Gone Bonkers

aporia The feeling of emptiness you get when you realize something you believed isn't actually true or that it could be true but you'll never know This blog is for me to document my own personal struggles. I in absolutely no way support, encourage, or glorify eating disorders or self harm. "never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. the time will pass anyways." -Earl Nightingale

[programmerhumour]

Repost to spread. (Not really humor)

[typography-is-cool]

[ap0ria]

Everyone says you need to love yourself before you can love someone else, but no one mentions how much easier it is to love yourself when someone else loves you.

[wingkink]

Therapists are just…. Common sense filters

[wingkink]

Me: yeah so I just don’t have the energy to get up and make myself a sandwich or wait for something to cook so I just. Don’t

Her: why don’t you just eat the sandwich components without putting them together

Me:

Her: you can just eat a handful of cheese and some sandwich meat. You don’t have to make a sandwich.

Me:

Me: what

[cyanoticfallacy-deactivated2018]

Therapists finding loopholes for mental illness things is one of my favorite things about dealing with mental illness because it really helps me understand that just because a reaction is Common doesn’t mean it’s Right. Does doing dishes stress you out a lot? Buy paper plates. Do your obsessive thoughts make you worry about leaving your curling iron on so you drive home from work to check? Just put the curling iron in your purse and bring it to work with you while we work on tackling where this worry comes from. Symptom management doesn’t have to look like drudgery.

[ziggyplayedd]

i used to go days without showering because seeing my body was so upsetting that i would end up spiraling and then i realized i could simply turn the lights out. it took some getting used to but i’ve been showering with the lights off for years and it’s now one of my favorite parts of my day.

do whatever you want nothing is real and there’s no need to inflict unnecessary suffering on yourself just to try to seem “normal”

[biyaself]

I love this post

[jettestblack]

Hmmm

[petrichorepoch]

These kinds of loopholes make life so. Much. Better.

[fuckyeahasexual]

One of my favorite stories is this lady had extremely bad OCD. Every day she’d be late to work because she was convinced that her hair dryer was going to burn down the house so would always have to turn around and check it. Multiple times a day even. A bunch of doctors tied to “fix” her of that fear, until one day she got a doctor that suggested she bring the hair dryer with her. Other doctors were annoyed, saying that wasn’t a the correct way to help, but she gave it a go. When she had that fear, she’d look over and see the hair dryer unplugged in the seat next to her and was able to carry on. I think it’s such a perfect example of actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard.

[eclecticpersonswondersland]

That story helped me stop repeatedly checking if my front door was locked. Instead of checking that the door was locked over and over I would check my security system app. If it’s on it will alert me if the front door opens.

[daughter-of-rowan]

“…actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard” should be added to the Hippocratic Oath.

[booksandotherdrugs]

i used to drive a pickup with manual locks, and when i was commuting to school i’d park at the train station and take the train 40 min into downtown. i used to get so worried that my truck was unlocked while i was still in the parking lot, i sometimes missed trains bc i’d turn around and walk back to my truck to check (i was also doing this in my work parking lot). then my mom suggested i take pics of my truck door, bc the lock was on top and you could see if it was engaged thru the window. saved. my. sanity. i never needed to check the photo, bc just taking it was enough for me to remember that i had locked the door.

[thiskidhasheart]

[bugkeeping]

I havent seen anyone talk about this yet so im making a post. 

So lets say you’re researching something for a paper (or just for fun) and the research paper you want to read is behind a paywall, or the site makes you create an account first, or makes you pay to download, or limits you to only 5 free articles, or otherwise makes it difficult for you to read what you want.

do not fear! copy the link to the article

go to sci-hub.se         (the url is always changing so its best to check out whereisscihub.now.sh to find what the current url is)

slap the article link in there

bam! free access! 

[eat-my-ass--discourse]

having thoughts you can’t control doesn’t make you a bad person~

and no i’m not talking about the romanticized tumblr version of “intrusive” thoughts like “mmm haha i wanna cronch on leaves on the ground.”

i’m talking about fucked up thoughts about (potentially illegal) things that leave you distressed, hurt, upset, and disgusted. those thoughts do NOT make you a bad person.

[geekdawson]

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

[lysikan]

If it wasn’t stated outright - it wasn’t said.

[theselfcarelifestyle]

This is really one of the most important reads

[mugenmcfugen]

this is fucking good advice

[qveenbpd]

I hate how addicted I get to anything that makes me feel anything

[section8babe]

i don’t know how to ask for help i disappear and come back when i’m good

[ap0ria]

Same

[spaceviral-archive-deactivated2]

“Your mental illness is all in your head” where did you think it was????? my ass????

[searching-for-repentance]

Mental illness is stored in the balls

[onlyhams]

​mental illness is the powerhouse of the cell

[crazy-aunt-deactivated20170429]

Summer means poor children are not getting 2 free meals a day at school so if you’re able, please consider donating to your local food bank.

[iliveondaydreams]

Until September 2nd, if you’re under 18, you can receive free lunch at public library branches in NYC (proof of age shouldn’t be required), and from trucks at certain locations around the city. Some schools should be open and providing them, too!!

[crazy-aunt-deactivated20170429]

This is so helpful for anyone that needs it!

[the-vaudevillain-deactivated202]

here is a website where you can find similar programs based on your location.

[genderphobia-deactivated2018101]

BOOST!!!!!!

[auntymurda]

TO!

[profeminist]

Find Summer Meals in Your Community:   https://www.fns.usda.gov/summerfoodrocks  

[pregnancy-resources]

Reblogging now instead of queuing for any pregnant or parenting teens in need of food!

[typography-is-cool]

[fatgirlslimm]

[lovenotlogic]

me: (doesn’t directly tell anyone that i am struggling)

me: kinda interesting how nobody is ever there when i need them ://

[real-pcys-deactivated20190118]

hot take: moms need to learn how to listen to and comfort their daughters without making everything about their own traumas

[real-pcys-deactivated20190118]

a classic example

daughter: hey this thing you do bothers me very much and i wish you wouldn’t do it

mom: well my parents abused me and im not even as bad as they were and i had to sit through it so you gotta sit through whatever i do to you too

[wecanalldobetter]

Then when the child gets older it’s all, ‘why don’t you talk to me? why don’t you visit? why don’t i know anything about you?’

[we-the-dreamers]

“Depression is not terrifying. Depression is seductive and comforting. It sticks around so long because it creates this false sense of ‘Oh, here’s where I’m safe.’”

— Patton Oswalt