 

“Kiss her!” a kid yelled from the crowd, following an uproar of requests to do so. Of course it was not going to happen, but Heeseung did manage to sneak a soft kiss on the side of your head as the both of you posed for the people taking photos. 

You don’t even know how you’re going to recover from this. You were smiling and dancing all throughout the rest of the parade, but deep inside, you were hoping that Heeseung stays true to his word because there is no way that you were going to be able to live normally after this. There was no way that after filming this show, you would be able to show up in the same music shows acting like this man never made you question your capabilities for love. 

You were in too deep, you don’t even know how you’ll manage to ever be the same after this. And it wasn’t like you. You were resilient. You knew how to withstand the adversities that came in your life.

But what if it’s not so much of an adversity? What if it was love? How were you ever going to endure that?

After all of you were worn down by excitement and thrill from hopping from one ride to another in the park, you were later informed to rest early after the group dinner, as you will be back in the studio to record your special performance song for the music show that will be aired once the variety show airs. The song would be yet to be decided but you were pretty sure it would be heavily discussed over dinner. So you just decided to go with what everyone thinks would sell the most.

You weren’t quite sure how to feel by then. You were tired and your thoughts plagued you over and over whenever you had your silent moments. You couldn’t believe it. In 4 more days, you will be separated from Heeseung. 

“Are you okay?” Heeseung asked, as he reached for your hand. “You’re very quiet.”

“Just tired,” you replied shortly. “I’m okay.”

Heeseung didn’t buy your excuse, but he held onto your hand still, hoping that it would give you some sense of comfort to whatever might be bothering you. You had a long day and tomorrow and the following days would be as well considering that they are now asking you to record and perform a song for the last episode, which he hasn’t even experienced, but is already breaking him inside to think about. 

He doesn’t even want to think about what song he would perform, in high hopes that he could avoid it that way despite knowing the inevitability of it. But what’s wrong with a little blind hope, no?

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You sat there inside of the studio as you watched Heeseung record his part of the song, Accidentally In Love.

It didn't feel real that you and Heeseung have to get this all done in a matter of 3 days. It only feels like yesterday when your girls were only convincing you to do this—now, you're four days away from parting ways. And you managed to fall in love with someone you barely knew for less than a month, and him likewise. 

Do it for the plot they said. 

No matter where this road may take you and Heeseung, things will never be the same for you. You can never tell how it will be for him—but for you? A piece of you will never recover from this. A piece of you will always remember the shape of his body next to you or the way his perfume smells or the way the palm of his hands molds perfectly into yours. Nothing can make you not remember those things now. And if it doesn't end well… then you guess the only comfort left is that you'll see him around. You can pretend that things are okay—and that it's all a performance because that's what you do, you perform.

It's one sick and twisted performance. But at least… you got to experience it, no?

“Jagiya, it's your turn!” Heeseung happily exits the booth and reaches for the notebook in front of you where you had taken notes from your vocal coach earlier. 

He was actually surprised how detailed your notes were. At this age, he wouldn't think someone would still be this serious about taking coaching, especially since you've been a trainee and an idol for years now. Somehow, even though it wasn't a question before, it made sense that you were your company's golden child—you were dedicated to your craft and was always open to improving anything, and you always come through with the best results. Years ago, Heeseung thought it was not worth his dreams to pursue any girl. But you're Y/N. You are way out of his league. And you are in love with him. It would be blasphemous to not take the risk for his dream girl. He doesn't have it in him to waste that.

“You two are really comfortable,” your coach chuckled at the both of you. “Young love.”

You and Heeseung looked at each other, shocked at what your coach just said. The woman laughed payfully at your surprised faces, “It would take a person to be braindead to not notice how in love the both of you are. I can hear it, even if you don’t say it directly. I can see it, just by the mere look in your young faces. And the air got disgustingly sweet the moment you two stepped in this studio.”

You glanced at the camera, but the man behind shook his head to tell you that he wasn’t recording. You don’t wish to ruin your career, as much as you love Heeseung but you were going to take the risk and believe the cameraman that he wasn’t recording when you said it, “You think so?”

“My husband looked at me like that when we were younger,” she smiled, grabbing her phone from the soundboard and unlocking her phone to show you her screensaver. It was a photo of her and her husband, with their two sons. One was a little over three years old and the other looked like he was just a year old. “Now he’s taught our boys to look at me the same way. It pays to marry men who truly make you happy and would do anything to keep you that way.”

Heeseung wondered if he did that to you—if he made you happy. Because he wants to do that. He wants to be the person that you’ll think of wanting to come home to or at least for where they are right now, someone you’ll be excited to call after a busy day. He wants to be the person that you’ll want to reach for when things get heavy or if you want to celebrate even the tiniest things. He wants to be your person. He wants to be present for you.

“I must be lucky then,” you joked. Half-meant though. 

“Only one of the very few who are,” she chuckled, reaching for your arm to give you a little squeeze. “If they tell you to enjoy your youth first, tell them it’s even more enjoyable to do it together. Don’t let them get to you, okay?”

–

“Tired?” Heeseung asked as soon as you rest your head on his shoulder only seconds after he’s settled next to you inside the car. 

“Yeah,” you respond quietly, trying to get a few minutes of rest before you are home. “We had to polish the choreography for the comeback next week after our rehearsals. The steps were pretty fast and detailed.”

“I know you’ll do great next week.”

“We’re not going home to the same place, next week,” you mumbled sadly. 

“I’ll watch you still,” he reassures, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head. “I will always watch you and think you’re doing great.”

–

“The two of you are going to be allowed to start packing up your things tonight,” they told you as you tried to hold your breath to keep yourself from breaking down. 

You were exhausted. After your performance in MBC’s music show, you had to follow through your original schedule with your group to rehearse for your comeback show which was draining with the amount of criticism you had to receive from how distracted you seemed the entire time. 

Judging from how quiet Heeseung was being, you knew he had a long day too and you didn’t want to add up to it by telling him and allowing it to weigh him down even more. 

“I need to talk to you, Y/N, before you go,” your manager called before you could stand up and gather your things from the green room. 

You nodded and followed her outside to the other makeup room so that you may be able to speak in private.

“Are you and Lee Heeseung together?” she asked sternly as soon as you shut the door after you.

You looked at her in shock, wondering if you were too obvious about it or if she could read your mind. 

“What do you mean?”

“I need you to not play dumb with me, Y/N.” She tells you, the atmosphere getting thicker around the both of you, making your heart pound against your chest. 

“I don’t know…”

The older woman seemed to notice the fear in your energy, making her regret the harsh tone she used on you almost immediately. The woman softened as soon as she noticed your eyes glossing as you looked at her.

“Y/N,” she sighed. “I need to know it if you want me to help you.”

You let out a deep breath that you didn’t notice you were holding. Along with it, came with the rest of your tears as you slid down on the floor, crying. 

You don’t even know why you started to cry. Was it a relief? Was it because you knew this was going to bring trouble to your group? What is because you could put Heeseung’s career in jeopardy? God, a few days ago you were so sure that you were going to power through this with Heeseung? Yesterday, you were so sure that you could do this—but now? You don’t know where it all went. You don’t know how to feel.

It was the first time you felt as such. It was the first time that you had to admit that you were not sure how to go about something that you wanted so badly because this time, it wasn’t just you. It’s Heeseung’s career and his life that’s on the line too. And you don’t know if you can do that to him.

“Y/N,” your manager called softly, helping you up and ushering you to sit on one of the chairs. “Are you and Heeseung together? I’m not going to be mad at you or him. I just need to know. I want you to be happy.”

“I don’t know what we are,” you confessed. “We’ve only established liking each other, but other than that, I don’t even know where we stand.”

“Thank you for telling me, darling,” she tells you while squeezing your hand to calm you down. “After this, I’m going to sit you and the girls down on how to go about this behind the media, okay?”

She helped you look less miserable when you went out by giving you your baseball cap and a facemask before exiting the building to get to your ride home. 

“Please eat dinner and pack your things, okay?” she reminds you one last time before closing the door after you. 

—

“Hee,” you called Heeseung as soon as you saw him exit the bathroom, freshly showered.

“Yes?”

“Watch this with me,” you tell him, reaching for him to pull him faster next to the empty seat next to you. 

“What movie is it?”

“Serendipity,” you replied. “It’s my parents’ favorite movie.”

“Serendipity,” He sounded it out like a kid learning a new word for the first time. “What does it mean?”

“It’s destiny’s big fat joke to humankind,” you replied. “It’s when it gives you something really good you refuse to believe it’s real or you deserve it. But no matter how far the chances will take you, it will always find you.”

“I hope that’s what we’re experiencing right now,” he tells you before scooching closer to where you sat. 

“What if it’s not?”

“It wouldn’t change anything.” He smiles softly at you, face inching closer to yours. “Having to experience being this close to you, someone that I liked for years now—it’s something I would never get tired of bragging about to my members. And if it is and life goes well for the both of us, I’ll tell the story of the luckiest man alive whose chance presented itself in front of him to be in love with the most beautiful woman in the world. I’ll tell it as a bedtime story to our kids.”

“I don’t want this to end, Hee,” you hummed quietly. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not losing me,” he smiles at you as he rests his forehead against yours. “Or I’m going to lose my mind.”

Tears began falling from your eyes again before you could even stop yourself. You’ve already cried so many times today, you don’t even know where it’s coming from at this point. You thought by now, you’ve already cried every tear you had in your system but it doesn’t stop coming. 

This time, Heesueng couldn’t help but feel his heart clench at the sight of you being so anxious and broken over the thought of the both of them having to separate. He’s been having a hard time trying to brush it off because he didn’t want to show you how much it affected him out of fear that it would bear more weight on you. Jungwon has been trying to listen to him these past few nights, trying to comfort him that everything will eventually fall into place—Yeonjun and Yunjin made it work. He believes that you and him could work just as well. 

“What can I do to help you, jagiya?” he asked, running his knuckle softly across your face to wipe down the tears that stained your cheeks already. 

“Kiss me.”

You don’t know why you said it. You don’t even know what made you say it, but it felt right to ask him that. Somehow, you felt like being that close to him would make you feel comfortable. 

And Heeseung did not hesitate. The kiss was hot and heavy… and wet and sloppy. Your stomach began to tingle a bit, then even with the both of you sitting down, your knees felt like wobbling jelly. His open mouth, moving against yours made you weak. You were melting at the hot touch of the palm of his hands snaking its way from your cheek to the back of your head to pull you closer to him as if it was still humanly possible. It’s like you were floating and you don’t know when you started to feel weightless because moments ago, you felt like the weight of the world was weighing down on you. So weightless, you didn’t even notice Heeseung moved you to sit on his lap already.

“I’m so in love with you, jagiya,” he says, as soon as you pull away to breathe. “I’m so in love with you I can’t even explain how it feels to hold back.”

“Then don’t hold back,” you replied, pushing his chin up with your index finger to make him look up at you. “I don’t want you to hold back, Hee. Even just for tonight.”

“Jagiya,” he breathes heavily, physically restraining himself from bringing it any further but also failing as he chases your lips every time he feels like you are moving away. “You know it’s not that easy.”

“Please,” You pleaded, hands moving to reach for his hand before guiding it under your shirt and over the soft mound on your chest. He looked surprised at first that you weren’t wearing a bra underneath. God, he couldn’t help but feel himself get hard underneath you—he was almost embarrassed but you seemed to not mind, pressing yourself harder on him. 

“Are you sure you want this, jagi?” he asks one more time.

You nod.

“I need to hear you say it, jagi,” he tells you, his free hand moving to your face to move the stray hair on your face. “Say it to me, please?”

“Ruin me,” you tell him firmly, as you rest your forehead against him. “For everyone. I want you to make sure I’ll never be able to love anyone else but you.”

Something snapped inside of Heeseung. He cannot believe he’s hearing all these right now but he’s not complaining. He doesn’t have it in him—he’s just a man. Someone craving for closeness with someone he never thought he’d even come close with. 

He doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do right now, but it didn’t bother him one bit. You could be gone tomorrow and he’ll never get the chance to be this close to anyone. You could be just a mere memory to him before he notices it—would it be so bad to keep you this sweet in his memory? 

“I love you, Y/N.” He says before pressing a passionate kiss on yours once again. 

For once, you let yourself go. You let the feeling consume you—the lust and love. You let it hug you like it never has before. 

And if this is destiny’s sense of humor playing its trick on you. The joke is on them. Because you were not known to give up. You never wanted someone as much as you wanted Heeseung and you were going to have him—even if it meant looking at sasaengs dead in the eye while they wished for your untimely death.

—

a/n: 

I got carried away???? Omg???? It literally started when I saw a tiktok abt We Got Married when Joy and Sungjae were there and watched it and got inspired and the next thing I knew I was pushing to 40 pages into my google docs file 😃 Anyway!!! I have been very absent recently… due to a lot of causes (lol i got into another situationship and it didn’t end well again and i took it to heart even if it was my fault—also i’m in my last year of college I'm literally 😃😃 even finding time to rest is hard)

Anyway~ I hope you guys liked this one!!! Tell what you think here and if you want me to make blurbs from this fic in the future. 

Thank you for making it this far in the story hehe

xo, anya ୨୧

[anyalovesu]

𝓘 hope she's beautiful and sweet

ex!Ni-ki x artist!reader

—it’s the first christmas you're spending alone in the apartment that you will never share with your ex-boyfriend, Riki.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

genre : angst; lovers to exes

pairings : riki x gender neutral!reader

wc : 2.6k+ words

cw :

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ non-idol!au

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ mutual break-up

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ( ft. taki from &team )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ wrote this half drunk and half awake on christmas night, so if it's inconsistent im so sorry in advance

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ not proofread ( yet )

song : the apartment we won't share - niki (nicole , 2022 )

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

Holiday cheer from your neighbor faintly bled into your own apartment as you sat by the balcony, watching the Christmas glow from building to building. You honestly thought you’d be prepared to go through this without Riki. You’ve accepted that he’s moved on and what the both of you had for the past 3 years were only a distant memory now. You were okay with it. You swear by your judgment. It was a mutual decision to part ways since you both had different visions of what your future looked like—at least your timeline of it was. Maybe that’s why some of the sting from when you both talked about it still lingers. Because it still could’ve been done with the both of you. It still could’ve been you… but it was decided that it couldn’t be because of when you imagined it to happen. 

You turned to the glass door separating your balcony and your new apartment that you had just moved into. You found this place back when you were still with Riki. When you showed it to him, he thought it was nice too, even agreeing to move in with you when the lease of your old shared apartment ends. It was nice. It wasn’t like your old apartment, which mainly consisted of his gaming stuff and your art school stuff, it wasn’t extravagant. 

You were a broke art school student after all, and if it weren't for your parents’ great fortune, you’d definitely not survive living on your own. On the other hand, Riki was this computer engineering student that really, spent more time gaming and crammed all his plates 2 weeks before due, occasionally, he’d bribe one of his sisters to do it, promising them a good amount of money he earned from his streams to help him out. It wasn’t lavish, like the ones you both were used to when you both lived with your parents, but you both learned to make do of what you had and what you could afford. Some dinners, spam musubi was enough to fill your hearts, considering how much time it would take from your daily grinds to make food. The both of you would make so much spam musubi and save it in the fridge for the next dinners to come until there were no more left. It didn’t take a lot to make the both of you happy. 

Christmas would be a bit more fancy, sometimes with wagyu his parents would gift the both of you or some mac and cheese your mom would deliver over your home to make sure you wouldn’t be eating ramyeon on Christmas dinner. She wasn’t wrong though, you would have ramyeon if they wouldn’t force you to cook something else.

One time, Riki messed up the mashed potatoes, accidentally putting sugar instead of salt—it was horrendous, but you still ate it. Finished all of it, even. The both of you would rather be caught dead than to be left with wasted food. You valued your little fortunes more than disposal of food that is completely edible still, though tasted a little funky than it should.

Your parents would often remark on your found maturity since being with Riki. Growing up with a fortune, you were known to be spoiled to your very core—you were rotten. Your dad always folded to your pleas. A few tears would always guarantee new shoes or a new hand bag you definitely had no business having at your age back then, but what can your dad do? Deprive you of something he is completely capable of giving you? Over his dead body. He always believed that if it affects you enough to make you cry, then it must be important to you. He was definitely blinded by your schemes with consideration to all the crocodile tears you’ve shed in your entire lifetime—so it was no surprise that he gave in when you told him you didn’t want to go to business school and wanted to pursue arts instead. Your disinterest in your family business was enough to make your dad understand that it really wasn’t for you… he also couldn’t stand more nights overhearing you crying yourself to sleep when he said no at first to your decision to not inherit the family business. After careful consideration before giving into you one last time as they promised to themselves after realizing what monster your dad created, he knew he wasn’t going to let you just slide. You were going to college and will be out there in the world one day, he still had to teach you how to live. So in exchange to not going to business school, you had to move out and your card was limited to your allowances only which was significantly lower than what you were used to…but it was just enough.

Living with Riki somehow made you more responsible. You learned how to cook (minimally, just enough to keep you alive), how to take public transportation, how to save for your expensive splurges and most importantly, learn that you couldn’t cry yourself into things.

Your mom would look at you and Riki with pride and joy every time you went home to your parents. You were a completely different person than the little spending monster your dad has created. Your parents would dote on Riki for making sure you were learning because he was in fact, very on board to your growth as a responsible individual. It’s one of the things you loved about him though. He was always supportive. He had his soft moments with you, he would sometimes give in—but he was strict in making sure you were still in your lane towards your goal. Despite the scarcity of time, he always made sure you had time to be healthy and to celebrate both of your wins. It may not seem like it, but he was more responsible than he seemed…at least in terms of taking care of you. He was a good example of what you should be by the time you were sure that you could be on your own even though you never had to worry about it back then because you’ve always had him. 

“Not anymore though,” you mumble, finding yourself lost in thought. 

You broke up sometime before your graduation in Fall. Riki wanted to migrate to the US and live his dreams in the Silicon Valley but you wanted to settle down first. You weren’t opposed to the idea of moving to the other side of the world, technically, you had the savings to do so. But life there would be so much different. You knew he wouldn’t have time to settle down with you once he’s chasing his dreams in that place. To you it was sensible to settle down first before you were too old to do so, and then chase your dreams. After months of arguing back and forth about it, the both of you figured that it couldn’t be negotiated. 

“What now?” you sighed, sitting on the floor of his gaming room while he sat on his gaming chair, face buried in his hands as he had to face the begrudging truth as to where your perfectly fine relationship was 6 months ago has found itself in.

“What do you mean, ‘what now’?”

“Just say it, Riki,” you replied, dejected. You didn’t want to be the one to say it but you also couldn’t keep fighting about it. While you had been together for the greater part of your adulting years—your conscience couldn’t force him into settling down with you first when he could definitely be somewhere he would be happier, even if it wasn’t with you. Deep down, Riki knows you could easily get what you want with someone else… someone who wouldn’t force you to an unfamiliar world where your dreams definitely don’t fit in, just so he could reach his dreams. He knew you were not being selfish, you have supported his every move since being with him. Goodness, you even shouldered some of his drawn outputs even if it took time from your own outputs. He was far from accusing you of being unsupportive because you were nothing but supportive leading up to where you were right now. 

“Why does it have to be me to say it?” he asked, voice cracking as he lifted his head up to look at you. You were hard to look at. He’s never seen you this heartbroken and a part of him wishes he never pushed the plan in you and just gave in… he would rather do that than see you like this. You are not any different. 

“Because I don’t want to do it, Riki,” you whined, a sob escaping you as you leaned your head back against the wall, allowing your tears to fall on the sides of your face and into your ears. 

“I don’t want to do it, too,” he replied.

“But what about your dream?”

“What about yours?”

“Riki…”

“Y/N…”

“We really have to do it, no?” you sigh, as you watch him get up from his chair and sliding down against the wall to sit next to you. 

“I’m afraid so,” he cried, leaning his head against your shoulder, bodies shaking as sobs racked the both of you. 

You both moved back to your parents’ houses. Slowly picking up personal belongings when the other was surely not around, which meant that you were going at night with consideration to his stream schedule and he was going in the bright early morning when you were in the studio. 

You didn’t see each other til mid-Fall, when graduation came around. You both finished with honors, him with distinction for his college thesis and you with your recent impact on the art world with your masterpiece that has moved millions of people when it went viral on the internet less than an hour after a gallery viewer had posted it. You both made it. And while you both still wished it could’ve been celebrated together, like the both of you had always done whenever someone gains a win in their own respective things, you were afraid you’re going to have to celebrate the other’s success from afar now.

After gaining a good fortune from your viral art, the next ones followed suit not longer after. Soon enough, you could afford to live on your own now without a roommate to share your expenses with. The apartment you found still struck a chord in you so you decided to take it still despite the memories, well, the could’ve-beens that lingered with it. 

Everything about it reminded you of him. You’re never going to share that kitchen with him to make spam musubi. He was never going to see you make your meals now… since you have more time to cook more than just ramyeon and pan-fried spam. You were never going to see him in that room he envisioned to be his game room. You were never going to be sharing the same bed again. He’s never going to cuddle next to your new cat that comforted you after you had to hold back tears from seeing the dog he wanted to adopt from the shelter when you were financially more stable to take care of one.

He’s never going to see your kids running around your place. Little Riki’s and little you’s. You were never going to see them either. God. You couldn’t help but find your face wet again. You couldn’t help but feel the pain of going through all of that all over again. You couldn’t believe that the life you envisioned so well and so clear in your head wasn’t going to come to life—such a stark difference to everything in your imagination that came into life at the touch of a hand. It was the only art that you couldn’t manage to bring to life. But maybe it was for the best.

“It’s for the best,” you repeat to yourself. 

It’s better than caging him here away from where he dreams to be. Or making you move with him and feel so alone because he was going to be working for more hours than he would be expecting.

The demons from those supposed days that wouldn’t come anymore would be for someone else now. What would be hell for you and for him would be beautiful and sweet for someone else who wants that too. 

The Christmas tree that you have intricately decorated from scratch reflected soft twinkles in your eyes as you hear a knock from your door, followed by a soft voice calling your name that you recognize to be your other neighbor, Taki, who was spending the holidays with a few more friends.

“I have some friends over, I was wondering if you wanted to join us. Instead of… you know… spending it alone, here,” he looks at your dim-lit apartment, only the string lights from your Christmas tree illuminated your apartment. 

Luna, your kitten who was missing an eye when you adopted her, which apparently had to be surgically taken out to save her life when she was brought in the shelter, peaked through the door and decided to rub herself lovingly against the leg of this unsuspecting stranger (to her at least). 

“You seem to be wrong with that,”  you chuckled as you watched your cat cuddle on his socked feet. “Considering how comfortable my companion is with your feet right now.”

“You know that’s not what I mean, Y/N,” he chuckled. “C’mon, it’s going to be fun. You can go back to your humble abode if you don’t end up liking it. I just thought you should try being around people during this time of the year. You know it can be sad to spend it alone.”

You hated that he was right. He was spot on. You were just crying over your ex-boyfriend moments ago. He had a very clear point you could not deny yourself of. 

“You can bring Luna,” he smiled, as you watched him crouch down to your cat and read the name on her crescent moon charm attached to her collar. “She can stay in my spare room with my cat too if you want to bring her. It’d be nice to have her some company too. You don’t have to worry about Bob, he’s fixed.”

“Luna is fixed too.”

“Well, that sounds like a perfectly aligned situation.”

“Fine, Taki,” you rolled your eyes as he picked up your cat, who lovingly cuddles to his arm as soon as she was picked up. “Let me get my phone and some food for potluck before I head out.”

A smile beams from Taki’s face. “Sounds like a plan,” he says, as he stands by your doorway, respectfully waiting for you to come out as he was not invited to step in your home anyway. So, he stays there cuddling to your cat as he waits for you. 

How things ended up with Riki and how things are not what you were expecting a few months ago. This was not what you wanted. You were supposed to spend these holidays with him… but that’s going to hurt both of you.

This is what you needed. To find a life outside of what you thought would be and figure out life with someone who is meant to be in the place where the both of you wanted to be. 

It feels like shit. But it’s better than suffering long-term and hating each other for how things turned out if you kept fighting for it and the other gave in. 

“Let’s go?” Taki asks you as you pull the door behind you, your other hand, holding a makeshift bag from a satin cloth you used to pack the box of mugwort rice cakes your mom had sent you for the holidays. 

You smiled at him and nodded, walking to Apartment 127 where his friends filled the apartment with joyful noise—a completely different vibe from your gloomy apartment. 

—end

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

masterlist

a/n: hi! so far i might or might not discard the previous wips i had due to the fact that my massive writer's block really won't let me write anything and this is just a lil something i came up when i was trying to sober up before sleeping last christmas night.

i hope you guys enjoy this as much as you did for the others !

thank you for making it this far ! <33

xo, anya ୨୧

[ja3yun-deactivated20241117]

Devil's Corner || S.JY

racer!jaeyun x rival's sister!reader warnings: smut (mdni), unprotected sex, oral (f.rec), food play - lollipops, exhibitionism (kinda), terribly described racing scenes, mentions of past trauma, anything else lmk! wc: 18k synopsis: jaeyun goes by a lot of names - leader of the lucifers, your brother's biggest rival, the number one racer in the south&west, and your non-boyfriend. on his birthday, you go to the grit track to wish him luck, not knowing your relationship is going to change forever. a/n: hi! i am not officially back, i'm still taking a break but it would be so wrong of me to miss the loml's birthday (although i'm early) <33 this isn't exactly how i wanted this to turn out so i'm sorry if it's shit 😮‍💨 anyway, i'll be back soon hopefully bc it's almost my one year anniversary. comments/feedback/reblogs are all appreciated and i love you all so much! happy jake day when it comes <3

“You know I can’t be here, Ireh,” you say, casting a wary glance around. “If Yeonjun sees me, he’ll lose his mind.”

“Will you just relax for like half a minute, please?” Ireh sighs, her voice tinged with lighthearted frustration as she tugs you closer to the grit track, the sound of revving engines growing closer. “He’s probably busy preparing for the race. You know how seriously he takes this.”

You dig your heels into the ground, stopping both of you in your tracks. “Girl, please be serious. We’re practically on the track! He could spot me in a heartbeat.”

Avoiding your older brother isn’t really in your nature; you’ve always been inseparable. You and Yeonjun are like two cubes of ice that no matter how much you whack them, they stay glued together. He always protects you, teaches you the ropes on how to navigate life even though there is only 3 years between you, and you would probably class him as one of your best friends. 

Yet, he never wants you to come to his races.

Yeonjun is one of, if not the best illegal drag racer in the city. He’s built respect around his and his crews name - Thursday’s Children - TC for short. Initially, he loved bringing you along to the races, but that quickly changed the moment you caught the attention of the one rival he despises.

Ireh turns to you, exasperation etched across her features as she crosses her arms. “So, do you want to see your boyfriend or not?”

“He is not my boyfriend, Ireh,” you retort, huffing the words out for what feels like the millionth time. But she isn’t wrong - you are here to see the boy, and though typically you wouldn’t risk coming to the tracks and getting caught by Yeonjun, there’s a reason for the risk tonight.

“Oh? So what do you call a guy you’re so hopelessly in love with that you’re willing to betray your brother and sneak behind his back?” she counters with a teasing lilt in her voice. “Because you wouldn’t do that for a casual hookup.”

That’s also the kicker of this whole thing; since that day when you bumped into Yeonjun’s rival and the ban was put in place so that you never have to come into contact with him…you’ve actually been seeing him almost every day for the past seven months. Your boyfriend who isn’t your boyfriend? That’s Sim Jaeyun - the leader of The Lucifers, and your brother's arch nemesis.

It makes you recoil every time you think about betraying your brother, especially when someone slaps you over the face with it so blatantly the way your best friend does. It’s worse because as much as you downplay the relationship, you can’t deny that there is something so real between you both. As soon as you met him, you were instantly drawn to him - like a moth to a very dangerous and reckless flame.

To be honest, you vowed to stay away from any and all racers. Each of them is arrogant and too prideful, your brother included, but the more you spoke with Jaeyun, got to know him and all his quirks, you realised quickly that he’s the exception. 

Jaeyun is ripped straight from the pages of a romance book. At first glance, with his sharp smirk and the swagger that comes with being one of the city’s top drag racers, he gives off that classic fuckboy vibe - a bit reckless, untouchable, with that unbothered arrogance he uses to get under other crew’s skin. To a lot of people, he’s just the arrogant leader of The Lucifers, quick to brush off his competition like they’re nothing. 

But that’s only half of who he is.

When it’s just the two of you, you get to see a side of Jaeyun that he guards closely - trusting you with something he doesn’t share with the world. He’s patient and tender, his words soft and careful, and it’s almost startling how different he can be. He’s not performing or putting up walls; he’s just there with you, completely and wholly, in a way that’s so real it takes your heart a minute to stop making more space for him. If you were to say this to anyone else that knew him, or of him, they would laugh in your face - and Jaeyun would deny it in a heartbeat.

It wouldn’t be fair to say he hides his ‘real’ self from others because being the racer everyone perceives is also part of him. The intensity he brings to the track is genuine - it’s a part of his soul, he’s clearly passionate about it, loving the thrill and heat that comes from burning some rubber and shouting a big fuck you to his opponent. But with you, Jaeyun allows himself to be something more. He only shows the loverboy side of him in your company, being with you gives him a moment to embrace a side of himself that he sometimes forgets about.

Of course, he’s still cocky and boastful - he’s allowed to be; he’s really fucking good - it’s the main reason why he and Yeonjun are rivals in the first place. While TC rules the North and East of the city, The Lucifers hold ownership of the South and West, but both of them want to be on top - the best in the city, not just their turfs.

In Yeonjun’s eyes, the only one who could be deemed better than him is Jaeyun, and that’s a bitter pill to swallow. So he won’t swallow it, he’ll use it as motivation instead, to beat Jaeyun in ever way possible.

Shifting your focus back to Ireh and ridding your mind of the thoughts of the leaders, you shake your head and let out the fakest laugh you think you’ve ever heard spit from your mouth. “In love with him? I am not in love with him. We’re just, seeing one another, casual, y’know?”

Ireh holds that knowing stare on you as you stand there, your mind battling with itself like it usually does in moments like these, justification and excuses bubbling up. “Listen, you can keep him as your ‘not boyfriend’ all you want,” she adds with a smirk, “but you know that label isn’t hiding your feelings. It’s written all over your face -  even now.”

You’re an open book, what your mouth doesn’t say, your face certainly will and you’re more than sure it’s telling the story of your heart that you refuse to admit. For both your sake and Jaeyun’s.

“Whatever, let’s just go find him.” Rolling your eyes, you take her arm and lead her further into the pit of people.

It’s heaving with racers, pit lizards, and those just looking to have a good time and smell the fumes. The floodlights guide you to the edge of the track while you thread your and Ireh's way through the crowd, moving closer to the edge, where you get a clear view of the grit track. Out of all the places Yeonjun and Jaeyun race, this track has a special place in your heart. There’s nothing too fancy about it, but it does have one element that outdoes all the rest; Devil’s Corner.

Devil’s Corner is infamous, a steep turn that has racers pushing their cars to the limit. They either conquer the bend or be conquered by it. It’s a sharp, merciless curve that rises slightly before plunging down at a nearly impossible angle, leading straight into a narrow stretch and to the finish line. So many have tried to beat it or show off on it - you’ve seen more than one car flip or crumpling like a smooshed tin can. 

Luckily, both your brother and Jaeyun know exactly how to handle it, masters of their art being proven each time. You never have to worry about them too much when it comes to this track, they’re usually way ahead of whatever chump tries to race them, but a little flutter of anxiety will always be there.

You squint against the harsh glare of headlights, raising a hand to shield your eyes as you scan the crowd. Among the bustle, you spot Heeseung and Jongseong leaning casually against a car with the devil printed crudely onto it, looking entirely at ease in the chaotic scene. They’re two of Jaeyun’s closest friends and crewmates, so wherever they are, he’s usually not far behind.

Heeseung is the first to notice you, nudging Jongseong with a mischievous glint in his eye as he shoots you a welcoming look. The two of them are more than just members of The Lucifers - they’re practically family to Jaeyun, and in turn that makes them your number one hype men and the only others to know about your secret fling.

Squeezing her arm, you guide Ireh across the track and into red territory, smiling brightly and suddenly forgetting about the possibility of Yeonjun spotting you. 

“Hi, boys!” you greet them warmly, letting go of your friend to hug them tightly. “How are you feeling?” Both of them have races tonight, though you could never tell with how nonchalant they both look. Going against TC always has higher stakes, but they don’t seem fussed.

Jongseong pats your head and smirks. “We’re chill, it’s only Gyu and Soobin, hardly competition.”

“We are shocked to see you though, doesn’t little Junnie usually keep you in a cage when it comes to TC Lucifer races?” Heeseung nips in.

“Well, I had to come and-”

“Support the number one racer on his birthday,” a fading Australian accent interrupts your sentence, his hands gripping your hips and instinctively pulling you back into him, your ass pressing against one of your favourite parts of him. 

Jaeyun’s touch is intoxicating, a magnetic pull that has you leaning back into him without a second thought, any anxiety about Yeonjun’s lurking eyes now vanished. His hands drift up and down your waist, lingering over the curves he knows so well, savouring the feel of the skintight dress you’ve slipped into just for him. You can feel his gaze, possessive, admiring, and utterly absorbed into you as his fingers press against the sheer fabric at your sides, the warmth of his skin teasing yours through the thin material. He loves it when you dress up for him because he knows it’s only for him, not one of these other fuckers at the grit track gets to touch you the way he does, gets to see you the way he does. 

Instinctively, he dips his head, his lips grazing your shoulder, trailing upwards in a slow, lazy path that sends a pulse straight to your core. His mouth follows the line of your neck, leaving a trail of heat that makes you feel like the two of you are alone in the world, past all of the noise and chaos around you. When he reaches your ear, he nibbles down and whispers, “Hi, Princess.” It’s a greeting as much as a claim, you’re his princess.

You’re aware, somewhere in the back of your mind, that this is probably the most reckless thing you could do. Yeonjun could be here any second, his protective instincts would be kicking in if he caught even a speckle of Jaeyun’s hands on you. And yet, the thrill of it only makes you want to sink deeper into Jaeyun’s touch. He holds you firmly, his grip the only thing holding you up right now.

However, you need to let go, scared of the repercussions. It’s bad enough you’re even on this side of the track, let alone in the arms of The Lucifer’s leader. So you spin around, gathering your bones and standing upright, although they almost turn to jelly again as soon as you see him.

His hair is bouncy, parted down the middle with two strands falling effortlessly on his face, pointing straight to that perfect nose that you’ve had the pleasure of riding one or ten times. His lips are curled up in a small smile, so subtle only you can see before it turns into a full-blown smirk, his kissable lips so inviting as he bites into his bottom one. You love his mouth, everything about it; how it looks, the way it tastes, it’s magical skills when it’s in between your legs, all of it.

“Happy birthday,” you murmur, smiling so fondly at him that you know Ireh is going to have something to say about it later.

“Thanks. What did my girl get me?” he asks, leaning forward and ghosting his lips over yours, his bottom lip begging to be bitten and sucked on. Every time he calls you his girl, you swear you almost get down on your knees and begin to worship him. 

Maybe you’re starting to see what Ireh and his friends mean about your non-existent label and what it should be.

You resist the urge to just devour him in a kiss as you speak. “I can’t show you it right now, not here,” you tease, poking your tongue out to wet your lips.

“Yeah? What if I ditch this race and we go somewhere that you can show me?” His voice is low and inviting, every word dripping with promise. Jaeyun leans down, his lips hovering just inches from yours, his eyes gleaming playfully. His hands roam up your back, his fingers pressing just hard enough to make you shudder, his nails grazing your skin ever so slightly - a subtle incentive to consider his tempting suggestion.

Before you can even nod, though, Jongseong clears his throat pointedly, a slight smirk tugging at his mouth. “Actually, mate, you really can’t skip this one,” he says in a language you can’t understand, his tone heavy with meaning meant solely for Jaeyun.

Jaeyun’s grip loosens slightly as he pulls back, and you seize the moment to break from his hypnotic gaze, turning to face Jongseong with a raised eyebrow. “What’s so special about this race?” you ask, voice laced with curiosity. “What’s at stake this time, a car?”

High-stakes wagers are nothing new. Racers love to have some form of motivation and it’s not unusual for bets to involve money, cars, or something like territorial rights over parts of the city. And while you don’t know exactly what’s in play, the tension between Jongseong and Jaeyun suggests this isn’t just any race.

“Not a car,” Jaeyun begins removing his hands from your waist, and just in time too, because over the racer's shoulder, you see someone walking over with raw fury and intensity over their features.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Y/N?” Yeonjun spits as he approaches, his aura red. The last time you saw him this angry was when you accidentally mistook his MSCHF boots as funky vases and put the tulips that Jaeyun had got you inside them. Of course, he didn’t know they were from his rival, but you did just ruin his £300 shoes. 

Truthfully, they looked better as a vase.

Jaeyun’s hand still rests on your waist, firm and possessive, but you reluctantly take a step back, putting as much space as possible between you. You will yourself to look unfazed and relaxed, praying Yeonjun hadn’t seen Jaeyun practically dry-humping you just moments before.

Thinking on her feet, Ireh steps in, tossing a casual arm over Jongseong’s shoulder with a bright smile. “Actually, it’s my fault, Yeonjun,” she chirps, doing her best to sound apologetic yet unbothered. “I wanted to see Jongseong race, and I dragged Y/N along for moral support.” Her voice drops, filled with mock affection. “We’re dating.”

Everyone looks confused except Ireh, who is putting all those years bluffing to her parents about her whereabouts in the middle of the night to the ultimate test. They are easily fooled, but Yeonjun is not.

Glancing down at his ‘girlfriend’, Jongseong wears a look of uncertainty but also…happiness? You always suspected his crush on your best friend, this just confirms it. Like breathing, he slips into the role, slipping his arm around her waist and kissing her temple lovingly - he’s clearly taking this as an opportunity to be close to her.

Yeonjun’s lip curls as he looks Jongseong up and down with a mixture of disgust and disbelief. “Slim pickings around here, I guess. I didn’t think you’d settle for a shit stain on the sidewalk.”

Jongseong’s easygoing expression hardens as he holds Ireh close, offended and possessive. “Watch your fucking mouth,” he growls, his tone a warning.

Amidst the brewing tension, Jaeyun’s hand sneaks to find home on your ass, his grip firm and reassuring. He’s careful though, keeping his touch just out of Yeonjun’s line of sight, but you can tell he also doesn’t care, not really. He would fight your brother in an instant if it wasn’t for you asking him to keep it in check. No one ever tells Jaeyun what to do - not the authorities, not family, no one - but he’ll make the exception for you.

“Get off our side, Yeonjun,” Jaeyun finally interjects and pausing the bickering, his voice low and steady, clearly unbothered by the confrontation brewing. He removes his hand from you and he regrets it almost the moment it happens, wishing he could glue himself to you and always feel your warmth.

“Not until I get my sister back,” Yeonjun retorts, the words hang thickly in the air as the rest of The Lucifers gather around. 

Even the mere suggestion of you being taken away stirs something in Jaeyun, a slight tightening of his jaw, a flicker of protectiveness in his eyes. Now that he has you by his side, on his side both physically and literally, he doesn’t like you too far away.

But Jaeyun’s lips twitch into a mocking smile as he crosses his arms and hides his true feelings, eyes never leaving Yeonjun’s. “Take her back then,” he scoffs, tilting his head with an air of nonchalance that only stokes the fire. He turns to you, smirking and hiding that beautiful boy you know behind the arrogance of himself. “If that’s what she wants.”

The ball is in your court and you hate when people do this to you - making you choose - and this is the worst choice of all. Jaeyun is giving you the opening to stand up for yourself, something he’s been slowly but surely trying to help you do throughout the seven months of seeing him, but it’s so much harder than he realises. 

Betraying Yeonjun feels like tearing a piece of your soul away. The thought of hurting him, of driving a wedge between you twists in your gut. It’s not easy to reconcile the love you have for your brother with the undeniable connection you share with Jaeyun.

As the silence stretches, you take a deep breath, your heart racing. You glance at Jaeyun with sorrowful eyes, knowing you’re disappointing him with what you’re about to do. You take a step forward and stand by Yeonjun, looking down shamefully. You don’t dare look at the hurt in Jaeyun’s eyes.

And it’s there, only for you to see. He had truly hoped that this would say a big ‘fuck you’ and rid yourself of the shackles of Yeonjun’s overbearing brotherly role and claim the independence he’s been encouraging you to reach for. 

In all honesty, he has been respecting your wishes and he’s content with that, but he hates to see you battling with it so damagingly. Your anxiety gets the better of you sometimes, your brain whispering insults and what ifs while Jaeyun’s lips are on yours,l. It’s gotren so bad in fact that half of your secret meetups have consisted of you sitting in his lap while he strokes your back, whispering petal soft reassurances to calm you down from turmoil. 

Not exactly a five star date.

In some way, he wonders if the weight of it all is pressing harder now because you’re both crossing into a deeper territory of emotions that you can’t step back from.

“Ireh, don’t you dare bring Y/N back here again,” he warns your best friend, stepping in front of you, his way of protecting you but really he’s just locking you in the cage that he built. You can feel the heat of anger surrounding him and you feel ashamed. Not only are you in trouble but now your best friend is getting the blame for it. All because you can’t tell Yeonjun the truth.

Jaeyun pokes his tongue in his cheek and laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. He doesn’t say anything, but that’s enough to make Yeonjun tense once again, narrowing his eyes.

“You want to say something else?” your brother grits out, hoping that Jaeyun will bite his bait. 

Yet, Jaeyun simply raises his hands in a gesture of mock surrender, a playful smile on his face. “Nah, mate. I’ll save all my talking for out on the track, yeah?” The tone of his words is light but there’s an underlying tension simmering as he stops himself from saying what he really thinks. 

What he really wants to say is how fucking ridiculous it is to watch Yeonjun try to control not just your life but also those who have no obligation to bow to him. It’s clearly a trait of his - one he can’t get on board with.

However, the phrase ‘save all my talking for out on the track’ strikes you as oddly significant. You then suddenly remember Jongseong’s earlier cryptic warnings to Jaeyun about how he should stick around for the race and it all clicks into place. 

Your eyes widen as you search Jaeyun’s expression for confirmation, but he remains locked onto Yeonjun’s fierce glare, the two of them engaged in a silent battle of wills.

Pulling at Yeonjun’s wrist, you draw his attention back to you, though his gaze never wavers from Jaeyun. “You’re racing each other tonight? Why?” you ask, concern creeping into your voice.

Of course, it’s not uncommon for leaders of rival crews to face off in races; it happens all the time. But the stakes feel particularly high tonight, and a knot of worry forms in your stomach. They haven’t battled it out since that night you met Jaeyun and that almost ended with Yeonjun crashing and Jaeyun turning upside down. 

They have no limits when it comes to racing one another, and at the grit track, that can only mean bad things.

“Because Jaeyun here decided he wants this track to himself,” Yeonjun explains half-heartedly. 

The grit track is TC territory, placed technically within the east side of the city, but its location on the very edge of the west makes it up for grabs - if they can win it. For years, The Lucifers have wanted this spot, the leaders well before Jaeyun took charge could never do it. TC leaders make sure this is the one track they’re masters at, no one is ever able to beat them on it.

Jaeyun’s smirk widens, and he steps closer, closing the space between them. “The track belongs to whoever can handle it, not whoever sticks their name on it and hopes everyone just plays nice.”

“I’ve been handling it, in case you couldn’t see that,” he chides back, not appreciating the jab. “Your old leader Mingi couldn’t handle it against me, that’s the reason you became leader, right?”

Yeonjun’s smirk is cold, knowing that mentioning the former leader will get the reaction he wants from Jaeyun - and it does. Jaeyun’s easy smirk falters for a split second, his eyes darkening with a flash of barely concealed rage. Mentioning Mingi was a low blow, they both know it. 

Mingi is Jaeyun’s best friend and the night he tried to stake claim on TC turf, he ended up crashing the car, paralysing his body from the waist down. In truth, it’s the only reason Jaeyun is standing in the position he is right now, and he hates that fact.

He always admired Mingi as a leader.

Jaeyun’s voice drops, dangerously calm. “Say his name again,” he warns as the muscles in his jaw tighten. “But make sure you remember that if he hadn’t crashed because of your pathetic excuse of a trick, he would have this track, easy.”

Yeonjun’s smug grin only widens, feeding off the frustration simmering in his rival. “Is that right? Funny, because as far as I remember, it wasn’t foul play, he just couldn’t handle Devil’s Corner, and we all know what happened after that. Or maybe you’d like a reminder?”

The tension is suffocating, an invisible line drawn in the dirt between them, and everyone around senses that one wrong word could send it spiralling out of control. Jaeyun takes a step closer, closing the gap so that they’re nearly nose-to-nose. “You better watch your fucking mouth, you know what you did.”

You don’t know much about that night, neither of the men in your life wishing to utter a word about it, but all you’ve gathered from the rumours is that there are two sides to believe; one in which Mingi was simply reckless on the corner, a freak accident due to his negligence, the other? Yeonjun and his crew planted a spike trail on the road that caused him to flip over and roll down the hill. 

The rumours were never settled because the car took such a tumble that it eventually got engulfed in flames, the tyres melting and any evidence gone. It’s one of the biggest mysteries amongst the crews and only TC will truly know the truth, not that they would ever admit it.

Do you think your brother could do such a thing? Not in a million years, but you also know his competitive streak can cloud his judgment. Either way, you’re nervous about his and Jaeyun’s safety tonight.

Yeonjun’s expression hardens, dropping all pretences of mockery. “Prove it. I did fuck all, your pathetic excuse for a leader was just a shit driver that couldn’t handle the heat.”

The words are enough to push Jaeyun to the edge. His fists clench at his sides, but before he can lurch forward and connect his knuckles with your brother’s face, Heeseung pulls him back with a firm grip on his shoulder, speaking low and steady. “It’s not worth it, Jae. He wants you to lose it.”

“And I fucking will, the prick deserves it,” you hear him argue with his friend. It’s moments like these you wish you could just walk over to him and settle his nerves. Not in the Joey King in Kissing Booth way with the cliche ‘look at me, look at me’ vibes, but let him know that you’re there for him, that this urge to win and prove something might end up even more disastrous than Mingi’s fate.

While Heeseung and Jongseong tend to Jaeyun’s flaring temper, Yeonjun shifts his focus to you, his rebellious sister. “Seriously, Y/N, I told you to stay the fuck away from these races,” he has venom in his voice but that’s still lingering from the spout with Jaeyun. Towards you, there is affection and concern, his usual feelings towards you.

“I just…Ireh wanted me to come,” you lie, using the dark night and shadows from the floodlights to mask your growing nose. 

“Okay, fine. You still should have said no,” he rebuts, suddenly giving you a quick glance over, “And why are you dressed like that? You never dress like a track hopper.” 

It’s a little insulting, considering what you wear is none of his business, and that you actually do feel good in it.

You square your shoulders, meeting Yeonjun’s scrutinising gaze. “I wanted to dress up for once, alright? Is that such a crime?” you snap, your voice sharper than you initially intended. But something about his tone, so quick to judge, grates on you.

Yeonjun’s eyes soften just a fraction, and he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Look, Y/N,” he begins, his tone shifting to something gentler. “I don’t mean to give you a hard time. I just don’t want you getting dragged into this, especially tonight.” His eyes flick to the track, the pits where engines roar to life, and the crowd of people buzzing with dangerous energy as they wait for the next race. “You’re above all of this.”

A small pang of guilt tugs at you, but you hold your ground. “I’m not here to cause trouble, Yeonjun. Let me just stay to support you,” you lie again, stomach twisting as the truth sits, heavy and hidden.

Yeonjun narrows his eyes, not fully convinced but willing to let it go - for now. “Alright, but stay out of the pit. And if anything happens, you leave, got it?”

“Got it. I’ll keep my distance.”

Satisfied, he gives a brief nod, but as he turns back towards his car, guiding you over to the right side of the track, where you belong. You look back as you watch Jaeyun eye you up, saddened at your sudden removal, but expecting it nonetheless.

You guess you’ll just need to see him once this is all over, and both of them finish this race safely.

You hope.

_____

The sound of engines revving fills the night air as you stand on the edge of the track, patiently awaiting Jaeyun and Yeonjun’s arrival. Your nerves are unsettled and your mind is very much being represented like that one scene in Spongebob where he forgets his name and the little sponges in his brain scramble for the answer.

It’s been a long time since you felt this tense, you thought coming here and hiding would be the thrill of your night, turns out that was the most mundane - and unsuccessful part.

The crowd is bigger now, all revved up - no pun intended - for the race. The stakes are high, like really high and you can’t imagine what the outcome could possibly be. 

A thrill courses through the crowd, the anticipation tangible as Jaeyun’s car pulls up on the east side of the track - your side. While most of the TCs around you murmur, assuming he’s just trying to throw Yeonjun off, they couldn’t be further from the truth. Jaeyun’s tactic isn’t about intimidation; he just wants a final glance at you before the race begins, to see you in that dress that Yeonjun hates oh so much, and use it as motivation. He doesn’t want to show off per say, but if you’re impressed, it’s a bonus.

The intensity in his eyes across the crowd is unmistakable, and when he whistles, a slight, beckoning tilt of his head makes it clear he’s calling you over.

You look around to see if anyone noticed, and once you’re convinced they haven’t, you check your brother. Sure enough, he’s deep in conversation with his crew, oblivious as he checks his car’s setup. 

Is it stupid to go over and risk getting caught? Of course. But Jaeyun has a persuasive smile and dreamy eyes to match. So the next thing you know, you take a deep breath, slipping through the sea of people, and make your way towards Jaeyun’s car. His smirk widens as you reach him, his hand already extended to brush your arm.

But you swat it away, half playfully, half serious. “What are you doing?”

“What?” he asks, eyes glinting with amusement. “Can’t a guy get a good luck kiss from his girl?”

“Jaeyun, are you fucking crazy? Look who’s right next to you!” you hiss, gesturing towards Yeonjun, who’s still unaware, thankfully. You really appreciate his attention to detail in these moments.

“Princess, you’ve been sneaking around and bouncing on my cock for seven months now. If he hasn’t caught on by now, I doubt he’s going to. He probably doesn’t even care.” He says it so easily, like all of this has just been in your mind and not a real threat.

“Yeah? Tell that to the way he glared you down not two hours ago. Or did you miss the part where he wanted to tear you to pieces for even breathing next to me?”

Jaeyun barely flinches at the mention, a hint of a pout replacing his smirk. “Come on, it’s my birthday. Don’t you think I deserve at least one little kiss?”

“Didn’t you already use the birthday excuse to get me here?” you counter, eyeing him with a playful twinkle.

“That’s for attendance,” he teases, leaning closer to you, practically hanging out the window just for a taste of you. “Kisses are part of the package.”

Unable to resist the temptation in his eyes, you check over your shoulder one last time before leaning in, brushing your lips against his in what should be a quick peck for luck, but he turns into so much more. 

Jaeyun’s hand slides up to cradle your cheek, his touch warm and possessive. His thumb brushes softly over your skin as he deepens the kiss, ignoring the chaos, this stolen moment is the only thing that matters. His fingertips, rough from years of racing, contrast with the gentle way he holds you, drawing you further into him.

His tongue sweeps over your lips and you can’t help but groan and grant him access to your mouth, praying to the gods to get a taste of him. You’re greedy for him, ravenous almost, and he mirrors your need. If he wasn’t in front of at least one hundred people, including your brother, he would be dragging your pretty ass into this car and watching your tits clap in his face.

But then, like a bucket of cold water, reality hits as Jungwon steps between the two cars, flag poised for the start. You pull away reluctantly and savour the last few pecks Jaeyun plants on your puffy, lipgloss-smudged lips. 

Yeonjun snaps to attention suddenly aware of your appearnce and his voice cuts sharply through the revving engines. “Y/N! What the fuck are you doing?” he shouts, his tone edged with disbelief and frustration. “I told you to stay off the pit!”

You jump, instinctively retreating from Jaeyun’s side as you stammer out a response, just thankful that he didn’t seem to notice how seconds prior you were getting your tonsils tangled with Jaeyun. “I was just…I was wishing you good luck!” You walk quickly, rounding Jaeyun’s car, trying to ignore the lingering sensation of the kiss. But Yeonjun’s face is a mask of exasperation as you approach his window.

“Y/N, get back!” he orders, eyes widening as he glances at Jungwon, who’s counting down without a care in the world.

Only then do you realise you’re directly between the two cars, and neither Jaeyun nor Yeonjun seems willing to delay the race.

“Three!” Jungwon’s deep voice booms, the crowd roaring as the tension builds.

Your feet feel glued to the ground, panic swelling in your chest. You know that chances of you getting hurt are slim, but you’ve never been this close to the race, so close that you can feel the heat from their motors swirling your leg like those snakes on Lucy Grey.

“Two!”

Jungwon raises the flag, ready to unleash it. The cars tremble with power, the engines growling, but your brain’s too scrambled to make a move. Jaeyun sees your tense frame and panics for you, scared of even a scratch on you.

“One!”

Suddenly, you feel a jolt - a car door bumps against the back of your legs, and before you know it, strong hands grab your waist, pulling you backwards in a quick, fluid motion. You land on something soft, but before you even realise what’s happened, Jaeyun’s arm reaches across to steady you in the passenger seat of his car.

“Go!”

With a salute to Yeonjun that’s equal parts taunt and triumph, Jaeyun hits the gas, and the world blurs as he speeds off, leaving your brother gaping in stunned disbelief behind you.

The wind whips through the open passenger door as you scramble to sit upright, barely processing what just happened. You feel like you’re suddenly on a rollercoaster, the car's oomph causing you to stick to the seat like the Sticky Wall.

“Can you shut that, Princess? You’re letting a draft in,” he smirks, too pleased with himself.

But all you can do is stare back, aghast. “What the fuck, Jae?! This is not funny.”

“It’s not, you could have got fucking hurt,” he tries to play it off as a joke but you hear the seriousness in his tone. When you look at him, you also see the slight fear in his eyes.

Jaeyun knows it was stupid to drag you into his car, but he panicked, what else could he do? All the possibilities swam across his mind like a reckless current. You could have gotten scratched up by the grit, swooped under the tyres with the sheer power of the acceleration…or worse.

Not all of these scenarios make sense, but the fear of losing you makes him think even the impossible. So if he can save you even from probabilities, then he will.

You reach over and such the door, the wind making it difficult as he rounds a corner. Once it clicks into place, you relax a little, breathing out. It happened in such a blur that you can’t even figure out where on the track you are. All you know is that Jaeyun is first, and you’re stuck in this race whether you like it or not.

Without taking his eyes off the road or his foot off the accelerator, he reaches over you and grabs the seatbelt, fiddling with it awkwardly to secure you in. You hate to say that you’re looking at the veins on his hands as he unravels it, but you are. You could be helping him and saving him the struggle but it’s just too fucking delicious to look at.

That distraction is the only thing stopping your heart from leaping out of your throat.

“Did you really think dragging me into your car, going a million miles per hour and having to survive the grit track safer than me standing on the starting line?” you question him, disbelief and mockery in your tone.

Jaeyun furrows his brows and lets your words sink in. “Well…when you put it that way, it’s dumb,” he agrees, mentally cursing himself. “But if you think about it, now your brother won’t pull any of his tricks. Not with his precious sister in the car.”

Now that embarrassment for his rash decision is turning into pride. Maybe subconsciously he pulled you into his car as a safety measure, after all, can’t be too careful around a bunch of TCs; not when there is so much at stake.

“Really? I’m a reassurance? What if he’s already planned something and you’ve just brought me to my demise?” It hurts you that Jaeyun truly believes your brother is capable of dirty tricks, but then again, you don’t have one hundred percent faith that he wouldn’t pull something.

Jaeyun looks into his rearview mirror and sees Yeonjun hot on his tail, probably filled with enough fury to power his car without an engine. It makes Jaeyun nervous, both your words and Yeonjun’s gaining speed, but he masks it under a laugh.

“At least we would die together. What’s that song? To die by your side-”

“Is such a heavenly way to die, yeah, yeah, it’s one of my favourite songs,” you admit, heart blushing that he even remembered it considering his playlists contain an abundance of Justin Bieber and other generic pop acts - he’s not really one to appreciate the Smiths. “But I would rather listen to the lyrics than live it out, Jaeyun.”

“I don’t see a double-decker bus,” he looks at you for a split second but it’s long enough that you see the teasing glint in his eye that masks his genuine concern, and weirdly, it puts you at ease. He would never let anything happen to you, you know that deep down.

You let out a genuine laugh and whack his arm playfully. “You know what I mean, Jaeyun.”

“Princess,” he intertwines his fingers with you, a chuckle escaping his lips, “I promise, okay? You will get out of this car in one piece.” Jaeyun kisses your knuckles and it’s both stomach fluttering and impressive how he can handle a car going 80mph and still have time to dote on you.

The romance doesn’t last too long though, because he has to lock in and focus. Behind him, Yeonjun’s car looms closer, headlights glowing like the eyes of a predator. He’s tailing Jaeyun so closely that any error, even a slight miscalculation, could end it all in a brutal collision. Jaeyun glances at his rearview mirror, catching a glimpse of Yeonjun’s face, fierce and determined.

He figured your brother wouldn’t be in the best of moods with his act.

“You think that little gap’s gonna stop him?” you mutter, gripping the seat as Jaeyun expertly rounds another bend, tyres squealing against the track’s rough surface.

“Not a chance,” Jaeyun replies with a grin. “But it’ll take him a few seconds longer. Enough for me to play with.”

He shifts gears, feeling the engine’s deep growl as he powers down a straight stretch, his speedometer needle pushing higher. Yeonjun matches his pace, but Jaeyun, ever the strategist, swerves slightly, throwing up a cloud of grit in his rival’s direction. The dust storm is thick enough to obscure Yeonjun’s vision momentarily, forcing him to fall back by a hair’s breadth.

Jaeyun accelerates, barely missing a pile of tyres on his right. Just as he slips past, Yeonjun veers to the inside lane, attempting to pass on Jaeyun’s left. The corner’s coming up fast - a sharp, unforgiving turn with no forgiveness if they misjudge. Jaeyun catches on immediately, not giving Yeonjun the satisfaction. With a calculated flick of the wheel, he forces Yeonjun to either fall back or risk veering straight into the barrier.

Yeonjun, however, isn’t about to let him off easy. He falls back just enough to avoid a crash but quickly cuts to Jaeyun’s other side, inches away, daring him to swerve first. Their cars glide nearly side-by-side, matching each other’s pace in a tense, furious dance.

It’s so scary, being in the passenger seat of a car that’s almost buckling under the pressure of how fast it’s going. Of course, you knew this was not going to be like overtaking someone on the M8, but you sure as fuck didn’t expect this. The world is flying by you so fast that you can’t begin to comprehend how either of them even drives like this.

Your brother’s car pulls up beside you both and making eye contact with him is the worst thing in the world you could do. 

“Y/N, what the fuck?!” you lip read, unable to actually hear him over the roar of the engines. He blames you so easily -  even if it is 60% of your fault because you answered Jaeyun’s beckon - but it still makes you a little mad. 

Did you want to be dragged into this? Absolutely not. All you wanted was to kiss your pretty non-boyfriend good luck on his birthday, you didn’t need all these dramatics with it; you get enough fireworks in your belly from his pretty mouth alone.

The sound of the engine thunders louder, Jaeyun accelerating and pushing his car beyond its threshold as he glides through the race. It’s all pretty intense - and oddly fun - but it’s not about to be in roughly one minute. 

“Devil’s Corner’s up,” you murmur as if Jaeyun even needs the reminder. But he only nods, that familiar smirk dancing on his lips, a spark of something almost wicked in his eyes.

“I know,” he says with a determined grin, shifting gears smoothly as he sets up for the turn. “This is where your brother won’t risk it. He’s too careful with the track; it’s got him wrapped around its finger.”

“Everyone is careful around this part of the track…” you half express as a statement while also hinting that it could be a question, inquiring what Jaeyun could possibly do next. 

Your trail-off sentence steals his attention and he sees the query in your eyes. He inhales deeply before addressing the elephant in the car you’ve somehow given birth to. 

“Princess, do you trust me?”

“Of course, it’s the track I don’t,” you confess.

“Me either, but I gotta pull all the punches here; for the track, for the Lucifiers…for Mingi.” His voice cracks a little as he thinks of his friend, and the damage it caused him. 

Jaeyun's gaze hardens, fingers gripping the wheel so tightly his knuckles whiten, as though he’s holding not just the car but every ounce of the Lucifier’s pride and promise he’s made as their leader. His mind is as sharply focused on Mingi as it is on the wheel, almost as if his friend’s presence is woven into every inch of the track ahead. There’s a weight he feels, a determination to make his best friend proud, to take the track that cost Mingi so much.

"Trusting me means sticking it out," he adds, almost like a dare. “You ready?”

You swallow, nerves bubbling as you nod, barely managing a steady breath. “Just…don’t do anything stupid, okay?” But even as you say it, you know Jaeyun’s already got a strategy, one as risky as it is relentless. He could fucking kill you right now and yet, you’re ready to put your life in his hands, because you know he’s never going to snap it.

Kind of like your heart.

Ahead, Devil’s Corner yawns open like a waiting trap, and Yeonjun knows it. You can feel the weight of your brother’s stare from the other car, his eyes sharp with worry and rivalry. He’s fought this corner countless times and knows that going at it full throttle will never end well. You catch the fleeting look on Yeonjun’s face - a mixture of fear, anger, and an unspoken warning. He’s petrified for you, not knowing how far Jaeyun will go to secure the win.

Yet, you couldn’t be calmer.

“Hold on, yeah?” Jaeyun instructs and you immediately obey, watching as the dial hits it’s peak, his car flying even further in front of Yeonjun’s.

“You need to slow down, Jae…” you warn.

“How about you put that trust into action yeah?” he snaps back, though his anger isn’t directed at you, he’s just nervously tense. Who wouldn’t be in a situation like this? So you don’t hold it against him. If anything, it just makes you want to take his hand in yours and offer him some semblance of comfort. 

But that would be silly right now considering there’s a death corner with you and his name on it.

As Jaeyun steers into Devil’s Corner, the entire car seems to tighten, every movement rippling through you as though you were an ant, squashed under the tyre. The pressure outside is immense, like a wall of wind trying to shove the car off the road. Inside, it’s nearly as suffocating, the tension compressing everything around you, even your heartbeat syncs with each vibration of the engine.

The curve is sharp - even sharper than you’d realised watching from the stands - and you feel the pull of gravity as Jaeyun doesn’t so much follow the turn as he cuts through it, daring the edge. Gravel spits and clinks against the sides of his precious baby.

Yeonjun is somewhere far back, but you can’t even think about him or his safety. The only thing consuming your mind is Jaeyun’s grip on the wheel and the creeping dread and exhilaration fighting for space in your lungs.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you convince yourself that it’s less scary to face it if you can’t actually see it - using the ‘if I can’t see you, you can’t see me’ childlike tactic to feel brave. And in the midst of it all, as the car feels like it’s on the edge of its control, you hear Jaeyun’s voice over the noise - a steadying presence cutting through as he senses your apprehension.

“Nearly there, Princess,” he mutters through gritted teeth, his jaw clenched and his heart holding still within his chest. Although he’s fighting the battle of fear and hope inside of him, his voice anchors you just enough to brace yourself.

The car rockets through the tightest part of the bend, wheels practically skating on the track's very edge - the same edge that caused Mingi his loss of legs. You grip onto whatever you can as Jaeyun’s knuckles whiten, his hands firm and controlled on the wheel. The tension in the car mounts like a coiled spring ready to snap, the corner pulling both of you, testing how far it can go before either you or the car breaks under pressure.

At last, you feel the tail end of the car swerve slightly as Jaeyun gives just enough leeway to keep control, and you can sense him gaining ground, just barely escaping the grasp of the turn. Devil’s Corner spits you both out onto the straight stretch and for a heartbeat, there’s only the muted sound of your breathing, mixing with Jaeyun’s, heavy and relieved.

Finally, you open your eyes to see the road unwinding ahead, straighter, safer, and almost welcoming after the chaos of the corner. Your pulse is still racing, but the danger feels like it’s finally behind you - or so you hope. Jaeyun throws you a quick, side-glance, his usual cocky smirk returned but softer, almost a silent acknowledgement of the risk he just took with you by his side.

He doesn’t need to say anything, but as he shifts gears, pressing down harder on the accelerator to widen the gap between him and Yeonjun, his smirk says it all: That was for Mingi, and for you.

Once he sees the finish line in sight, he breathes out and slaps the wheel harshly. “Fuck, yeah!” he hollers, a shit-eating grin plastered all over his face, victory secured and only a long stretch away. 

“Holy fuck…” you breathe out, chest heaving and eyes glued to the road in front of you.

“And you doubted me,” he feigns an upset pout and tilts his head in your direction.

“Well, you still have Yeonjun to deal with.” The reminder of your brother fast approaching doesn’t rock him, instead, he laughs.

Shaking his head as if Yeonjun’s trailing position is as much of an inconvenience as a bird shitting on his windshield, Jaeyun places a hand on your thigh and squeezes. “He’s still there because I let him be there. Can’t humiliate the guy completely y’know? He’ll be my family in the future.” 

Your mouth opens as you process his words, unsure if he even realises what he just said. It’s a pass-away promise of commitment, and considering you aren’t even officially dating, you would say it’s thrown you off of Everest and has your mind tumbling down after your body.

It’s probably best to bring it up later though, you don’t want to throw him off, especially considering he’s still going 50mph.

He smirks and revs the engine once more, pushing the car just shy of its limits. “Why so worried? I’ve got a perfect record of keeping you safe, don’t I?” He raises an eyebrow at you, his voice laced with that familiar teasing tone.

“Oh, you mean the ‘perfect’ record that almost just got me toppling over into the ditches of Devil’s Corner?” You roll your eyes, but a smile creeps onto your face.

“You’re alive, aren’t you?” he grins, then he pulls his attention fully to the finish line up ahead. It’s close enough now that the crowd is visible, and he salutes them with a quick flick of his hand. 

God, he’s so hot when he’s like this. How lazily arrogant his entire racing persona is. You adore his softer side, of course you do, but this side of him gets your own motor running.

Yeonjun, however, isn’t ready to concede. He surges forward, lining up beside you both in a final, determined push, his car engine roaring with a fury that sends chills down your spine. You see him shoot a glare, not just at Jaeyun, but at you as well. But Jaeyun merely returns the look, cool and unbothered, and then, with one final roar of his engine, he edges past the line first, a triumphant laugh escaping his lips.

Jaeyun’s car barrels across the finish line with a triumphant howl from the crowd, cheers blending with the echo of his engine as he cuts through the air, a living victory. The thrill radiates off him; he punches the air, letting out a victorious whoop as his foot remains steady on the accelerator. He finally glances over at you, his face alive with pure elation, his cocky grin fully in place. But instead of slowing down, he maintains his speed, the wind whipping through the car as you look back at the receding crowd.

"Wait - where are we going?" you ask confused, looking back as you pass by everyone and leaving them in the wake of victory.

Jaeyun flicks his gaze over, eyes dark with both mischief and longing. “I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, Y/N, but you still owe me my birthday present,” he says hick and low, each word like a steady drumbeat against your pulse.

You raise an eyebrow, trying to keep your own voice steady. “Don’t you want to celebrate with everyone? You just won the Lucifers the grit track and Devil’s Corner.”

He lets out a laugh, deep and incredulous. “Celebrate with everyone else? Princess, I’d be out of my mind to spend one more second without seeing what you have for me. I would be fucking insane, actually.” He eyes you hungrily, already imagining all the possibilities under your dress or up your sleeve. His tongue brushes his bottom lip in a glazing swoop, a promise lingering in his gaze that leaves your cheeks feeling warmer than they should.

He shifts gears, and you glance back to see the track and the crowd becoming distant figures in the rearview mirror, your brother among them. “Besides,” Jaeyun adds, leaning closer as he cuts through the night, “Do you really wanna see Yeonjun right now?”

“...No.”

“Good, then trust me.”

_____

The car halts, tyres crunching over gravel as you take in the scene before you. Below the dark sky, the city sprawls out like a tacky but beautiful Christmas night with glittering lights, each window and streetlamp reminiscent of a fairy light. Below, the river carves an almost silver line through it all, shimmering under the moonlight. It’s too beautiful for you to describe and give it the credit it deserves.

Jaeyun doesn’t speak at first. His hand finds yours, fingers slipping through as he releases a slow, steady breath. He wasn’t aware how badly his muscles were suffocating his bones until now. His thumb brushes over your knuckles, an absent yet soothing gesture, and he finally lets himself relax, the hard lines of his jaw softening as he looks at you. The moonlight catches his features, highlighting the relief etched on his face - a look so different from the racer who stared down Devil’s Corner only 20 minutes ago.

For a moment, you both just sit there, silently letting the thrill of the night settle. You turn to him, sensing his guard finally lowered, his eyes holding something warmer, deeper than his usual confident smirk.

“It’s so pretty here,” you murmur softly, nodding towards the city.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, bringing your lips to his hand and kissing your knuckles softly, the tingle from the spark shooting all over your body. “I’d say the view is pretty fucking perfect.”

A blush creeps on your face, his eyes glued onto you as he mumbles the words into your skin, each syllable fluttering to your heart. Of course, he means you. He has seen this exact city view a million times, often coming up here after races to cool off and regather himself. 

It’s the first place he drove to once he heard about Mingi.

It’s the first place he drove to once he met you.

It’s the first time he’s shown someone this spot.

Letting go of your hand, he quickly offers you a small smile before undoing his seatbelt. “C’mon, let's get a closer look.”

With that, you follow him and you both settle against the hood of the car, your shoulders brushing as you take in the sprawling lights below, wrapped in the quiet of the moment. The city glows, pulsing like a heartbeat, life so obvious yet subtle. You tilt your head toward him and nudge him softly.

“So,” you say, half-smiling, “how does it feel?”

“What?” 

“Winning the grit track.”

He shrugs, and his gaze becomes distant, falling somewhere into the night. The silence stretches on, but it’s comfortable, the city’s buzz helping to fill the contemplative silence between words. 

“I don’t care,” he murmurs, surprising you into a pause.

“What do you mean?” you ask, caught off guard. After all, this entire night was about winning the territory, claiming a stake over it and expanding the Lucifers’ ground. It sounds like a shitty action movie on Tubi now that you think about it, but that really is what the crews strive for. So for Jaeyun to say he doesn’t care, when he did what his past leaders couldn’t, throws you for a new one.

“The track…he can keep it,” Jaeyun says with a dismissive wave, almost as if he’s letting go of a heavy burden. “It was never about winning a stupid bit of dirt road.” He pauses, biting his lip as he searches for the right words. “I wanted to prove that TC had something to do in Mingi’s accident.”

The words leave his mouth in a rush, and you feel the weight of his pain and loyalty colliding in that confession. Jaeyun’s gaze stays trained on the city, brow furrowed, his jaw set, the ease on his bones only lasting the skip of a jump rope. 

He truly believes that Yeonjun was involved - that he orchestrated some plan to knock Mingi out. You’ve seen Jaeyun’s loyalty; you know Mingi is more than a friend to him, practically family, and Jaeyun’s heart has no room to consider the idea that Mingi could’ve just…lost control.

You scoot closer, placing a gentle hand on his arm, sensing how vulnerable this confession has left him. “Look, Jaeyun,” you start, hesitating. “I don’t believe my brother would do something like that. But just because you made it through Devil’s Corner safely this time doesn’t rule out anything, yeah? There’s still a chance he had nothing to do with it…but maybe he did.”

He looks at you, contemplation written in the lines around his eyes, but doubt remains.

“I just can’t accept that it was some accident, you know?” he finally says, his voice tight with frustration. “Mingi was solid. The guy could practically drive in his sleep, and suddenly he spins out there?” His shoulders tense as he talks, each word laced with an anger born of grief and unresolved questions. He wants answers, and you sense how deeply he’s embedded in this conviction.

“Okay, so what if…” You hesitate, not truly believing the words coming out of your mouth right now, but knowing Jaeyun needs something to hold onto his faith in Mingi. “What if Yeonjun did have something to do with Mingi’s accident? He could have been planning it tonight but called it off because I was in the car with you?” 

Biting the inside of his cheek, Jaeyun lets out a harsh laugh, but it’s not at you. “Then I could have got you fucking hurt, and what kind of man does that make me?”

It’s as if any reasoning or justification for his actions has suddenly all surged to his mouth and left a bitter taste, one that he finds hard to coat over with some mints. In his mind, he convinced himself for the moment that he was saving you, but in actuality, maybe he was just protecting himself. 

He could have lost you.

That though makes him stand up and walk closer to the cliff edge, not enough to cause you alarm, but enough that indicates he’s in the need of feeling free from his mind.

And that’s something you can definitely help with.

Pushing yourself off the car, you reach out to him, lacing your arms around his waist as you hug him tightly from behind. Instantly, he cups your linked hands in his and melts into you, closing his eyes in relief as you kiss his back ever so gently.

“We can’t know what happened that night, Jaeyun, no one ever will. But it’s also not your battle.”

“But I-”

“No. End of story.” You twist him around to face you, your hands dipping your hands into his back pockets. “Mingi and Yeonjun raced that night, the outcome was what it was, and we have to move on. The longer we sit in the past, in this mindset of what if and what could have been, you prolong everyone’s pain, especially yours. And I won’t sit back and watch you do it.”

It’s tough, and you wish you could have laid it all out a little more prettily, but a dagger of truth won’t sink into skin if it’s covered in padding and fluff. 

Jaeyun’s eyes portray a man trying to will himself to argue with you, that fight for his friend still very much alive. Yet, he knows you’re right. He isn’t helping himself by wallowing in the past, he’s only hurting himself and creating a deeper hole in his chest, one that is consuming him alive.

But no one has told him to get the fuck over it. Not until now.

“I know for a fact that Mingi does not want you dwelling on it, especially not tonight. You won the grit track, I’d say he’ll be over the moon with that, wouldn’t you?”

The last nudge is enough to make Jaeyun nod, a small smile creeping on his face. “Yeah. I saw him before the race and all he asked was ‘don’t fucking die and get us that track’.”

“See? You achieved both of those requests, I would say that’s worth celebrating,” you grin widely up at him, relieved to see his jaw loosen and shoulders unravel themselves. “It’s also your birthday…which is another reason to celebrate.”

Jaeyun checks his watch and sucks in a breath, his playful demeanour slowly coming back to the surface, much to your delight. “It’s actually past my birthday now.”

Widening your eyes, you drag his wrist to your face, reading the clock's arms as they disappointingly read 12:04am. The sadness is plastered all over your face, your eyes looking glassy due to both regret and the cold wind nipping them. 

Jaeyun immediately notices your solemn expression and pouts, holding back a laugh. “Princess, it’s okay.”

“It’s not. I didn’t even get to give you your presents.” You are never one for being late with gifts, in fact, you take birthdays so seriously that gifts are often in your friend’s hands early in the morning. Every birthday is precious to you, well, maybe not your own, but you love to make others feel appreciated and seen on the one day that is reserved for them. 

The racer looks at his watch again and reaches for the dial, twisting it back as the small arrow rounds anti-clockwise to the 11. Happily, he flashes the watch’s face in front of yours. “Look, now it’s 11:05pm. You have 55 minutes left.”

A laugh bursts out of you, the heartache over the small inconvenience now lifted by his antics. He always knows what to do, what to say, how to lift you up so easily, it’s his superpower. 

“Okay, which one do you want first?” you step back and place your hand on your hips, exhaling the drama from tonight out of your system. No more racing, no more brother, no more bad thoughts. Just you and Jaeyun celebrating the final hour of his birthday.

“There’s more than one?” he asks in a smug tone. 

“There are three in total. One is your main present and two are tiny little things,” you explain.

Nodding, Jaeyun feigns ponder as he taps his chin. “Well, I think I should save my main for last, so let’s start with the ‘tiny little things’” he repeats back to you, knowing that they won’t in fact be tiny, their significance probably vastly bigger than any other gift he has ever received throughout his previous 21 birthdays.

Holding up a finger, you tell him to wait before you open the right backseat door of his car and retrieve two carefully wrapped gifts. You put in far too much effort in folding each corner perfectly and twirling every bow to sit neatly, but looking at your work now, you can safely say it was all worth it.

Confusion crosses Jaeyun’s pretty face as he points to his car. “When did you sneak into my car and put them in there?” he asks with piqued confusion. He would notice bright yellow wrapping paper with orange ribbons in a minute, the colours bouncing so brightly off his black interior.

“I didn’t,” you shrug as you confess, holding out the two gifts. “I shoved them both under my seat when you paid for the gas yesterday.”

“Your seat, huh?” he repeats with a lace of amusement, taking the top box from your grasp.

“Well, do you drive other women about?”

“Don’t ask fucking ridiculous questions. You’re the only girl.” 

You curse your stomach for flipping out like it’s on an Alton Towers ride, the statement probably meaning nothing significant from his lips. He always says pass away comments like that, and each one you desperately try not to read into too much, your heart having a hard time already with calling this relationship between you both casual, never mind your brain popping up with conspiratorial thoughts that he could see you as something more than his non-girlfriend.

Gently, his hands peel the wrapping paper off, and reveal the first gift. 

“Lollipops?” he laughs out, though joy shines from his features. 

“Well I saw you were running low, and it is my fault you need to stock up on them, so…” you explain sheepishly, your foot carving out nonsense lines in the gravel.

Since you started hooking up, Jaeyun quit smoking. You hate the taste of the cigarette on his tongue and the smell of it in his car, and he caught onto that instantly. The way you would spray your perfume ‘randomly’ after he flicked the butt out his window, or how you offered him a chewing gum coincidently a few minutes before you climbed into his lap and licked into his mouth. 

It didn’t take a genius to figure it out. 

So he stopped. Cold turkey without a second thought. He still had the itch though, muscle memory constantly bringing something to his lips for a drag. That’s when you gave him a strawberry Chupa Chups and he never looked back. His dentist hates you for it, but his doctor couldn’t be more delighted. 

Taking a cola lollipop from the assorted selection, he unwraps it and places it into his mouth, humming as the beautiful taste hits his tastebuds. His tongue swirls the ball of goodness and he instantly smiles at your reaction, deciding to play on it.

You curse him, his smirk widening as he rolls his eyes and opens his mouth just wide enough for you to watch the cola lolly get coated in his saliva, his tongue enveloping it the exact same way he does with your clit when he’s buried face first between your thighs.

Squeezing your legs together in order to stop the flow of arousal from dripping down your leg, you thrust the other present into his chest, retrieving the box of lollipops from him in the process. The further these things are from his mouth right now, the better.

“Okay, now this one,” you urge, clearing your throat and hating the way he pushes the sweet to the side of his mouth, the stick pocking out the corner of his mouth like a toothpick. Somehow, it only made him hotter, like Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You.

God, now you’re even more horny.

Jaeyun nods and flips the gift over, inspecting what it could possibly be. But he’s never been good at guessing, so he quickly tears the paper off, a little more forcefully than the lollipops. A black box adds another layer of suspense and curiosity. “Did you get me a diamond necklace?” he jokes, but once he peels open the lid, nothing is funny anymore.

His eyes flicker between you and the gift. “Y/N…”

“It’s not much, I know. But I thought it was fun,” you explain, scared that it’s not enough.

Picking it from the box, Jaeyun inspects it carefully. To most, it’s just a keyring, but to him, it’s the most thoughtful gift he has ever been given. The mini replica of his precious car, clearly hand-decorated by you stands out - the red decals and perfectly selected interior act as a mirror to the real thing; even the license plate has his famous J4K3YUN etched into it. The black Honda Civic replica sits so tiny yet powerful in his hands. 

It was the first car he could afford. Everyone laughed at him - even Mingi - when he turned up to his first race. It’s a shitty little car with not much horsepower, but considering he was only seventeen when he started racing, he could hardly afford to put his student loan into a BMW or Aston Martin. Instead, he modified it, just enough to put his name out there.

His baby has never let him down since. All those times everyone has pestered him to trade her in have never crossed his mind. Even you know how much she means to him. Why else would you have given him an oversized keyring of it?

You know him, and that squeezes Jaeyun’s throat, stopping him from expressing thanks.

“If you pop open the boot, it has something inside,” you point out, excited. He’s made modifications to the real thing, but you got crafty with the mini-me.

“Can anything even fit in this?” he laughs but nonetheless, opens the boot - and it is not what he was expecting. 

The interior has been prettily painted pastel pink, with glitter and gems perfectly placed inside, crowding the minuscule space. The first initials of your names are enveloped in a shakily drawn heart. It’s pretty and so very, very you.

Jaeyun’s eyes sparkle in the moonlight and you interpret it as pure adoration, injecting some pride into your chest. He likes it - thank fuck.

“I thought it was fun, since y’know, on the outside you’re all tough and metal but inside you’re just a sparkly pink princess.” You place the lollipop box on the hood and step closer, inspecting your work once more - as if you haven’t been scrutinizing every detail of it over the past month. 

Throwing his head back in a laugh, he blinks away the joy in his tear ducts and nods, sighing out in defeat. “I’m not so sure ‘princess’ is the word I’d use-” he starts, only for you to interrupt.

“Oh, you are,” you insist, taking the lollipop from his mouth and placing it in your own, “You’re the prettiest princess to ever exist, actually.”

“I think that title is reserved for you, baby,” he grins fondly, eyes raking over every feature of your face as you savour the taste of the cola sweet. “Thank you…so much, Y/N, no one has ever gotten me something so thoughtful. I really love-...it. A lot.” His throat tightens, words tangling up in his chest, but thankfully, you don’t seem to notice

Nodding, you give him a soft kiss, careful not to poke him with the lollipop stick, before taking the gift back, carefully placing it and the lollipops in the car for safekeeping. “Now, do you want your big present?” You wiggle your brows and shut the car door, almost skipping back to your spot in front of him.

Jaeyun was so caught up with everything tonight that he forgot that this was the reason he whisked you away as soon as the race ended, at least, it was the shallow reason. The deeper reason is something he won’t speak out into the night air.

Placing his hands on your hips, glides his hands up and down your sides, the warmth from his palms blissfully welcome. You love this dress, the way you feel in it, how it makes you look, but it isn’t exactly good for fighting the nipping cold away, especially considering the wind is much thinner up on the cliff.

“My big present…” he repeats, bringing his face down to yours, his hot breath creating a rose tint along your cheeks. “I think I want that more than anything right now.” His confession is raw and more than surface-level lust. He has so many emotions running through his body right now, and he knows that your present is going to be exactly what he needs.

“You need to unwrap it then.” The smirk on your face is contagious and your voice is low. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what your gift is, but he’s in for a treat nonetheless.

Jaeyun does pause for a moment, his hands fiddling with your zipper at the back but hesitant. “I think my gift might freeze to death if I unwrap it here, don’t you think?” 

You hadn’t…thought about that actually. To be honest, when it comes to Jaeyun’s cock, that’s probably the only thing you think about. Rain or shine, snow or fog; if his dick is close to being inside of you, you’ll face any weather.

His fingers pinch the zipper and tug it down slowly, the winter air biting up your spine, but the shivers that are rippling through your body aren’t from freezing; the opposite in fact. The ghost of his fingertip creates a heated surge through your body, your skin igniting with pure desire. 

Pushing the dress off your shoulders, your tits are laid bare in front of him, nipples hard and much more delicous than any lollipop Jaeyun could ever suck. They’re perfect, so perfect that he has a hard time putting his love for them into words.

“No bra?” he asks cheekily, that cocky boy everyone loves swimming to the surface of the night. 

Shaking your head, you close your eyes as he cups them delicately. “Dress didn’t look right with it.”

“Is that the only reason?” Jaeyun’s thumbs flick over your hardened buds as he backs you up to the hood, you ass perched against the edge, a welcomed seat considering your legs could turn to jelly at any moment.

Truth be told, it was the main reason you didn’t wear a bra, with the tightness of the dress, it didn’t allow much more room for any extra padding. But you can’t lie and say that you also didn;t adorn one because it would save time.

“I’ll take your silence as confirmation, will I?” he murmurs, his lips grazing the hollow of your throat before travelling down, sending waves of warmth through you with each kiss.

You feel the cool press of the hood beneath you as he lifts you up to perch you, his mouth finally closing around one of your nipples now you’re at the perfect height, his tongue tracing lazy, agonising circles that make your breath catch. He shifts to the other, his gaze flicking up to meet yours as he bites gently, eyes smouldering with a dark intensity that only makes you want him more. 

With each flick of his tongue, your mind fogs over, the chill of the night air long forgotten. His mouth leaves a trail of wet, open-mouthed kisses as he works his way down, fingers slipping under the fabric gathered at your hips, thumbs tracing soothing lines along your waist.

“Are these new?” he hikes your dress up so only your waist is covered and your new panties are on full display for him. It’s incredible how he noticed initially through touch alone, his mind cataloguing each thong, brief, and lacey panty you own. 

“Yeah, got them a few days ago.” You don’t need to tell him that you bought them specifically for his birthday, he will know just by the Ivory colour alone.

A playful smirk curves on his lips as he takes in the sight of your new lingerie, his fingers grazing over the delicate lace with a possessive tenderness. “I thought so,” he murmurs, voice low and almost reverent as his thumb hooks under the fabric, dragging it down with aching slowness, leaving your cunt exposed, yet you feel anything but vulnerable.

There is a thrill of anticipation that crackles between you as his hands linger, his thumb tracing a line along your thigh. You’re so consumed with how close he is to your heat that you almost miss his other hand coming up to remove the cola lolly from your mouth. 

“Open up,” he instructs, which you blindly follow, releasing the delicious treat from your mouth. “Good girl. Now, spread open for me.”

“Jaeyu-”

“It’s my birthday, Princess. I still have,” he checks his rewound watch, “36 minutes left, so until then, you gotta do what I say, yeah?” 

That sounds perfect to you if you weren’t aware of how much of a tease he is. He’s going to torture you on the hood of his car, you know it, but you relent anyway, giving him a sharp nod and breathing out slowly.

Your legs spread wide, your feet finding stability on his bumper. The compromising position could mean anything, your mind flashing with all the possibilities of what he could do to you.

And by fuck, does he have a sweet, sweet plan.

A glint of mischief flickers in his gaze as he tilts the lollipop, the cola sweet glistening in the moonlight as he brings it down to hover just above your entrance. The sticky sweetness clings to the night air, and you feel your body tense with anticipation, each nerve heightened by the thrill of surrendering control.

He runs the candy along your inner thigh first, slow and deliberate, leaving a faint, sugary trail that he follows with his mouth. The coolness of the lollipop contrasts sharply with the warmth of his breath, sending shivers skittering up your spine as his lips and tongue trace after, claiming every inch of sweetness he’s left on your skin.

Finally, he presses the lollipop between your folds, teasingly dragging it up and down without quite giving you what you need, his eyes fixed on your reactions, devouring every tremor, every bite of your lip and jerk of your hips as the lollipop circles your clit. The sensation is maddening, the blend of sticky from the sweet and your own juices only heightens the ache building within you, and he seems to revel in the slow, torturous rhythm he’s set. He wants to take his time.

The lolly ghosts your entrance before he presses it ever so slightly inside, your breath hitching at the unexpected sensation. His mouth follows close behind, claiming you with a slow, deliberate kiss that has your toes curling against the bumper, his tongue tracing the sweetness lingering on your skin.

A wave of heat radiates through you as Jaeyun continues his maddeningly slow pace, the lollipop pressed just at your entrance, teasing and coaxing you in a way that has your pulse racing, much like how it was when you were near death on Devil’s Corner. 

He dips the lollipop in a little further, the rounded edge pressing in just enough to make you gasp and claw at his car bonnet, and then he draws it back out, running it up and over your clit with agonising patience. The pressure of the sweet gliding over your most sensitive spot has you squirming, but his hands are firm on your thighs, keeping you right where he wants you.

“Hold still,” he murmurs, a wicked smile curving on his lips as he swirls the lollipop slowly, tracing lazy circles that leave you breathless. The candy, now coated in your own slick, sends shockwaves through you, and you feel yourself clenching, trying to draw him deeper, desperate for more. Jaeyun seems to notice, and he chuckles softly, his warm breath tickling against your inner thigh.

With one last, lingering drag of the candy over your clit, he brings it to his mouth, sucking in the mix of flavours. Your sweetness mixing on his tastebuds with the cola makes his eyes roll and contemplate opening up a business just for him that sells pussy flavoured lollies. Specifically, your pussy, of course.

“You’re fucking delicious, Princess,” he moans out, sucking the pop with fervour. You’re so jealous and you curse ever buying him them. But not really, the scene of his tongue lapping it up eagerly, mixed with the saliva that's glistening on his lips only adds a series of precious memories that you can happily store in your wank bank.

Threading your fingers through his hair, you tug at it just rough enough for him to growl. “Please, I’m trying to cum for you before your birthday ends.”

“Yeah?” he huffs out a laugh and tosses the almost obsolete lolly away, the stick hidden by the gravel that swallows it. “I can make that happen.”

“Good-”

“If you beg.”

You freeze, resisting the urge to tell him to go fuck himself. If there is one thing you hate most in the world, it’s begging for a man. You can submit to Jaeyun, sure, that’s easy enough. But there’s something so humiliating about having to plead for your own pleasure. He never makes you beg, usually too fucking impatient himself to play that game, so this is not exactly in your forte.

“I’m not begging. No way.” You cross your arms and shake your head adamantly. 

Jaeyun’s smirk widens as he sees your defiance, his gaze darkening with something that borders on both amusement and challenge. “Really now?” he murmurs as his thumb traces slow circles on your inner thigh, inching achingly close but not quite where you want him. “You’re gonna stand by that?”

His eyes roam over you, taking in the way your body reacts despite your stubbornness, and you can feel the tension building in the air as he leans in, his lips hovering just above your core, close enough for you to feel the heat of his breath. The anticipation sends shivers racing over your skin, but you keep your arms crossed, refusing to relent. 

“I know you hate it. You’re so powerful, baby. I adore that about you,” he continues in a low murmur, voice laced with a teasing edge, “But just once, for me?” He pouts, bottom lip overtaking his entire face and somehow making him look even more irresistible.

That fucking pout.

With a small laugh, he shifts down, pressing soft and tongue-focused kisses along your thighs, each one closer than the last. His breath is warm, and you can feel the control slipping from you with every careful movement.

“Fine,” you say finally, voice barely more than a whisper, “Please, eat me out.” 

“Come on, Princess. If you’re going to beg, I want to hear you properly.”

“Jaeyun,” you whine, already flushing up with embarrassment.

“How about,” his mouth places one feather-light kiss on your clit, a gasp of pleasure drawing from your lips, “I beg you to beg me? Then we’re both on the same boat.” 

Now, while you don’t like to beg, you love to hear Jaeyun beg. There have been countless times when you’re on your knees, much like he is now, and your mouth is a hairline away from his tip, and he’s thrashing under you, moaning out pleas and needs in a higher pitch, wanting nothing more than you to consume his painfully hard cock in his mouth.

Jaeyun doesn’t have humility when he is with you, he’ll scratch and claw at the bedsheets, whine out your name in desperation, and have you take full control if you want to. You wish you could be more like that, because fuck does it look beautiful, and you know he will love it if you’re a crying, pleading mess under him. 

It would be the perfect birthday gift, actually.

So with a heavy sigh, you close your eyes and clear your throat. “Okay. But only if you go first.”

Jaeyun smirks and rubs some heat back into your legs. With soft, kitten-like licks, he plays between your folds, giving you an inch of what's to come. “Princess, please beg for me. I’ve been such a good birthday boy, have I not? I need to hear you want me, the same way I need you. This pretty pussy deserves to be devoured, and I can only do that if you beg for it. Please, baby. Pretty please with a lollipop on top.”

God, he is so fucking good at it. Somehow he still sounds so strong and assured even when you can hear the cracks in his voice and the tremble on his lips. His hips buck the air, mimicking what he wants to do with you, his cock leading him, thinking with his second head.

Whimpering, you look down to see him adorning that pretty pout once again, and you crumble.

“I nod. Jaeyun…please make my cum on your tongue, let me give you the best birthday gift. I want you to lap me up and never stop, make you remember this birthday for the rest of your life. Please, baby.”

You don’t cringe, instead letting your desperation take charge, which gladly works. Jaeyun groans loudly at your filthy words as they echo over the cliff, giving the city indication of what’s taking place. His cock is so painfully hard against his jeans that he wonders if it has the ability to tear through the material like Hulk when he transforms. It certainly feels like it could.

“Good girl,” he praises, before giving you what you crave.

Connecting his mouth to your core, his skilled tongue has you keening, head falling back against the car hood as he licks a broad, firm stroke from your entrance to your clit. His lips close around you, his tongue flicking and swirling as he loses himself in the taste of you, his hands spreading your thighs even wider to hold you firmly in place.

He slurps and devours you, humming into your hole in pure lust. Jaeyun loves nothing more than being buried in pussy, he could spend the rest of his life between thighs, your thighs. The added tints of cola still lingering on your skin only heighten his arousal, the sweet tang mixture enough for him to dig his nails into your thighs and bury further in.

Arching your back, your thighs fight his grip as they try and clamp around his head, the way his tongue dips into your hole, rimming it with teasing strokes before shooting back in makes your head dizzy, the November air suddenly feeling like a July breeze - welcomed and just right.

“Fuck,” you hiss out as he bites at your folds, dragging the sensitive flesh between his teeth, another way of tormenting you yet giving you everything you could want. His bottom teeth drag up to your clit with his puffy bottom lip trailing behind it like a soothing balm. 

You’re starting to wonder whether it’s his birthday or yours.

With precision, Jaeyun latches onto your clit and suddenly, you’re seeing more stars in the sky, body lurching forward as you trap him there. The tension coils tightly in your stomach, and he takes his time, alternating between sucking and licking, bringing you right to the edge and pulling back just before you can tip over, savouring every second of your mounting need.

“Jaeyun, please…” you gasp, fingers threading through his hair, and he hums against you, sending a shudder through your entire body. 

“See? You can beg so easily,” he mocks playfully, smirking as your thighs act as earmuffs. Despite the barricade, he can still hear every plea and mewl that falls from your lips, indicating that you’re close.

So, he picks up the pace, his hands gripping under your ass to push you further into his face. His round nose nuzzles your nub as his tongue swirls around inside your cunt, the tip of his tongue committing every bump and nook to memory - not like he hasn’t already. He knows everything about you, that’s what happens when you spend seven months doting on and worshipping the same person.

Grabbing tightly onto his hair, you feel the knot in your stomach begin to pull apart, the threads of rope straining as your climax tugs. “I’m cumming…fuck, Jaeyun,” you warn, but it’s not breaking news to the man causing the euphoria. He’s licking, sucking, and biting with ferocity because he knows you’re falling apart

He hums against you, the sound vibrating through your body, his tongue flicking over you with such skill it has you trembling. “Come on, Princess. Let go for me,” he whispers, his words like a command, and your body is happy to obey.

And then, it hits you - the release crashing through you, sending shudders of pleasure through every nerve in your body. You can’t stop it, your back arching as you clutch at his hair, your thighs trembling as the wave washes over you, and Jaeyun doesn’t stop. He keeps going, worshipping you like he’s addicted to your taste, drawing out every last drop of your orgasm.

Your chest heaves and your body goes limp as he cleans your pussy, making sure he takes every drop of his birthday gift. You taste heavenly, your cum swirling in his mouth as he slurps and sucks, the shocks jolting up your spine each time he nudges over your clit.

Once your legs release his head, he glances up at you through his thick lashes, mouth covered in your essence. “Thank you, baby,” he praises, his chest filled with a cocktail of emotions, the first as foremost one being adoration. “With 10 minutes to spare too,” he laughs, glancing at his watch.

Jaeyun stands up, kissing you with passion. He transfers your juices onto your mouth and you groan at the taste. All those days of downing pineapple and cranberry juice always pay off. His tongue licks yours, taking over your entire mouth as he claims you. His lips are sweet but his touch is anything but, you know he’s desperate, if his actions weren’t enough, the painful bulge that’s bucking into your sensitive folds is enough to tell you.

Swiftly, your hands move to his buckle, undoing it amongst the breathtaking kisses. It doesn’t take you more than a minute to undo his jeans and push them just low enough that his ass is on full display and his hard shaft can spring free. His cock is so pretty, like a work of art; six inches of pure joy. You’ve lost count of how many times this cock has made you come undone, the curve of it hitting perfectly into your cunt, like it was made for you. In some ways, you think it is.

Spreading your legs once again, you wrap your hand around his cock, the heat from it a stark contrast to your still cold hands. The sensation elicits a hiss from the birthday boy, his lips pulling from yours as he looks down. Your hand just fits around his length, and that makes his tip twitch. He’s proud of his size, but somehow he loves it even more when in the clasp of your fingers.

You press it against your wet core and he loses any sense of control he had left.

With a primal growl, he grabs your hips and lines up at your entrance, not even bothering to tease you. Between your outfit, the rush of the race, your cries of pleasure from his tongue work, and the overwhelming tightness in his heart, he needs to be inside you. Now.

Jaeyun slides in fully with one thrust, both of you creating a beautiful harmony of moans that echo like a choir in the night. His cock fills you up to the brim, his balls sitting comfortably against your ass. You feel like fucking heaven, in fact, if he was to die right now, he would do so happily. Those pearl gates could only mirror the happiness and alleviation that he feels as he buried himself to the hilt inside your warm hole.

His forehead rests on your shoulder, his lips peppering a succession of kisses just above your collarbone as he begins to move his hips, eyes rolling to the back of his head with each bump of your walls hugging him.

“Jesus fucking christ, Princess,” he mumbles, officially lost in the act of pleasure. He’s not thinking about anything else, just how your wet heat feels enveloping him.

You can’t say your thoughts aren’t also only consumed by the tip of his cock poking your cervix so deliciously, his balls slapping against you almost mimicking a spank each time. His thrusts pick up pace and you both lose yourselves in one another, chanting praises and curses to convey your feelings.

Jaeyun’s hands roam over your body as his cock pounds into you, switching from holding your hips in place to kneading your breasts, each one serving their own purpose. He wants you still so he can keep hitting that perfect spot over and over again, the squishy spec in your cunt his main target, but your tits bouncing in the moonlight keep distracting him, his cock losing power as his brain gets clouded in the movements.

“You’re so beautiful, Princess,” he confesses, kissing the valley between your breasts. “So, so beautiful.”

Your heart hammers harder, the pulse resounding in your ear as you smile gratefully. “So are you, Jaeyun.” And you mean it. He’s the most beautiful person inside and out, you’re never going to meet anyone like him again, and that’s what terrifies you.

Jaeyun locks his eyes on yours, his hips finding a new determined rhythm. He presses his forehead against yours, nuzzling his nose with yours in a kiss. How is it possible to feel so adored and cherished by a man you have no label with? That’s the question running through your mind as you stare into his soul, begging for him to answer.

And in some way, he does. His pupils shine with nothing but your reflection, showing just how deeply you're ingrained in him. Though neither of you may voice exactly what this is, you both know it.

As you lose yourselves in each other, that familiar coil tightens low in your belly, heat pooling with a desperate need for release. You dig your nails into Jaeyun's shoulders and bury your face in his neck, signalling you're close.

Gripping your waist, he matches your rhythm, pushing you both to the edge—metaphorically this time, thankfully. He's already brought you close enough to danger tonight; there’s no need to test fate again.

"Come on, baby. Cum for me," he urges, jaw clenched as he holds back his own release. He’s never been one to finish before his girl.

With his coaxing and the delicious sensation of him deep inside, you reach your climax once more, this time more intense than you expected. You bite down on his neck to muffle your moans, and like a domino, he spills into you. 

His white ropes soothe your cunt, painting your walls with his adoration of you. The best decision you ever made was getting an IUD. You know it’s not full protection, but for the feeling of his seed filling you up like a cream piping bag, you’re willing to take the risk.

Jaeyun holds you close, his breath mingling with yours as both of you come down from the high, eyes blazing secret confessions into one another. The steady thud of his heart under your palm feels grounding, almost comforting in the quiet aftermath. You shift slightly, feeling his warmth begin to fade in the cool night air, yet he doesn’t let you go just yet, keeping you wrapped up in him.

“Happy birthday,” you whisper softly, letting your lips brush against his jaw, a faint smile tugging at your mouth. 

Mirroring your expression, he melts into your pepper kisses as you trail down his neck, paying extra attention to the skin you marked up with your canines. His large hands glide up your back and hold you close to him. “Thank you.” It’s simple, but he’s biting his tongue, the moment too perfect to destroy with his post-nut brain.

You sense his apprehension and lean back, gazing into his eyes and studying the specs of his brain that you can make out. “You okay? You’re usually cracking out a joke by now,” you ask playfully, but there’s an undercurrent of concern in your tone.

Jaeyun bites his lips together, preparing himself to possibly make the biggest mistake of his life. He pulls out of you, jerking his cock clean enough that he can get away with it, before tucking it back into his trousers. 

Oh no.

Your mind does everything to convince you that this isn’t going to end the way you think it will. The efforts to soothe your racing mind falter just at the finish line. This is it. He’s going to hit you with the ‘this has been fun but it’s not what I want anymore’ or ‘hey, so this was great but you’re not what i’m looking for’. Whatever concoction of those sentences he wants to spin, you know it’s going to hurt. You’re in too deep.

And you would much rather be humiliated with your clothes on. So you jump off the hood of the car, your slick glistening in the night lights like a snail trail. Suddenly, the acts you just took part in have turned from euphoric to sickly.

“Listen-”

“I meant it,” he interrupts, not even letting you end this before he can. “I really mean it when I say you’re the only girl for me.”

You’re waiting on the but, yet it never comes. Instead, he’s biting his lip nervously, looking at you but not into your eyes, his focus on your forehead like a sniper in the woods. And you feel like you’ve been shot, just not in the hurtful way you were expecting, it’s almost like you’re on the receiving end of a blank and the shock is ringing in your ears more than anything.

You stand dumbfounded, zipping up your dress at the back. “Huh?” It’s stupid and not what you want to ask, but your flabber has been gasted.

Jaeyun groans and rubs over his face. “I don’t want anyone else. And I know you’re annoyingly loyal to Yeonjun, but I can’t pretend that this isn’t more than what it is.” He steps forward and cups your flushed face, the cold now settling upon it once again. “I. Love. You. I have for fucking months, and…I don’t know, I can’t keep pretending I don’t.”

I. Love. You.

It’s such a simple and common phrase, yet hearing it in his accent, from his mouth, directed at you, you find it foreign. 

Jaeyun hates the silence that follows, the horns from the cars down below act like a mocking laugh to the moment. He knows its risky, confessing his feelings so bluntly, but if he had to keep them in any longer then he might have buried them forever and harboured an even deeper resentment towards himself and your brother.

“You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, I get that. But can we call a spade a spade and admit that we love each other?” He insists, now finding his confidence. Go big or go home, he supposes. He’s convinced you love him too, you look at him the way he does you, and even if it’s only a tiny speckle of love that you hold for him, he needs you to admit it. For his sanity, and yours.

You can’t process a single thought beyond his words, their weight pressing down on you, making it impossible to breathe for a second. The world falls quiet around you, the buzzing city and distant hum of traffic fading as your mind hones in on his face, the intensity of his gaze, the subtle quiver of his lip as he waits.

“Jaeyun,” you manage, though it barely comes out above a whisper, “This isn’t…this isn’t exactly what we agreed on.” Stupid. Why the fuck are you saying that NOW.

“I know, but I also know you feel it too.” His thumb moves tenderly across your cheek, brushing over the spot where a tear might fall if you let it. “And if there’s even the slightest chance that you feel what I feel, I just need to know.” He pauses, his voice softening as he meets your gaze fully. “Because you’re it for me. I’m tired of pretending I don’t want to be with you completely. You deserve to be loved, and although I might not deserve to be the one to give you that, I want to try.”

You want to look away, to retreat and give yourself a chance to think, but his eyes are pleading with you to stay present, to face this. And the truth is, in some corner of your heart that you've tried to ignore, you know what he's saying is true.

But Yeonjun…If he finds out, he’ll never forgive you. It’s one thing to be in a fun fling with his rival, it’s another to be completely and utterly head over heels for the boy.

The silence is thick, but there’s an odd comfort in it. You reach up, covering his hand with yours, grounding yourself in his warmth. “I don’t want to lose you,” you murmur, voice trembling. “And I…I don’t know how we’d make it work without hurting Yeonjun.”

Jaeyun’s grip tightens, his confidence anchoring you. “I’ll make it work. I’ll do everything to make sure he accepts it. I’ll step down as the Lucifer’s leader, I’ll get on my knees and beg, baby I will do whatever it takes to get him on our side. I don’t want to come between you both, I know how precious he is to you, and you to him,” he pauses, breathing out and collecting his thoughts before he goes on a desperate faffing rant, his point losing focus. “I love you, and that means loving every part of you.”

“In the car…” you begin, voice unsure, “You said something about how Yeonjun would become your family, you meant-”

“Yeah, listen. Don’t freak out about that. I was jumping the gun with that one…but I mean, is it so unplausible? For us to be together? To imagine a future with you?”

“There’s a big difference between jumping into dating and leaping into marriage, Jaeyun.”

“Okay? So we’ll hold back on the leaping for now,” he laughs, pressing his forehead to yours, “but tell me you’ll jump.”

His breath mingles with yours, warm and steadying, grounding you in a way that makes your hesitation falter. "Jaeyun," you begin, your voice so soft it barely carries the weight of what you’re feeling. "It’s terrifying to even think about, you know that, right? Yeonjun is…he's been there my whole life, my protector, my brother…you’re asking me to risk that.”

"I know." He cups your face, his thumb tracing slow, tender circles along your cheek, calming and reassuring. "And I wouldn't ask you if I didn’t believe with every part of me that we’re worth it. But I’m not going anywhere until you’re ready; whether that’s now, or tomorrow, or a hundred years from now. I’m in this, Y/N. All the way. I just need you to say yes."

Your lips part, the words catching in your throat, suspended between the comfort of safety and the thrill of the unknown. Slowly, you reach out and lace your fingers through his, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "Alright," you say, a tremor of nerves mingling with the glint of determination in your eyes. "I’ll jump…but you’d better catch me, Jaeyun."

A grin breaks across his face, and for a moment, everything else fades away; the rivalry, the fear, even Yeonjun. It’s just you and him, exactly how it should have been from the beginning.

"Always," he whispers, voice filled with quiet conviction. Then he closes the distance between you, sealing your promise with a kiss that’s soft, lingering, and brimming with all the words neither of you dared to speak out loud.

But maybe it’s time you do

“I love you too, Jaeyun,” you confess, eyes boring into his heart.

His eyes widen for a split second, and you see the disbelief flicker across his face, not quite sure he heard you right. But then his gaze softens, and a smile breaks across his face, one so genuine and unguarded that it sends warmth flooding through you. His hand tightens around yours, squeezing his happiness into your veins and bones.

"You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that," he murmurs, brushing his thumb over your knuckles with a tenderness that leaves your heart aching. “I fucking love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.” He chants, kissing all over your face, causing you to scrunch up and laugh, attempting to push him away but failing - not that you’re going to complain about that.

There’s a sense of relief, a lightness you haven’t felt in so long, as if all the weight of secrecy and uncertainty has lifted. For once, you’re not worrying about the consequences, about what could go wrong or who might get hurt. Right now, it’s just you and him, and the truth laid bare between you.

“Yes, okay, we love each other! Enough!” you giggle between his million and one kisses.

His hand comes up to cradle your cheek, his fingers grazing your skin with reverence. “I’m never letting you go now, you realise that, don’t you?”

You nod, a smile creeping across your face, and pull him in for another kiss, this one filled with the promise of everything that lies ahead. “Oh I know. Just wait till I tell your crew,” you laugh, pushing him away. “‘Oh, Y/N, I love you sooooo much. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me-'”

Your imitation is cut short, his hand flying over your mouth as he suppresses a laugh, trying to portray fear that isn’t truly there. “C’mon! You can’t ruin my reputation like that,” he whines, giving you that signature pout. 

“Oh but I will-” Without warning, he picks you up, tossing you over his shoulder as he carried you to the backseat. “Jaeyun! Put me down!”

“I’m going to fuck every word and thought out of that pretty brain of yours so you never utter my soft side to a soul,” he playfully jabs, opening the backseat and tossing you inside.

“Well…I have a lot of thoughts…and words,” you reply, biting your lip as you settle across the seats, legs already accommodating for him.

“Then it’s gonna be a long night. I suppose I’ll need to turn my clock back some more, don’t you think?”

____

perm taglist: @immortalvee @sunpov @heeseungspookie @strawberrysavi @monstanctiny21

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@ikeuverse @dollyyun

[anyalovesu]

ENDING'S GOT ME KICKING ME FEET SO HARD OMG AAAAAAAAA 🥰

[anyalovesu]

my fics are getting more love than i was expecting 🥹 u have to understand that i have been writing for YEARS and i have always deleted/discontinued them because i felt like i was the only one reading it BUT THIS??? AAAAAAA y'all make me so happy and inspired to write more 🥲 i currently have one angsty jay fic in my wip and 2 fluffy fic ideas for rikiiii (might make the other one a sunoo fic bc that feels more fitting for him as im writing this lol) anywayyyyy 🥲🥲 i appreciate you guys sm!!!! i hope you all are doing well!!!

[anyalovesu]

𝓤nder a pile of papers

IT intern!Sunghoon x HR intern!reader

—in which sunghoon is a hopeless romantic and you are a dense office siren in the guise of an intern.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

genre : fluff

pairings : sunghoon x fem!reader

wc : 5.4k+ words

cw :

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ non-idol!au

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ sunghoon is cringey and rizzless asf

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ( ft. en- , yunjin from lsf , and wonyoung from ive )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ sunghoon and wonyoung are related + wonyoung is regarded as a future fun sapphic aunt

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ not proofread ( yet )

song : "slut" (from the vault) - taylor swift ( 1989 (taylor's version) , 2023 )

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Sunghoon was drawn to you from the very first time you walked out of the office elevator to submit your internship documents. You seemed aloof until the associate spoke to you and from then on, Sunghoon swore he was hooked. He slowly finds himself glancing at the elevator whenever it opens, hoping he gets a glimpse of you before you enter your little cubicle and dabble in your own tasks. 

Jake thinks he's just infatuated. Why wouldn't he? It was apparent to Jake that you had your charm and it was especially effective on his best friend. But his best friend disagrees. Sunghoon believes he’s finally met the love of his life. For sure, the poor IT intern is a mad man and a loser. His knees would buckle whenever you passed by them to grab lunch in the cafeteria with your co-intern, Yunjin, but you don't seem to acknowledge Sunghoon's existence. Yet, he didn't seem to mind. He solely believes that the stars have finally crossed for him and it brought you to him.

Lucky for him, Yunjin was not as dense as you and immediately noticed the young man's overflowing feelings for you. She found it laughable at first how downbad he is, but then maybe that's exactly what you needed—a little excitement, a little thrill in your routinary life. If she can't stop you from your clockwork, maybe a little office romance would.

And so, through Jake, just so she wouldn't excite Sunghoon too much to the point of combustion, Yunjin managed to slip a sticky note with your number and Instagram username. Oh boy, Jake was sure he saw a tear slip down Sunghoon's eye when he handed him the note. God, Jake had to hold his laugh back with his friend’s extreme reaction. He's expressive, he tries to convince himself… nothing's wrong with that.

“Good morning, this is Y/N from HR. Mrs. Lim is asking for a keyboard to be replaced here in the training room,” your voice was static and monotonous over the telephone, yet Sunghoon on the other line was already imploding. It wouldn't be reaching to say he might've peed his pants. 

“Coming right up, love,” Sunghoon blurts out before he could second guess his impulsive thought. 

“Boy, what?” Jake was quick to hit the back of his head out of second hand embarrassment. 

“But my name is Y/N…” you replied innocently, confused as to why he thought your name was love. You said your name clearly, didn't you?

“Yeah, right… Sorry… It kinda slipped, I had a friend named Love and I was thinking of her just before you called.”

“Well I hope your girlfriend is thinking of you too, Sunghoon. Mrs. Lim needs the keyboard to be replaced ASAP. It's kind of urgent,” you replied to him politely, completely not noticing the fact that he just openly flirted with you and failed so miserably.

“You are an embarrassment to this family!” Jake whisper-yelled at him, running hand on his face as he gets up to go to the training room. Sunghoon does not seem fazed by his rizzless attempt to flirt with his office crush. Jake, on the other hand, wants the ground to open and swallow Sunghoon whole so he doesn't have to deal with his cringeworthy attempts to woo you.

“Do you honestly not find him attractive?” Yunjin asked you as she sat next to you in your little secluded cubicle in the corner of the office. “He's tall, and honestly conventionally handsome—c'mon, he's an athlete! He's literally preparing for the national figure skating competition on the weekends as we speak!”

“I suppose he is,” you hummed, seemingly uninterested, while your eyes tunnel vision to him in the training room which you and Yunjin had a clear view of from your little corner. He was fighting with Jake over something about picking the wrong wire. “I guess he's cute. But he has a girlfriend. So, he's not that interesting at all.”

“The fuck you mean he has a girlfriend?” Yunjin asked, appalled at the sudden information, while still keeping her voice in a whisper volume, afraid to attract attention and get a violation for swearing. “That son of a bitch has been flirting with you and I'm finding out that he has a girlfriend? How did you find out?”

“On the phone when I called them over. He thought my name was Love and he said he was thinking of a friend with the name Love. So that friend must be his girlfriend right? If he's thinking of her!”

Yunjin's face falls before letting out a snort that she tried very hard to hide but it turned out to be louder than she thought it would be. 

“Miss Yunjin, inside voice please,” your other supervisor, Ms. Hwang calls. Yunjin slaps a hand over her mouth to hold back her laughter.

“Bitch, Sunghoon has been giving you heart eyes since you walked into this office! How dense must you be to not see that he was openly flirting with you?” Yunjin argued in a whisper tone. “I am so done with you!”

“He was thinking of Love!”

“You are Love! He probably made up a stupid excuse because you didn't buy his advance!” Yunjin continued laughing. “Oh my God! Baby girl! Are you okay? Have you ever flirted in highschool?”

“I was homeschooled…” you replied shyly at your lack of experience with socialization. “Family moved a lot when I was a kid.”

“Explains why you're so weird,” Yunjin nodded understandingly. “Doesn't matter now! Do you like Sunghoon?”

“I never spoke to him other than a while ago when I had to ring him up to fix Mrs. Lim's issue,” you replied shortly. 

“Ugh! Do you find him attractive?”

“I told you! He can be cute,” you replied, nonchalantly as you slowly transition your focus back to your unfinished task. 

“Then text him! I have his number!” Yunjin clapped excitedly, earning another stern glare from Ms. Hwang but Yunjin does not pay her any mind and instead pulls her phone from the back pocket. “Text him! Here!”

You mindlessly copied her actions, unlocking your phone and typing the number from Sunghoon's contact displayed on Yunjin's phone. But as you typed, the same number appears in your suggested contacts. 

“Wait? Do you have his number?” Yunjin asked, confused as she took your phone from your hand. “Why is his number named ‘Weird delivery man’? Is he stalking you? Already?”

“No! The weird delivery man keeps sending me delivery notices! I didn't even order anything and nothing ever arrives! I only saved its number to report it to my service provider this weekend!” You explained, taking your phone from Yunjin to show her the messages between you and the weird delivery man.

“What a fucking loser,” Yunjin mumbles to herself as she holds back a laugh. “It is Sunghoon. It's obviously Sunghoon! You don't have to report it. I gave your number to Jake yesterday, that's why he has it!”

“So you're just giving out my phone number out there, Jennifer?”

“I only ever gave your number to Jake and Sunghoon!” Yunjin replied, holding her right hand up to prove her innocence. 

“What are we talking about? Why am I being spoken about?” Sunghoon asked, popping right beside your cubicle.

“Why did you pretend to be  stupid delivery man, you idiot?” Yunjin asked him, moving to slightly slap his arm. “You almost got reported to the service provider!”

“Wait, you thought I was an actual delivery guy?” Sunghoon asked, flabbergasted that she bought on to the joke when he only thought she was just playing along.

“You introduced yourself like a delivery man, Sunghoon, what were you expecting from me?” you roll your eyes at me. “You're disturbing my work. Go back to your area now!”

You wanted them out as soon as possible—you were embarrassed, of course! Your heart was beating so fast and it wasn't something you were used to. Is it really embarrassment that got your heart racing? Or was it your first time ever finding someone attractive and then realizing they are into you?

You hated to admit it but you knew deep inside it was the latter. Yunjin would agree.

“You like Sunghoon,” Yunjin happily says before moving to look at her pile of papers to scan on her own.

Just as when you thought your internship term was boring.

 .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

The following weeks were filled with you, Yunjin, Sunghoon and Jake waiting for each other on the way to the office,  before lunch or before going home. It turned out that Sunghoon and Jake live in the same apartment complex as you and Yunjin, just a few floors higher up. So, it was only sensible to just wait on each other and just take one cab instead of going on two different cabs on the way to the office.

You could’ve sworn you were buying your own morning coffee for the entire week. Until you realized you had saved up some money already from Sunghoon buying your coffee before you could do it for yourself. You couldn’t hide the violent blush that rushed to your face when you realized that while you were sitting in your cubicle with Yunjin. You couldn’t calm your heart from racing once again the moment you put in a thought about it. 

Sunghoon took the time to note your usual order when you were ordering it for yourself one time and made sure he got the same one every day before you and Yunjin met them in the apartment lobby. He always made sure you were seated behind the driver because not only was it the safest seat to be in, but also he noticed you got motion sickness whenever you sat in the middle seat. He would also drop by whenever he has the chance to the cafeteria before lunch to ask for what would be served for lunch and inform you and Yunjin beforehand, just in case you were allergic or did not feel like eating what was going to be served. 

So, yes. You are violently and absurdly blushing over the fact that for once in your life, you are experiencing what it is like to be adored by someone who isn’t a friend or family. While most of the times, you didn’t pay it much mind, due to the fact that you always seemed to be busy getting buried under mounds of papers that needs to be scanned, sorted and filed into very specific color coded folders—now it made so much sense why Sunghoon stuttered whenever you two spoke, because you were gradually finding yourself doing the same way.

“Coffee,” you smiled at Sunghoon, handing him his usual iced americano. The boy seemed surprised that you were earlier than him and Jake without Yunjin to be found anywhere. 

“You didn’t have to!” he blushed, a smile growing from ear to ear as soon as he saw the little ‘Good luck with your day’ note you asked the barista to write on his cup. “I was supposed to get your coffee every morning. Why are you here so early?”

“I just thought I should get the coffee this time. Here’s Jake’s!” You smile at him, handing Jake another cup from the carton tray you obviously struggled to hold on your own, leading Sunghoon to immediately take it from you. “Thank you. Yunjin could not be bothered to wake up earlier than she usually does, so I just went and grabbed our coffee on our own.”

Sunghoon couldn’t help but look at you adoringly. You were so… nice and innocent in a way. Over the course of the past few days, you seemed like the person to just mind your own business, succumbing into your own little world. With a little more confirmation from Yunjin, he was able to understand that this has always been the case for you. You weren’t  the best at socializing and it really does take some time for you to adjust to some people. And something about you being so lively and smiley with him and Jake now (compared to your stoic expression when he first saw you) meant too much to him because it was as if you were finally letting them in your little bubble. 

“Thank you, Y/N!” Jake happily takes the coffee from the tray. “Yunjin just texted me. She’s on her way down. I’ll go book the taxi right now.”

“I’ll wire you the amount–”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s on me–”

“What? Sunghoon, no!” You argued but your little arguing figure only seemed to bring him even more joy that you were interacting with him more and more. 

“You bought us coffee, the taxi is on me this time,” he explained carefully.

Oh boy. You just looked at him, stunned at his soft tone. 

“Smitten, I’m telling you. Sunghoon is smitten, and you can’t do anything about it, Y/N. Just let him pay for your taxi. Plus it’s gonna be like you paid for it anyway because you bought us coffee.”

You already felt like you weren’t going to win an argument with the both of them especially without Yunjin’s presence so you decided to just let it go. 

 .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Lunch break came around sooner than you thought as you were sorting through the signed official documents that needed to be filed away in the storage room after lunch. Yunjin was going around trying to get some documents signed by the superiors so it was mostly her doing all the tedious work without anyone to remind her about the time. You were only brought back to your senses when Yunjin came back calling you to go get lunch as Jake and Sunghoon were already waiting by the exit door of the floor. 

You tried to hide your excitement to see Sunghoon and Jake and complain about the piles of papers you had to sort through just a while ago. Yunjin often rants about it more, but since you did most of the work, you couldn’t help but get excited over wanting to dish about it. 

Yunjin could not help but notice the way your face and mood dropped when you found Wonyoung from Marketing talking to Sunghoon, even laughing about something you couldn’t quite point out. You heard they were working together on the upcoming event, which honestly, for the first time in your life you wanted to be involved in but unfortunately it wasn’t a job for the Human Resource department, so there wasn’t that much to do. 

Does Sunghoon find her more interesting now that they’re spending more time together outside of lunches? 

You couldn’t explain why you were feeling that way. You and Sunghoon haven’t even talked about where you stood and you were already reacting like this. He would definitely lose interest in you even more as soon as he realizes how hard it is to put up with you.

“Jang Wonyoung!” Yunjin happily calls as the both of you approach them. “I haven't seen you around in a while!”

“The marketing team has been really busy with the event, so I haven't had much time to hang around,” she explained. Jang Wonyoung was ethereal to look at. You were sure that even if you spent the entire day staring at her face, you would still struggle to find a flaw. Even so, she had this light aura around her that made her so easy and light to be around with. Sunghoon would like her even more than you, surely. You had no chance against Wonyoung.

“Hi, Y/N!” She greeted you happily. “I haven’t seen you that much around. It’s nice to finally have a face to your name!”

“Hello, Wonyoung,” you replied, shyly, trying to match her energy even though it took a lot of energy for you to do so. “It’s nice to finally meet you too.”

“Well, I should go. Sunghoon, please remind Mr. Kang that the meeting in Room 601 at 2PM. Thank you so much, you are a saint!” Wonyoung skipped away, which somehow made you feel bad that you thought of her as someone who would take from you—she did nothing wrong and either way, she did not care. You seemed like the only person who cared about it and what does that make you feel? Pathetic. 

You couldn’t believe it. All these feelings for a boy that you’re not even exclusive with! You thought you were going insane!

“Y/N, are you coming?” Sunghoon asked, snapping you back to your senses, realizing that they were a good few steps away from you now on their way to the office cafeteria.

You nodded at him before following them, sticking close to Yunjin this time, instead of your usually comfortable proximity from Sunghoon. This time you were sat farthest away from him, avoiding any glances that would make you feel even more pity for yourself. It was ridiculous! All this for a boy? Insane! That’s what it is.

“Don’t you like your vegetables?” Sunghoon asked once again as he noticed you just looking at your beans and carrots on the side of your tray. You usually loved those, but you did not seem to be in the mood for them right now. Mind going back to the thought of Sunghoon falling for Wonyoung and choosing her instead of you over and over. 

You shrug your head, still not giving him a verbal response until now. “But you always ate those?” He asked curiously. 

“Are you okay, Y/N?”  Jake asked.

Oh you hated that everyone’s eyes were on you now, even Yunjin’s. You feel like you were being put on the spot and you hated it. It feels like you don’t have a choice but to say something even though technically you have every right not to say anything. 

You lied and nodded at them. 

“Liar,” Yunjin rolled her eyes. “Your mood has been off since we got to the dining hall. It’s going to help you so much if you could just tell us what’s going on.”

You could already feel that you were creating an awkward atmosphere by going non-verbal on everyone. “Sorry. Just wasn’t feeling like talking.”

Lunch was over before you knew it. Even though everyone carried on with their conversations with you just listening to them, you knew that all of them were concerned with the sudden dip in your mood with how everyone glanced at you every now and then. 

“Jen, could I borrow Y/N for a minute?” Sunghoon managed to grab you by the arm as you and Yunjin moved to leave the cafeteria. 

Yunjin looked at Sunghoon understandingly before turning to look at you. “Do you want to be borrowed?”

You looked at Sunghoon, who looked like a kicked puppy, pleading for a bit of your time. How could you say no to that? 

The both of you found yourself in one of the empty balcony areas of the office that usually served as a smoking area to some visitors and employees that smoked. 

“Did something happen?” He asked, as he sat next to you in one of the benches in the balcony.

You thought of it hard if it was worth saying. After all, you really were no competition to Wonyoung. There was no point fighting him for it—it’s not like you were something in the first place. You were just overreacting right?

“I’m just overreacting. Nothing really happened,” you confessed, looking at your hands while you picked on them to continue avoiding his gaze. 

The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. You hoped he would eventually buy your lies but it did not seem to convince him at all.

“If it makes you react like this, then it must’ve mattered to you,” he explained, reaching for your hand to keep your fingers from picking at the skin around your fingers, a habit he noticed you do whenever you were uncomfortable or anxious. “Was it something I did?”

You shrugged, letting him hold your hand. “You’re okay.”

“Then what seems to be wrong, darling?”

You contemplated on whether you should tell him or not because now that you’ve thought of it, you think that you might’ve been jealous and had been obvious with it. You and Sunghoon are merely just friends—you haven’t talked about anything. You knew you absolutely had no right to be jealous if that was the case.

“It’s petty.”

“I don’t care if it is,” he sighed. “Petty or not, I want to know just so if I can do something about it, you wouldn’t be uncomfortable about it the next time.”

“What’s it like to work with Wonyoung?” You blurted out.

He looks at you surprised, though somehow was able to piece it all together as he smiled at you softly, squeezing your hand in between his. 

“Were you jealous of Wonyoung?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘jealous.’ We’re not even a thing to begin with.”

“Do you want us to be?”

It was your turn to be surprised. You did not expect to hear that question so soon, with only just two weeks of hanging out. Well, if he was that important to you to the point that you were feeling jealous, then maybe you liked him that much as well, don’t you? You liked Sunghoon. You were way past the point of denying that when you asked the barista to write him the note this morning and when you decided that you were going to make an effort to do something nice for him today.

You didn’t know what made you confident enough to do what you did, you managed to clasp your hand with his and nodded your head. 

Sunghoon almost jumped in his seat, he could feel a tear forming in the corner of his eye. Despite his cold visuals, god, he was expressive as hell and his eyes always had a warm look on them. You didn't quite understand why his parents made him look like that. He looks so handsome and confusing everytime you look at him, but it is always a pleasure to be confused if it's Sunghoon you're looking at.

“What's to say you're not going to choose Wonyoung over me along the line?” You asked him, making him chuckle.

“Because Wonyoung and I are related,” he smiled softly. “She's close to me, we grew up together. Our mothers are siblings.” He explained it so carefully while he ran his thumb in circles against the back of your hand, soothing you as he breaks down his relationship with Wonyoung. “I'm also pretty sure Wonyoung likes girls more than she likes guys. Who knows? Maybe Wonyoung can steal you from me?”

Now that you know that information, you realize that Sunghoon and Wonyoung did slightly look alike. You were too jealous to spot it the first time—also, how dare Yunjin not tell you earlier! She's friends with Wonyoung! There's no way she wouldn't have known! She definitely knows.

“Wonyoung could be our kids’ fun sapphic aunt!” he joked, making you snap back to reality.

“Hold your horses, Sunghoon,” you chuckled at him. “Dine me first, at least!”

“What does 7PM after shift sound like? I'll tell Yunjin that I'll bring you home before 10?”

“Only if there's wine.”

“We'll take the best one they have then,” he chuckled, pulling you for a tight hug. You instinctively wrapped yours around his waist and accepted his embrace. “I'm sorry for making you feel weird about me and Wonyoung, Y/N.”

“I should've asked first,” you mumbled. “At least I can be friends with Wonyoung without worrying if I'm homewrecking her relationship.”

Sunghoon laughed at your reply, pulling away before checking his watch. 

“I should give you back to Yunjin. Your break time is almost over,” he sighed. “But I'll pick up at your table later, alright?”

“Mhmm,” you hummed. “Don't miss me too much.”

“A lot to ask for, darling.”

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

“Are you cold?” Sunghoon asked as soon as they entered the diner near the office. It wasn’t too casual, it didn’t look too fancy either. It looked like it was built a few decades before but it was well-maintained, especially the mini tabletop jukebox sitting on the table that’s looking more pristine than ever.

You shrug your head politely at Sunghoon. “How did you know about this place?” You asked, looking around, mesmerized at the decades old interior that survived the different aesthetics that evolved outside of it through the years. 

“My mom used to bring me and my sister here after practice,” he smiled, looking around even pointing at the diner’s mini photowall. “I have a picture right there when I was seven, when I won my first junior national title. During the weekends, my mom and my sister would wait for me until late night to finish practice. We’d eat late dinner here because it would be the only place that’s open by the time I get out of training.”

Something about Sunghoon fondly looking at the place while he talked about his childhood made your heart swell in your chest. You were at least glad that the story behind bringing you to a cute diner was a fond memory and not a routine thing for every single girl he asks out on a date. You were relieved to find out that he isn't like anything Yunjin had tried to warned her about.

“Any suggestions on what I should order then?” you smiled at him. Sunghoon wanted to melt right then and there when you asked, he already had everything written and rehearsed in his head back when he was only fantasizing about talking to you and how here he is on a full on date in a place that he have always been dreaming of taking a girl to ever since he was a little kid.

Sunghoon excitedly scooted over and smiled at her, reaching for the menu to see if it had changed and if his favorite burger was still there. Fortunately, it was still there. He chuckled and pointed it out, explaining every ingredient and how to add up to the immaculate taste of it. He does the same in the pizza that they decided to order. You couldn’t help but chuckle at how big of a nerd he is. It was cute. It really adds up to his charm.

“The last time I was in an actual diner was when my mom picked me up from the hospital because I broke my arm from a bullying incident in school. I was homeschooled after that and we tend to move a lot so I didn’t have any friends prior to being classmates with Yunjin when we finally settled here in Seoul,” you told him, looking at your phone scrolling through your mom’s facebook to show him a photo of you from your freshman year in your pretty private high school uniform with a cast and a pink sling on your arm. You had spaghetti sauce all over your face and your uniform from trying to eat with one hand only. 

“Do I have to get you a napkin? You seem like a really messy eater,” Sunghoon teased. You glared at him playfully, locking your phone and putting it back in your purse.

“No, thank you. I have two functional arms now.”

“Was it fun?”

“What is?”

“Moving around the world,” he asked, fiddling on the engravings of the spoon as he looked at you. 

“Depends on how you define fun,” you responded. “I'm convinced I never really had fun before I met you, Jake and Yunjin.”

Sunghoon cocks his head to the side, curiously raising his brows as if it was going to help him hear better. 

“You guys seem to know how everything works and rarely ever cared about how things would affect you,” you explained. “Maybe that comes with being exposed to the world. I didn't have much of that. Myself from 3 years ago would have a heart attack if she found out that I am on a date now, to be honest.”

“Myself from 3 months ago would have a heart attack if he found out that I am on a date with you right now,” he grinned, eyes crinkling cutely as he giggled. 

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

After many more personal stories and a few more glasses of wine, you were tipsy enough for Sunghoon to assume that it was time to go home. He later found out that you have never tried riding a bus without your mom before due to your semi-overprotective mom choosing to drive you around or give you cab money instead of letting you get on the platform. There was no judgment at all, after hearing all your stories about you and your mom’s adventures around the world and with your dad walking out on you and your mom when you were very young, Sunghoon understands that you were all that your mom has and even he would do whatever it takes to make sure you were safe and alive if you were the only one left for him too.

That being said, it’s the exact reason you and Sunghoon are waiting for the bus’ last trip all tangled in each other's arms, giggling as you continue telling each other’s lores.

Sunghoon was nice. Scratch that—he was amazing—incredible even. He walked on the side near the street, he held your hand while crossing, always made sure you were comfortable, seeing as it was your first time experiencing all that. He was a gentleman. Oh dear. You couldn’t ask for anything more. 

It didn’t take that long though before you started gaining stares, especially after the event where the other Marketing interns watched Sunghoon cling to your side the entire time despite them having more time to work together during the preparations. Wonyoung had her fair share of death stares towards her colleagues but it could only go so far—she couldn’t control them whenever she had her back turned on them. You and Wonyoung eventually became friends too after all that fiasco.

“It’s so annoying!” Wonyoung complained as she brought her tray next to you and Yunjin across from her cousin and Jake. “They are still yapping about seeing you and Y/N in the event! It’s not like they’re entitled to your ugly ass’ attention! Literally it’s so awkward to work with them! All they talk about is Sunghoon this, Sunghoon that. It’s like they want to lick your ass or something!”

“I’m not sure if I want to hear that girlypop,” Jake snorted, holding back his laughter at Wonyoung’s choice of words. 

“I heard one of the marketing interns whispering names when we were in the elevator this morning,” Yunjin rolled her eyes. 

Jake found it bizarre that you seemed to be the most unbothered among you three. You were just minding your own business sorting out the beans and the carrots from your vegetable side and seemed to be having a great time unlike your friends who are about to burst in annoyance that all those are being said to you.

“You don’t seem bothered by it, Y/N. No?”

“I’ve been bullied multiple times before,” it was your turn to snort now. “All these are not even a quarter compared to what I’ve experienced. Plus, if I’m going to be called a slut, which happened on multiple occasions in middle school and high school, it's at least worth it now.”

“For the record, I do not treat you like anything of that sort,” Sunghoon defended himself. 

“Thank fucking god, Sunghoon!” Wonyoung dramatically sighs. “Thank you for giving us the bare minimum!”

“The bar is in hell anyway,” Yunjin laughed. “I think he’s at least decent.”

Everyone else will have an opinion about how Sunghoon treats you but to you, Sunghoon was the nicest guy you’ve ever met. Okay, maybe that’s not as reliable to hear considering you don’t meet and be friends with a lot of people—but Sunghoon isn’t anything like Yunjin’s ex-boyfriends. He listens to every word you say and remembers it. He treats you very well—even your mom agrees when you told her about him once. Yunjin was giddy kicking her feet while lying on her stomach on your bed that night. They were both so fond of Sunghoon and how gentle he is with you.

So, yes. Maybe you were going to be called a slut probably more times than you thought but maybe for once it’s worth it—if this time, you are with Sunghoon.

—end

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

masterlist

a/n : hi hello ! i've been soooooo busy with internship and the idea of this fic might or might not be inspired by my little office crush on the IT intern on the other side of our floor pls HAHAHAHAHA anyways, i hope you liked this one ! you can leave your thoughts here or through the notes! lemme know what i can still improve on or what you want me to write nexttt !!

tnx for making it this far <33

xo, anya ୨୧

[criesincomicsans]

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT SOME OF YOU ARE UNAWARE OF MY SOULMATE

BEHOLD!!!!

THIS IS MOO DENG HER NAME MEANS BOUNCING PORK SHES A BABY PYGMY HIPPO AT A THAI ZOO AND SHE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT

GIVE HER LOVE

(pics courtesy of her trainers. thank you @yellowwwcrayon for introducing her to me)

[anyalovesu]

𝓐fter the Aftermath

 heeseung x medical school fem!reader

—you and heeseung are best friends and highschool sweethearts that broke up before you entered medical school. now one of your friends from your highschool friend group is getting married—and they want the whole gang back before the wedding.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

genre : angst with fluff ending ( slightly suggestive ending again lol )

pairings : heeseung x fem!reader

wc : 4.4k+ words

cw :

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ oc is mentioned ( ida )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ non-idol!au

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ heeseung and reader were immature and dense asf

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ jake, chaeryeong, and reader casually refers each other as "bitch"

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ( ft. en- & chaeryeong from itzy )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ jay and mentioned oc are getting married

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ not proofread ( yet )

song : already over - sabrina carpenter ( emails i can't send , 2022 ) & you're losing me - taylor swift ( from the vault , 2023 )

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

“A fucking Darry ring! Jay, you romantic fucker!” Chaeryeong squeals as soon as she sees the ring. “I didn't know you had it in you!”

“The fuck you mean you didn't know I had it in me? I've basically courted all three of you because you gatekept Ida so much in highschool!” Jay argued. To be fair, it really was the case. You three were looked at like feral cats whenever someone took the other. It took a lot of warming up for Heeseung back then when he started dating you. Ida and Chaeryeong have always been hesitant to let anyone in your heart, after all you have always been a woman with a goal and god knows what lengths your girls will take to make sure you get to your goals. You're just the same to them, so it was never a question for anyone. You never hesitated to bite whenever someone tried to hurt your girls. You saw each other through all of your phases, it was something that you learned overtime. 

“But a Darry ring…” Chaeryeong trailed, holding Ida’s hand, admiring the shining diamond ring on her ring finger. You weren’t going to lie, the ring was beautiful, somehow, it really encapsulates the beauty of your friend just as well. You supposed Jay just knows her that well. “You’re gonna be stuck with this bitch for the rest of your life, Jongseong.”

“The fuck did you just say?”

“I don’t mind,” he replies lovingly. 

You couldn’t help but feel your heart clench. You feel as though it was just yesterday when Heeseung would promise the same exact things to you and now you couldn’t bear to look at him. He was your bestfriend too—before you even met Chaeryeong and Ida. How did it even come to this?

“You’re quiet,” Jake chuckles, finding a seat next to you from the garden chair where you sat with your tablet, seemingly reviewing your fill for the weekend—bullshit, everyone knows you’re watching Chaeryeong admire the sparkling stone on Ida’s finger when everyone expected you and Heeseung to be the first to marry. And you thought so too. There was no other future than the one you once saw with Heeseung and it seemed to vanish into thin air when he needed more from you and there was nothing more than you could give. 

“Do you want me to let the entire building know I’m here like Chaer is right now?” You playfully ask, trying to pull a grin for him to stop speculating. 

“I’m saying all you have to do is admit that it hurts you, and it’s gonna feel a bit better.”

“I don’t have it in me to be hurt that my best friend is getting married to the love of her life.” You replied quietly, pretending to look at your tablet once again to avoid looking at Jake, who seemed to suddenly develop a magical skill to read your mind. “Ida deserves all that. I’m not supposed to be hurt that she’s going to spend the rest of her life with someone she wants to be with.”

“Ida does deserve to have her happy ending,” Jake nodded. “But it doesn’t make your feelings less valid.”

“I don’t get to be hurt over something that I brought upon myself.” You hummed, gathering your things to leave. But Jake managed to catch your hand, stopping you on your tracks.

“If he bothers you, just tell me and Chaer. We’ll take care of it.” He smiled at you pitifully before letting go of your hand. 

“Thank you.”

It’s been years. You should’ve been over this long ago, and even though some days feel better than the others, you couldn’t help but blame yourself for how things went down with you and Heeseung.

You could still vividly remember how you cried in your study while Heeseung screamed and begged for you to say something—to fight him about something, that even just for a glimpse, show that you still care—but you tried to block him off, fully knowing that Heeseung was already ready to walk out of your life if you didn’t say a word and start an argument with him. But your medical admissions exams were coming up—you couldn’t fail your medical admission exams, your dad is already barely making enough to send you and your sister to school and your mom was sickly. You couldn’t fail and risk another year of hardship for your family. 

Heeseung packed his bags and left that night. You didn’t reach out—kept pushing making sure you arose to the top of your class to retain your scholarship. 

It’s been 3 years now. Your sister is in college and you were in medical school by means of your inheritance from your spinster aunt who had just passed away. While your father doesn’t have to work just as much because of your inheritance, he still has to make a living for him and your mom. What caused your and Heeseung’s drift was long resolved, but you didn’t have him anymore. You were on your own now.

“Are you okay, noona?” Riki points out as he reaches out to take your hand, pulling you back to reality as you stand in what you thought was an empty hallway.  “You’re breathing fast.”

“Y-yeah, sorry.” You took your hand, immediately walking over to your shared room with Chaer to avoid talking about it even more.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

“Have you said something?” Jay asked curiously as he stood next to Heeseung who seemed busy playing billiards with Sunghoon and Jake. 

As if on cue, Sunghoon and Jake look up from the pool table to glance at Jay and Heeseung, who kept his eyes on the table, seemingly trying to ignore Jay. 

“Hyung, you can't keep on ignoring Y/N over something you were already aware of,” Jake sighed, looking at Heeseung intently. “You knew it was virtually impossible for her to give what you wanted her to give during that time.”

“Was it really that hard to give?” Heeseung spat at him, fuming that his friends are refusing to side with him on this one. “She could've said something!”

“Hee, you were asking her to marry you!” Jake argued. “Before M-DEET! You know how important that is for her! One point off on that exam and the scholarship is down the drain—and you thought it was the best time to propose? Heeseung, your best friend was about to break and you thought popping the question was a great idea?”

Jay was just as furious. How could Heeseung be that inconsiderate to you? You've been there for him in the best way that you could for more years than the rest of the group and never failed to give an answer to him in all of those years and the first time you failed to do so, he walked away and allowed you to blame yourself for it? He is insane to think that!

“She could've said no, Jongseong! She could've told me she didn't want to marry me—”

“Do you really think Y/N was no longer in love with you, that's why you walked away?” Sunghoon mumbles quietly. 

“Why else?” Heeseung rolls his eyes, staring at Sunghoon hard, slamming the cue stick on the table. “She was with Jake most of the time—she still is. Maybe she wanted to marry Jake!”

“Okay, foul—” Jake looked appalled at the accusation. “Number 1, maybe if you wanted to pursue medicine too, you would be in the conversation. Number 2, hyung, literally what the fuck—she spent the last three years wishing she said something because she loved the living fuck out of your stupid excuse of an existence. And number 3, if you don't get your ass together and make amends with Y/N, I swear to your stupid excuse of a living, God will ignore all your hopes and dreams like you are ignoring the truth right now.”

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

You say quietly by the deck, feet dipped in the cold lake water, listening to the cicadas sing their song for the night. It's been a while since you've had this kind of peace to yourself away from books and hospital halls. Don't get yourself wrong, you absolutely have no regrets on pursuing your dream—it wasn't just yours after all, it was your family's too. So, you really don't find it in you to regret putting everything in the line to chase for your medical degree. But man was it sad.

“You've been so quiet, babe,” Chaer mumbles quietly, which startled you a bit, making her laugh lightly as she settled next to you.

“The guys spoke to Heeseung-hyung,” Riki follows, sitting on your otherside. 

“Why aren't you with them?” You asked. It's also been a while since all of you had a break, it was concerning to you why Riki wasn't spending it with someone he could relate to better and instead is preferring to sit here in boredom with you.

“I see them every time. It's been a while since I saw you and I wanted to make sure you were okay. You looked a bit shaken up a while ago,” the younger explains, reaching for your hand to fiddle with it. His hands were warm, unlike yours. You've always had freezing hands, you reckon it was the lack of sleep that caused your low-iron levels. A bit ironic to be unhealthy while pursuing a health-related program, but you suppose that's the way that it has to go. “Your hands are never warm.”

“They used to.” Chaer joked, before leaning her head against your shoulder. 

“I'm going to push you bitch, don't try me,” you playfully threaten.

“But seriously, are you never going to talk about it?” Riki finally blurts out. “It's obviously taking a toll on you to be around him.”

“It's not the place for that—”

“Oh it is,” Chaer snorted. “It's all Ida and Jay are worrying about. You're going to be Ida's maid of honor and Heeseung is Jay's best man. You two are going to do a heck lot together when you take your break from school and start to do the wedding preparations with and for them. So it's smart to do this and let you guys sort it out. But the both of you seem to not get a fucking hint. So here we are.”

You sat flabbergasted at Chaer's expected bluntness. She always spoke before she could think, it was so in character of her to just blurt that out like it was nothing. 

“Sweetheart, the way you and Heeseung ended isn't doing it good for the both of you—so whether you're going to get back together or close it off for good is going to be beneficial for everyone, especially you, once it's done.” She continued. “I don't understand why you're always so passionate to help and take care of people but never seem to take care of yourself. You purposely put yourself through shit and just expect yourself to live normally with it.”

“Do I really have the resources to not be in shit, Chaer?” You asked quietly, watching the calm lake and the moon sitting quietly on the horizon, lighting up the deck along with the light fixtures in the nearby gazebo. “I had a family to sustain and he was asking me to start a life with him. I couldn't do that and he knew it.”

“And I wanted to do just that. I wanted to marry him—but what about my family? What about Eunchae? Eomma? Appa? If it was just me, I would've said something. I would've just argued my entire night with him because I loved him more than I could ever possibly love myself but our future was on the line the next day. Did he ever think of that? He was my best friend! He should’ve known that!”

Chaer sat there listening to her, sloshing the water her feet were in. It was the first time in three years you ever talked about it. It was always hard for you and you drowned yourself in school to ever have time to speak about how you felt. And honestly, it felt lighter now. Your face was wet with tears and your chest was clenching but it was lighter now. 

“I totally understand why Ida and Jay wanted to do this. But is it really possible? When Heeseung still thinks I just left him hanging for school?”

“Get your ass right there and speak it out, you wuss!” 

All three of your heads turn to where the deck started, to see Sunghoon and Jake holding Heeseung by both of his arms, Sunoo and Jungwon following behind, making sure to catch Heeseung if he escapes the two holding him. Not too far away from the back door of the rest house, Jay and Ida stood with Jay's arm around your best friend's shoulders, laughing at the scene unfolding before them. They are sneaky motherfuckers for managing to pull this off, that’s for sure.

“Well, I think it's a conversation you two have to make now,” Chaer chuckled evilly at you, placing a soft kiss on you cheek before pushing herself up to stand on the deck and helping you and Riki.

Soon enough you and Heeseung were left alone. It was quieter now that everyone was dragged by Chaer inside the house to leave the two of you alone to talk it out. 

Awkward. That’s what it is. You wouldn’t even look Heeseung in the eye. Were you afraid to fall for it again? Or were you afraid that it’ll taste more bitter now that you’re going to hear from Heeseung how selfish you were? Either way, it hurts. To be there and to not have the courage to say or do something. You could walk away… yeah that’s sensible. You could walk away and just leave things unsaid—it was the easy way out. But you know it’s not going to make anything better. 

“In your entire lifetime, have you ever thought of kissing Jake?” Heeseung blurts out, sitting perfectly still. So still, that his feet weren’t creating ripples on the water it was dipped in.

Your eyes shoot wide as you sharply turn your body towards him, finding him looking at you intently, waiting for your response. 

You? And Jake?

For as long as you could remember Jake has pined for Chaeryeong and you saw them as children that would die if they hadn’t got you to rely on ever since you started your pre-med. Jake has always been just a friend and for most of the years that you were friends with him, you were with Heeseung—you never thought of kissing Jake. You’ve always had Heeseung to do that with, it was nonsensical to think of ever kissing someone else.

Also, that was he thinking about all this time? That you and Jake were going to be a better pair than you and him?

“Is that why you walked away? You thought you would lose me to Jake?” You asked, appalled as you feel your heart doing somersaults inside your chest, gnawing at your ribcage, going berserk as you connect the dots right in front of you.

“Is it stupid?” he asked shamefully as he let out a huge sigh, eyes diverting towards his feet now. “You were with Jake for most of your time. I only see you when I come home from work after university and wake up with you getting ready to get in his car to start your day. What was I supposed to think?”

“Jake is your friend, Hee.” You utter, brows still furrowed but you didn’t have it in you to be mad at him—after all he had a point and you were finally hearing it for the first time. “Why would you think I would do that to you?”

“I know you wouldn’t. But Jake could. He has everything I don’t and I was immature to think that asking you to marry me would somehow give me comfort that it wasn’t going to happen because that’s what you do when people are upset. You offer them comfort. So when you weren’t arguing with me to somehow give me what I was needing that time I took it as a sign that I have already lost you to Jake. And I walked away.” You watch him intently, trying to figure out if he was being forced to do this or if he genuinely wanted to fix this after quite some time. 

But Heeseung is Heeseung. He’s always been hard to predict. Was he really though? Or were you always too busy to notice what he was feeling that way?

You could’ve done something to mitigate the situation. You would’ve explained it better before you were in a tight situation where you physically and mentally couldn’t. How could you not notice? Heeseung is your best friend before everyone else. How come you never felt it?

“But I guess they were right. You had a dream and there’s nothing that could change your mind on that,” he sighed heavily. “It was immature. We were so young back then. Even I wouldn’t have known how I would’ve started that new chapter with you—it’s just that at that time, it was the only solution that I got. So I’m incredibly sorry for all the damage that I’ve caused.”

You didn’t quite know what to say. The confession was overwhelming that you found yourself speechless, just sitting there next to Heeseung, whom you know deep inside of your heart, despite all the pain he’s caused, you still loved so much. After all, you inflicted just as much pain to him when all that happened. But there were no words for the situation and it was eating you up that you didn’t know what to say. You felt like you were putting him in the same position as you did three years ago.

“I don’t know why I let my ego take so much of me in the past years to never reach out and try to fix this,” he continued. “It would be fine if you cannot forgive me right now. I can only hope that you do at some point in our lives—”

“Give me time to process it, Heeseung,” you blurted out, forcing yourself to say something. Even just for once, give it your all to never let Heeseung slip from your fingers again like you had done when you said nothing back then. “Give me time. That's all I want.”

“Take as much time as you want,” he smiles softly at you.

Oh you knew you were fucked when you saw that smile again. It’s like your demons were fighting themselves once again and not you anymore—you couldn’t explain it. You were happy and you haven’t felt that specific feeling of love and happiness for quite some time. How can it be so easy for Heeseung to do that to you?

On your third day out there, all of you found yourself sitting in a circle in the living room, with a couple of bottles of expensive sangria. It also turned out that you didn’t drink much because you were not blessed with the best alcohol tolerance that Chaeryeong and Jake had. After a couple glasses of sangria, you were already properly drunk off your face. But to your comfort, Ida was not any better. Jay had brought her to bed a good hour ago and the fact that you're still here, still sipping on your glass is an achievement itself. 

“I miss when Jake wasn’t a bitch and he actually did not have to rely on me on Chaer to pass,” you blurted out, laughing as you leaned against Chaer. 

“When was that? When wasn’t Jake a bitch?” Chaer laughed, unaware that she was actually sitting across from where you were instead of beside you. Heeseung could only smile as his heart swells at the sudden skinship. It’s been a while since he felt that way—or maybe he was just buzzed from the Sangria—or maybe he was falling in love. Either way, he doesn’t mind. Your hair smells nice, and you seem cozy resting your heavy head on his shoulder. “Jake is born a bitch and will die a bitch.”

“Why am I catching strays all of sudden?” Jake argues, sitting up straight as he pours Chaeryeong another glass.

“Because you’re a bitch!” You laughed continuously, completely off your face as you snuggled closer to what you thought was Chaeryeong. “I don’t even know why Heeseung thought I would choose you over him. The only thing I ever think of is whether or not it’s valid to pick a fight with you for giving me a headache all the time! Why would I even think about kissing you?”

“Y/N–”

“Girl, don’t even get me started—I have to call you so I can get up in the morning, I have to send you notes, keep up with your org work and your duty schedule because if I don’t you’d be a damned dead man walking! And why would I want to kiss you! Heeseung did that very well—”

“I do?”

You could feel the vibrations of his voice against the side of your head…oh shit.

Chaer… Chaeryeong… is sitting across you… next to Jake—

So then… who’s…. You sit up hastily and sharply turn towards him. You soon feel the alcohol washing out of you as soon as you realize that it wasn’t Chaeryeong you were leaning against all this time. Holy shit. You wanted the ground to open and swallow you whole right then and there— you couldn’t do it anymore.

“Tell me, baby. Did I kiss you well?” he asked again, watching as your eyes turned from shocked to dilated as you tilt your head slightly, smirking at him.

“You haven’t in a while. I wouldn’t dare to trust my judgment on that one,” you answer him. You don’t even know where it came from, liquid courage got the best of you in this one. Even Jay was sitting there, in shock of how risky you were getting.

“Wouldn’t you want to know?” he dared.

“Okay, you’re both drunk—” Jungwon stands up, panicked, preparing to pull you away before you do something you will regret. 

“Oh let them be!” Chaer argues, pulling Jungwon back to his seat.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

You woke up with a massive headache. You daresay the world might be spinning before you as you pull yourself up from your bed. The sun was shining too bright—God you don’t remember having your bed across a glass door, what the hell.

And why doesn’t it smell like Chaeryeong lavender humidifier? 

You rub your eyes to try and get a grip on where you were. It didn’t take a few more blinks before you realized that this isn’t yours and Chaeryeong’s room.

“Fuck.”

Well, you were dressed at least. You weren’t hurting anywhere but your massive migraine to be so sure if you did hook up with anyone last night. Jesus, you couldn’t remember anything and every time you tried you were welcomed with a massive wave of headache.

“Well, at least you beat Ida too in waking up first.” Heeseung chuckled from the door, making you jump in surprise as you looked at him, shirtless with only his sweatpants on with a tray of breakfast.

“Why aren’t you dressed?” You yelled at him, looking away.

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before, Y/N,” he chuckled as he settled the tray in front of you. “Eat up. You were out of it last night, Chaeryeong had to fight you to get you to change into your pajamas.”

“What did I do last night?”

“Do you really want to know?” He chuckled as he moved around at the foot of his bed to make himself comfortable.

“I woke up in your room— I’m already in too deep, nothing could be more embarrassing.”

“Well, aside from fighting Chaeryeong to get you to change, you also fought Jake to switch rooms with you so he can room with Chaer and you’d be in our room.” He started. “You insisted we had a serious matter to talk about but as soon as you were lying on the bed you refused to sleep until I gave you a kiss.”

“So did you?” you asked, reaching for the cup of ginger tea on the tray.

“You did sleep, didn’t you?”

“Too bad I can’t remember it,” you hummed nonchalantly, closing your eyes as you enjoyed your tea. “Do you want to discuss the important matter now?”

“Do you even remember what the important matter was?” he replied. 

It was as if you could feel the room slowly turn cold as you peel your eyes open, seeing Heeseung look at you intently.

Of course you know what the important matter was. It was an important matter before you were drunk. It was an important matter before you were here in the first place.

“We were always an important matter to me, Hee,” you sighed. “I’m sorry I made you feel like it wasn’t three years ago.”

“It’s forgiven,” he replied shortly. “You had a lot on your plate and it took me a while to realize that. I should be the one asking for your forgiveness.”

“We both drew blood, Hee,” you said, softly, moving the tray to move closer to him. “And I fucked up just as much as you think you did. All I want to talk about is how do you want to move forward from this.”

“Would I be crazy to say that I want us to try again?”

You could feel your heart skip a beat as soon as you heard Hee asked you that. There’s nothing you wanted more than to have your Heeseung back. To have someone to hold and go home to. To be at home at last.

“It would be even more crazy of me if I declined that after years of manifesting fate would bring you back to me,” you smiled at him.

The next thing you knew he was moving the tray out of the bed, proposing something else for breakfast. You couldn’t care less, though. Your problems were all solved. Just have to survive medical school and everything else is in place—even if it wasn’t, at least Heeseung has you now—you don’t mind adversity, especially if it meant, Hee was there to hold your hand through it. 

—end.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

masterlist

a/n : hiiiiiii i'm so sorry for being mia ! internship and everything else with my personal life and school has been taking a toll on my mental health and i had to step back a bit which resulted into this ( along with the mob fic that i've been trying to write ) being pushed to the backburner but it's here now ! i would also like to thank u guys sm for the love you've given home race winner i genuinely did not think that fic would do well but i'm glad u guys enjoyed it ! i hope u guys enjoy this as much as that one !!

also if you have requests, or any plot ideas whether it may be for a part 2 of my other previous works lemme know here or dm me ! i'll try my best to write itttt ! ( might post my requests reminders later on but i'll let u guys know immediately if i'm uncomfy with the req, it's my first time doing this and i still don't have a concept of what i can and can't write so might still figure that out along the way )

tnx for making it this far <33

xo, anya ୨୧

[anyalovesu]

𝓗ome race winner

 Ferrari f1driver!jake x fem!writer!reader

—wherein your f1 driver boyfriend accidentally exposes your private relationship after he wins his first home grand prix. (or… jake is so whipped he forgot that he wasn’t supposed to reveal to everyone and their mom that you were more than friends)

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

genre : fluff ( slightly suggestive ending lmao )

pairings : jake x fem!reader

wc : 4.7k+ words

cw :

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ oc is mentioned ( yunhee )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ non-idol!au ; ferrari f1 driver!jake , writer!reader

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ jake is smitted as fuck and his friends can't say anything about it

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ riki and the reader are siblings!

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ( ft. beomgyu from txt ; keeho from p1h ; heeseung and riki from en- )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ featured idols are mentioned to have wags who are fem or fem-bodied

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ not proofread ( yet )

song : the alchemy - taylor swift ( the tortured poets department , 2024 )

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You sit quietly in your hotel bed typing away on your laptop, trying to make as much progress in your book as you could before the weekend becomes too hectic for you and Jake as he prepares to drive for his home race. Jake has been constantly getting podium wins, scoring just enough points for him to be a good competitor for the WDC this season. While Jake generally does keep an optimistic aura around him whenever he does or does not win, you knew that not being to bag this race for his team would greatly disappoint him, considering that if does win his home race, he would have enough points to surpass the Choi Beomgyu, who is currently at the top spot of the driver’s championship.

You frequently went to Jake’s races, you usually came with some of your common friends from your highschool, which then successfully hid from the media the fact that you two have been dating for the past 4 years, before he even debuted in Formula 1. It wasn’t like you guys were keeping it a secret, if you weren’t such an introvert with crippling anxiety, you would’ve gone on your own and everyone would’ve figured it out right off the bat that you and Jake were together. However, with the frequent presence of yours and Jake’s best friends, Sunoo and Jay, and sometimes your own brother, Riki, whom Jake has been close with ever since, everyone just assumed you were his best friend as well.

Honestly, some fans have speculated it already that some were just in denial of the fact that Jake was in a relationship that’s why they chose to just assume that you guys were just best friends—after all, despite the popularity that Jake has been gaining since his F1 debut 2 years ago, no one ever confirmed that you were together. Even your friends have done a great job keeping hush about it as for both your and Jake’s request in order to preserve the peace that your relationship had from being away from the media’s knowledge. After all, romance is not dead if you keep it just yours, right?

“Bubs, what time do you think you’ll be done writing?” Jake hums, walking over to you, Layla following him behind, who seemed to be still relentlessly excited since being home the past 2 days. She’s dealt with the jetlag better than you ever will because that woman slept through the entire day and woke up the next morning feeling more energetic than ever after the excruciating 16-hour private flight you had to get into with his teammate, Heeseung, and his partner along with some members of their media team. “The other guys have been wanting to hit the beach before media day tomorrow, do you want to come?”

“Just a few more lines and I’ll be good for the day I think,” you reply to him as he sits on the empty side of the bed next to you and glances at the screen in front of you. “What do you think about it?”

“I think your brain is beautiful and everything it writes is written with pink glitter gel pen,” he chuckles, before turning to give you a kiss. “You have such a beautiful mind, bubba.”

In perspective, no one actually expected that you and Jake would be dating. If it weren’t for that fortunate/unfortunate day that your boarding school’s publication assigned your last project with them to be an interview with Jake just when Jake got promoted to Formula 2, you two wouldn’t have met. You still have very mixed feelings about that day because you have always been shy and messaging a rising Formula 2 star for an interview was definitely beyond your limits of comfort—you can bet your bottom dollar that you had a panic attack before that interview because you’ve always been used to the behind-the-scenes productions of your publications. Let’s just say Jake never left you alone after that. 

He’s always been so enamored by the way you think and how gentle words come out of your mouth whenever you speak. He often wondered how much time it took whoever god out there that made you to delicately craft how your mind worked, how your intentions would come to be and how you would act upon it. Jake couldn’t fathom how beautiful you were on the inside and your pretty face was only the cherry on top of all of it. He was certain that even if he was interviewed with his eyes closed, he still would’ve fallen in love with you.

Smitten idiot, Heeseung would always call him.

“I’ve been stuck on this for days now,” you rolled your eyes at him, playfully pushing his face away before huffing in frustration. Your first book did so well two years ago, it came along the same time Jake was promoted to Formula 1, which then gave you both insurmountable pride and joy that you both were doing so well in your careers. “At this rate, I wouldn’t be able to finish this on my target date.”

“Then aim for the next target date,” he chuckled. “Baby. You always say, if I don’t win WDC this year, maybe it’s still too early or maybe the next one will be it. If you don’t finish this on the deadline, maybe your deadline is too early or maybe the next target date will be your actual deadline.”

“How dare you quote me against myself,” you pouted at him, moving your laptop from your lap to the bedside table before climbing up to his lap to look at him. “I taught you better than that.”

“Hmm,” he hummed, grinning so widely as he admired the way your eyes twinkled in the warm Melbourne sun shining through the glass doors of your huge hotel room. “You look so beautiful, bubs.”

“So are you,” you chuckled at him before planting a soft kiss on his lips, to which he gladly returned. You moved away before the kiss got too heated, you were well aware that your little brother, who had only started his Formula 3 journey this season, was staying in the room next door. You would very much like to not traumatize him just before his race as well.

“We should bring Riki along,” you tell him, as you hopped off his lap, moving towards the cabinet where you had already unpacked both of your clothes. “That kid needs to get off Roblox when he’s not training or racing.”

“He’s gonna have to remind you that you’re not your mom when he hears that.” he joked. 

“Yeah, I’m the one feeding and keeping him alive when he’s all over the world driving in funny circles, am I not?” you retort.

“That kid fears you more than his own mother,” Jake shrugged. Riki is driving for the same team that he had driven for during his Formula 2 and 3 days, the fact that he's also driving under the development programme of the current team that he is really did made the two bond like no other. It was a given fact that from the moment you had brought Jake home to meet your family, your little brother had found the older brother that he never had in him. The kid looked up to him since then.

“As he should,” you said as you rummage through the clothes to find a good swimsuit to wear for the beach trip. “Is this good or is it too revealing?”

“If it makes you feel nice, just wear it. Riki and I can fight.” He smiled standing up from the bed and walking over to you to press yet another kiss on your face. Seemed like he really couldn't keep himself away from you for that long.

Frankly, Jake absolutely despised the fact that you were always so anxious of what people thought of you. Were you dressed appropriately? Were you saying the right things? Were you being a good person? You’ve always been the type to do whatever pleases the people around you which led to the decision that it was best to keep your relationship private for the sake of letting you have your peace with the people’s eyes being diverted away from you. Most importantly, just as you try as you might to give him less things to worry about before a race, he tries just as much to give you less things to stress about that might hinder your progress in writing your book.

“I love you, have I told you that already?” you smile at him fondly, taking it to heart the effort he makes to make sure you are comfortable despite your aversion to being in the public eye. 

“Not enough if you have to ask,” he teased. Of course, you’ve already told him that and him the same to you. You’ve always been great with words, Jake figured that while his actions mattered just as much, you dearly appreciate feelings being put into words. So despite not being the very best in words, after being with you for long enough, he made sure that he also knew how to word out his love. It may not have been as good as how you do it, but he tries. 

You chuckle at him, walking over to pepper his face with kisses, mumbling i love you’s over and over after each kiss. 

“Noona! Ikeu! They’re asking if you guys want to come to the beach with us!” Riki blares, while simultaneously banging on the door. “You better not be doing the deed in there because I will vomit and stay inside and play Roblox instead.”

You rolled your eyes, stepping out of Jake’s way as he walked over to open the door for Riki. 

“Why do you even have that damn iPad, Riki?” You raised a brow at your little brother, hands on your hips as you eye the iPad that he was holding. “You’re literally going to the beach!”

“For pictures!”

“You have a phone, Riki!” you both went back and forth about the iPad while Jake stayed out of the conversation by preparing Layla for the trip, making sure she was leashed and ready to go after you change your clothes. After all, he knows better than to stay out of the sibling argument out of fear of also being on the receiving end of your nagging.

“Okay fine I’ll leave it here!” Riki huffed, placing the iPad on the coffee table in your hotel room before moving over to lie down on the sofa with Layla.

The yacht was most definitely fancy. Most of the people in there were just the same people in the grid and their partners, some of Riki’s friends from Formula 2, that you were acquainted with over the few times that you went to Jake’s races. It was usually their partners that you spoke with but every now and then you were on the receiving end of the teases that were only supposed to be directed to Jake. It’s only shits and giggles, you’ve grown comfortable over that since most of them were actually fun people to be with when they’re not driving and trying to push the other driver off the track.

You were helping the other wags take their sunset pictures when Jake approached you, offering your usual pink gin.

“Need something, bubba?” You asked as you felt him clinging on to you, arms snaking around your waist and chin resting on your shoulder as he tried to seem interested in how you took the other driver’s partner’s pictures. 

“Nothing, just missed you a bit. You’ve been with the girls for too long.”

“Jesus Christ, Jaeyun, no one is going to steal Y/N away from you!” Heeseung’s partner rolled their eyes at him, trying to push him away.

“No actually, I will steal Y/N out of spite if you don’t leave us alone,” Beomgyu’s partner jokes before pulling you away from him. “We haven’t seen her in a while, I think you should leave the wags alone here.”

“I will push your boyfriend off the track if you do that,” Jake playfully argues with her before moving over to kiss the side of your head and going back to the other drivers and leaving you to do your own thing.

“Your partners have successfully stolen my girlfriend,” Jake shrugged as he sat next to Heeseung who seemed to be having a great time playing hands with Layla.

“Because you were hogging her the entire time, Jaeyun,” he laughed at him. “The girls have been dying to get her to join them since she had to stay back for uni and you’re hogging their friend all to yourself.”

“Yeah, man. I haven’t congratulated Y/N on graduating recently!” Beomgyu cheered from the bar where he stood waiting for his drink to be made. “Y/N is cool for doing that with a book in-progress.”

“She is,” he hums softly. Watching you interact with the other wags really makes his heart swell in joy. 

You've always had a small social circle. For someone who worked with a publication before and just recently graduated from your film program, you sure did hate being around unfamiliar people. It always took you longer than the other to warm up to new people and consider them your friends. You just never were type for small talk. Whenever you spoke, you always said words that were meaningful and left a lasting memory on everyone who heard it. He remembers you telling him one time that you wished you had more friends because the only friends you ever considered were him, Sunoo and Jake's best friend Jay. Now, seeing you be so close with the entire grid’s wags really makes him proud of how far you’ve come from being too afraid to speak to them to her being immensely missed for not being present after she had to stay back for school.

“You are so whipped, it’s disgustingly cute, man,” Beomgyu shrugged at him, playfully hitting the back of his head. Jake doesn’t mind being teased for being whipped. He is. There’s nothing to deny about that—besides, it’s you. What’s to not be smitten about you? Even the guys’ partners agree with his sentiments.

“I won’t be surprised you become so whipped you accidentally tell everyone and their mom that you two are dating,” Keeho laughed at him. 

“It’s not like we’re keeping it a secret though. We just let everyone assume what they want. We never exclusively said we were just friends though?” Jake explained to him. “Plus the media is harsh as fuck. I really don’t want her going through whatever bullshit they told your partners when they were introduced.”

“Yunhee had to turn off her comments once because of how bad the hate got,” Heeseung sighed, recalling the faint memory of his partner getting blasted with hate comments when they started going out. Looking back at it, he really wished he approached the unavoidable media portion of their relationship the same way as Jake did.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Anyone in the paddock was shocked to see you with just Yunhee when the weekend came along. Which then resulted in social media having  literal outbreak with the rising suspicions that the Ferrari superstar was in fact out of the market and very much taken by you. There were mixed reactions, as Yunhee told you. You had your social media, but you rarely opened them to check. It didn't help that your work accounts were held by your manager and your socials were private. So Yunhee's input were the only words you could rely on in terms of what the people thought of you.

It made you anxious, to be honest, but after Jake finished a P3, a P2 and a P4 in three free practices, you couldn’t help but divert your attention to that, out of worry that your boyfriend might beat himself for not getting P1 just yet.  It was his home race, you knew getting those finishes might set him back a little so you preferred to just shake it off you instead of giving Jake another thing to think about than winning.

P2. He's starting from P2. Oh God. You were more nervous than ever for both Ferrari drivers as they sat one in front of the other, cars revving as they waited for the lights to go off

“He can do this,” Yunhee assured you, which to be honest was a little bit weird because her boyfriend was still technically competing with yours. Nonetheless, you appreciate her attempts to help you calm down. Only a fool would deny that you were more nervous than the driver with the way you refused to take your usual morning coffee or any heavy food in general—Yunhee would normally tease you if she didn't have a clear understanding how important this is to you as much as it is to Jake.

Your eyes never left the screen as you both sat in the garage, hands clasped tightly together, barely noticing how clammy each other's hands were. 

The last few laps were rolling more and more intensely as it passed by. Both Ferrari drivers were leading the race with Heeseung holding pole position is a millisecond of a gap from your boyfriend. I hated that you were going to beat yourself up for hoping Heeseung falters ever for a split second during one of the turns just so Jake could pass, especially when his girlfriend, whom you are very close with is rooting for him as well.

“And there goes Jake Sim finally overtaking his teammate Heeseung Lee, taking pole position in this home grand prix! Will he hold this position in the last 4 laps? Will Jake Sim win his home grand prix and take the lead in the driver's championships?”

“Keep your pace, Jake,” his engineer reminds him on his radio. “Heeseung is right behind you blocking Beomgyu.”

“I'm giving him a tow next race, please tell him that,” he happily chuckles as his grip on his steering wheel tightens, locking up as he and his teammate trails the last lap.

“Holy shit! Y/N? Is Y/N watching? I'm winning my home race!” He yells over his radio happily, euphoria consuming his body as he laughs freely. “Is my bubba watching?”

“Yes, Jake. Y/N is watching,” his engineer chuckles to him.

You could not believe it. Jake is finally winning his home race. After three years of finishing 2nd in Australia, he’s finally surpassed Heeseung and Beomgyu in his home race. Your Jake won.

Your face was wet with tears, thank the gods up above for waterproof makeup because she’d be doomed if not for it. Yunhee was dragging her down to the pitlane, just in front of the parc ferme to wait for Jake to cross the checkered flag. 

“Lee successfully blocks off Choi from overtaking, defending his and his teammates' position! Jake Sim! Jake Sim pushes for the very last time towards the end of the Australian Grand Prix and there he goes with one of the most brilliant drives of the 2024 Formula 1 season! 6th grand prix win of his career since he started racing for Ferrari when he was only 20 years old! At 22, Sim finally takes his first home race!”

 “Mon bebe, Jake won!” Yunhee happily claps hugging you tight as you bawl your eyes out once you see Jake cross the line and approach parc ferme. You were speechless to say the least. For the first time in your life, you were rendered unable to describe how you were feeling. Jake’s human dictionary—finally out of words to describe things out of pure happiness that was overflowing from her body. 

Jake wasn’t any better than you were. He just won his home race, right before his family and most especially the love of his life—and all he can think of is how he’s going to get out of his car and helmet as soon as he can so he can finally hold you and celebrate his most important win yet. 

He pulled himself up the car and stood on it, basking in the glory of his win as the crowd cheered for him. He was over the moon as he stepped down, scanning the crowd properly to see a glimpse of where you might be as soon as his helmet and gloves were off.

And there you were, with tears in your eyes as Yunhee and his mom tried their best to comfort your crying figure. And before he could rethink his impending decision, his eyes tunnel vision to you among the sea of men clad in red as he runs up to you, pouncing as he holds your face and pressing the most passion-filled kiss he’s ever given you. And you kiss back, drawing in all the excitement, pride and love that were shared from the very beginning as he holds every single dream he’s ever had since he was a kid, driving in go karts in Brisbane. He’s finally here, a thousand miles from where he used to be 8 years old driving in his first karting competition, now holding the love of his life, in his first home race win, in front of all of his family and the people who supported him from the moment he flew to the UK to race for F4. 

“Oh bubba,” you cried, kissing his forehead over and over. “You did so well. You are so loved. I am so proud of you.”

On the side, Yunhee did not know whether she was to be scared of the media now that you’re doing this in front of everyone and their mom after you’ve sworn you would keep your relationship private—but she chooses to bask in happiness as well as Heeseung approaches her to give her a soft kiss as well. 

The team celebrates just as well as soon as he moves over to the side. They all pat his back, chanting as he jumps over them to hug them all at the same time. 

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You could not help but feel the tears running down once again as you watched him take his trophy up on the podium. Yunhee still held you very tightly as his mom tried to videotape the entire program on her phone. While it still hasn’t sunk in to you that Jake had just exposed your relationship to the media proudly, and you are completely doing nothing about it, you couldn’t help but not care at the moment. You were sure your PR Manager was going to blast you as soon as you get back in your hotel but fuck it, it couldn’t be more important than Jake getting sprayed with champagne and him getting his revenge on Beomgyu for spraying the champagne right into his eyes. It was appalling at best and disgusting at worst that they’re wasting expensive champagne making them all sticky and gross, but you did not have it in you to show your dislike for the decades old way of celebration. 

Jake’s eyes scan the crowd once again after he gulped down some of the champagne, looking for a glimpse of you. And there you were, in all of your glory, smiling at him, tears staining your eyes once again. He couldn’t help but give you a little wave, which you returned, even blowing him a kiss as you looked up to where he stood from the podium.

His mom managed to give you a hug after the awarding ceremony, returning to the hospitality to wait and watch for the post-race press conference. Sure enough, as soon as Jake sat on the couch, still buzzing from excitement from what just happened, it was the first thing that was asked, making Heeseung and Beomgyu cackle on both his sides.

“Have you guys been aware of this all along?” the interviewer asked, curiously.

Heeseung nodded. “Since F2. It’s unbelievable.”

“Since F2?!” Everyone in the press room seemed to have turned their heads to Jake in shock after finding out how long he had been hiding it from the media.

“She’s very shy and introverted. We also enjoy our privacy very much, so that’s been under wraps for four years already. I sort of blacked out earlier and just forgot that I wasn’t supposed to expose it like that, but yeah. I owe that win to her as much as I owe it to Ferrari. She’s always been supportive. I know you’ve seen her in the past races before and it’s the first time that she didn’t go with a friend from home, so this was an experience for her as much as it is for me.” Everyone could not help but stare in awe with how gentle and fond Jake spoke about you. And it wasn’t like it was something that you’ve never witnessed before, his language could be crude whenever he was around his mates and other friends—but rarely with you. He once said, it made him feel like he was staining your good integrity as a writer for him to speak so crudely whenever you are around.

“You are also now in the lead for the Driver’s Championship. What does that feel like, Mr. Jake Sim?”

“Great, actually. I’ve been a menace to both my family and Y/N about how important this race is to me because it is both my home race and the race that will push me closer to my goal. So I’m glad Y/N has been able to endure my yapping while she’s writing her book because my family called me out about it.” He chuckled. “I am actually still buzzing. I can’t believe that just happened. Very big thanks to Heeseung for helping me get there and to my engineers whom I had to argue with let me finish the race without boxing for the second time. That’s some big trust in me and I’m glad I was able to see it through?”

“Do you think you still would’ve won that without Heeseung defending your win?”

“Hey man,” Heeseung leered from Jake’s side. “I defended that win because I also did not want to be behind Beomgyu. Jake still would’ve won with that quarter of a second gap.”

“My tires are dead at that point,” Beomgyu snorted. “I was going to crash if I pushed harder to surpass Jake.”

You can’t help but smile at both drivers, proudly defending their friend’s win despite being questioned of its integrity. You take a mental note to send them gifts before you leave to go home in a few days. 

“I drove pretty well. The commentators agree that it is one of the most brilliant drives I’ve ever done in my career. So, yeah. The team has done great with that 1-2 for Ferrari.” Jake smiles at the reporter politely. 

Soon enough every media duty was over and he was finally back in the arms of the love of his life. 

“I’m so fucking proud of you,” you hum against his neck, as you squeezed hs tighter. “You did so fucking well, bubba.”

“I’m sorry I got too happy on the radio, bubs. And for kissing you in front of everyone,” he pouted, pulling you away to see the expression on your face but it did not change. Your face was just as happy as it had been before you went up to hug him.

“It’s fine,” you smiled at him, pressing a soft kiss on his lips. “At least they know now who’s the one to beat next to get to you.”

“You know my heart is always reserved for you, Y/N. There’s no chance of beating you in something only you know how to do.”

“You cheesy motherfucker.” You laughed at him, trying to hide the blush on your face before Yunhee notices it and teases you about it. “But I’m letting that slide. You won today after all.”

“Care to celebrate with me then? Before the party?” The smug look on his face says it all and he already knows that you could never say no to that. After all, he did look absolutely hot winning his home race with a decent gap from his opponents. 

“I thought you’d never ask, Mr. Sim.”

—end.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

masterlist

a/n : hi hello i've been listening to the alchemy for more than i should and it's race week again ! it took me a good while to write this bc i personally feel like i don't write fluff well as i haven't been with anyone for years now ( lol ) and i'm not sure if that's how in love people do it sooooo there's that . your notes and feedback are so appreciatedddd !

tnx for making it this far <33

xo, anya ୨୧

[anyalovesu]

u dont understand i am OVERJOYED did you like her in the morning reached 28 notes it's the first time a one shot fic that i wrote reached that many notes pls ik some of u might think that's not much but aaaaaaaaa im glad u guys are liking it so farrrr

[anyalovesu]

and if i said that im planning to write fluff how is that gna be for my bitter single ass 🤠

[anyalovesu]

hello!! im the anon who requested the fic abt paths and i just wanted to say that it’s really good and well written! i love how you both made them have a happy ending and also made won come to his senses! thank you so much again 🫶🏼🫶🏼

aaaaaaaaaaa im so glad u liked ittttt <333

[anyalovesu]

hi!! i just wanted to say i loved your jungwon fic did you like her in the morning its so good! esp cause i love niki too like you literally had me crying at midnight. i was wondering if you had any plans on a part 2? you dont have to but i kinda had an idea of making it based on the song paths by niki and it will be in jungwons pov? maybe the reader became a famous figure skater and maybe an olympian and jungwon watches her from the screen thinking of what could’ve been. like maybe ae-cha and won’s relationship didn’t end well and jungwon regrets everything but hes so late. you can choose between a happy ending or not but this is just an idea! thank you sm again cause i really needed a cry

𝓟aths

—Wherein Jungwon's and Y/N's paths cross again in a common friend’s wedding.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

genre : angst ; hurt/comfort ( ??? )

pairings : jungwon x ex!reader ; sunghoon x fiancee!reader

wc : 2k+ words

cw :

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ oc(s) is mentioned ( ae-cha and miyeong )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ non-idol!au ; gamedev!jungwon , olympic figureskater!reader

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ jungwon is still slightly an ass , but he gets over it and gets his shit together

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ y/n is still weirdly very nice for her own good

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ( ft. ning ning from aespa , riwoo from bnd ; heeseung & jake from en- )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ not proofread ( yet )

song : paths - niki ( buzz , 2024 )

part 1 : here

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

The sound of his mechanical keyboard clicking filled their office as he groaned in frustration trying to figure out what went wrong with the game they were developing. It wasn’t much help that almost everyone in their department was yapping about the Winter Olympics and how the country’s figure skating pair representatives came from the same university as their game development head. 

Jungwon was fully aware of your endeavors, you won several national titles with Sunghoon in the past year and it was no secret to anyone that your chemistry has evolved your partnership into a beautiful relationship. You were the country’s favorite couple at the moment, you and Sunghoon were on the news everywhere when you both were announced to be selected to compete for the Winter Olympics in Italy.

Of course, Jungwon was happy for you. As he should. You did nothing to stand in his way of his success. If anything, you have always been supportive of his game development dream—there was even a point in time where you’d stay up all night, looking for the best companies he could bag a great internship program for. But it was rendered short lived after he made his decisions. 

Him and Ae-cha managed to stay together for the next two years of their lives after what happened. After graduating, they went and bought a house together and even got engaged at some point. Jungwon was on top of the world and over the moon when all of those things laid themselves before his eyes… but life happened.

Things didn’t work out too well for the both of them with Jungwon being absorbed into this project, and Ae-cha being too busy with her community service as she began to work her way into competing for the Miss Universe title which then started to take a toll on their relationship, as Ae-cha is determined to win her title first before getting married. They used to fight so much about not having time and not being able to give their part of the relationship anymore—maybe that comes along with the fact that they have drifted far apart while they chased for the dreams that they were well aware that the other had. But one time, the fight got so bad that the both of them came into the point of questioning whether it was still right to stay in that horrid situation. They were as bad as being broken up anyway with the both of them barely seeing each other because of how busy they got. 

It wasn’t like they didn’t notice that they were drifting far apart from each other. They knew. They most definitely knew. But were they strong enough to face the truth that their relationship that came at the cost of someone else’s peace was going to waste? Were they brave enough to accept that after you forgave the both of them for breaking your heart, they were going to break each other’s next? No.

So for the love of everything good, they tried to make it work.

“Oh my God! They won!” Riwoo jumps from his seat, raising his phone proudly showing everyone the competition live stream, as if he was the one who won the title. “Gold! Jungwon! Your schoolmate won gold with Park Sunghoon!”

Jungwon decided to pick up his phone and check his social media accounts to see how the competition turned out. And there it was,

Milano-Cortina 2026: Park Sunghoon, Y/N L/N Receives Gold Medals in Artistic Pairs Figure Skating.

He couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride that you have finally reached your ultimate dream of competing in the Olympics and won gold for that matter. He knew you’ve always been passionate about skating, it just wasn’t something he was interested in back then. Even so, he was busy supporting Ae-cha to realize that he’s neglected you in the process. He has been unfair. He has been cruel to you and up until now that he and Ae-cha have gone their separate ways, the guilt still keeps him awake at night, like a monster in his closet when he was a kid waiting until all the nightlights are turned off before it jumps and mauls him.

It feels unfair and delusional of him to feel the need to reconnect, especially when she’s asked to never show his face to her again when the both of you last spoke, which was the day he picked up his belongings from your apartment. Either way, you were happy with Sunghoon and even after everything that happened, he still loved Ae-cha very much. Every insecurity about Ae-cha that you confessed two years ago is coming back to bite him in the ass because everytime he looks at Sunghoon, he just knows… that Sunghoon is everything he will never be.

“Holy shit, man! Park Sunghoon is proposing!”  Ning Ning rises in glee coming over to Riwoo to hit his arm repeatedly out of excitement. “Holy shit that is so cute!”

“Did she say yes?” Jungwon blurted out, making everyone’s eyes turn to him, suddenly curious as to why all of a sudden Jungwon was interested in what was going on in the competition. 

Of course they didn’t know you were Jungwon’s ex-girlfriend. None of them went to the same university so, without a doubt they would not know if he didn't bring it up. Plus, not letting them know would be for the best, as it could possibly taint Ae-cha’s rapidly rising career. It was for the better that they didn’t know. You guys agreed to keep your relationship private when you were together anyway, so it was no big deal that it remained private even when you guys broke up. 

“Of course, Y/N said yes!” Ning ning chimes at him. “They’ve been so in love since they were like competing against each other!”

Wrong. You loved Jungwon first. Before there was Sunghoon, Jungwon loved you first. He was there before him. Which was a stupid thing to think about because technically, Sunghoon was there before him. Sunghoon, albeit only being seen by you as a competitor or a partner, only exclusively saw you as a friend and you, the same for him.

Not that it still matters though. He fumbled and Sunghoon was there to make sure he wouldn’t make the same mistake as Jungwon did. So there he was on international TV, proposing to the love of his life, after they both just reached their dreams of winning the Olympics. 

“Good for them,” he lied. 

He could’ve had that. As enraging as it sounds, he once dreamed of marrying you too. He once imagined living in a house with tall fences and having dogs and a kid probably. However, as life happened, he began to see that world more clearly with Ae-cha. Now apparently, life happens in the most mysterious and fucked up ways, because everything fell apart and he lost Ae-cha in the process of it. 

Real love was an active thing to do and along with making good decisions, Jungwon has failed to do it. It wasn’t as easy as relaxing and sleeping next to them—it’s a constant thing to do that you continue feeling even when you get tired or even when you’re going through your lonely nights. 

Jungwon gets it now. And while he still has Ae-cha’s name written all over his heart,  it’s already too late.

Even Ae-cha has made her peace with all of these. And he should actively strive to do that too.

So, when Jungwon receives an email inviting him to a common friend’s wedding, he contemplates whether he has the stomach to be there even if the groom was his friend after finding out that you were going to be the bride’s maid of honor.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

It confused Jungwon as to why he didn’t feel uncomfortable in the presence of both his ex-girlfriend and his ex-fiancee in the same room as him. Maybe it really comes to a point where if most of the people involved have already had their peace with what happened, it doesn’t feel that hard to deal with anymore. 

“Jungwon!” It surprised him that Sunghoon was the first one to greet him. He had this light aura to him, Jungwon didn’t feel judged that he even showed up after everything that happened. Even you and Ae-cha were speaking. You seemed to be having a wonderful conversation with the bride as you guys danced with the bride on the dance floor.

“Hey man,” Jake, the groom, smiled at him, patting him on the back.

Two years have gone and past, and seeing all these, most of their college friends being around enjoying the night made him realize that he was the only one left to not accept how things happened—the only one left to not have peace with what was already in the past. He was bitter, even though he absolutely had no right to because he was the one making his problems in the first place. 

“I heard about the game,” Heeseung asks him, seemingly interested. “How’s that going?”

“Well,” he replies, completely avoiding looking behind him where the girls were having the time of their lives. “Still has a few more months before we send it out to some for beta testing. Congratulations on the wedding, Jake, by the way.”

“Miyeong and Y/N have been stressing about it for months now,” Jake chuckled at him, glancing at his wife fondly as she laughed, holding on to Y/N for support. “They were really trying to sort everything out before Y/N goes to compete in Italy.”

“Congrats on that too,” he turns to pat Sunghoon’s back “And your engagement.”

“Thanks man,” Sunghoon grinned at him. 

Jungwon could not feel but be left out. Most of the people around here have accomplished so much in two years since graduating, may it be in their home lives or their careers. While here he is, dwelling on the bitterness of him being stuck in his game development project that’s progressing slower than he expected, after him and Ae-cha called the wedding off. He couldn’t help but feel insecure.

“What happened to you and Ae-cha anyway?” Heeseung blurts out. “You were going so well.”

‘Doing so well’ was such a big fat lie. Everything was crumbling behind that facade and they had to keep it that way for Ae-cha’s image. 

“Ae-cha realized she doesn’t want to get married until she’s won her title,” he explained calmly. “We’re fine though. We’re still friends.”

“I’m sorry man,” and there it goes.

He didn’t want their conversation to turn into a mini pity party for him. They’re supposed to be celebrating the union of two important people in their lives that are too disgustingly in love with each other—not pitying him for his failed love life. He manages to excuse himself to get some fresh air and enjoy some silence after all the small talk he had to do with a bunch of acquaintances that he met during the reception.

On the other hand, you spot him sitting alone outside. You contemplated at first whether you should approach him or just leave him be. After all, you didn’t want to stir the pot and cause trouble over something that has already been peaceful for years now. 

“It would mean a lot if you could explain to him that you meant your forgiveness,” Ae-cha hummed next to her. “If that’s okay with you.”

Minutes ago, you found out about the called off engagement along with the whys and hows of the way things played out. As much as you hated to admit it, even from afar, you had caused the both of them to feel guilty for how you left things. Despite Ae-cha explaining that it was completely on them, you knew deep inside that Jungwon took it to heart that you never wanted to see him anymore. And yes, maybe at the time you said it, you really meant it to the bottom of your heart. You were desperate to find comfort and peace as soon as possible after it happened before your eyes. You did what you have to do and you’re glad that you did. But now that you’re older and wiser, you suppose it shouldn’t hurt to help someone find peace in it too, right?

“That's okay with you?” you glance up t Sunghoon’s tall figure now standing behind you.

“Doll, I already have our last names engraved on that ring on your finger,” he chuckled, always so confident, “I’m fine with it. I trust you, jagi.”

“Alright, let me get a drink first.”

You walked right up to him, with two glasses of Manhattan cocktail in your hand and settled next to him. 

“You should be inside there getting wasted with your brothers,” you chuckled at him, handing him the drink. “Moping around here isn’t going to give you the peace that you’re looking for.”

“I thought time would give me that peace,” he mumbled honestly. “Lousy motherfucker never gave me anything.”

“Sorry,” you blurted out. “I shut you and Ae-cha out of my life as soon as I could.”

“You were hurt,” he replied. “You had every right to do that.”

“I’m sorry because it affected you more than I thought it would. I didn’t say I regret doing it,” you laughed lightly, looking up at the clear sky, though the stars were blurry from all the light pollution coming from the hotel’s ballroom. “Leaving things behind sometimes gives you more comfort than you think it would.”

“Cha and I hurt you so much, Y/N. How can you just forgive that?”

“Well I’m not hurt about it anymore, Jungwon,” you sigh heavily. “I’m okay. You should be okay with it too because if not, you’d be dwelling over nothing and that’s going to hurt you more in the long run. It’s all in the past, Won. You still have the future to write however the fuck you want.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because the sooner you accept how things turned out the easier it will be for you. And it has been two years, Jungwon. I’m okay now. I’m getting married. I’ve forgiven you and Ae-cha a very long time ago. It’s about time you forgive yourself too.” Your voice was soft and understanding. For the record, it has always been like that. The only time he ever heard you raise your voice was the last time you guys spoke and it broke his heart to realize that he had caused that. “You’re never going to learn how to love Ae-cha unless you let go of what’s already said and done. You can do better. You can be a better person. The mistakes that you made when you didn’t know better doesn’t have to be who you are for the rest of your life.”

“It’s too late,” he replied, remembering that even if he does end up forgiving himself, Ae-cha has already called off the wedding.

“Ae-cha is literally just waiting for you to get your shit together, you dumbass,” you snort. If he wasn’t certain whether you were intoxicated a while ago, he’s sure as hell that you are now. “It’s hurting Ae-cha to see you dwell on it for so long that she had to step back for the meantime. Why else would she have agreed to your proposal if she didn’t want to marry you? For as far as I know she only said she didn’t want to get married until she got her Miss Universe title—which I’m sure as hell with your woman’s incredible brain and beauty, she will get as soon as she steps in that stage. She never said she didn’t want to marry you! She wants to be with you even when you’re a complete fucking airhead and could not take context clues for the life of you.”

“I’m still here,”  he replies. “I never left.”

“Which is the fucking problem, Yang Jungwon,” she rolled her eyes. “Get your ass up and get your girl back because I did not just leave my dapper, handsome, wonderful, great of a fuck, Olympic gold medalist soon-to-be husband just for you to sit here and act like a kicked puppy. Chug that shit down and get Ae-cha back you blithering idiot.”

The playful harshness in your tone managed to get through his lonely facade and made him laugh. He chugs Manhattan down and looks back at you.

“I’m glad our paths crossed again, Y/N.”

“That, I am glad for too,” you smile at him putting up your fist as he does the same to bump it with you. “Ae-cha deserves better. You can be a better person for Ae-cha, Jungwon.”

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“Thank you, Jungwon.”

—end.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

masterlist

a/n : i could not stop myself from writing this right away :') i enjoyed buzz so much and paths is another one of my favorites ( + heirloom pain lol ) i hope anon does not mind that i changed the plot a little bit hehe i tried to stick to it a as much as i could <3

( i'd appreciate your feedback and notes sm ! you can leave a note here or send it ur feedback here if you'd like ! )

thank u !

xo, anya ୨୧

[anyalovesu]

𝓓id you like her in the morning?

— Wherein you came into the realization that your boyfriend, Jungwon is in love with his bestfriend.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

genre : angst ; hurt no comfort ( lol sry TT )

pairings : jungwon x reader ; sunghoon x reader (platonic)

wc : 3k+ words

cw :

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ an oc is mentioned ( ae-cha )

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ college!au

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ jungwon is slightly an ass

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ae-cha's mother is not very nice

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ not proofread ( yet )

song : did you like her in the morning? - niki ( buzz , 2024 )

part 2 : here

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

It was too early for fall, and most definitely too early for it to be this cold yet the crisp air burned in your airways as if it’s trying to take you right then and there while you wait for Jungwon in your car. He always told you it was nothing more—they grew up together. Same neighborhood, same school, same university—same everything. Certainly, Ae-cha knew Jungwon more than you did and Jungwon would apologize, but he would agree. They are best friends; been there for each other through thick and thin—long before he met you to begin with. 

You know Jungwon will never admit it. Maybe he did love you to some degree because he would rather lie to keep you from hurting than to tell you the truth that he can never love you to the same level as he did for Ae-cha. But here you are anyway, in the parking lot of their University Auditorium waiting for Ae-cha’s pageant to end so Jungwon could come home with you as he promised. Pathetic, to be honest but what could you do? They’re best friends, it shouldn’t be something you should worry about.

It’s not like Ae-cha was a bad person. It would be easier if she was but she wasn’t. Matter of fact, she might be the nicest girl you’ve ever met. She’s well-traveled, well-read, good with kids, loves animals—smart, beautiful—been crowned on every pageant she’s entered, always won prom queen—God. It would be so much easier to hate them both if Ae-cha was a terrible person. But she isn’t. And Jungwon has every reason to look at her and fall in love even by accident. You cannot blame him. You could see why.

“Hi baby,” Jungwon leans on your half open window, hand reaching inside to pinch your cheek like he always does to get your attention. He figured you’ve been so lost in your own thoughts recently that he had to physically distract you nowadays. “Ae-cha just won, she wants you to be in the celebration! She just sent me to ask if that’s okay with you?”

You couldn’t get yourself to look at him. Ae-cha. Again. Dear Lovely Darling Ae-cha, can never have the heart do wrong. You just nodded. It would be unfair to treat her badly when all she’s done was to always make sure you were included despite her and Jungwon being attached to the hip.

“Perfect! I'll go tell her then! Then I'll be back, okay?” He jumped before sprinting back to the auditorium. He's never been like that in any of your competitions. You've been competing in figure skating since you were five.

Some days you wonder how you and Jungwon worked in the first place. Sure you met in the same art history elective class that he was forced to go to because Ae-cha was taking it, but other than that—other than the fact that he thought you were smart and him saying that your brain was beautiful which undoubtedly wooed you over from the start—you guys lived very different lives. Him being in Computer Science and you being in Psychology—you rarely had similar things to talk about about school.

“I’m so glad you could make it!” Ae-cha grins, walking over to greet you as soon as you and Jungwon enter the restaurant that they managed to book entirely for the immediate celebration. She was a beauty, her face was flawless in the pageant makeup that was done on her and the way the tall crown sits atop of her head really just adds to her godly aura. 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you smile at her politely, giving her a light squeeze when she goes in for a hug. “Congratulations on your win!” 

You were happy for Ae-cha. You didn’t have it in you to have ill-feelings for someone’s hard-earned win. You knew what it felt like to work so hard for something, you can’t say you weren’t happy that she won—Jungwon has been tirelessly ranting about her not being able to hang out with you guys as much as before because she has been training non-stop the past months. You knew she worked hard and there couldn’t have been any reason for you to not wish her well.

What you weren’t happy for though, was the way her family looked at you. Sure Ae-cha was an angel—but it didn’t mean that the rest of her family was. It has been made clear from the get go when you were first invited by Ae-cha to her home to celebrate something that her family did not like you. It didn’t matter if Ae-cha considered you as one of her closest friends—or if she saw you as a sister no less—you were Jungwon’s girlfriend and clearly that was a threat to their plans of seeing Ae-cha live their friends-to-lovers trope fantasy with Jungwon. They might have talked to you behind their backs to break up with Jungwon before but you never found it in you to tell Jungwon that it happened. You knew Jungwon, that ensured a confrontation if he found out and the last thing you wanted to happen was to lodge something nasty between his friendship with Ae-cha. 

“Come take a seat next to Jungwon!” She happily chimes as she guides you to an empty seat right next to, what you suppose to be Jungwon’s seat next to her.

While you engaged in conversation with her whenever she initiated it, you could not help but seem lethargic the entire dinner. You just wanted to go home and rest. After all, you had a tiresome training session with your coach all afternoon after your morning classes. If Jungwon hadn’t asked you to come pick him up after Ae-cha’s pageant you would have driven home and gone straight into hibernation. You were tired and your head was starting to hurt from your hair being pulled back by the tight bun that your coach required you to have during your training sessions. It didn’t help that Ae-cha’s mother was draining all your social battery whenever she would ask something out-of-pocket that was passive-aggressive towards you. 

You were itching to go home to say the least. So, when you saw that the clock finally ticked 9, you tugged on to the sleeve of Jungwon’s sweater to go and ask him if you could go home. He seemed understanding of your situation so he politely excuses the both of you out of the dinner. 

“Next time, don’t think about going to a family dinner that you are uninvited to, okay?” You were taken aback by Ae-cha’s mother’s words. So much that you stood there frozen, unknowing of what to reply. 

“Eomma!” Ae-cha argues. “I already told you multiple times that me and Y/N are friends and I invited her!”

That was your last straw. Jungwon just stood there, just as shocked—which hurt you even more. How is it that his best friend was able to stand up for you quicker than he could? He always said something whenever he heard something nasty being said about Ae-cha around the university—why couldn’t he have been that fast for when you needed it?

You glanced at Ae-cha before tears could start falling uncontrollably and gave her a nod before storming out. You were embarrassed—most of all, felt pathetic that Jungwon couldn’t even say something. He just stood there!

You were sobbing in your car, trying to control your breathing when the door opened to reveal Jungwon entering your passenger seat. 

“I- um… I’m sorry for how that went…”

“Do you sometimes think about whether they're right?” you blurted out, sobs escaping every other word that left your mouth. 

“About what baby?”

“That you and Ae-cha are perfect together?” 

Jungwon stood still, just staring at you. At that very moment you already knew the answer to your own question. He looked at you with eyes of guilt. You wanted to vomit, your stomach felt like it was churning, bile rose to your throat as you felt the entire world drop on to you. 

You don’t understand why you were still so shocked—you saw all the signs. You were not stupid! You knew human behavior inside and out, it would be a shame not to and all the signs lead to where you are right now. So why does it still hurt? Why does it still make your heart squeeze too harshly?

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

Y/N.

Not baby anymore.

“Why?”

To be honest, it would be easier for the both of you if you just didn’t ask because even Jungwon didn’t know when it started. One day he woke up feeling more for Ae-cha and suddenly felt less for you. It hurt him too to realize that. You’ve always been so kind. You were the moon, so serene and calm and beautiful in the darkest of his days, but he needed the sun more. And Ae-cha was just that. He didn't intend for you to hurt or to feel any less but it's his fault. He knew that for not figuring it out earlier and for dragging you into this firepit with him. The most he could do is shake his head, disappointed in himself for being clueless on what to do—for how things turned out today.

“I'll pack your things in my apartment. I think it'd be best if you stay with Ae-cha tonight,” you tell him. This is what you guys did whenever you fought, you would ask if he could stay with Ae-cha for the night and talk about it in the morning. Only this time, nothing is going to be talked about in the morning. He's made his feelings clear and it definitely wasn't for you anymore.

“Y/N, please don't do this.”

“I'd rather leave it here than cause more pain to the both of us, Jungwon,” you replied, trying to stop yourself from blowing this out of proportion. “I don't want to loathe the memory of us because we blew this out of proportion trying to fix this.”

“I don’t what you to throw this away, Y/N—”

“Throw away what, Jungwon? You’re in love with Ae-cha. How am I going to throw something that isn’t there anymore?” The eeriness in your voice sent chills down Jungwon’s spine, he just sat there, looking at you, like he has been in the past two occasions. “I’m not throwing anything away, Jungwon.”

“Why don’t you sound angry?” It offended you that he sounded appalled that you weren’t furiously reacting to this. Truth is, while it still stung and while it hurts like hell to be in this position, you’ve grieved on this long before.

“Do you want me to be?” 

No. He does not want you to be angry at him. He adores you. He doesn’t want you to loathe him for the rest of your life for doing this to you but at the same time, how? Why are you letting him go so easily? 

“I should get going,” you sniffled, running a hand on your face to wipe the tear stains on your face. “Tell Ae-cha I’m sorry for storming off and congratulations for her win. She deserves it more than anyone else.”

He sat in silence before mumbling another quiet apology and then stepping out of your car. 

You packed everything of Jungwon’s that you could find as soon as you got to your apartment. He didn’t live there but he stayed over often and left his clothes for you to enjoy for when he can’t stay over. His gaming console, his books, his old headset that you managed to replace with a new one when you guys celebrated your 2nd anniversary, his clothes—everything, and probably most of her entire life were packed away in boxes overnight. But with all those gone, the place still smelled like him so you spend the next four hours manically scrubbing your floors and spraying aerosol home fragrances on every room, desperately trying to get rid of anything that reminded you of him. But the bitterness of losing Jungwon still lingered.

You wish you didn’t let yourself sit in denial and faced it head on the moment you saw the signs. But then again, Jungwon and Ae-cha were best friends. If you were wrong, it would be unfair for both of them. It was unfair for the both of them to accuse them of something that didn’t reflect reality at all—until it did reflect reality and now it’s unfair to you.

The morning came around and you were still sitting in your apartment’s window nook, with no more tears left to cry, trying to get yourself to move until your doorbell rang. 

Assuming it was Jungwon, you dreaded walking towards the door, but the sooner his boxes are out, the sooner you will be able to slowly accept that it’s okay that you didn’t turn out to be Ae-cha or at least the person that Jungwon ended up choosing. 

You peaked through the peephole, but instead of seeing your boyfriend—well, ex-boyfriend standing there in front of your door to get his belongings, you see your skating partner’s tall figure standing there looking bored as he usually does. Matter of fact, right now he looked absolutely uninterested, as if he did not want to be there in the first place.

“God, you look…” Sunghoon trailed, holding himself back from saying another one of your usual playful insults when he saw how red your eyes were. “...tired. You look tired.”

“Maybe because I am tired?” You deadpanned, stepping aside to let Sunghoon inside your apartment. “What in the sweet baby cheeses brought your ass here?”

“Well, aside from the fact that it’s competition season, you did not bother to show up to your 7AM training. It’s 9:30 already, Y/N, why the fuck are you not scurrying to get in your training clothes?”

“Guess,” she rolled her eyes before throwing herself back into her window nook.

Sunghoon was visibly annoyed at how you were acting. Figure skating was your life! Sunghoon competed with and against you since you guys were kids, what the hell could possibly tipped you over the edge last night to suddenly lose yourself like this! Oh! And to add on top of that, her home smelled like strong lavender, as if a whole can of lavender air freshener was sprayed on her living room, Sunghoon was itching to sneeze and choking on the strong scented air at the same time. Have you gone insane— “Oh shit.” 

It hits him.

The boxes by the foyer, the clean tv rack, your home was spotless for the first time since you began seeing Jungwon 2 years ago. It’s not that your home was untidy, to be honest, Sunghoon found your apartment to be cozy. Bits and pieces of who you and Jungwon were littered around the house, may it be Jungwon’s pokemon figurines lying on the tv rack or your huge heavy Psychology books sitting wherever you left it. Your apartment looks empty now. And by the looks of it, Sunghoon already knew who left.

“Yeah, oh shit,” you sarcastically rolled your eyes before walking to your kitchen. “Do you want anything?”

“Yes, I want something,” Sunghoon leapt to his feet and went to the kitchen, opening her fridge door to grab himself one of your bottled coffees.

“That’s all?”

“And you get your ass to your room and get ready for training. I am not losing my shot at the Olympics this season, Y/N. So get your shit together, please.”

“I can’t go—”

“You can go. What you can’t do is mope around here and wait for your little boyfriend to wrap you around his finger,” he blurted out. “If he’s gonna fall in love with his best friend and leave you like this, so be it. But I will not let you miss a day of practice for your dream just because some boy broke your heart.”

You wanted to argue. but Sunghoon, despite being an arrogant son of a bitch, was right this time. Okay, maybe there’s some personal agenda to his actions but he’s done this for you multiple times, pushing you forward when you could not get yourself to do so. 

“Go on,” he tried pushing you towards your bedroom door, but you were insistent.

“I haven’t slept a wink all night, Park Sunghoon—just tell coach I’m sick today, I’ve be there on the dot tomorrow, I promise–”

“Sleep when you’re dead!”

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Days passed after that morning and Jungwon still hasn’t picked up his things. You couldn’t bother to text him, still too hurt to do so, still afraid of seeing him finally being at true peace with Ae-cha. It was something you can never give him.

But just when you thought you made peace with it, the door opens while you are lying on the floor, post-training. Sunghoon has been visiting more often, usually to just steal coffee from your fridge but he did not know your password—only one person did. You shot up the moment you realized who the person and there he was.

He looked so much healthier now. He seemed like he was finally getting some sleep. 

“Oh!” He looked surprised to see you there, still in your insulated clothes, hair disheveled from all the spinning you had to do all day and from all the falls from the new tricks that you and Sunghoon were learning. “I thought you'd still be in the rink.”

“Did you not want to see me?” you wanted to slap yourself for not rethinking it before it escaped her mouth. What happens then if he does not want to see you? How is that going to be for you? You were doing so good! You were okay! 

“It's… It's not that,” he quickly defends himself. “I've been thinking and after all that, I didn't think I still have a face to show you.”

“How have you been?”

You knew you had to stop. It would be easier if you just closed your mouth and let him take away the boxes that collected dust from sitting in your foyer for a month already. You should just stop and everything will go how you wanted it to be.

“The mornings have been good,” he replied shyly. “I'm really sorry again, Y/N.”

“Was she pleasant in the mornings?” 

For the love of god, stop. Please.

Jungwon nodded, guilt forming in his face once again. Which again, you felt like you were being stabbed all over again because you will never be that. Your mornings were always hectic from either college classes or training. Whenever he came over, he usually woke up to an empty bedside. 

Maybe she wasn't like that.

Maybe life is finally slow for Jungwon just like he hoped.

And you could never give him that.

“I know you don’t want me to apologize more,” Jungwon sighed. 

“Good, then don’t.”

“Y/N…”

“I just want to make my peace with this, Jungwon. I would appreciate it if you just leave—”

“Why wouldn’t you just sit down and talk about this with me?” Jungwon sounded frustrated when he asked that. He could not understand why you were just letting him go. Were your 2 years together mean nothing to you? Why are you letting him get his way? He knows any person would be happy that their ex-girlfriend is acting this way but holy shit, he was not like them. While he loved Ae-cha, he would be eaten alive by the guilt that he broke someone else’s heart in the process of realizing that.

“Because I don’t need you to explain why you fell in love with Ae-cha while you were with me!” You finally raised your voice, staring straight into his eyes. “I am not stupid. Everyone saw it before the both of you did! I feel like I’ve been lodged in between you two’s godforsaken slow burn love story and I feel pathetic. I don’t need you to explain that to me, Jungwon. Ae-cha is beautiful and smart and wonderful in almost every way and I don’t fault you for wanting that because that would be amazing to have!”

“God, you look so relaxed whenever you look at her, Jungwon. You look at her like she made the sun and the stars in the sky—and I get why you never look at me that way. I am nothing like Ae-cha. You are never going to treat me like Ae-cha. You are never going to cheer for me as loud as you do whenever Ae-cha competes. You are never going to show that much enthusiasm for my competitions. I’ve accepted that you weren’t just interested in the things that I did and that’s fine. I tried so fucking hard to be someone that you wouldn’t want to leave but here we are, Jungwon.”

Jungwon stood there, heart shattering while he listened to his ex-girlfriend’s outbursts. He has been a terrible boyfriend. The worst one to ever make her experience such a thing. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that you felt that way, Y/N?”

“And if I did tell you what happens then? You’d split your usual time with Ae-cha to be with me? You’d talk back to her parents to defend me? You would fall out of love with the obvious love of your life? We both know that you could not do that Jungwon and I did not want to put you in a position that would hurt us both more than it should because I can’t compete with Ae-cha. I don’t stand a chance to ever be against the woman that she is and how significant she is to your life, so I’m stepping back. It’s easier that way.”

“I’m sorry—”

“You would be forgiven the moment you walk out of my apartment with all of your things and never show your face to me again, Jungwon.”

You were cold. Jungwon could recognize you by your ability to still forgive him—the pain changed you a little too much. But he made his bed, he should sleep in it even if it wasn’t in your apartment anymore.

But to answer your question, whether he liked her in the morning—he did. Even in the nighttimes, when he would crash after an argument and her soft hand would hold his while she explains to him what he’s done wrong. He liked waking up next to her in the morning, something he did not experience often with you because you were always up early for your training and he was up late because he pulled an all-nighter coding his projects. He liked having someone to hold whenever it got hard for him—and you couldn’t be that person, Ae-cha did that for him. Maybe in the process of all of that he realized that Ae-cha always had a place in his heart that he failed to notice even in the lonely nights that she would endure with him. Most of all, he could not fault you too for those lonely nights. You were lonely too and now he’s seeing that he has been the one causing those lonely nights for him.

So, yes. 

He did like her in the morning. 

Recently, it has been the first thing that he thinks about and after months of trying to repress it,

It has finally caught up to him.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

masterlist

a/n : okay ik i said i was interested in writing a mafia/mob!au but it took me long enough to realize that i actually have to do some research on how mafias/mobs work , so it's taking me longer than i should be but if you made it this far , thank you so much for being patient with me . ik i kinda ghosted y'all after i finished we're not saints at all hehe i've been so busy with my internship papers recently so i haven't really found the time to research or write . but yeah , niki released buzz and did you like her in the morning completely devasted the living shit out of me so here is the aftermath lol

( leave me a note or send your feedback here, i would appreciate it so much <33 )

thank u !

xo, anya ୨୧