𝓌altz of four left feet
non-idol!jay x implied bio student!reader
— a memoir of all the times jay told himself that it wouldn’t kill him to not be with you and the one time he admitted that it would drive him insane to watch you walk away.
꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧
genre : fluff/angst w comfort ; childhood besties to lovers (?)
pairings : jay x fem!reader
wc : 6.1k+ words
cw :
☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ non-idol!au ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader is named love ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader is bio inclined, overachiever ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ft. heeseung, and beomgyu ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ heerina mentioned ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader has a mental breakdown and argues with jay over something (tw!!!) ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader and beomgyu have strict parents are siblings (implied toxic parenting) ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ pining ( a lot a lot a lot a lot) + wingman!heeseung ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ lmk if i missed something hehe ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ kinda proofread ( kinda still has typos/errors lmao )
listen to : waltz of four left feet - shirebound (for princesses , by thieves , 2019)
꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧
elementary school; the feral animal
“You like her,” Heeseung, his best friend, a year older than him, teased.
“Hell no,” Jay replies immediately appalled that he was being accused of liking you. You’ve known each other since you were in diapers, your mothers were obsessed with dressing you with matching clothes as babies—you were practically like brother and sister at this point. Plus, you always steal his food. He definitely does not like you.
“So you wouldn’t mind if I date her in the future?”
“Hell no, Heeseung,” he shrugged, pushing Heeseung away from him. “Love is not even old enough to date. Not until she’s like 38.”
“I have 28 years to wait then,” Heeseung pushed, grinning to annoy him even more as Jay’s eyes followed your running figure. You had this obnoxiously fat frog in your hands while you ran after your brother, Beomgyu, around the playground.
“You would want to date that?” Jay rolled his eyes. “She’ll grab every little animal she could find and give it to you.”
“That’s fine.”
“Heeseung, she’s had every single antiviral vaccine that her parents can find because she’s insane and wouldn’t stop grabbing things, what makes you think you can handle that feral animal,” Jay argued with him. “And stop it. She’s not going to date you.”
Heeseung couldn’t help but snort at the way he described you—so accurate and precise—especially with how you looked right now. The hem of your yellow dress was covered in mud, your white shoes are not even white anymore, your pigtail braids are loose and there’s a missing ribbon at the end of one of the pigtails—you were a free spirit with a fascination for animals, that’s for sure, but ‘feral animal’ works too. Heeseung knew you were a lot to handle and while Jay is seemingly annoyed by all these, everyone would be surprised to know that he had an entire backpack filled with your change of clothes, and a first aid kit that even your brother would’ve never brought for you.
“Why don’t you want Love to date me, huh?” Heeseung chuckled.
“Because you can’t handle her, Heeseung,” Jay replied as a matter of factly.
“Can you?”
“Who else is going to tolerate her crazy ass?”
“So you like her?”
“No, Heeseung, I don’t like her.”
“So if she dates someone else, you’ll be okay with it?”
“Shut up,” Jay snaps at him as Heeseung laughs in satisfaction. Clearly, the thought of you dating Heeseung isn’t the one bothering him—it’s the idea that you were going to date someone one day that strikes the nerve.
“I don’t know, man,” Heeseung chuckled. “Would it kill you to imagine that Love will date someone else that isn’t you?”
“It’s not going to kill me, Heeseung. She’s going to date when she’s 38 and it’s not going to be with you. You’d be too old and probably dead by then,” Heeseung laughed at the exaggeration.
Jay was annoyed. Why is his best friend even so interested in dating you? You’re not even allowed to date yet, you and Jay were literally 10 years old. What makes him think it’s okay to think about dating you? And him? Getting killed by the thought that you will date anyone other than him? He can’t even imagine being your boyfriend! You’re going to take his food for the rest of his life if that happens! He’s going to be annoyed. It’s not going to kill him to see you date someone—just not now!
sophomore year; the prodigy and the stage bestie
Jay doesn’t even know how you managed to live two completely different lives and excel in both because how the hell is he waiting by the door of the school auditorium with your gym bag, waiting for your Science quiz bee to end just so you could quickly change into your jersey and be in the field just in time for your soccer championship match? He can barely even keep up with school work and you’re out here doing intense extracurriculars like it’s just your pastime hobby!
“Thank you, Jongseong!” you tell him as you hurriedly sit on the bench just outside the bathroom to get your shoes on. You get one of your cleats on one foot while Jay knelt down immediately to help you get in the other one. He pats your knees three times before getting up, as if in a quiet way to tell you that he wishes you good luck. “What would I do without you?”
“Crash and burn, probably,” he replied nonchalantly as he grabbed your gym bag from you once again before you sprinted towards the field where your teammates already were just beginning your warm up session.
“I knew you’d be here,” Heeseung chuckled as he sat next to him by the bleachers as he was folding your school uniform that you carelessly stashed inside your gym bag when you changed earlier. “Of course,” he chuckled as soon as he realized what Jay was doing. “What a good stage friend you are.”
“You know some people really just want things to be neat,” Jay tells him. “And supportive.”
“You don’t do this for me when I have basketball matches,” Heeseung argues.
“Heeseung, you never make it to the championships and when you do, you’re always benched,” Jay rolled his eyes at him.
“Ow!” Heeseung laughed at him, not one bit hurt about the truth Jay just said to retort. “You really hurt my feelings there. I’m sorry I’m not a prodigy, like your dear darling Love!”
“Yeah right,” Jay half-heartedly replies at him, not wanting to be subjected to Heeseung teasing any longer.
You really were a prodigy of some sort. It was a shame your parents were always busy that they never got to see how amazing you were in the things that you do. His mom frequently stood in for them, but when she got busy too, it was always him who stood by the sidelines to support you. Jay was your stage best friend—the one who wouldn’t think twice to mouth words while you were on stage when he feels like you’re going to forget the next words to your spiel or the one who’ll make sure all your things are complete and packed whenever you have to compete outside of school. He was, in fact, right. You would crash and burn without him.
“You know, best friends don’t look at each other that way,” Heeseung shrugged as you stood in the middle of the field looking over to the both of them waving both of your arms while jumping to let them know that you know where they are.
“I’ll do good for you!” You scream at the top of your lungs, placing both your hands at the sides of your mouth as if it would make your voice any louder over the warm up music playing from the school speakers.
It’s ritualistic, you always did that. With anything you did, you always found yourself scanning the crowd to look for Jay, Heeseung and your brother. They were always together anyway so they weren’t that hard to find. As soon as you do, you always scream the same thing, I’ll do good for you.
“And I don’t care about what you think, Lee Heeseung,” Jay replied as Beomgyu sat next to his other side.
“That untidy ass rat,” he says, watching as Jay places your blouse neatly back in your duffle bag. “You always clean up after that little rat that she doesn’t even know how to clean up after herself.”
“She’s the way she is,” Jay sighed, rolling his eyes as he tugged the zipper close just in time as the referee blew his whistle.
You bolt down the field to chase the ball. You were impressive to say the least. You were like a little thunderbolt zooming around that only seemed to go faster when you were dribbling the ball between your feet.
You have always been anything but ordinary in Jay's eyes. Something about you made everything seem easy and light—something about you screamed safety to him. And maybe it's the way that you've always told him that you felt the same way about him made it seem normal and platonic.
But to your brother's and Heeseung's eyes, they are so damn sure no one's ever looked at Love the way Jay did. Especially not after Jay looked at you like that since his eyes probably knew how to function. No one will ever be as in love with you as Jay is and as disgusting as it sounded, even if Beomgyu and Jay are practically the best of friends too, he'd rather see you with him than with some guy who'd you some half-assed confessions of love that he'd be damned to believe to even be half baked.
If there was anyone in this world who would know how to love you the same exact way that you deserved to be loved, that's Jongseong. No one else.
“Goal!” Beomgyu roared as soon as your last penalty kick went through your opposing team's goal.
Jay doesn't think twice before he grabs your bag to run down the flight of stairs towards the field to get to you. You would be crazy to think twice too, as soon as the ball went in, you were so sure your feet were already running towards Jay who was always running towards you as well. The older one almost falls back when you crash on him, arms wrapping around your body, barely caring that you were drenched in sweat. There was nothing in this world that you wanted at the moment than to be in your best friend's arms.
The hug felt like a thousand minutes long but it wasn't long enough until your brother's proud voice neared your direction.
“Love!” he picked you up and swayed you around like you weren't bolting around the field like it was nothing just a few minutes ago. “I am so fucking proud of you!”
Even the mere action of watching you be exactly who you are makes his heart swell. You are exactly who you are and he could never imagine seeing you as anything different. So yes, maybe Heeseung was kind of right—he did have feelings for you—but is he really going to admit that?
No. He’s smarter than that. He’s smarter than letting all those years of friendship go away because he had feelings for the one girl he swore he didn’t like. But at the same time, it’s not like he had a choice. The heart wants what it wants. And clearly it couldn’t beat for anyone but Love. So if it meant that he’ll always be Love’s constant, he’ll live with it. It wouldn’t kill him to never admit it. It wouldn’t kill him to just be Jay, the stage best friend to Love, the prodigy. That’s okay.
college senior year; the human and the pressure
Shit hit the fan too fast. One moment you were complaining about not having enough sleeping time while you balanced two majors on your shoulders with your finals approaching then the next thing you knew, you and Jay were fighting about the mess in the living room. In hindsight, you knew Jay was right. He’s been picking up after you for the past two weeks and he’s been having a hard time adjusting to his rank and file position in his Dad’s company that he insisted on having first before taking on a more significant role. You don’t even know why you were still fighting about it—but you couldn’t stop.
The hurt you had inside you only seemed to grow at the same rate as your bestfriend’s frustration as you felt smaller and smaller than him the more he talked about how tired he was with his corporate job. You were still provided for by your parents as they had a deal with you that they’d keep on providing for you up until you finish your majors. You never had to worry about your part of the rent and your living expenses as you were still provided for. Jay, on the other hand, has met the end of the same deal with his parents and had to work for every dime he spends on his cost of living.
You are proud of him, of course. But pressure started to bubble inside you as your parents started asking about when you were going to finish, or where you planned on working given that your line of work did not go remotely close to your family's business. Oh and holy shit, you don't even know when you were going to finish your thesis or if it was even possible to finish it this term. Everyone is starting their lives—and you're still stuck in what feels like an endless loop that you put yourself in.
“I only asked you to pick up after yourself, Love,” he sighs heavily. He wasn't even yelling but his point but frustration coated every word that came out of his mouth which killed you even more than you thought it would. “That's all I ask for. We have to keep the place tidy. The rent is not cheap, Love. If it's going to be that expensive we might as well live in comfort and not in this… trash room looking living room.”
“I literally told you I was going to!”
“Love, you have 3 coffee mugs on the coffee table! There's paper everywhere. You even have an unfinished coffee by the sink.” It would've been better if he was yelling. It would've meant he was angry. But no. Disappointment was plastered on his face and it was the first time you saw it. He's never looked at you with disappointment before and that burned a pit in your stomach. You've never felt so small.
“I'll… I'll get it. Let me just finish this. I'll clean up, I promise.”
Jay just shrugged, shoulders dropped in exhaustion before walking to his room.
The room that he pays for. The room that he works hard for. And you? You had everything handed to you on a silver platter. You'd be stupid to not know what your colleagues have been saying about you—how you could afford to chase two majors and still be at the top of your game because it's all you had to do. You never had to work a day in your life which gives you an advantage in what was meant to be an even playing field. You were privileged. You don't deserve to be there. You were only there because you had money and the luxury of time because you don't have to slave away in an inhumane capitalist hole just to make it out alive.
“I'm sorry!” You tell him before he shuts his door.
He might be exhausted but he will never deny that he heard the choke in your words when you apologized. It was the first time he heard you apologize to him. You rarely ever did anything wrong in his eyes.
It was his turn to feel the guilt. He knows you haven't been sleeping well the past few days and he wonders whether or not it was just right to spill that out on him, especially now that your finals are just looming around the corner.
He didn't even get to warm up his bed before he's back in the living room, only to see it cleared up from your days old coffee mugs and scratch papers. Your usual presence, always sitting on the same spot on the floor rug, empty.
His heart pounded in fear and guilt that you may have gone out at this time of the night while you were upset. But it all momentarily fades away as soon as he hears you sniffle in the kitchen—key word, momentarily—because it all crashes back to him twice the magnitude when realizes that he made you cry.
Something he had never done before.
Something he swore he'd never do.
“Love,” he sighed, moving over to the kitchen sink where your body racked with sobs as you washed the dirty cups. “I'm sorry.”
“I…” The way she sobbed only cracked his heart even more than it already is. “I'm going to try harder. I'll just stay at Beomgyu's place until my finals end. I really am sorry, Jay.”
You avoided his gaze as you tried to squeeze yourself past him but he managed to grab you. “Love.”
“Jay.” She responds flatly, as she kept looking down. “I'll be back Friday next week… if you still want me back… if not—”
“Don't do this—”
“I'll just take my things—”
“Love! Listen to me!” he calls out sternly, shaking you a bit. “I didn't mean it.”
“You do.” you replied angrily at him. “You don't have to lie to me, Jongseong. I already have to put up with my mom asking when I'm going to get out of school and comparing me to how good you're handling life. All I can fucking do is go to school and I don't even know if I can finish it on time and… my mom is breathing on my neck because you've always been the normal child that she wanted!”
“And it's not even your fault that she likes you better than me…” your voice shook as you looked at him. “It's unfair for you that I feel this way because you've always treated me the way that you always do. I shouldn't have ill feelings for the only person who doesn't see me less. But… I'm not good like you, Jongseong. I'm sorry.”
It hit him. Like a fire truck, lights on with sirens on full volume.
The pressure was catching up on her and she’s breaking under it all.
Jay never saw you as the type to crack under pressure. You’ve done so many academic stints and quite frankly thrived under the pressure of audience and expectations. Pressure makes diamonds and you were nothing less of that and it was something everyone believed about you. You were indestructible. But just like everybody else, Jay too, forgot that you were human. And you weren’t built to withstand pressure for years and years and years. You were bound to break. You were bound to falter just like every other human does—something Jay, even with his adoration and unconditional positive regard for you, overlooked.
“I’m going to be back after finals, I’m sorry,” you mumbled, shaking his hand away from your arm before you ran towards your bedroom to pack the necessities you needed for the next week. If you forget anything you can just go back and pick it up when Jay is in the office, he doesn’t have to be bothered about your presence at all.
Jay appears in by your slightly open door, tears in his eyes as well.
“You don’t have to leave, Love,” he tells you, voice shaking as he stands by the door. “I’m sorry I said that. I don’t have a good excuse for it. I’m sorry, okay? Please don’t… Please don’t do this.”
“Don’t make this hard, please,” you tell him as you zip up your duffle bag.
“Please…”
“Jongseong.”
“No, you’re not going,” he tells you even though he knows there’s already nothing he can do to stop you.
“Friday next week, if you still want me back I will be back,” you tell him, reaching for his hand to assure him that you’ll be back… if he wants you back.
“Love…”
You left. You made sure Beomgyu called him to make sure you made it to his apartment safe and sound. And your crying should’ve ended there. You got what you wanted. You got out of your shared apartment like you said you would, so why are you crying in your brother’s room like there was anything he could do to fix the mess that you made?
“You know, it wouldn’t kill mom if you couldn’t… you know… finish college on time,” Beomgyu sighed as he entered his room with a glass of water. “You’re juggling two majors, Love. Not everyone makes it out on time.”
“It won’t,” you tell him truthfully, a sob escaping just after you spoke, “but it will kill me.”
“What will kill you is if you don’t let yourself breathe,” he replies sternly. “Look, I know Jay’s taken care of you more than I ever did. But if you don’t rest, things like that happen. Jay can only take so much. You can only take so much. You don’t have to give a fuck what Mom says. If they cut your allowance money off, I’d gladly support your ass if that’s what’s going to get you to slow down.”
“I can’t…”
“Why?”
“Gyu,” you look at him, his eyes were already filled with pity for how poorly you're handling this. “Being an overachiever is all that I’ve ever been. If I’m not good enough anymore, I… I’m not sure what or who I am.”
Beomgyu sighs, suddenly realizing that he shouldn’t have let it go this far. “I thought you liked doing a lot of things,” he says. “I never thought you’d get tired of things, because you loved doing what you do and you didn’t seem to mind whenever your coaches or whenever mom pushed you.”
“I should’ve slowed you down,” he tells you, walking over to pull you into a hug. “You were too young to do so much anyway.”
The atmosphere was heavy. To be fair, it’s always been like that in your family, but you carried it with grace and Beomgyu often laughed it off. No one seemed to care enough to point out that you were too young to be doing so much and you were maturing too quickly. Come to think of it, you don’t even remember being a child. The earliest memory you could remember was being in a playground with your brother, Jay and Heeseung, you were playing with frogs but even that was purposeful—you were a kinesthetic learner and with your mom being a frustrated medical student who had to shift to business to take on her family’s airline business—she allowed you. She let you learn about nature as you experience it but that too could not last forever. You eventually had to take advanced classes—got into weekend school that allowed you to learn with laboratory equipment. Soccer? You were only allowed because it was extra credentials to get into prestigious colleges. As soon as you step into university, you don’t even remember the last time you stood on grass if it’s not collecting specimens. And you liked it, that’s why stopping even just for a moment never crossed your mind. You liked doing a lot of things—only that you forgot that you could also get tired doing the things you liked to do.
college senior year; the waltz of four left feet
Jay left the light in your foyer every night that you were gone. He knew you really weren’t going to be back until your finals were over—but just in case… Just in case you decided to come home to him earlier, he didn’t want to make you feel like he wasn’t waiting for you.
He was.
He waited for you every night… until 2AM, your usual sleeping time, regardless if he had to be up early the next day. He waited for you in the living room in hopes that he’d be there when you came home even though he knew it was unlikely.
Even Heeseung noticed that you were gone and Jay didn’t have to tell him. Jay didn’t talk about you for a day and that was enough time for him to conclude that something happened. The second day and still no news about what funny thing you did last night during dinner, and he was already on Beomgyu’s messages asking what the fuck just happened between you and Jay and why his friend is all of a sudden acting aloof.
“How did you do it?” Jay asks, mumbling under his breath, just loud enough for Heeseung to hear while they sat in the office pantry having their lunch.
“Did what?” Heeseung’s brows furrowed, confused about the sudden question and how his asshole of a friend couldn’t even bother to give him context before asking how he did what.
“You and Karina,” he blurted out. “How did you know you were in love with her? How did you find out?”
Heeseung’s lips curved into a smile, almost victorious, as he realized where this conversation was going. He didn’t want to ruin it though. He was tired of Jay’s emotional constipation and your blatant disregard for your own feelings. It’s always been obvious. While arguably could be platonic, Jay never dated. You never dated as well. You never found yourself telling your friends that you were in love with someone—apart from the fact that you and Jay made a pact that you guys would get married at 30 if you were still single and unmarried by then. Cliche. Heeseung almost vomited when he witnessed it in a small gathering where you and Jay were drinking under supervision. It was the first time you both fell drunk and it was the first thing you guys said. Like the two of you were just waiting for an opportunity to say it and getaway with it without Heeseung and Beomgyu’s teasing.
“If you think you’re in love, then you probably are,” Heeseung replied to him simply.
“I don’t get it,” Jay starts, setting his chopsticks down on top of the bowl before looking at Heeseung dead in the eye. “Why is it so sudden? We’ve been best friends for so long and I never…” Jay trailed on his words. He didn’t know how to describe the feeling. He knew it wasn’t going to kill him to be away from you. But it will drive him insane and it shouldn’t because you promised to come back and he knew you will be back… but why did it hurt? Why does it feel like he’s going insane?
“Never what?”
“I never felt this way,” he sighs heavily. “I never felt like it’s going to kill me to not have her. I’ve always been okay with being the friend on the side…
Jay’s always been okay with toeing the line between being something more and being okay with just being in the background of her life. He’s always been okay to just be there. He’s always been okay with the idea of you leaving your shared apartment and being with someone who isn’t him even if the both of you had spent most of your life next to each other.
“I don’t understand why I don’t think I have it in me now to just be that and watch her walk away from me again.”
“You’ve never had the chance to be away from Love,” Heeseung says carefully. “The same goes for Love. The both of you have never been away from each other. Never dated anyone. Never been linked to anyone, even. The closest we have is you getting pissed over the thought of me being with Love even though we both know I don’t see her like that.
“I can bet you this month’s salary that even your parents know that you’ve been in love with Love since you were a kid,” Heeseung continues. “It’s all that you’ve known, Jongseong. And maybe it can be confusing to understand that kind of love can grow into something else because this relationship shit is confusing and complicated at its best and the risk of ruining everything that there ever was will always be there. But it can’t be helped. And it shows right now.”
“Fuck.”
“God, I thought I’d be on my deathbed by the time I get to do that monologue with you,” Heeseung snorted, patting his friend’s shoulder. “You’re going to be fine. Finals are over. She’s probably back in your apartment by now.”
“That’s even worse.”
“Nothing worse than going home without flowers and a written script for your apology for being the biggest asshole on the planet,” Heeseung shrugged before gathering his ramen cup and disposing it in the trash under the sink. “I’ll text you about Karina's favorite flower shop. Go get something, man.”
So, as soon as his finger was off that time clock by the lobby his eyes were already fixed on some language of flowers website Karina had texted him. Heeseung really doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut. He thought as soon as he saw Karina’s text which included a link and a flower suggestion best for an apology.
And he did what Heeseung asked him too. He wrote an entire script for his apology, even a list of things he has to apologize for and the things he wants to say as a back up for when he stutters with his speech. Embarrassing. But would the thought of her leaving for good be the death of him for real? Definitely. So if making a fool out of himself would be the way to make her stay, then be it.
He was dancing to the sound of love with two left feet. He has absolutely no idea how things are even working out but it’s okay. At least he’s at a point of conviction that it is going to be fine and nothing is not worth losing you for.
By the time his keys are giggling on the apartment door, he could already hear rustling inside of the home and for once after a good while, the space felt warmer, like an orange hue wrapped the whole apartment and it wasn’t just the warm light lamp shades that you had in the living room or the overhead lights in the kitchen—it wasn’t the lavender candles in the coffee table, the smell of cooked pasta on the stove, and the vintage vinyl player that he got you for your birthday last year, playing Get It Right the First Time by Billy Joel. It was home again, somehow. Because you were back.
“Jay?” Your voice echoed inside the apartment, as you emerged from the walk-in pantry in your pink gingham apron, stained with tomato sauce. “Dinner is ready. I was just putting back–”
You didn’t even get to finish your sentence. You were enveloped in Jay’s arms before you could process it. He didn’t even care if the tomato sauce stain would transfer in his crisp dress shirt, the flowers he brought were forgotten, placed carelessly on the table as he wrapped his arms around you.
“Seong?” Your voice was soft and you never would’ve expected it, but it easily turned to be his breaking point. He missed you. So damn much. And he underestimated just how much until you were back in his arms and now, with the realization of just how in love he is with you. “Are you okay?”
Jay pulls back, just a little bit, just enough to see your face completely. Every crevice and curve of your face, something he longs to memorize still even though he’s seen it more than he’s seen himself.
“Why are you crying?” you ask, the back of your hand reaching for his face and wiping the tears that stained his tired features.
“You came back,” he breathes out, lips curving into a smile in contrast to the continuous flow of tears from his eyes. “Oh my God, you’re back.”
“I am back,” you repeat, smiling back at him before you playfully joked, “why the fuck are you still crying?”
“I don’t know,” he laughed, both hands moving to hold your face before pressing a firm kiss on your forehead. Something he’s always done, a reassurance—a reminder that was more for him than it is for you, that he had you and you had him. “I’m sorry for being an ass—”
“Oh,” you shut him really quickly. “That was on me. I was being a slob and none of it was because of you. It was unfair of me to dump it all on you when it wasn’t your problem to deal with in the first place.”
“But–”
“No buts, Jongseong. I’m not a kid anymore, and I should be responsible for myself,” you explained.
Jay couldn’t argue with you. Not because he thinks you’re absolutely right—partly because he knew it was pointless, you were never going to accept an apology for your altercation, and partly because he knew that you had a point and it wasn’t his place to invalidate your growth upon that realization.
So, he apologizes for the next big mistake. “Well then I’m sorry for letting you walk away.”
“I needed that, Seong,” you tell him as you lean to his touch. “You shouldn’t be apologizing for it.”
“It broke me,” he says. “I’m sorry for letting you walk out without telling you just how much I regret hurting you with what I said. I’m sorry that you had to walk away for me to realize how absolutely insane it is to not realize it sooner.”
“Realize what?” Your lips curved into a soft smile that tells him you’ve always known. A smile that tells her, you’ve always been his. “I love you, Jay.”
He almost choked, tears were flowing down his face once again. He tries to say something but no words come out.
Why did he turn mute all of a sudden? Why is his heart beating so fast? Why is he crying?
His body moved before he could stop himself. He pulls your face closer, kissing your lips this time. Soft. Warm. Sweet. His brain goes haywire as you kiss him back, lips moulding into his perfectly, moving in sync as if you’ve done this a thousand times before with him.
“My Love,” he mumbles to you as he pulls away, keeping his forehead pressed against yours.
“Your Love,” you reassure him.
“I love you,” he hums, as he closes his eyes, letting himself drown in the feeling.
Soft. Warm. Sweet.
You were home. And you were his.
“The food is going to get cold,” you remind him, with a soft smile. “Gyu went to our grandma’s just to get her to call me and teach me how to cook this—go eat up.”
“Since when did you start cooking?”
“Since I realized that Gyu and I will starve to death if I don’t learn,” you laughed, as you moved swiftly around the kitchen to set the table.
He couldn’t help but feel his heart swell. You’ve always had a way to charm the people around you. You’ve had a way around things. You were so strong, stronger than you’ve always thought of yourself and he can’t help but smile as he realizes that you’ve grown so much and you don’t give yourself enough credit for growing so beautifully in the conditions that you’ve always been in.
“Well don’t just stand there, put these in here,” you tell him, handing him the flowers he had brought and the glass vase you’ve always had under the sink that you were almost convinced was never going to be used because you were both too busy to find the time to get fresh flowers to put in them.
You’d argue that you absolutely know what you’re doing—that you wouldn’t fuck this up, mostly because you don’t like admitting when you’re wrong. But were you going to deprive yourself of something that feels right? You’ve always been in conditions where easy probably means you’re doing something wrong—well, fuck that. If it’s wrong, then it’s the only time you’d rather be wrong.
You doubt that it is, though. Everyone would doubt if it is really wrong.
Because you were almost sure that everyone knew before you and Jay did.
The thought of that brings you both comfort that whatever it is, even in conditions that are heavy and hard to accept, at least it is true.
And in this humble little abode, where it is soft, warm and sweet, sometimes lit with lavender candles and yellow overhead lights, sometimes with used cups on the coffee table and clutter in almost every corner, no one can take that love from you because you’ve always had it.
It’s always been there and it’s finally had its time to be realized and noticed.
꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧
a/n:
guess who's back from the dead !!! lmao so,,, i graduated from college ??? with latin honors ??? ( i'm officially free from the shackles of ph education and now bound to the world of unemployment as i struggle to find a big girl job ) anyway , this has been in my docs for a good while now along with my other wips that i haven't found the braincells to finish bcos of how crazy my life has been lately !!! gna update u guys on how it's gna go when i finish it or if i ever will ( lmao )
anyway~ i hope you guys liked this one!!! tell what you think here !!! and checkout my other works here !!!
thank you for making it this far hehe
xo, anya ୨୧