241231 peace
today's date is 31st December 2024. in Islamic calendar, it's the 1st of Rejab, where it's said that all your prayers will be answered, sooner or later.
to be honest, I couldn't ask for anything. I am so lost..
I think about 2024, I think about what I did on this date last year, thank goodness, anis 2023 loved taking pictures, and she was actually finding a paediatric case to present. and I skipped through gallery, looking at January 2024 and I see the start of a bad memory.
it's so stupid that one bad incident/accident/funeral can make the entire year look bad. But those memories made me hate 2024 more than ever. I cried a lot more than I'm supposed to. I felt lonelier more than I'm supposed to. It still makes me cry whenever I think about it.
Maybe, I hope for some peace. And happiness. And gain new insights. Rediscover my interest in what I'm doing. Telling more truths. Make peace with the past. Finding back my strength to overcome it once more. Less crying. But not overwhelming happiness, just enough to make me feel at ease. Pass my exam. Finally graduating. Finally getting a job. Finally become useful. No more comparing myself to others. No more degrading myself. No more thoughts of unaliving myself. Make myself nearer to Him. Live and become someone useful if not to somebody, become useful to yourself.
I have not made any new year resolutions, I mean, big resolutions. Uhmmm.... I guess the paragraph up there are my resolutions for the year. I am actually scared if I think up ahead, because I put so much expectations on myself, only to get disappointed by myself. No one can hurt me more than myself.
........... I also want to love myself more.













